Don't wait too long before you seek MC. Face it, being "comfortable and trusting around one another" may take some time. Actually, MC can help those feelings return more quickly. Try and get there sooner rather than later. Don't rush it; on the other hand, don't put it off too long.

Hi G_C,

I think he really knows what he wants. Sounds good.

"Cereal" made me smile, too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I did things like this too, a little different, but when I look back, it now sounds rediculous.
But those kinda things aren't important anymore.

The road ahead of you is surely going to be bumpy, but knowing what you now know, will surely help the both of you. G_C, I'm sure he is aware of your "love" and this is something very special.
Just take little steps and don't pressure. Ya, I know you know this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You will also know when the right time is here to talk about your "relationship". Just go softly, and let yourselves reconnect.
I found that at the beginning of "recovery" it was like a "honeymoon". Deep talking came later. We just needed to feel "connected" again. When we felt comfortable with each other, the next step came.
You know your H and your situation the best.
But you might want to keep in mind that he too has learned alot. (think about the book, HNHN, he might of read it too!) He doesn't seem to like any "pressure" at all. When I read what you wrote, I could somehow see a pattern. Pressure, scares him.
But you are now aware of this and therefore you can react differently.

Hold back with "educating" him. He still is insecure and I'm sure he feels very "guilty" and embarrassed.
Let him come to you and ask. Then you might want to talk.
Now is the time to "live" what you have learned. EN's, No LBing, and everything you have learned from SH.
Now is the right time to show him that he made the absolute right decision. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He is now doing the "right" thing and he can be prowd of himself.

G_C, give yourself a smile. You are such a great woman and he knows this, he knew it all along but he just lost track. Since he was able to "experience" being on his own, living with OW and all those things, it is definately a fact that you are something very "Special" for him, because he could not just cut off with you, all along.

I'm so happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
bb

Hi GC, so happy for you. I'm really glad and I hope all goes well. The 'date' idea sounds great and a step in the right direction. This gives me hope!

Thanks everyone!! Yes, I agree, MCing needs to come soon, but I also do not want to push. I think that now he has been seeing an IC, he will probably be more comfortable with the idea of a MC. My church is hosting a Marriage Seminar on Nov 9th by a church member who is a Christian Marriage Counselor, I think that may be the first step, going to this.

I'm also going to play it by ear and judge the "right" time to bring up him talking with Steve. I will let Steve do the "educating"!! I think WH will be okay with this, since it is over the phone.

Tonight, I am just going to concentrate on having a good, pleasant time. Let him know that it is a safe environment. A major concern of his is that I am going to throw it back in his face for what he has done. I don't want to do this, but I also know it is going to take alot of work on both of our parts, etc.

I hope this is the last and final time, I don't know if I can go through another false start on the road to recovery.

Hi G_C,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> A
major concern of his is that I am going to throw it back in his face for what he has done. I don't want to do this, but I
also know it is going to take alot of work on both of our parts, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has your H told you this???
I does take alot of strength, yes for sure. But I'm sure you have became so stong after so many months.
Give yourselves alot of time. Time will many things possible. When you both feel comfortable with one another, you will be able to talk about your relationship and you will be able to talk about the past. But I truely think that this takes alot of time until your H will be able to open up.

I wish you both all the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
bb

GC -- I think he's taking the baby step he needs right now to feel comfortable. It seems huge to me, but if you explained to somebody outside of MB, they'd probably think we were all nuts (and we are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

Have fun tonight. Think of it as a real date.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> A major concern of his is that I am going to throw it back in his face for what he has done. I don't want to do this, but I also know it is going to take alot of work on both of our parts, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has your H told you this???
I does take alot of strength, yes for sure. But I'm sure you have became so stong after so many months.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, he has, he has been "told" by "certain people" that I would do this. Yes, I admit it, I would have in the past, but I have learned how to deal with things much better, not focus in the past, learn from mistakes, and move on. I used to "live in the past", bring up old issues, etc. Well, I learned the hard way not to do this!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unsureheart:
<strong>GC -- I think he's taking the baby step he needs right now to feel comfortable. It seems huge to me, but if you explained to somebody outside of MB, they'd probably think we were all nuts (and we are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

Have fun tonight. Think of it as a real date.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you are so right, people would think "no big deal"!! But it is huge!! and yes, definite baby steps for my baby!!!

unsure,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems huge to me, but if you
explained to somebody outside of MB, they'd probably think we were all nuts (and we are ). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Didn't you know that??? We're the "NUT FAMILY!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

G_C,
Have a nice evening. Think how beautiful your life can become in the future. Think of the positive that will come.

