Hi Neil

Yeah, I tried the alcohol route too and realised that a bottle or more of wine a night was just making things worse - I'd wake up feeling hung over and even more depressed.

I suppose what I'd like H to do is to admit that I had feelings about our M, and that for me, things weren't going as I wanted them to. That doesn't seem to work, so perhaps you are right that I should change the slant to more about "how can we make things better". I am still not sure if he wants to do that - he is very negative about the whole thing. He thinks I don't want to be married, and of course, I can't reassure him 100%, because I still feel desperately unsure about so many things. I am sure though that I don't want to DV or even separate without trying for longer. My original thought was through until the new year (which would be about 6 months), but not sure if he'll last that long...

Thanks Neil.

Lisa

Lisa, you don't want to make any sort of recovery be that a DV or a happy M and then have your Liver pack up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

"Relate" have an interesting diagram for A's called the Rollercoaster Chart.

The Chart describes how the BS and WS interact emotionally thru the period after D-Day.

The chart basically goes:
D-Day - Out it comes
Shock - Why me? Why at all?
Anger - My Fault? Their Fault!
Rejection - Fight/Flight
The Pit - Depression, reactive, no future, fight/flight
Acceptance - What now? Forgive? Leave? Work on it?
Self - Building better M & Individual
Forward - Things get better
Nirvana - Happy People <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> New 911 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok I added to the last one. But essentially your H (and you) could be anywhere on the early part of the dipper & you will both move up and down the dipper from shock to the pit and back. Right now I believe he's a little bit in each. You're probably around The Pit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But look in time (like all good Coasters (Kraken anyone?)) it stops and thats at the Better bit. He's not on the dipper where he can accept that there were things wrong in the M at the mo'. In time that may come, then MC may be an option.

Sit back, weather his questions as it moves him along the dipper rather than fuels him against you, and look to the future...

NJ.