People wake up!

Don't you see that 'relate' is actually hcii's xWW?

Only she would utter such ludicrous statements.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooMuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>People wake up!

Don't you see that 'relate' is actually hcii's xWW?

Only she would utter such ludicrous statements.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, no, CoffeeGuy!
Apparently, you have never been "subjected" to relate's lapses in intelligence!

This isn't the first time Relate has come on and posted to someone with something SO totally LUDICROUS you wonder if this person's fingers are attached to their brain AT ALL.....

Best advice: IGNORE.

So sorry, HCii. BTW - I didn't have to sign my decree for the Dv to become final. This is a no-fault state. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Could there have been something your atty failed to file, in order to keep it from automatically going through?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Could there have been something your atty failed to file, in order to keep it from automatically going through?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can sort of believe the DV being final, but there is a settlement agreement that is attached to the decree that I did not agree to.

Since she was denied seperating the divorce from the property settlement, I would think that it couldn't be granted. FWIW, I have not signed a Marital Settlement Agreement. No way can the one that is part of the decree stick. At least I wouldn't think so....

Boo

Relate,
No one would be more amazed than me if you managed, just once, to make a compassionate, intelligent statement!

Sounds like your lawyer was not doing his job. I would advise you to get in touch with another lawyer to review this whole thing. There is a protocol that needs to be followed in a divorce. If it has not been you may have grounds for malpractice suit against your lawyer.

Relate ....

I echo precisely what Committed has responded to you.

Are you here to Marriage Build and/or support, or are you here to harass, Relate?

Jo

I am reporting Relate and Relate's IP to the Mods. Relate is not here to help or marriage build. Relate should not be posting on this board IMHO.

Jo

Okay, initial disclaimer: 1) I do now know the state in which you live, hcii, and I am only licensed to practice in one; 2) I am not a Family Law attorney (labor, employment and corporate compliance are my bag); and 3) its been many, many years since I took Family Law in law school and studied it for the bar. THAT BEING SAID, take what I say with a grain of salt.

If your attorney does not return your call on Monday, first thing on Tuesday, call his office and ask to speak to his SECRETARY NOT HIS PARALEGAL - unless the paralegal is also his secretary, then your stuck dealing with her. Ask her when attorney will be returning to the office as you are calling regarding a matter of great urgency. If you still don't get a hold of attorney, find another to review EVERYTHING your attorney has done to date. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I am VERY concerned by the obvious conflict of interest that your attorney exhibited by accepting your case when his paralegal is your W's BF. Also, I would be concerned that W's BF may be breaching the attorney client privilege that she is obligated to uphold.

As a general rule (remember, I am not speaking specifically to Family Law), a judge can enter an order whenever he/she feels like it, regardless of whether there is a motion pending or not. So, the Court very well could have entered an Order granting the D, BUT if there is any type of Settlement Agreement attached, in order for the Agreement to be binding, unless Family Law in your state allows something different, it should have to be signed by both parties ~ that's generally the way Settlement Agreements work.

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WH-43
DS-1 year old
Status: One Day At A Time

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your attorney does not return your call on Monday, first thing on Tuesday, call his office and ask to speak to his SECRETARY NOT HIS PARALEGAL - unless the paralegal is also his secretary, then your stuck dealing with her. Ask her when attorney will be returning to the office as you are calling regarding a matter of great urgency. If you still don't get a hold of attorney, find another to review EVERYTHING your attorney has done to date. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I am VERY concerned by the obvious conflict of interest that your attorney exhibited by accepting your case when his paralegal is your W's BF. Also, I would be concerned that W's BF may be breaching the attorney client privilege that she is obligated to uphold.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was hoping, BB, that you would come in here and post an opinion. With that being said.....

XW's best friend, who is the paralegal, is also the secretary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She hired on at my attorney's firm just a couple of months ago or so. I had already retained my attorney before she left the firm where the exW is employed.

Of course, she gave me the "song and dance" about her not being able to see my file due to the conflict of interest. But, it does make me uncomfortable somewhat. I HAVE informed my attorney about his paralegal and my exW's relationship of being best friends. That did not get a response out of him other than acknowledging what I said.

Sure, the exW's BF is not supposed to do anything, but....geez....I don't know......it IS possible.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As a general rule (remember, I am not speaking specifically to Family Law), a judge can enter an order whenever he/she feels like it, regardless of whether there is a motion pending or not. So, the Court very well could have entered an Order granting the D, BUT if there is any type of Settlement Agreement attached, in order for the Agreement to be binding, unless Family Law in your state allows something different, it should have to be signed by both parties ~ that's generally the way Settlement Agreements work. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We reached a settlement agreement on 09/10, in what was supposed to be my exW's depo. Negotiations got started, and...well....the rest is self-explanatory. In that very meeting, there were certain stipulations to the wording of the decree that I had requested. BOTH attorneys told me to contact my accountant and get back to them with the exact wording needed.

