LWH - I am a FWW also. I am now one year into recovery. I know what you mean about it taking a while to really wake up and realize what you are doing to your loved ones. I think back on myself during that time and I don't know who I am seeing either. I was definitely in the "fog", and I'm a firm believer that it exists.

I am very sorry for what I did, and it kills me when I see my H is still distrusting of me over things that are completely innocent. This is the bed I have made though... I have to just keep being true to my word, and reassuring him he is the only one for me. (You guys know what I mean, I have to be the one to support him thru this.)

Good luck to you LWH, there is a lot of support here for someone in your position. My H does not like to read here, he said it causes too many triggers and upsets him.

Utterly,

It’s the fog. I told my H that stuff. I was not the kind of W he wanted. That I had changed, that I couldn’t be a good wife to him. So my answer would have to be yes. But now I can’t believe that I ever felt that way. Yes I am a different person then I was when my H and I were married. He is too. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Looking back on the whole A now, it seems so surreal to me. It wasn’t me..well it was, but not really. Does that make sense? Every time I think of all of the hurtful words I said to my H it makes me feel horrible. If there were any way I could take it all back, I would. But unfortunately I can’t.

I can’t speak for your W, but I know what the fog is like. My opinion would be that she’s not thinking clearly. I would guess she doesn’t mean that.
I wish she would come here and read because that is how my fog completely cleared. Realizing what I was doing.

I hope this helped you some. I will be praying for you.

Finding my way back- —Thank you for your words as well. I wish you the best. We are not in any kind of recovery. My H doesn’t know if he wants our M. I understand him and am trying to be patient to give him the time he needs. He was very patient to me while this was all happening, but he’s grown tired. I am trying to be strong for him and show him how much I love him and that I’m trying to change. Counseling has been good for me. I can only pray that one day he feels like we can have another chance. Thank you.

Livingwithhope, I have to tell you that your post has truly helped me more than I can find words to tell you. My H had a PA with a coworker and we have been in recovery for 18 months. We have hit many obstacles and brick walls along the way but we are still working on our relationship.
My belief and trust system,in the things my H tells me, has been my problem lately. To read the same words and things that he has said, written by someone who has been in the same situation of being the WS, has helped to open my heart and mind a little more.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Looking back on the whole A now, it seems so surreal to me. It wasn&#8217;t me..well it was, but not really. Does that make sense? Every time I think of all of the hurtful words I said to my H it makes me feel horrible. If there were any way I could take it all back, I would. But unfortunately I can&#8217;t.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what my H has said to me. I already knew he was like a totally different person during the A. I have just had a very hard time believing some of the things he has said but your post has me opening my mind a little more to the reality. Please tell your H these words along with telling him how much you do regret what you have done, as often as an opportunity allows. Tell him that the OM failed to even come close to what he is and what he has given you and that you now regret doing something so irresponsible and risked loosing the relationship and the marriage.Let him know,over and over,that he is the one you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with as his committed wife. Compliments,compassion,concern,remorse,little things,unsolicited apologies,reassurance,showing that you see the pain and the devastation that the A has brought into his life. I am touched by the fact that you say you will not give up. There will be times when you will want to give up but do not. Time and a lot of rebuilding. You have a world of support and concern here as well as some of the best advice. Thank you for opening your heart to us BS's. I sincerely hope that you and your H will be able to work things out together and that you will have a better marriage than ever. I wish you the best.

kings kid,

thank you. All of you are helping me more than you know. You all give me strength each day when I feel I can't go on. Thank YOU.