Dead, or just lost?

SS

Neither. Lurking a lot. Finishing the painting and preparing the house for my wife's move home. Movers are booked. Carpets being cleaned. She seems excited. I am, too (but with a fair amount of nervousness mixed in there).

Thanks for asking.

Less than 20 hours to go.

Whippit,
It has been fun watching you. I am glad for the progress. I am so overwhelmed I can't even crack a proper joke.

Please let us know how it goes, we do care, even if you don't report in hardly at all, and you don't hardly ever say anything, keep words to a minimum, leave us in the dark, remain absent for days, require us to send out a search party to find out anything.............................

Did I leave out anything? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

O' ye voices in the wilderness ...

I'm pretty exhausted right now. Been working my tail off to get ready for the move. For some strange reason yesterday I broke down and cried for about 10 minutes. I haven't done that in months. I wasn't sad but I can't say I cried tears of joy, either. I think I just needed to unload some emotions somehow.

I still hurt sometimes, I know. And I don't always have the answers I want. But this is a good thing.

P.S. I did peek at my wife's cell phone and OMs number is gone from the directory. It was still there the last time I checked a couple months ago.

For some strange reason yesterday I broke down and cried for about 10 minutes. I haven't done that in months. I wasn't sad but I can't say I cried tears of joy, either. I think I just needed to unload some emotions somehow.

Yes, I still do this sometimes. I think it's good, because it seems to clean out the cobwebs of my emotions and let me see more clearly. It helps sometimes to just sit and think. Not trying to solve anything, or find an answer, just let my mind wander around. Things seem to come to me unbidden and I find answers to things I didn't know I could.

I still hurt sometimes, I know. And I don't always have the answers I want. But this is a good thing.

I think you are right where you need to be for now. It is a very, very good thing.

We care, let us know about the happy days, I expect to hear both good and bad, don't be afraid to say whats on your mind. The down days won't leave just because she is back, you just have to find ways to cope. I think you will, you have good track record.

Don't worry about posting often, I just look you up so you will know I am thinking about you. I'll leave you alone if you wish.

SS

oh no ... please don't leave me alone, ss. i already feel like i twist out here in the wind a little. what would i do without you and the occaisional chime-in from q2wlonq (or whatever he goes by these days)?

Whippit, you worked hard and you deserve this. I am happy for you. I know there are going to be rough days ahead, but some great ones as well. And soon the great will by far outnumber all the others.

Keep us informed, everyone loves a success story!

ALS

Hm Hmmmm Hm Hmmm hm hm hm hm
Oh, where am I?


Look here's whippit's thread, I wonder how he is doing. W has been back home for two weeks, and no comments. I know it's not non stop SF that's keeping him away, because he posts on ALS's thread sometimes.

Probably things are proceeding normally, and he is shy and doesn't want to say much.

I could rattle his chain -
Nah, I'll just let him go. Maybe I'll leave a note so he knows I was by.

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Hi Whippit, Just stopped by to say HI. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ss

ss ... sorry i missed this when you posted it.

to update: recovery so far is going as well as could be expected. at least as i expected, anyway. spending a lot of time together considering our differing work skeds (i'm 8-5, m-f; she's all over the place, f-tu). we have awesome conversation and we're restoring a level on intimacy we haven't had in a while ... so the notion of sex is rather far from the picture. besides, while the body is willing on my part, i'm still not sure the heart is yet. i assume that if we got down to brass tacks, the heart would follow body with little arm twisting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . it has been more than a year since i've had some naked adult playtime, afterall.

some things still trouble me, as we have not yet slept in the same bed and some nights it rips my heart out to drag myself upstairs knowing i won't wake up next to her. there's still a lot we don't talk about. there's quite a lot that we do. for instance, we have very serious conversations about our finances (which were a mess before our separation and even moreso now) ... conversations that were avoided like rotting meat not even a year ago.

i can only vouch for my own fears of speaking up and i've determined that i have so much to ask and say that i don't know where to begin. a freind recommendeed i lead with that and see where it goes. it's good advice but it scares me to death. i do suppose, though, that intimacies we're relearning are the foundation upon which we build. in all, things were pretty broken between us ... and, like we all know, an affair isn't the cause, it's the symptom. in any case, i know we can't continue to pretend the elephant is just a new piece of furniture.

on the other hand, she's frequently come to lay her head in my lap as we watch television and we share other non-sexual (but sensual) intimacies quite often. it's the closest i've felt to being married in quite some time. while the verbal communication is in need of work, we are figuring out the non-verbal sort.

i have decided, though, that the dam is about to break with me and i will, at minimum, let her know i'm ready to start talking. i'm not sure where she's at, but she could surprise me by admitting she is, too.

that's about all i have for now. i am at work at the moment and my machine at home is currently dead.

thanks for keeping tabs. like i told my mom over the weekend, i am doing quite well. not 100% but well, nonetheless.

