just watched phil and have to say it was prety interesting. I wish WW would watch. It would probly do no good. It made me feel better about myself though. I feel good knowing that WW and OM will never be truly happy with each other.

I just finished watching today's Dr. Phil. Here are my favourite quotes from the show - I watched it with pen and paper in hand.

"Own it rather than justify it." (It = the affair, the selfish behaviour, etc.)

"You've got to find what it takes to NOT be vengeful."

"You've got to grow up and learn something about impulse control."

"Forgiveness is a choice."

"Forgive yourself and get back in the game!"

"When your spouse has an affair, that is THEIR choice, not your, you don't own that."

And Dr. Phil's 3 things he thinks will affair-proof a marriage are:

1)It must be based on a solid, underlaying FRIENDSHIP. Friends laugh together, talk to each other, share things, and do things together.
2) You must meet your partner's needs (figure yours and his/hers out, and meet them)- sounds just like the Harleys to me!
3)Always turn TOWARDS your partner if you have a problem (don't go talking to other people about the problem, that's just not healthy).

"If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner."

All in all, there were some interesting insights presented, but I would've been more interested in a show about people trying to recover after an affair, because that's where I am / we are. I'm sure I'm not the only one who hoped that would be the focus of the show.

I agree with Topie about the fact that, "it doesn't really TEACH us how to fix the problems. It only just brings the REAL problems to the surface. And then he dances around the "how to fix it" stuff." Perhaps Dr. Phil is still figuring out how much he can get done in a one hour episode.

Jen

Jen
You were smart to write down some of the more memorable quotes from the show on this board! The one I liked best was

"When your spouse has an affair, that is THEIR choice, not yours, you don't own that."

It reminded me that even though it usually both partners share some responsibility in the downfall of a marriage or onset of an affair, ultimately it's the one who decided to have an affair that made that fateful decision. Another reminder for BS to try to move past it and heal ourselves.

Also, I think I read somewhere that Dr Phil knows about affairs from personal experience..has anyone else heard that?

Oh, and Topie , thanks for alerting us earlier in the week. I never watch daytime TV but was able to set the VCR thanks to you!

<small>[ November 15, 2002, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

I knew about the show, I wanted to watch/tape the show... and then I forgot about the show! I did catch the last 10 minutes, and I was so upset that I missed the rest! Would someone who taped it be willing to either loan me the tape or copy it for me if you are able? I would be so appreciative. I will pay for the video tape, postage, etc. Just let me know if you can help me out.

Thanks so much!

MT

Well, I'm anxiously awaiting to watch it - I taped it earlier but didn't sit down to watch cause the kids were home from school. Once they are in bed I'll pop it in the VCR!
Re: Phil's affair - I have heard that he had an affair during his first marriage - which obviously didn't work out. But, he's been married to his current wife for 26 years or so. It would be interesting to hear Phil's own words on this.
I've also thought it would be interesting if Dr.Phil had Dr. Harley on his show---wouldn't that be cool??

Hi,

Is someone taking orders? I missed and would be willing to spring for whatever it takes to get a copy.......

Thanks,
L.

Jen,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong>I just finished watching today's Dr. Phil. Here are my favourite quotes from the show - I watched it with pen and paper in hand.

"Own it rather than justify it." (It = the affair, the selfish behaviour, etc.)

"You've got to find what it takes to NOT be vengeful."

"You've got to grow up and learn something about impulse control."

"Forgiveness is a choice."

"Forgive yourself and get back in the game!"

"When your spouse has an affair, that is THEIR choice, not your, you don't own that."

And Dr. Phil's 3 things he thinks will affair-proof a marriage are:

1)It must be based on a solid, underlaying FRIENDSHIP. Friends laugh together, talk to each other, share things, and do things together.
2) You must meet your partner's needs (figure yours and his/hers out, and meet them)- sounds just like the Harleys to me!
3)Always turn TOWARDS your partner if you have a problem (don't go talking to other people about the problem, that's just not healthy).

