Hey MTB,I'm gearing up for the old holiday family feud myself.The good thing about it this year is it's not at our house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ,but I feel for you.I know how those in-laws can be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .I've always wondered what would happen if I put some LSD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> in their eggnog?? I bet they would be alot more tolerable.

Peace
md

Hey Agnes, you going to stop by here tommorow before you leave??

md

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mad:dad:
<strong>Hey MTB,I'm gearing up for the old holiday family feud myself.The good thing about it this year is it's not at our house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ,but I feel for you.I know how those in-laws can be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .I've always wondered what would happen if I put some LSD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> in their eggnog?? I bet they would be alot more tolerable.

Peace
md</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No but rum in the egg nog helps.

I will think good thoughts for you over the holidays. Just remember to "smile" lots. If it helps it can be a secret smile, just remember the strip you did for your wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good luck, I know its hard for you, but try to behave yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
MTB

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 06:09 PM: Message edited by: M T B ]</small>

MTB, hey you know me!! I may talk a lot of trash,but I'm really a nice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> guy .Actually I'm pretty quiet in person a little shy even <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .I just use the forums as an outlet. You have a good xmas.I hope you get something really nice from your H.

md

Agnes,

Hopefully you will check in tomorrow.

Have a Merry Xmas. We'll see you again in about a week or so. Thanks for your words I will survive this holiday, I think. I get my son for New Year's and we are going to my parents.

mad:dad,

I hope you are doing well.

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

MAD : DAD/Bert/Derrick/The shy guy, and any other alias you may have at the moment.

Thanks, you and your family have a great Christmas too. As far as christmas presents go, I would be happy with a nice card and some good conversation with H. Diamonds etc. don't do much for me.

My present to H is a holiday, the usual stuff and a treat from me (do you think he would like the Peanut & Jelly song?). Agnes suggested Greece for a holiday, I like that alot. I have never been their. However, since its going to be a present for H, I will let him pick.

MTB

<small>[ December 20, 2002, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: M T B ]</small>

Wish the rum in the egg nog would work in my house . . . My MIL doesn't drink. Maybe slip some everclear in there--it doesn't have a discernable flavor . . .

Actually, she won't be here this year. My H's father passed away 12/23 last year and she's decided to stay home. A mistake, I think, because she will be lonely and sad. When she was at my house for T'giving she did comment that her children "knew where she would be" at Christmas. I fully expected my H to wuss and decide that we would come to the rescue, b/c after all mom can't be alone and sad at Christmas. Fortunately he didn't take the bait. We will be at her house on the 23rd, and I will again emphasize that she can call us any time during the holidays and hop in the car and come on. I certainly understand her grief, but she has done the passive-agressive, if-my-children-really-loved-me thing for far tooooooooo long.

So that's one relative down! Unfortunately the egg nog trick won't work with my father either. He lives alone in the middle of the country and doesn't have a broad circle of friends. When he comes to my house, he has to say every thought that has come into his head since the last time he saw me. Trouble is, he forgets when he saw me last, so I'll probably have to sit through the story about the rude clerk at Wal-Mart another time or two. And then, of course, I am bound to do SOMETHING wrong and he'll have to explain how I could do it better. (A couple more therapy sessions and I'll be ready to tell him to jump in a lake.)

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Family. Love to see 'em come. Can't get them out of the house fast enough!

Neuse

Neuse

Family - I know what you mean. You can love 'em to pieces, but goodness knows you can't live with them.

Since they won't drink the rum and eggnog - you and your H could have a couple. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I truly hope you have a good Christmas.

MTB

UC,

Last night I saw this movie titled "UNFAITHFUL" with Richard gere the gerbil guy.It was about his W having an A anyway there's this part when he confronts the OM.At first their having this civilized conversation,then he bashes the OM's head in with a globe.You should rent it you'd probably find yourself cheering for the H during that scene.

I'm doing good.I had an unexpected run in with xOW yesterday at the video store.She must be in town visiting for xmas.Seemed pretty ironic here I am renting a video about an A ,and she walks in with a bunch of her girlfriends.life is strange that way I guess

Ciao
md

MTB - What a mixed blessing family can be! If they hadn't come,you and H wouldn't have had this particular "misunderstanding". But nothing like being slapped upside the head by siblings (figuratively speaking, of course). I'm glad they set him straight. Gives the two of you lots of food for conversation in the new year. Gotta practice those communication skills, right?

Let's sing along to the tune of Carley Simon's Anticipation (or was it Carole King?):

Communication.
Communica-a-tion
Is making us crazed.
It keeps on ama-a-a-azing.

