oops, double post!

<small>[ October 14, 2002, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: going_crazy ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>Excellent! I hope this goes well. Hmmmm, I think that 'Grannie' deserves a big hug!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, she definitely will!! She's such a sweet little old lady, she wants us to be back together. There has been 2 other times, last August and a few weeks ago, when he said he was coming back, got her all excited, and then crushed her heart. If this dinner does go, it is going to be huge, and I definitely see this as a positive step in the right direction. Again, I say "IF" it happens, you know how he is, he may want a divorce tomorrow![/qb][/QUOTE] </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by findingmywayback:
[QB]The invite to dinner is big, you're right about that. I'll say a prayer for you that it goes thru. [QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thanks, we need all the prayers we can get!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by findingmywayback:
[QB]To me, it is not impossible that he left the M because he thought he was in love, and now the fog has lifted and he doesn't know how to come back and get back to where you guys were. He probably figures he's injured you too much. And that's something you have to consider too hun, could you really trust him again? [QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, I think that he thinks he may have a dug a hole way too deep. I do realize that trust will have to come, and will take work. I feel like I have grown so much throughout this, I have learned patience that I never thought I had. I have so much love for him, because I know the person I married, I still remember him. I take my responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage, no, that does not excuse him for what he has done, but I know that it takes two people in a marriage.

It is very ironic, because IF we do get back together, I will take this as a blessing in disguise. He has been so close so many times, and said that if he ever comes home (for real), he will never leave (I know, I'm sure they all say that!!). I am sure he is scared, as am I.

When I say that it is a blessing in disguise, what I mean is that it can take something so awful to actually turn into something precious. If we were to spend the next 60 years together, with a wonderful marriage, and not ever having to expose this to children, it would be worth it.

But if we don't get back together, I know that I will be Ok, God will take care of me, and I would find happiness.

2Long: I love your 2's, everyone loves your 2's, that's all that matters!!!!

Honey: IF, definitely have to say that word, because nothing is for sure, but IF, we get back together, I sure hope its worth the wait!!

<small>[ October 14, 2002, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: going_crazy ]</small>

To GC, this is good. He will probably follow through because it is only tomorrow. I'd try not to have 'relationship' talks about trust etc. Just have a light fun time and be lightly sexy when only the two of you are together. Like touch his arm, or fix his tie (if he allows it)...

BB, you are just a poster who is a bit of an obsessive battleaxe. I just read what I want and don't read the rest. Don't worry about 'hurting' me <grin> ; I find it amusing - ramble on.

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 03:13 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>To GC, this is good. He will probably follow through because it is only tomorrow. I'd try not to have 'relationship' talks about trust etc. Just have a light fun time and be lightly sexy when only the two of you are together. Like touch his arm, or fix his tie (if he allows it)..</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Relate, thanks but I think I know that by now, plus I don't plan on having intercourse with my husband in front of his grandmother so I can prove myself that I actually do have passion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>BB, you are just a poster who is a bit of an obsessive battleaxe; you wait for my posts and pounce with a fervent flaming threadjack. Notice the attack you led on Free's thread. I just read what I want and don't read the rest. Don't worry about 'hurting' me <grin> ; I find it amusing - ramble on.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Relate, this behavior is unacceptable. I value BB's advice highly. Your advice, well, thats another story. I have been patient with you long enough, but when you start personally attacking my friends, that is where I draw the line.

After rereading Free's thread, well, your posts led the "attack" all by itself. You were way out of line, here's some of your most famous quotes that I copied from that thread, I wanted to make sure I got these before you edited them.

(BTW, if you don't think I saw one of your responses to me before you had a chance to go back and edit it this weekend, don't think I don't know what you said. Can't remember the exact wording but it elated that I was a prude who does not have passionate bone in my body, not those words, but that is how I interpreted it.)

On with your quotes:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>Poor Free's thread has been hijacked by 'let's criticize relate'. Gosh! the way you attack every sentence, no wonder your WH's want to get away from you.

Just give your advice and let me be.

- realte </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>What all the OW in this world need is more bitter wives like you guys. Just fight with them for insignificant little things when they take you out for dinner and are trying to call you, and send them off to the OW's loving and understanding arms.

- relate</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>{ps. If you knew why I was hanging out here, you would know that I am finally realaxing from my major stressors and going back to work. This is a phew, sigh of relief, relax, regenerate, I'm outa here post. As opposed to I've lost my job and studies post. Nothing else. I am studying computer science. Take no notice of Twyla, queen of ridicule, put downs and sarchasm.}

- relate </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, so that last one was September 13, and.........why do you remain????

YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK, GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>
BB, you are just a poster who is a bit of an obsessive battleaxe; you wait for my posts and pounce with a fervent flaming threadjack. Notice the attack you led on Free's thread. I just read what I want and don't read the rest. Don't worry about 'hurting' me <grin> ; I find it amusing - ramble on.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The word 'psycho' comes to mind when I read posts like this. If you find it necessary to call someone names...it usually means you lack enough intelligence to come up with something worth saying. If you read only what you want, then you don't get the whole story...this would make you ignorant. If you consider all suggestions, questions and comments about your behaviour as 'flames'...this would make you insecure. If you claim you can never be hurt by comments made by others (yeh, right)...this would make you defensive and a liar. If you find the pain and experiences of others amusing then...this makes you a cold-hearted and totally lacking in compassion. Not a very nice package.