Everything will be fine........just relax, stay calm.... Hey; I'm sooooooo excited for you!!!! So at least you have to keep your cool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Go GIRL!!!!!! You can do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

unsure,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems huge to me, but if you
explained to somebody outside of MB, they'd probably think we were all nuts (and we are ). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Didn't you know that??? We're the "NUT FAMILY!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

G_C,
Have a nice evening. Think how beautiful your life can become in the future. Think of the positive that will come.

Everything will be fine........just relax, stay calm.... Hey; I'm sooooooo excited for you!!!! So at least you have to keep your cool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Go GIRL!!!!!! You can do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

I don't think you are nuts. I think his coming home is huge. If he carries through with it you should become an MB legend like Lotsva. What I don't understand is why other people are trying so hard to make H leave home?

GC, is my presence here attracting too much attention to your situation?

<small>[ October 16, 2002, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

I'm one of GQII's moderators. Please remember that you can contact us. A link to the the thread or member's # is appreciated. We will determine if terms of service are being broken.

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I am not conducting any form of research. My field of work has nothing to do with social science, psychology or any other activity involving this kind of information. I felt my posts were being attacked/flamed with unusual ferver and tenacity by Blondblossom.

<small>[ October 16, 2002, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Originally posted by going_crazy:
<strong>........I'm also going to play it by ear and judge the "right" time to bring up him talking with Steve. I will let Steve do the "educating"!! I think WH will be okay with this, since it is over the phone. </strong>

Good!

<strong> Let him know that it is a safe environment. </strong>

Good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<strong>A major concern of his is that I am going to throw it back in his face for what he has done. I don't want to do this, but I also know it is going to take alot of work on both of our parts, etc. </strong>

Yes you do. What you don't want is for him to feel too safe and too comfortable while you sit with worry at his every move (justified or not). That is not good recovery.

So let him know that while you are happy he wants to come back there are just some things. Let him know ahead of time so that he is not unawares.

ex: I let my H know that one of the conditions for us to accept his return was that the trust factor was his to rebuild. That until am convinced of 100% trust..... I would periodically ask him and expected an honest answer. Ditto both ways. Said all that in one swooping breathe and showed no favorites being played here. Surprisingly the WS said ok. Then periodically I would ask. My last time was this past Sunday.....H's response was that OW was not even his type. I responded with but she sure seemed to be last year. His response was that he was just stupid last year. NOw is that progress or what!??!?!

Ok, I don't like my H being stupid but he was and acknowledgement is progress.

GC, I am glad for you. I want this post to get back on track and be about you.

Just a side point, IMHO both posters have valid statements. The emotions however, even there got a bit out of hand. But this is your thread about U and your sitch. I hope we can get back to dealing your thoughts. OK!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

I hope this is the last and final time, I don't know if I can go through another false start on the road to recovery.[/QB][/QUOTE]

Hi to all,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> GC, I am glad for you. I want this post to get back on track and be about you.

Just a side point, IMHO both posters have valid statements. The emotions however, even there got a bit out of hand.
But this is your thread about U and your sitch. I hope we can get back to dealing your thoughts. OK!?!? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, so true and I'm sorry.
bb

GC - I hope last night went well!! Let us know how you are.

Relate - I don't think GC really cares to hear from you, why do you insist on continuing to respond to her posts?

GC,

I am so happy that your H is trying to work his way back home. It is gradifiying to see positive things like this. I hope that he doesn't balk this chance.

Indy

Thank you so much everyone for being here!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

I'm swamped at work right now so I'll keep this short, last night went very well. I'll start up a new thread with the details. We surprised his Dad and his Dad was all teary-eyed!!

We have exchanged a couple of emails today and it looks like hes still on track for wanting to work this out!!

He made a comment to me about he was never really able to let me go as much as he tried (said this in front of his grandmother).

We were even making future "family" plans.

Orchid, I hope this will be like your 4th time!!!

i'll post more details later!!

GC -- I think I'm going to cry. I am so happy for you.

G_C,

I do actually have tears in my eyes. I'm soooooooo happy for you.

"You" are the one that made this possible. It's just great when we have others to lean on when we feel weak, isn't it!!!

Let him feel "safe" and he will open up completely.
He has all reasons to feel "safe" because he truely is. He is finally doing the "right thing" and this will make him feel soooooooo good.
Imagine after 20 months of not feeling good about what he was doing.

He must be "overwhelmed" with emotions at the moment. Give him your shoulder to lean on, he has missed this all along. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But G_C, who am I telling this, you know it all.

Enjoy your evening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
bb