Hi WR,

Geeze, I feel like we are 2 girls just chatting about small stuff......when it is really really big stuff. ya know?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for responding and caring despite all the items on your plate. I am doing ok. What else can I do? Can't be illegal or immoral and certainly don't want to do the A thing so I am stuck here trying to be good. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H is angry at the OW . However, I am angry that the did not warn or protect me. It is now in our agreement . The request was made before but this time, there is more bite to it. See it is not a matter of my pleasing him, instead I showed our family is more respectful and valuable than he and his A were so if he wants to be a part of our family, he needed to show his value. Moving on without him is still an option that can kick in at any time. This is not a threat, just a fact and he knows the difference.

Supposedly he told the OW off and may have told her he was going to mess up her life. Well knowing that dumbo broad, she may be scared to leave her bathroom....... oh well. Anyway, he called her back and told her that he would not hurt her. Well I prefer that she live in fear and he not do anything but he has not undone that fear so no telling what the nut will do next. But I must be prepared. Protection of our son and myself is 1st. His protection is up to him. He needs to protect us first. He has agreed.

Our son is doing ok. Right now his concentration is school and metabots. That is what it should be for little boys. However, adults sure have a way of letting children have their rightful childhoods. Arrrgh....... no OP or WS have that right.

How are you doing?

L.

L, Chatting is therapeutic, isn’t it, and we are pretty good at it. Although the guys on this site are doing great at the communication thing to!

I feel you and how well do we know what a monster the A thing creates. L, do you all have a written agreement (respect and etc)? Why can’t this woman just leave you both alone! Hasn’t there been enough damage. I guess it means that your H has to stand up and as you said protect you all. It may only mean that he will have more and more disgust and dislike for the OW and that may be a good thing. My son’s god father always says that my beloved FWS will grow to hate OW and it seems like that is what it takes to end the A for good, in addition to their feeling stupid, guilty and ashamed of this whole mess.

I am Glad to hear that your son is doing good and doing what boys should be doing. Children’s lives should not be complicated by adult’s self-absorbed/life threatening silly behavior.

I had a rough day yesterday. I was able to call Dr. Harley on the radio show with his wife Joyce Harley. He told me that my husband has character flaws. He is probably doing what he saw his parents do. These character flaws usually remain with the person unless that person works on them. We talked about H ending affair but living with AIL because he wants space to get himself together. How H was remorseful but doesn’t appear to be making or have made any amendments for wrongs he inflicted on his family (conning me). I said he’s never acknowledged remorsefulness before and Dr. Harley said well, it’s because this is his first affair (yes). You see he has left me to live with his AIL(s) before when he couldn’t have things his way (conflict avoider/runner (my words)). He said that he probably wants to stay at AIL (or live apart) so that he can continue dating and doing what he wants to do.

He said that some marriages are so damaging, destructive and harmful that they may not be worth saving. My mind went into left gear and I begin to look at the other men in my H family and most of them have character flaws (only a few are married). I always thought that my H was different than his male relatives. I wanted to call husband and say, I am through, he can get a divorce as a matter of fact I will go with him to get it. I did call him and say that we need to talk over dinner when he has some time. I wrote this note of things I wanted to say, then I thought I wouldn’t give him the note because he may use it against me.

What a rough afternoon and evening (self induced (smile)). I get home and I am exhausted. H calls, says he’s in traffic (picking son up to go trick or treating). When he picked son up, he asked what did I want to talk to him about. I told him we’d have to talk about it later.

I calmed down after talking to a friend who told me that the recent events in my marriage are a step in the right direction and that it is getting cold and that H will be home soon. I couldn’t see it. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Of course God comforted me and assured me that He is in control. Thank God that He knows the plans He has for our lives.

Perhaps, I am expecting more than H is able to give at this time. Even financially, he has not helped. I know there is the gambling (debts). He mentioned that his payroll check had been wrongly sent somewhere and that they had only given him a small advance until it is straight. Last Saturday, he said that he had written a post dated check for his car payment and was trying to get an AIL to pay it for him (I guess until his check is straight). This can be overwhelming! But thank God there are great examples families making it through this (such as yourself).

When he brought son home he lovingly talked to son about being a big boy, a godly man and to obey mommy and his teachers. As he was leaving, he told son I will talk to you and mommy later.

I am much better today, thank God. I have to keep praying and praising God and letting him have the H and the marriage. The results are truly up to Him.

I hope that you are having a great day,

WR

1. W-BS-40. H-WS-41 anger/gambler.
2. Married 10 yrs. Known each other 26 yrs
3. 1-S-4
4. D-day #1 03/03/01
5. Reconciled 9/01 (had no plan for recovery)
6. D-day #2 7/09/02
7. OP-35-Single/gambler. 1-S-19. Raising Neice-12
8. 10/02 WH ended A. Staying with AIL
(remorseful/need space to get self together)

I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything. (Colossians 3:15)