Ha, Ha,
You thought I was just lazy and wouldn't hunt you up.

We started doing much better when I started taking control of the conversation. Not by force, but by finesse, wit, and charm.

( I can say that to you, can't I?)

She does better now too - but I don't think she would have come if I hadn't been bringing her along. I figured I would just start talking about something I wanted to know about, and see where I could get. It was an experiment, not an emotional trip. I just kind of detatached, and probed, and learned what worked and what didn't.

We are still learning, but it works better now.

I see you around, and wonder about you but I figure you will report when you have something to say. Here are some openers I have used in the past.

So, how do you think we are doing relationship wise?

What do you think is the next step?

How can I make this easier for you?

Are you happy with our progress?
(and the reply ususally includes "Are you?" at the end, so think about how to tell your concerns in a nice way.)

You can imagine some of the things she might say when you ask, and you can plan some answers - it gives you a heads up on other things you may want to say. That's how I guide the the discussion, I branch the conversation and think of how each branch may go, and what I would reply - also what points I want to make before it is done.

You are pretty sharp, and I don't know if you need this kind of suggestions. I usually make them though, even if I don't need to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good to hear how you are doing, and even better to know it is the right direction. Don't be afraid to ask her how she sees things. And, if you do, remember that she doesn't know some of the things you know, and her reply will reflect that, perhaps by a lack of faith in recovery. If you know that in advance, it helps a lot - you can use the conversation to learn, but not suffer from it if you don't hear what you want to hear.

See ya, and keep it up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

SS

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

You are a pretty private person and I don't expect you to report daily, but I was wondering how you are.

I hope most of all that you are happy and that there is steady improvment.

You've come a long way from that coguy I first met so long ago. I see you continue to suport ALS as you once did UC.

Do you have any idea of how UC is doing?

Wishing you well.

SS

yes ... relatively happy and things are progressing quite nicely. we're heading to mexico next month for a well deserved vacation. as my wife said, "we just spent six grand to live apart. two grand to spend some time together seems cheap."

we're talking more, but there's still lots that each of us wants to say or ask. it'll happen just like everything else so far has: organically and when we're comfortable enough to do so.

thanks for checking in from time to time. the activity on this board is so heavy sometimes that if i miss a day or three threads drop rather fast. (a fact that, at once, saddens me and pleases me.)

Thanks,
I still think about you.

Have fun in Mexico, it's nice this time of year.
In fact, some places are nice almost all year.

You sound happy, not bitter. I have to think that is good.

SS

so my d-day anniversary was yesterday. it didn't even occur to me until about five minutes ago. a good thing? i think so.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

whippit:

It IS a good thing! When my 1yr anniversary came in January, I missed it because I thought it was the 19th, and it was the 18th! So, I completely blew off D-day until it was over!

It wasn't much of an anniversary anyway!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> 2long

just wanted to say that i really love my wife and each day it grows.

this journal is now closed.

thanks to all who participated or even just lurked!

whippit:

What if me and SS don't let it close? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, okay! Closed it is!


Congra2lations 2 2th of you!
-2long

just when i thought i was out, they pull me back in!

What?

What's going on?

Did I miss something?

Some days I think no one tells me anything.

I thought I heard my name though...........


I love success stories. Actually, I think both of you have done a really good job. Maybe we ought to have a party. We haven't had a good party since spacecase. I could bring icecream, I was just given a three gal. tub of vanilla.

I think Whippitt can cook, so he ought to be in charge. I know 2long can follow instructions, and I am good at watching and making rude comments.

All the best to you W. All the best. I believe you will be happy, because you have learned how to produce happiness out of disaster. Thanks for the example.

SS