And tomorrow, we'll still be together!
I'm no prophet, but I know recovery's wa-a-a-ay.
So I'll try to see into your heart right now.
And stay right here
'Cuz these are the healing days!

These are the healing days...
These a-are the healing days!

ahem. I guess we all have "other sides", don't we? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey neuse, I have to say I've found myself immersed in the grief process in these last few years. The support that these mourners need cannot be overstated. And just as there is no timeframe within which a BS "should" recover, so with a mourner there is no timeframe. There's no right or wrong. It just takes as long as it takes. What I don't know, of course, is the history of your and H's relationships with her. So do with this post what you will. It falls in the "JMHO" category.

So Glad so many of us are here. I'll likely check in again before the holidays, but I extend my Level Best holiday wishes to all who are leaving on vacations!

LB

MTB
Well, I guess it was good that you had his family around to give him a swift kick! I'm glad to hear you are all having a good time.

What did you do MD? Did you talk to her or anything? Was your W with you?

Speaking of ironic MD - I bought my H a globe this Xmas. He's real fasinated with those things and I never really could relate as to what the big deal is. But now I see I have a handy "tool" should the need arise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Would if our site never comes back? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Are we just gonna keep going on this thread and see how long it can get?

I'm sure the site will be up and running soon.I'm getting a little home sick myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> even though we have been welcomed here I think we're all use to the slower pace.

You behave with that globe Libby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !! I had to laugh when I pictured you holding it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I didn't talk with xOW I was walking out and she was walking in.I just felt a slight panic as she passed me she made a face. She puckered her lips slightly ;she use to make that face whenever we would flirt at the office.(Yikes!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I wanted to run to my car and get the hell out of there.

How you doing?

Bert.

hi all!

i second the notion to carry this thread on to see how long it can get! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> i am country gal at heart and prefer the slower pace of the other boards... but i must admit to being envious of the long threads and the hundreds of replys the members here seem to get!

my h is in his final exam as i type, so i am hoping that he concentrates on the ending of the affair and nc letter this weekend. we are going to spend 3 days with his parents over christmas... i am lucky compared to most in that i think i get along better with his folks than he does! i am looking forward to being there.

i heard breifly from unbreakable (she is starting to sound like an action hero to me... i somehow picture her all poised with hands on her hips, in superhero tights and cape and mask! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> huge smile on her face! hehe) her h wrote a final nc letter today and she witnessed it. i am so happy for her! she still needs our support in a major way though... hugs and prayers to my new hero!!!!

ok.now logged on for all of five minutes from ireland today. i gave here a very brief update. she said she was miserable, but i somehow doubt that with her kids and h by herside! i think she is just suffering from withdrawal from all of us!

mtb... hugs to you, but you seem to be faring well with your usual comrades here! and thanks for your congrats

uc... i know you are struggling with the complexities and nonsensicalness of your w right now <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ..and you seem to be doing alright. i read your posts and my heart goes out to you. i dont reply much because you are in such good hands always .. both here and at the other forum. dig deep for strength, and dont give up hope!

mad:dad.. you always make me laugh... thanks for the visuals too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> i would be interested in a real update on how your wife and you are doing.... there seems to be little info and lots of laughter in your posts as of late... that is either good or bad. care to set the record straight?

libby... my friend, i am embarrased to say i tried giving you advice, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> you are so wise and centred! but you took my posts graciously, and i thank you. i still think you should post here so that the regular forum people could share also. i think your post might have gotten lost after 3 minutes of being posted!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> sheesh this board is fast.

agnes... i too am definetly addicted to the site! i hope you would also consider posting some of your dilemns here! i know its fun to msn each other (especially in the middle of a boring workday) but the advice of so many far outweighs the advice of one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> i am so happy you had a great birthday, and i am going to miss you next week for sure! cheers.

neuse... oh wise and noble sage.... i look forward to some interesting threads as i stumble through reconciliation and recovery! you make me stop and think, you make me be honest, and you make me dig deep for the unknown truths. you are an amazing woman. i thank you for your always thoughtful and long replies! it makes me feel great just knowing that someone would spend that much time writing back to an unknown person in order to help them. sincere gratitude!
unbreakable...i am so proud of you, and happy for you...i have nothing more to say to you that i havent said in private.... except that i am green with batten envy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> !!!!hahaha

Level,

Yeah, I knew my post was a little quick and flip sounding. My MIL is a truly generous and caring person, but she would benefit greatly from some therapy. I don't begrudge her grief. In fact, I am amazed at how well she has done. This is just the "presenting issue" as they say of my H's family dynamic. They don't discuss things. Instead they read each other's minds. So when my H showed up on their doorstep at 3 AM 14 months ago (OW lives in the same town and H decided to spend the night with his parents instead of her), no questions were really asked. He said that we were having marriage problems, but that was the end of it. (I even called her sobbing the next morning to make sure that he HAD spent the night there.) When we came down the next time (together), they didn't say word one. Before he died, my father-in-law said he loved me and that marriage was hard and he was proud of us for making it this far, but my MIL to this day has not indicated that she knows anything.

