I agree with your theory that she met a need in him to make him feel superior.<BR>My H and I are both nurses, but he is an LPN and I am a RN. I make nearly 2x what he does and he almost always points out that I know more than he does in our profession. And he is generally right. Not to be snotty. The OW's son has some medical problems and he was able to be her authority. She asked his advice.<P>I hadn't thought about how bad the whole situation could make him feel until this happened. Now I am more aware and less assertive about my knowledge. <P>You see I know that he doesn't love her. But she made him feel important and special. In the day to day life at home, we hadn't been doing that. Working at it now though.

Just bringing this up so SoSad can read some of the responses.<P>Praying for all of you.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I knew OW, she pretended to be my friend and in that capacity the knowledge of her hurts more than otherwise. But you have a right to know who this person is. In the book, after the affair it says to rebuild the trust in the marriage the spouse should try to answer ALL questions as honestly as possible to make your curiosity not run away with you and to come as clean as possible. I believe in this as long as it isn't hurtful. If you were as dumb as I and asked what promises he made to her (a very hurtful to me question that really doesn't NEED to be answered you must be prepared to face the consequence of that answer) but he should prepare you and show you who she is!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

Unfortunately, I see OW once a week since she and H are living together and our children spend 3 days a week over there. To be perfectly honest and objective, she is thinner than me, but face-wise, she is kind of homely. That makes me feel better (LOL). She is nice enough, but not all that bright in my opinion. I don't know which is harder, not knowing what she looks like or knowing and having to see her all the time.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

If I had to see her all the time like you are and in your situation I think that would be much harder. <P>A while ago husband insisted that I would only see her if they got together and then I would meet her.<P>I don't really want to meet her, I just want to see what she looks like so that when I see other women that fit her discription I know for sure it isn't her. <P>I don't know if this all makes sense to anyone?<P>Have a wonderful day everyone...or the best day you can.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

What's the point of seeing the OW? The affair is over .... I wouldn't think a betrayed spouse would be WANTING to see the OP anyway.<P>The wife who's husband I stole gets the joy of seeing me every week at church. You think SHE enjoys that? Doubt it. In-her-face reminder ...<P>You don't need to see her ... you don't want to see her ... believe me. Just focus on rebuilding your marriage!!!

Dear Sam,<P>I think that makes sense but don't know if it is worth it.<P>When we are in public, my eyes are watching where my husband watches - what streets he glances down and I take notice of the names of the streets, I look at EVERY woman in contact with us when we are in public, and try to memorize their faces, all of that. It is part of not knowing for me. You do know, but I don't think it is wise for you to make contact.<P>But, if husband has some negatives around from the times he used to be with her - you could develop them and see what she looks like. Or ask him for some pictures, and tell him why you would like to see them. I'm sure they way you ask him has to be thought out carefully. But, if I were you at this point, I would NOT ask him anything or bring up anything to make his mind start wondering again.<P>Maybe in about 3 years I would!<BR>

Thanks Samantha, much appreciated

To Samantha Mi<BR>If you live in Mich. lets go together to confront these evil homewreckers.

Suzy Q, yes I live in Michigan. I am in the northern suburbs of the Detroit Metro area. Where are you from? It would be an interesting thing. Although 2 of us with the same pain may be just too powerful for these women. I would hate to see anyone in the path of my rath if I let go. How about you?<P>I am picking husband up from work tonight. Dropped him off this a.m. and think I spotted her truck. There were a few older white S10 pickups...but only one in the first row looked like it belonged to a female. So I am going to try and show up early and scout around some more. LOL<P>I am a bit affraid though. What if she is drop dead gorgous? I am affraid that would shake me to my bones.<P>Have a good one and who knows maybe we can someday do what we long to do. I was thinking about the one year anniversary. What do you think?<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha,<P>I posted to you a while back, BEFORE I seen OW. I have since found out who she is and I will tell you that it has put my mind at ease! Things got a bit complicated with the situation though. I had been talking to her for about a year in the grocery store where she works. One day she saw the names on my check and knew who I was, told me she knew H. I never bothered to ask her name. I talked to her everytime I went in there. Then, at a demolition derby, she came up and talked to H and I. I, of course, thought nothing of it. After she walked away, H told me her name. I was so angry that here I've been talking to her, etc. But since I have calmed down, I feel MUCH better knowing who she is. I do not constantly wonder about everyone woman I see "did my H sleep with her?" I am no longer insecure about her being prettier than me, she's NOT really pretty at all. I feel I know the WHOLE story now, and I have moved past the affair more than I did in over 2 years! It really helped me. It is still very hard to see her now each time I go to the store. Hard to avoid her, I have a strong urge to say something to her, but am not a very outspoken person, so I'd need a few beers first! I do think it would've been harder for me if she was pretty. But seeing her made me realize H was truly just lonely and needed companionship, which we were not giving each other, and he looked in the wrong direction. I don't think I've brought up the affair ONCE since I found out who she was a month ago. It helped me.<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

Samantha,<P>I would go see her when she gets out of work, I think taking a friend would be a good idea. Once you see her and you know who she is that will take all of the pressure off when you are out with your H you will know he is or is not seeing her when he is with you. Remember this, the most beautiful women in the world get cheated on, so feel good about yourself!!!<P>Long Suffering<P>Maya,<P>As for the loser who is posting on this BB and boasting about stealing a married man and then his ex having to see them together in church -- get a life, you are truly a worthless soul!!! Why don't you say a prayer for yourself next time you are in church, if God doesn't strike you dead first!!!<P>Long Suffering

I feel the same way. I had to know what this person who has very nearly destroyed me looks like. She comes to Tampa to Busch Gardens, Sea World etc and I know on 2 occassions that she saw us (my H. and I) together. Of course I idn't know her. It has bothered me for over a year. So just last week we went on a field trip and he showed her to me. I hav to tell you I was surprised. She was not the knock down georgous person I had thought she was. She has also dired her hair a really ugly red color (hubby didn'e like it). He thought she was a natural blond. (Men are so stupid sometimes). Anyway I am glad I saw her. Now I don't think of her as something she isn't. I maybe a few years older but my figure (other than her big boobs) his much nicer and I feel better about myself. I am glad I went and got it out of my system. I stil have other problems but maybe one day I will beable to work them out too.