"If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner."

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for taking notes!!! I watched the show and then tried to tell my H when he got home from work about it. Of course, I couldn't remember all the points...so my 'information session' was woefully lacking. I then logged onto to MB, saw you'd taken notes and showed my H your post! Thanks so much! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes I too watched and enjoyed the show. I think he sort of had to focus on surface issues because when he spoke to the former WS who got divorced for her married lover (who did not readily leave his wife), decided to call his wife and reveal the affair...

To me, it appeared that this was the FIRST TIME xOW ever even considered the fact that her act was willful intention to hurt the BS!

She sat there and you could tell nobody had ever spoken to her like that and it was quite obvious that she didn't take time to ask herself anything. She could only see what she wanted, what she intended, why she did what she did and not how her actions affected others.

What was really mindboggling to me tho, was how the xMM was willing to be in such a marriage--with his guard continually up, no trust, and claiming that he loved her to pieces. I mean, what is a marriage built on if it isn't trust?

Watching this woman, it didn't even seem as if any (ANY) lightbulbs were going off in her head. She just seemed like she was in her own world. It was amazing...

She was getting blasted and in the end, Dr.Phil said to her husband, "You are right to keep your guard up because she just told us that she cannot be trusted." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He seemed perfectly fine with that, too! (Double EEK!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I watched the show too and enjoyed it. It made me feel better when Dr. Phil was talking to the woman who found out her husband had been unfaithful AFTER his death. (Bet she wanted to dig him up and beat the you know what out of him) Dr. Phil said it wasn't her fault that he behaved the way he did. That helped me! I've been guilty of taking too much of the blame for my husband's affair...that released me and I'm grateful to Dr. Phil.

The first couple are surely reaping what they sowed. That man is living in the prison he created. She just didn't seem to understand that what she did was horrible. She seemed sociopathic to me.

Years ago a neighbor of ours once told me that he wished he had stayed with his first wife (there was no affair that ended that marriage). That always stuck with me. Reminded me of Proverbs 5:18 "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth."

I felt for the second couple (I can't believe it either!) She seemed very depressed and genuinely sorry. I thought Dr. Phil's advice of using the situation for good was wise. That experience would be beneficial if it could be shared with engaged or newlywed couples.

i thought the show was good but limited. He needs to spend a week on the subject regularly! Wonder if Oprah will rue the day she introduced America to Dr. Phil. I think he's the only one out there that can compete with her...and win!

I watched the show and I also felt sorry for the second couple. I think they both felt remorseful and now humble over what they did. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for them, but I did.

The first couple..well, she is obviously vindictive, but I had trouble focusing on them because I couldn't stop looking at the guy's ears! Man..I'm sorry..my eyes just kept going to them..they were huge!

She is obviously a b*tch, and what kind of woman says publicly she's not sure if she'll ever cheat again!!?? How can her H handle that? They were pathetic.

Someone told me there was a Dr. Phil show a while ago where he had guests on who had been cheated on. That one I would have loved to have seen. Apparently he was telling them to put it behind them and move on. Did anyone see that show?

I love Dr. Phil and how wonderful would it be to be a couple counselled by him. He certainly would give our BS's a wake up call I think. Bravo to him to tell that first couple that they shouldn't expect any sympathy. Good for him!

Yes...our BS's made a choice! They are responsible for turning outward.

FYI I am sure most of you know but for those who don't you can order tapes & transcripts online on the Dr Phil website. I think you can even download the transcripts on-line---kinda pricey though

I missed the show---for those who saw it was it worth the $$ to buy or should I wait for re-runs? haha

hbh

Orchid, Maybe Tomorrow and anyone else interested,

I did tape it and can copy. Email me if you want one.

Nerlycrzy@aol.com

Finally watched it last night.
The first couple certainly needed help and I like how candid Dr. Phil was with them. She certainly needs a reality check.
I felt for the second couple as well.