The Christmas thing is similar. What she said was, "I'm not coming for Christmas b/c I think I'll be too sad." My mother said, "You should be with your children at a time like this." She said, "They know where I'll be." Now here's my beef: come, don't come, tell us you want us to be at your house, tell my H that you want him to leave me home and come, but DON'T do this stupid passive-agressive high school if-you-loved-me-you'd-know-without-me-asking s***.

She has my support. In spades. I do love her, and I do wish she would choose to be with us this Christmas. She is, however, a full-grown adult, as am I, as is her son. If she says she would like to stay home alone, then I expect her to mean what she says. All I can do is be sure she knows we want her with us.

I know you didn't expect this lengthy diatribe. I guess you could say this is one of my issues right now.

Neuse.

Merry Christmas, to all of those who celebrate it.

And to everyone, I hope for us all that the coming year is start of the best days of our lives!

Hello hopeful,I was wondering when someone was going to catch on,that I've been a little sparse on the info line.

I'll try and give you a good update,when I get a chance.I did have a long update that I had prepared earlier,but my computer went screwy right near the end.Everytime I typed an E my windows expolorer would pop up and I couldn't figure out how to correct it without having to re boot my computer.I got so pi$$ed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> b/c I spent quite a bit of time and thought into it

Have a good weekend I'll be here Monday & Tues. after that I won't be back until the 6th.

peace & luv
md

Hi Everyone
I've been reading this post since it started - following how everyone is doing. I'm so glad things are working out for so many at the moment. Wish I could say the same for me. My H has been gone for a month now but not really gone - he's here a lot of the time. He seems happy with his new life but I'm having so much trouble moving on with mine. I guess because I keep hoping I'll have a happy story to tell too like Unbreakable and Hopeful. It's not going to happen though and it breaks my heart. Christmas is supposed to be such a happy time but I wish I could hide under a rock for the next couple of weeks and pretend this is just all a bad dream.

I'm packing my kids up in the next day or two and we're going away. Not sure for how long yet and I haven't even told H. He knows we're going for Xmas but not that we're not coming back. I desperately need some space to sort out what's going on in my head and try to piece my life back together again.

Sorry for bringing the mood of this post down. I've been desperately waiting for our forum to be up and running again but I couldn't wait any longer.

Hope everyone has a MERRY CHRISTMAS. Next year can only get better - right?

HRO

Hey HRO,don't feel bad you're always welcome amogst friends. Your pain is our pain,and I'm glad you came along.Don't be so hard on yourself no matter how bad things get there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't really give hugs,but I can give you a noogie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Keep your chin up
md

HRO,
Glad you found us. So sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Not much time to post now (I'm headed out of the office) but please know that I'm thinking of you and sending a great big (((hug))) your way. Sure hope things start looking up for you soon. I'll be out of pocket for a couple of days but hope to hear from you when I return. Immerse yourself in your children and enjoy your time away with them. Try not to get too down, your kids need you now and I know you want them to have a good Christmas. The holidays can be an especially emotional time. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing

2Hearts

mad:dad .... i wait with great anticiaption for your update!

heartrippedout... sweetie..i wish you would stop trying to compare your story to others.... i have told you a gazillion times but i will say it again YOU STILL HAVE HOPE! there are no comparisons, there is nothing you are doing wrong, or that we did differently... we are all different people and it will just take as long as it takes. you are an amazing woman, with 2 beautiful children, and your h is in a fog. i know he isnt there living, but there is still some sign of life to your marriage: he hangs around YOU ... not just the kids... he stays longer than his allotted time with the kids.. he gets your two year old to beg you to join him....you guys laugh and have a nice time together. i know there is alot of crap still with him... but you need to open your eyes. don't be too scared or you will miss this opportunity! i totally support you getting some time to yourself right now and getting away from it all.. i hope it makes you renewed in your resolve. i know its hard, i know its scary, but you need to keep laying your love on him.... not your expectations, but your love! he is in a very dark and scary place in his mind, hro, even if he wanted to come back now.... look at all the stuff he would have to undo.... you need to keep that foghorn blaring as loud as you can so that if he wants to he can return to you.
i have said it before, "in sickness and in health"... his heart and mind are poisoned right now... you need to stand by him. you can do it.

my love to you,
my prayers for you,
and i am here any time you need a friend.