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I usually post at PA/PB, but this one belongs more over here I think. I just wanted to know what everyone learned from there situation. I thought that everyone could post something they learned from their experience, whatever it was. I would like to hear from everyone BS, WS, and even those that had no infedelity in their M's. Everyone's input is welcomed and wanted, so please share.
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Doh!! My thread and I forgot to post one myself.
One of the first things I learned was that pride is alot like NyQuil. Tough to swallow, tastes horrible going down, but once you've done it you usually feel a whole lot better.
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I've learned that you can bend and bend and believe in forever with all your heart, but one person alone can't fix past mistakes and sometimes all the love you have still isn't enough.
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I learned that one can be cruel beyond belief to those that they claim to love. I learned to never ever blindly trust again. I learned to trust but VERIFY. I learned to NEVER EVER dismiss a gut feeling again.
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I learned what the phrase "I love you more than anything in the world" means.
And I learned that love is NOT all you need.
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madly_truly_deeply ,
Good question!!!
I have learned alot.
-to be a good listener
-the importance of fullfilling needs
-to speak out my feelings
-to tell my H my feelings for him
-never to take my H for granted, ever again
-to see the good, even in little things
-I have learned about emotions that I never knew about
-I have learned that my "gut" feeling is always right and I will always listen to it
-I have learned to never trust blindly again
-I have learned to talk about things "right away" and not just let them be
-I have learned to accept what I cannot change
-I have learned to truely forgive
gezzzz, I could go on and on. I have learned so much.
take care
bb
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Gosh, my list is EXACTLY like Blondblossom's! So I won't bother to re-write it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I also learned that it IS possible to be madly and deeply in love with someone who betrayed you. I've never loved my H more or been closer to him than right now. 18 years and 4 affairs later we've finally found that "sweet spot", and life is good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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That MB should be required reading for all couples!! I wish I knew about this sight years ago!
That trust in a relationship isn't always a good thing.
That no matter how bad you've got it - someone else has been there and will help!
Not to take my H for granted.
Not to bottle my feelings (I know it but still do it).
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So far, this is what I have learned. Most of it is obvious, but hey, I'm a guy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> :
It's OK to feel weak, just don't act that way around the WW.
There is a difference between hearing someone and listening to them.
Along those same lines, when in the fog, what they say is never what they mean.
Lean on people(tough thing for guys) for help.
and on and on.......
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I learned that being selfish is a very bad thing I can't control my feelings but I can control my actions. If I can't fix the R I am in, then I don't need to be looking for a new one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and finally I learned that my H is a PHENOMENAL man that I am DAMN lucky to have by my side.
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Dear Nobody:
Sounds like you did some soul searching. Hope you feel better!
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Good question..... I learned that I can't fix everything. Somethings and even some people need to be fixed on their own - OUCH!!! That was an eye opener...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I also learned that women and men vu intimacy differently and that we each need to understand the other's viewpoint. Ok, I knew a bit of that but how vast the difference was the eye opener. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh yea, some men are really from Mars and others come from a farther galaxy (riding on the mother ship)!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> JMHO, L. PS: The fog......stinks!
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Wow! Great responses. Thanks for taking the time to put your 2cents in everyone. Just thought I'd add a couple more. -I learned that "tit for tat" does NOT work. -I learned that men are extremely more complex than women give us credit for -I learned that men usually have a very hard time dealing with our complexity. -I learned that while I've always know I was not perfect, I am actually a pretty gosh darn good guy. -I also learned that while I've know always know I have faults, I never really paid attention to them or how they affected other people (until now) Most importantly, I learned that whatever I may have believed earlier in my life, NONE of us are really alone. And yes, MB should be required reading for ALL newlyweds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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The most important things I've learned? </font> - <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will not die unhappy.</font></li>
- <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My happiness is dependent upon me and no one else.</font></li>
- <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Despite my wife's choices I love her and believe in her. Further, I love myself and believe in me more.</font></li>
- <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Expanding my circle of influence will shink my circle of concern.</font></li>
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <small>[ November 26, 2002, 06:00 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>
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I'll have 2 get back 2 you on that! I'm still learning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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I've learned I have become a much wiser man than I ever wanted to be. But I am thankful for the lesson.
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Well, I'm still battling with quite a lot of things, but:
I learnt that, although I thought I was a strong person, I was incredibly weak
I learnt that I thought I was clever, but actually was very very stupid
I learnt that to my H I was his sun, moon and stars, although if I did know I'd forgotten
I learnt that the pain I inflicted on my H could have been no worse than if I'd taken a knife to him and put it through his heart.
On the up side
I learnt that I did a bad thing but I'm not a bad person
I learnt that I must always speak up and out (however painful some words may be to hear)
I learnt how to be humble and perhaps more compassionate that I had been
I learnt that I can only work on me to become a better person, and one day H may see that too
I could go on here, but there's still more work to be done.
Lisa
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What a great thread!
I've learned much of the same lessons as Lisa.
I've also learned that:
The cliche 'never say never' is quite true,
One should never take another person's love for you for granted
Curiosity does kill the cat
Love brings you to high, ecstatic places...but mishandling it can make you crash to the bottom trenches of your soul
and
Your mind is your own worse enemy.
Take care,
H_P
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Depression
by ClarencePeterson - 09/22/24 11:19 AM
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