The points Dr. Phil made were as usual - excellent. I very much liked it when he addressed the "faling in love" versus "being in love" issues. Isn't that what it's all about?

Anyway - I wrote the Dr. Phil show suggesting he have Dr. Harley as a guest!

We'll see...

I'll write to the show with that suggestion as well! Maybe if enough of us do, they'll consider it!

Alberta & Kimmy:

I vote for the same. i will write to them also.

It would be interesting to see how Dr. Phil receives the MB concepts which I don't think are far from his own thinking - except Dr.Phil is a bit "tougher" in certain areas. It would take him out of the "therapist" chair and into the "interviewer" chair which would possibly take him out of his comfort zone.

Re: the show - he was great with the poor woman who found out her husband had had many infidelities as she was cleaning up his things following his funeral. The poor woman felt she could have been a better spouse - Dr. Phil gave her excellent advice and told her that her husband made the choice - she didn't - so she doesn't own that. I liked him telling her to visit his grave on two separate dates - the first to "chew his butt off" and the second to tell him she missed him etc.
Very moving...

Hi guys ...

I haven't seen it yet (gonna get the tape from Lora soon).

But I tell ya, my biggest wish is that OW watched it. She is a (LMAO!!!!!) SAH Girl Friend now, and was probably vacuuming and doing dishes when it came on, YEAH RIGHT! LMAO all the WAYYYYYY!

From all accounts, I would hope she'd draw some simalarities of that Bi&chy OW to herself. Because from what you guys have said, she sounds a whole bunch like her.

Lv,
Jo

hurtbuthealing: IMO, it's not worth it to buy the tape from the site. Although it had some good moments, those have already been posted on this thread (thanks mostly to Jen who thought to write it down! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

The show focused on the marriages that started out as affairs. And it really didn't get into much that would help a couple heal from infidelity - except maybe that Dr.Phil reiterated that most of those marriages fail anyways... he used the stats of about 5% of those M's survive, which is exactly what we already learned on MB. But even out of those that do "make it", look at all the problems regarding trust and other issues! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If you still want to watch it, I would suggest getting in touch with someone on MB who can make you a copy - either that, or as you suggested, wait for the rerun! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

Yes I too watched and enjoyed the show. I think he sort of had to focus on surface issues because when he spoke to the former WS who got divorced for her married lover (who did not readily leave his wife), decided to call his wife and reveal the affair...

To me, it appeared that this was the FIRST TIME xOW ever even considered the fact that her act was willful intention to hurt the BS!

She sat there and you could tell nobody had ever spoken to her like that and it was quite obvious that she didn't take time to ask herself anything. She could only see what she wanted, what she intended, why she did what she did and not how her actions affected others.

What was really mindboggling to me tho, was how the xMM was willing to be in such a marriage--with his guard continually up, no trust, and claiming that he loved her to pieces . I mean, what is a marriage built on if it isn't trust?

*Well he did not say he loved her he said he was crazy about her (telling statement if you asked me
Plus did any one check out HIS body language, he was stiff towards his wife I think the only reason he was still with her is because of the kids, even the home clip pf them where he is sitting at the kitc. table with the boys she went over to him and but her arm around his shoulder and it was like she was not there. plus after the show my he going to do alot of thinking of what she said about her not knowing if she would do it again and that she is spitful ab=nd vengful too
what a bargin huh?**

Watching this woman, it didn't even seem as if any (ANY) lightbulbs were going off in her head. She just seemed like she was in her own world. It was amazing...

She was getting blasted and in the end, Dr.Phil said to her husband, "You are right to keep your guard up because she just told us that she cannot be trusted." He seemed perfectly fine with that, too! (Double EEK!) I didn't see this like I said
watching his body lang. I don't think he was ok with this imo. Plus at the end she looked upset he didnt when they were showing the credits