<small>[ November 04, 2002, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

Stop stalking her. Do something else for yourself. Work extra hours and try to get a promotion; buy a new car and learn its mechanics. Go and join a gym and put on some muscles. Join a drama club and go out with some other people... Try to not go overboard with everything. Do things in a measured way and with restraint.

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

alan,

Has the Restraining Order been lifted????

If not, what part of it don't you understand?

You are starting to sound pretty scary.

You are gonna end up in jail if you keep at this. You think you can do a good Plan A from a 8'x10' cell?

committed

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

I was gonna say stop trying so hard to impress. It doesn't say anything except "Look what I've done." Like relate said, work on you. If she sees it, that's great because you both win. If not, you still win because you're a stable and confident and better person. In any case, it sounds like you need some professional -- legal and medical -- guidance (if you're not getting it now).

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 02:56 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

Once more from me....

I think he should just STOP EVERYTHING. There is a Restraining Order against him. That means that a judge somewhere was presented with some degree of evidence that warranted it (in HIS opinion). IMO, this man does not need to be encouraged in his ILLEGAL antics. He has been ordered to cease and desist contact with his W with repercussions to follow should he choose not to comply. Please encourage him to abide by the law. While it is now protecting his W, it is also there to protect us one day should we need to seek a RO against someone. Let it do it's job....Please.

As Always, JMHO

committed

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Sorry...but NOT a good idea. RO or not...this is putting pressure on her. She's NOT going to appreciate it. jmho

committed ... I agree. I replied and edited before seeing your first post.

AA, listen up, friend ... obey the law. Leave your wife alone.

Thank you whippit.

committed

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

By the way my marriage counselor suspects she got RO for the emotional safety.

I'll do what you all say.....I guess I can't SEE how it would possibly work when we don't see each other in person. But, I'll take your advise and follow it. NO CONTACT-CONTROL-MANIPULATION
Thanks

Also Relate: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I don't know you, but are you this way with everyone. So negative and grumpy all the time. Have you thought about therapy?

You asked for advice. I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear.

That's why I'm on here.....even if it isn't what I like to hear....I don't want to faulter anymore. I would just like our family back together and I realize there is no quick fix. I just don't think everyone is a textbook case. Not every situation/people is the same.

AA,

Patience is the key. Patience, patience, patience. That she violates the RO does not mean she will accept your violation. Remember, while they are in a fog they are not thinking straight; they can act erratically. What if she were to enforce it on you? After all, she already acted impulsively by filing it. I am sure she can convince somebody to enforce it if she really wanted to.

Stop showering her with gifts, it does not work on your favor, it works against you. Keep in mind that every time you give her a gift you do it because of you not because of HER. You are the one who gets the satisfaction because you think this will win her over. Listen to the people on this board, your situation IS different than each of ours but there are some constants in human nature and that's what bond us together here.

I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight.

Be well.

It is a piece of paper with words. Has no bite

Did you really type this? I keep rereading this and I am flabbergasted that you are so cavalier about it. It is attitudes like this that prevent the RO system from working. The fact is...there is a RO against you. It does not matter what degree of Merit YOU place on it. How can you just decide to not abide by it simply because you do not think her allegations that garnered it are founded? That is the same stance that the stalkers take when they do not obey the RO against them. It results in the death of many innocent women.

I am ready to receive any type of flaming anyone wants to give me in regards to this post; because, right now I am simply appalled and stunned. He should NOT be encouraged in his endeavors...he just should not.

Am I the only one that feels like this? Am I the only one that takes this serious?

committed
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

And another thing....

PS I was a police officer for 9 years so I do know something about the law and how it is enforced...especially stalking statute in Iowa.

Then shame on you for taking the position that you do. I have a sister whose very life (and the life of her 10 year old daughter) relies on her RO being enforced and taken seriously by the Police who are supposed to be helping. Should I tell her that an ex-Police Officer said it is just a "piece of paper with no bite"? I hope and pray that my sister can rely on the Police in her area to make sure that they take her RO for the SERIOUS Judge Mandated Order that it is!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 06:20 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Alan,

one more thing...

Have you considered that if your W ever comes to this site and finds your posts, she can use them as evidence against you?

You say you are here for advice and that you are following the advice from people on this board, instead of saying it, start doing it. We don't need to know whether you are doing it or not. You just need to do it, for your own sake and that of your M.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "I was a police officer for 9 years so I do know something about the law and how it is enforced...especially stalking statute in Iowa."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AA,

"especially the stalking statute in Iowa?!?!?"

You sound like a very dangerous man. Why would you be so knowledgable of the stalking laws (in particular)? A RO is a very serious matter not to be taken lightly. It is a Court Order. Sufficient evidence has been presented to the court to warrant a RO against YOU...not her. As a former officer of the law you of all people should respect the importance of this matter and adhere to the courts order against you.

I would hope that you wouldn't use your experience as an officer as a way to skirt around the order or to find some way to minimize it's importance.

I fear that your W's safety depends on the serious enforcement of this order.

People...please don't encourage this poster to contact his W. Just my opinion.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Alan,

I need to borrow 2x4 from TMCM & others ... you are doing good on your plan A, you have to wait its impact !. Sit back and watch !. Do not approach her ... that is not plan A at all !!!. You have to repect her wish on not be around you physically. She draws the boundry and you have to repect that otherwise you are LB'ed !.

Sit back and do what we have discuss before ... another card inside your D bag ... pay 2 smallest late bill that she owes ... go out to concert w/ your relative (not this one) ... that is it for now !!!. Sit back and watch !. She will contact you again. If you show up at the club w/ the current situation you are LB'ed big time regardless of R.O and you will have difficult time to convince the judge to drop it.

I know you have a lot of idle time on your hand ... you are constantly thinking ... why don't you start helping out by posting for others ?.

-rh-

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

Thank you RedHat,
You and I have talked by phone and you have always given me good advise. You have a better understanding of situation and kind of know how I am as a person. I appreciate the help ALWAYS.