I contacted my attorney 2 days later with the needed wording. He relayed the exact fax that I had sent him to the exW's attorney. The exW's attorney faxed him back on 09/16, confirming that he had received my requests.

So, in essence, the exW's attorney knew EXACTLY what I needed in the decree on 09/16. On 10/17, the exW's attorney filed an order of Finding of Facts, Conclusions, and Judgment with the court, and the Family court judge signed off on it. There IS a settlement agreement attached to it, WITHOUT my stipulations. The only signature on the order is the judge's. I have not signed anything to date.

Then, on 10/18, the very next day, the exW's attorney faxed a copy of that order to my attorney with a note to make the changes that I had stipulated. I arrived at his office, and we made the changes necessary, and faxed them to her attorney. But, is it a little late for that?

Oh well....the whole mess has made me somewhat of a mess this weekend.

I guess I'll find out somehow. I cannot see any way possible that a settlement agreement that I have not approved can be forced on me. Unless MY attorney has caused that to happen, somehow.....

Boo

My 'ol country upbringing says this has to be responded to.....We will see if people practice what they preach.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Nevertheless, she seems content and happy to be happily married and far away from you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just as I am happy and content whether you post a reply or not......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She doesn't seem to care at all what you do with your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I don't care what you do with yours....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is happily moving on with her life, which is non of your business. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am WANTING to move on with mine, too. Use your own advice about the "none of your business".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are the one trying to snoop about her and bad mouth her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you doing? You are lurking here and then bad-mouthing, too. You wouldn't by chance happen to live in a glass house, would you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You need help not to do that; get your divorce papers and move on.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yea...really....Take your OWN advice and move on........

Boo

hcii:

boy, I missed a lot!!!

First, my jaw has been on the floor throughout the entire time I was reading this thread. Solong in fact (2long?) that I tripped over it when I had 2 get up 2 take a leak a little while ago...

I don't know what 2 say. Except, you haven't done ANYTHING wrong, here. It's baffling if the DV is through without your signature. Maybe it really isn't, but she's just "living as though it is?" Wouldn't be her first fantasy, though, would it.

I'm glad you have your bigsis on here 2 come 2 your "aid", but I'm sorry that there was a perceived need for that. I've experienced "relate" before, hcii. I hope this can simply be chalked up 2 experience or something. Relate clearly hasn't bothered 2 do the requisitie homework before it's okay 2 lambast someone that's worked harder than just about anybody 2 save his M, when it looks like all along his xW simply had 2 go 2 yet another level in2 the bowels of he!! 2 learn anything, assuming she ever does. So sad. So sad.

Relate, I'm flabbergasted. And it takes a lot 2 gast my flabber! I was always taught that, if I can't say anything nice, don't say $h!t. How 'bout if I just say "go away?" Would that be 2 harsh?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">boy, I missed a lot!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[censored] 2Long, we both know that when 2rouble is brewing, that ol' 2Long is not 2 far away 2 come and see what the tirade is all about! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Boo

Most of the posters here have been living with their husbands many years before getting married. In this day where common law marriage and living together is more the norm than the exception, when a partner separates and starts living long term with a new person, that is the real relationship. After some time, it ceases to be an affair. The real people are together, and they are married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That is the marriage in question now, and you are the OM now.

If you are holding the paper saying you are her partner because you have not signed the divorce papers <heh, heh>, while they are married and happily living the good life, you are so in denial and in a fantasy bordering on psycho, and you so need help.

Sign the papers and get on with building your house.

<small>[ November 10, 2002, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

relate:

That's it. My mom passed away anyway... You're way off base here! I hope your mom comes out of her little house in the yard and bites you on the leg!

hcii,

Boy am I sorry. It does sounds like your ws is on quite a roller coaster.. it is not even about you.

Seeking happiness and fulfillment through others and what they can offer... not from within, is a dangerous game.

WS must be very empty- But feeling like things are ok with new relationships to feel the hole.

I once jumped quickly from my first 10- month marriage to marriage with now ws.

He was crazy about me. If you read my story, you'll know he is an alcoholic. I needed love very badly at that time in my life... I had known ws , who became 2nd h since high school.. we met when I was 16, he 17.... Don't ya love that song... SOund of Music?

Anyway, he pursued me like crazy.. was a friend during my marriage anyway, inappropiately.. but 1st H physically abused me... so it was good to get away...

I go from physical abuse to marrying an alcoholic??? I was not thinking.