I'd be interested to know how GC responded to his invitation. And how he took it. Try and understand that passion is not equivalent to sex. Oh, I'd be very proper in front of the grandmother. Note I wrote - when you two are alone. Be ligthly flirtatious, sweetly sexy. Don't make that 'educating' mistake again.

<Rest of it, unread/ignored. Your interpretations are an indication of the state of your mind, and have nothing to do with me. >

When I got back from my holiday Free was gone. Wonder what happened to her? I learn from these 'life situations' what not to do as well as what to do.

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>I'd be interested to know how GC responded to his invitation. And how he took it. Try and understand that passion is not equivalent to sex. Oh, I'd be very proper in front of the grandmother. Note I wrote - when you two are alone. Be ligthly flirtatious, sweetly sexy. Don't make that 'educating' mistake again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> duh!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong> Your interpretations are an indication of the state of your mind, and have nothing to do with me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">again, these comments are unnecessary.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>I learn from these 'case studies' what not to do as well as what to do.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, so now we are "case studies"!! Excuse me, but I don't want to be your "training ground", this is our lives, not a soap opera.

ok, 'life situations'

Relate, I really do hope you learn alot, like I said before, I wish I would have known of MB principles, they can be applied towards every aspect of our lives.

WH called me today, said he wants his life back and would like to come home, he will be there this evening when I get home so we can talk!!

G_C,

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bb

Wow GC, that's great news! Are you afraid of more waffling from him? I know I'm anxious for you, I want things to work out for you so bad!!

I'm very happy for you! Please don't get your hopes too high, I keep thinking about August. Hope for the best, plan for the worst! If you get the chance, try to get him to a MC. IMHO, the greatest chance for success will come with their aid.

PS - I think it was the cookies that did it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Great! You've done an amazing amount of work to get here.

thanks for the kudos!! And yes, being very cautious, hope for the best, plan for the worst, but not "think" the worst, don't want to portray a negative attitude!!

I call it another step in the right direction, and still call it a baby step, baby steps right, for the WS children.

MC is a must, and since he has been in ICing himself I think he is probably aware of this.

Hes not home yet! But a little closer...

GC -- Remember you are the best so you deserve the best. If he wants to come home that is great news because you have expressed to us that you want your marriage back. If he does want his life back, you need to tell him in the most loving way you can that you want him back but not your old life or any kind of life where this is possible again.

You have learned a lot through this experience. I hope your WH gives you the opportunity to show him what you've learned and opens his mind to the possibility that there are things he can change too (obviously not to discuss tonight).

Oh, one more thing. If he starts acting like an alien, I would calmly state that you cannot have that discussion again and walk out/walk away/go somewhere. You do not have to sit there and take it again. Once is enough. Not trying to be a downer here. I want to believe he's sincere and that he's coming home to discuss the future with you. That is what we all hope for you.

May the force be with you. I'm so happy for you (or happy for what I hope will happen) that I am on the verge of tears at work.

wanted to check in....we didn't really talk about "us", I did not want to push him in anyway. He could only be here for about 45 min before he went to meet his friends to play poker.

Got home and he was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal (I have always kept his favorite cereal in the cupboard to have, I used to complain that it was too expensive and wouldn't buy it, yep, LB cheapo here).

He helped get the Halloween decorations out of the attic, we talked about some upcoming concerts to go to that he has tickets for, an upcoming birthday party for his best friends son, etc. Some decor in the house, etc.

He was pretty quiet, did hug me alot. It is definitely going to take some time, I did ask if this is what he wants and he said yes, and then told me that he understands it will take work. I think the best thing for us is to start spending more "date" time together, like tomorrow night, wer are actually going to surprise his Dad!!

He has told alot of his friends, which is a good sign, because he was always before saying "don't tell anyone yet". I don't know if he has said anything to his mom yet or not.

anyway, no real update, little baby steps, but a huge step that we will actually be doing a "family" outing for the first time in over 20 months!!

You LB'd about cereal??!! LOL ...I bet in hindsight that seems pretty funny! I think it's hilarious in light of everything that has gone for the past 20 months...it would have been nice if cereal was all you'd had to worry about. I'm really hoping you're at the point where you can laugh about this!

Keep drawing him closer then worry about MC and setting up boundaries. Date night is an excellent idea! My FWH and I try to do it often. We go out, just the two of us; try a new restaurant, see a movie, go to the theatre, whatever we want! We don't talk about our kids or our problems, we just focus on having a good time with one another.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>You LB'd about cereal??!! LOL ...I bet in hindsight that seems pretty funny! I think it's hilarious in light of everything that has gone for the past 20 months...it would have been nice if cereal was all you'd had to worry about. I'm really hoping you're at the point where you can laugh about this!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I know, isn't that rediculous!! I look back and I was the LB Queen, it was my way!! He loves Post Great Grains, the little box of cereal that costs $4.00, I would get the generic (which I admit, was not as good!). Isn't that pathetic!! I could go into alot more detail on my penny pinching. OK, now I am laughing to myself, what was I thinking!!!!!! CEREAL!!!!???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>Keep drawing him closer then worry about MC and setting up boundaries. Date night is an excellent idea! My FWH and I try to do it often. We go out, just the two of us; try a new restaurant, see a movie, go to the theatre, whatever we want! We don't talk about our kids or our problems, we just focus on having a good time with one another.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yep, I think this is what it will take, we need to be "comfortable" and trusting around one another, make sure that we feel like we can be in a "safe" environment with one another!!

His dad is going to be surprised!! I decorated his cake this evening for him (I'll send ya a pic of my artwork!!)