Hello.

Update. H called several times yesterday at work but I never answered. He left two voice mails. One was to let me know that I shouldn't give his email addy out to anyone. Well, as it turns out, a person I met and confided in from church actually emailed him to "talk". H also told me I shouldn't be talking to this guy anymore because H is not willing to work on the marriage. This guy is not good for my mind, etc. etc.

I haven't talked to this person in a very long time. H doesn't realize that corporate email addresses are very easy to piece together...much different than hotmail. In any case, that was the first message.

The second message, much different than the first was to tell me that he had put the final lights up at the house and that he had purchased the lil tykes desk at Walmart (we had discussed some gifts for D) and put it in the neighbour's garage.

He called the house again much later in the evening to speak to D but D seemed uninterested in speaking to him last night. So, we let it go and went to bed.

I still feel hollow. Lifeless again. It feels like real death except this pain is almost worse. It goes on daily. Time? Time seems to increase its intensity.

Ark, Thank-you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are forgetting somethings....His love and his affair for this woman has not spent any time in reality...it has only existed within the realms of limited time with each partner on there best behavior.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, you're right. In my state of mind, I am forgetting these things.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> what you imagine is way worse then how things most likely are... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Somehow, I'm not sure about this. I think they live in a blissful world of "I can't wait till we're together" crap "because look at how "connected" and perfect we are." So in my mind, it's a beautiful love-filled world of which I play no part. Sick.

I think they blame their lack of rush on me and my psycho behaviour or my lack of acceptance of her but then again, I guess you're right about this one. Why isn't he just filing if he's so sure?

Thank-you for your strength Ark & Lor. Whoever you are, know that both of you along with some very special other MB'ers have kept me alive. Literally.

I have to run but will post later.

Lots of love

T- You are getting a lot of practice at dealing with crazies... behavior that is. Seriously- he is acting like an overgrown child... and most of the time, hopefully, it is just teenagers that exhibit this behavior so vividly.

Just be strong.

YOu don't want him as is, right? Who would accept this.

Be as nice as you possibly can to him and when you can't get off the phone.. or just get into a mode... - I have to ask you to leave now please.

Thanks. be matter of fact and mysterious... don't let him know what you are up to. He will wonder.

Let him wonder.

I am sorry it is so hard.

My h goes back and forth- some here on this site are just throwing their hands up at me for even trying...

But as I backed of COMPLETELY and told him ... ok I am givingin up... counseling or no chance ever.....

He came...

That is where I am not so sure that flirting a bit and letting him wonder won't hurt... the 180 stuff. let him know it would still be good, plan a... etc. when you have to deal with him... dont mirror meanie behavior back... I really don't think it will get you anywhere- he is just going to put it in his SEE... I KNEW she WAS A BIT__ pocket and say he is right.. b/c of your actions.. don't give him the chance.

Seperate from him when you have to.. when you deal with him still plan a. I really don't think anything but a show of love will help. Along with that he can't know everything....

Hugs to you, I know i is hard.. there is still a chance... back off some and give him room.. especially after the friend emailed him..... MY H GOT SO MAD ABOUT THIS.

What about church counseling, just to see if there is any chance..... before you give up? Maybe you are not there yet.. but I am.

I have told my h if he doesn't try hard this time in counseling... ell if we can't work it out... I will be willing after discussion with the counselor etc. to completely let go if we must... he is definitelly there more than me... So we will see.

Hugs, Honey

Hello Honey,

Nice to hear from you. You are sounding better and better each day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are getting a lot of practice at dealing with crazies </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I am. And I am starting to feeling like one again myself.

No I don't want him as is but I hate the fact that someone else has what I used to have...the OW is getting the old him or the real him or whoever he is but she is definitely on the right side of the road. Is that the way it is? And I'm certain he's wonderful with her. Perfect. No swearing. No anger.

The reality of this is just a really hard thing.

I'm glad to hear that he's agreed to counselling. That's wonderful for you.

Me? It will never happen. I'm convinced my H is gone for good.

Thank-you for your words of encouragement.

Hello FW, I've been following your story. Our sagas are very similar in that the OW is from another country. Thank-you for your kind words.

T- It might happen... Jim had 2 ow's- one being his maid.. now I might be crazy to give him a chance.. but he is trying now.. and he has treated me very badly ...

It's not over until the papers are signed, sealed and delivered.. and even with a D- remarriage is a chance.

There is a guy at work whose parents just got remarried and they had been divorced for many years.

Hugs to you! You deserve it! Take care of you and beautiful D.

Hugs, H

Hello Honey,

Thank-you for replying. I guess we all have our own private hells to deal with...that's what makes MB so invaluable.

Do you belong to any support groups for the separated or divorced?

I have been looking into something that will help me get through the holidays. I realized that I can't do this on my own. And since MB isn't face-to-face, it may help. However, MB principles are SO incredible. I was speaking to a local coordinator yesterday and I just felt so WISE...thanks to all of you.

I'm glad that Jim is finally trying. I pray for you and you counselling.

Take care.