<small>[ October 12, 2002, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong> What I am saying is to be lightly flirtatious. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not stupid, don't you think I have been doing this???
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong> I have never experienced infidelity in my marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So why are you here?? You have never walked in our shoes, the BS or the WS. There is just so much information that you can gain from books, but it takes living it for a deep dose of reality.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>GC...sorry, gonna hijack your thread for a bit... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (Not trying to speak for ya, either...just interpret...forgive me)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No problem here!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>There is a HUGE difference between being passionate and being flirtatious!!!!! As well, asking a BS or WS to behave in a manner that is totally incompatible with who they are as individuals, makes one less true to one's self. This can create stress and anxiety within an individual. How does this help a M??? Change happens when and where an individual wants it to happen. It can't be forced. Remember, we cannot change or control others.

One of the issues that disturbs me is the fact you state you have never experienced infidelity in your M. This seriously affects your credibility. I'm not saying you can't sympathize. What I'm saying is that it's very hard to understand the effect of an A by only reading about it or seeing it 2nd hand. All of us here DO appreciate your support and compassion. We appreciate your suggestions. Fact of the matter is, our M's are very different than yours (are you married??). There is no way that GC and her H can come together at the 'deepest level' at this point. As with everything the timing is not right at this point. Emotionally, neither are prepared at this point. Rushing this will only do more damage. There is also the issue of STD's. One should never, never place their health at risk just to meet another's need. One's good health is a gift from God, it shouldn't be carelessly tossed aside.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wonderfully said, mgm, well done!! I have not had sex with my husband, for that reason. And I do know that Steve H supports me in that decision as well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>GC knows her WH better than any of us. She knows what will 'ring his bell' and what won't. She knows how far she can 'push' him. I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that we are here as 'sounding boards'. If she is anything like I was, she is just making sure her judgements at this point are on target. Frankly, I see my role as supporting her decisions and helping her to regain the feeling that her judgements are sound (maybe help boost her confidence, as well).</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, yes you guys are definitely my sounding board, and I think all of of know our spouses than anyone else. In fact, WH has told me several times, that I know him better than anyone else, including friends and family.

Does anyone know what happened to Free2bme?

Hi GC, you inspired me so much with your cookie story I did some cooking of my own this weekend. No LB$ for H, but plenty for myself (if this possible?) and even more for my doggy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As I said before, you go girl!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Seahorse:
<strong>Hi GC, you inspired me so much with your cookie story I did some cooking of my own this weekend. No LB$ for H, but plenty for myself (if this possible?) and even more for my </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yes, definitely, treat yourself!!! I really wish I would have kept some back for myself!!!

By the way, how is your dog doing?? I'm an animal owner and lover myself, and treat them as if they were my "kids"

<small>[ October 17, 2002, 01:07 AM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong>I'm sorry for abusing your thread, but I have to ask "Relate" a question or two.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">no offense taken, I have the same questions myself!!

You don't know. You take it or leave it. Either way its OK for me. My problem period is past, and I have not much time. I am hanging around because it is interesting to see how things turn out for people, so I can learn from it.

<small>[ October 14, 2002, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

"I am hanging around because it is interesting to see how things turn out for people, so I learn from it."--relate

...sorta like a 'peeping Tom'/voyeur. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It's too bad that with all the 'hanging around' you've done, you really haven't learned. You still aren't 'getting it'!!

Relate,

I do appreciate the fact that you are "hanging around" to see how things go. I wish I would have found MB before these problems started as well.

In fact, it should be made a requirement in all states to have pre-marital counseling with principles such as MB tought to couples!!

There is a huge difference between being here and offering advice, I am sure you mean well, and I do thank you for caring, I really do think your intent is to help others, meaning you are a compassionate person. I guess what I am saying is to try not to force the opinion as much, does that make sense??

UPDATE!!!!!

WH just emailed me and asked if I would like to meet him and his father/stepmom and grandmother for dinner on Wednesday evening to celebrate his dad's birthday!!

If this goes, this is huge!!!! His grandmother (dad's mother) has been the only one who has kept contact with me, wants to see us back together, etc. Shes such a sweet little old lady, and I know that WH does not want to lead her on with thinking we are getting back together if we don't.

I have not seen any of them since before WH left!!

Excellent! I hope this goes well. Hmmmm, I think that 'Grannie' deserves a big hug!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 17, 2002, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

Hey GC!! Just checkin' in on you girl, and I'm so happy for you! The invite to dinner is big, you're right about that. I'll say a prayer for you that it goes thru.

To me, it is not impossible that he left the M because he thought he was in love, and now the fog has lifted and he doesn't know how to come back and get back to where you guys were. He probably figures he's injured you too much. And that's something you have to consider too hun, could you really trust him again?

I wish you the best of luck, make sure to take good care of yourself.

FMWB

GC -- Just got back. Great news on the dinner invitation. What is your relationship like with dad and stepmom? Remind me again when you last saw WH (it's probably somewhere in this thread).

gotta go back to a meeting, on a quick break, USH, it will 7 weeks this Wed since I have seen WH

write later!!

Dear G_C,

I hope I didn't break any MB rules by telling my thoughts. I'm sorry if I have. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I hope you are doing well and I am so happy to hear about the dinner invitation. This sounds so positive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take good care of yourself
bb

quick break again, no BB, you are okay, I do believe that "Relates" responses to you are way too harsh and unacceptable!!!!

As for "relate's" advice, I read it, kinda laugh, and toss it out, like I said, I am sure she may mean well, but until you are in this position, it is difficult to give advice!!!

Yo, relate:

"Nevertheless he wants his marriage to be passionate. If GC cannot satisfy this aspect, he may seek it elsewhere."

Exsqueeze me?

I think this is what went wrong in the first place. G_c's H sought whatever he thought was lacking "elsewhere" 20+ months ago. And I, for example, would find it a bit difficult 2 "start the process" of reconciliation with flirting or enticing my WS in2 having a physical R before finding out what the REAL problems were, how 2 fix them from my end, whether I need 2 worry about STDs or unwanted pregnancies, lots of stuff... I would recommend starting reconciliation from a base of mutual understanding, respect, see if the love really IS still there, and worry about SF much later on in the processs (and SF is one of my favorite ENs!).

Look at the bright side, gc. Relate got on MY case for not talking English good. Seems she doesn't like my "2s". ...but it's become something of a genetic imperitave for me 2 use 2's in place of twos, toos, tos, capitol Qs, and syllables within words like ac2ally that have a "2 sound."

Sorry for digressing. I may be out of line entirely. If so, I'll cheerfully self-immolate on command! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Congrats to you, I am so happy for this big step... ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Sometimes it is worth the wait, right?

Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />