Yep, I still think it's a mixture of depression, laziness and comfort. Not that where she is at currently is comfortable, but to make the leap is even more uncomfortable. It's too bad that she doesn't have a good friend to encourage her to see a counselor and try some antidepressants.

tmmx,

In my case, my W has said all along that she wants a D, she's the one who filed, but now SHE appears to be stalling. I haven't stalled it at all because I haven't had to.

Selling the house will benefit me, but SHE'S the one that told me she wants to sell it. It would benefit her also. We would both net a substantial amount of cash, enough for a good down payment on something new. She makes a good living. It's not like she would be living in squalor.

My lawyer told me that if she won't put the house on the market herself, the judge can force us (her) to list it with a realtor. It won't come to that. I just want to clarify that I DON'T want to sell the house. I would still like to reconcile. If and when the times comes that I don't, than I'll take the reigns in selling the house.

I still counsel with Steve because I still want my marriage and he believes that in spite of my W's words, her actions (or inaction), indicate that deep down she may not really want this D either.

h4f,

Maybe I'll talk to my SIL about some of this. They are close, but my W has shut her out too. Maybe she can reach out to my W. Divorce aside, my W does need to talk to someone.

sad dad

Well, I stopped by the house again and my W still has done nothing as far as getting it ready to sell. It's a mess.

I talked to Steve H. about this and he said even though I'm in plan B, it's time to sit down with my W and ask some hard questions like:

"You've told me for a year and a half that you want a D and you filed a year ago, but you're not doing anything about it. Your words say one thing but your actions say another. Is this really what you want?"

Assuming she says yes:

"It's been 7 weeks since I gave you the paperwork you needed. Why aren't you getting the house ready to sell?"

He said don't settle for "I don't know" answers or dancing around the subject. He said I can't reiterate enough that I believe there's a way we can save our marriage, but it's time for some answers. He said it's not about pushing her off the fence, it's about talking her down.

I was very surprised by this advice since any pressure by the BS usually pushes the WS towards the OP, but Steve and I both believe OM is no long a factor (if he was, we'd be divorced by now). It's time for her to sh*t or get off the pot.

sad dad

Wow... I'm glad I popped in this afternoon. I was wondering how it was going for you.

I think that's great advice from Steve. I'm interpreting this as doing it in a way that you are making her feel safe enough to cancel the D process and commit to the marriage, IF she's really afraid of the divorce, but also in a strong enough manner that she understands you (and the house, and your D) can't remain in limbo any longer, and she needs to make her decision and move things along.

I like the way he said don't settle for "I don't know" answers. Get some answers from her, no matter what they are - maybe there's something she needs help doing, or something she wants to ask, but is afraid to.

When are you going to talk to her? How do you feel about it?

Faith1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

Faith1,

How are you? How was your big date Friday night?

I'm going to see my W Saturday at my daughter's daycare Halloween party. I'll mention it to her that I'd like to get together and talk. To be honest, I'm scared, scared I'll push her OVER the fence, but I need to know what's going on. You're right that I have to make her feel it's safe to let me know if she's having doubts or second thoughts. Even if she's not, then I need to what she plans on doing and when. Steve coached me pretty well. I'll keep you posted.

sad dad