I knew this man, ws, had an alcohol problem, BUT HE LOVED ME.. and boy did he show it.. and I needed that at that time. I wanted to be taken care of.. not long after , I learned I was taking care of him....

But anyways, doesn't change that I truly love my ws... have known him since forever, and it was one of those love at first site things.. so he was dangerous to my 1st marriage, ....

I can say... i did go too quickly out of the frying pan , and into the fire.

I am sorry your ws is doing this to you... one day ws will probably realize her err... when in a bad marriage, etc. Who KNOWS? Fogginess does clear, sometimes it takes yrs.. maybe ws will never face it.

BUT, YOU Must take care of you now.

Do something good for yourself.

I am just appalled, and sorry for the situation. It shows you how unstable ws is right now. Take that as a sign it is not you, it is about ws and their neediness an seeking it from others.. to be filled.

Hugs, HONEY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Most of the posters here have been living with their husbands many years before getting married. In this day where common law marriage and living together is more the norm than the exception, when a partner separates and starts living long term with a new person, that is the real relationship. After some time, it ceases to be an affair. The real people are together, and they are married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Roll me one of whatever you are smoking. What you have just posted has absolutely NOTHING to do even remotely with my situation. Nothing that you have posted as I quoted is factual in my situation at all. You are either sorely confused, or...well....I better not say.

Do you really consider 6 weeks long term? You must be confused with your postings. But...as to ceasing to be an affair? I agree with that. Her "affair" ceased around the first of August with the person she had been with for 3 years out of our 14 years.

She is no longer with her "affair" partner. She is with the person she has known for 6 weeks. And we are not SURE they are married. Just speculation. So her "OM" is not me. It is her previous relationship.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That is the marriage in question now, and you are the OM now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now that one there got my dander up. Where in the [censored] do you get off calling me the OM? I am not in her life, have not spoken to her in months, have not seen her in months, so how in the h3ll am I the OM?

BTW...If they are indeed married, just how is the marriage in question? Just curious.

You are no doubt confusing me with someone else that is posting.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you are holding the paper saying you are her partner because you have not signed the divorce papers <heh, heh>, while they are married and happily living the good life, you are so in denial and in a fantasy bordering on psycho, and you so need help.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What????? I don't understand....Do you KNOW they are married? Do you KNOW they are living the good life?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sign the papers and get on with building your house.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I have something presented to me to sign, I most definitely will!!!!

But....She's the one not turning ME loose. Or she'd have them sent to me. And she wouldn't be letting me pay HER bills.

<small>[ November 10, 2002, 03:09 AM: Message edited by: hcii ]</small>

Oh...and another thing....

relate posted:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> the affair is all about the current marriage/relationship failing </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and then posted:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> while they are married and happily living the good life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is the current M/R really failing? I thought you said they were happy? I thought you said that they were the "real people"?

and then posted:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When one relationship (or marriage in this case) fails generally the person leaving dates or tries out several other relationships before they settle down with one of them. I know several couples who have met and married after very short courtships and are very happy together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BUT....then posted:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> when a partner separates and starts living long term with a new person,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Which one is it, relate? Happy or failing? Is it a short courtship, or a long-term one?

Now who REALLY looks like the psycho?

Boo

Resorting to nonsensial denial of the situtation by picking out different words in different contexts.

Finding a partner after "the current marriage failing" is dating some others (the OM and maybe others) and finding her now husband after the marriage with you (current at the time) failing.

a short courtship is quite common and I know so many couples who are married and in love only after a short courtship. When someone "after a short courtship" (means dating for a short time) starts living together (or marry in this case) "on a long term basis" (meaning it is not a one night stand or a one-two month affair which can just be classed as dating.) She has married him, so there is no question about it; that she must be in love with him to take that step. She has married him in every way, in spite of your sinature <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . She doesn't even want your signature.

It is not necessary to have the consent of the ex. The other way is to have a judge declare the marriage dismissed, which she would have got done in this case. You are divorced whether you agree or not by a court decree.

<small>[ November 10, 2002, 06:39 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>Finding a partner after "the current marriage failing" is dating some others .....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, maybe on your planet.

Here, finding a partner after "current marriage failing" is generally accepted as adultery or infidelity. The "failing" part having a wide definition, from surmountable problems to jutifiable grounds for divorce.

Taking marriage vows with an affair partner is the highest height of hypocrisy and contradiction.

Relate, you and Dennis Rodman please beam back up.

I understand this is the MB world.

It is not necessary to have the consent of the ex. The other way is to have a judge declare the marriage dismissed, which she would have got done in this case. You will probably find yourself divorced in this case by a court decree.

<small>[ November 10, 2002, 06:54 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>