I like the new name. I have to go.

Hi Faith4me,

I think it's time for the next step.....

Start posting for YOUR benefit, YOUR healing, YOUR progress.

If you need to write to snl, just grab a paper and pen and write to him. Then you can decide whether you want to give it to him to read, put it away to decide another time, or just throw it away.

But write here for and about yourself, ok?

Take care Faith4me

YetAgain - It is so hard, I am trying to write just for me. Just for my healing and moving on. Once again, I am here, for the kids, and I don't feel appreciated. I got up early, and our daughters boyfriend just left at 6:30am. He was sleeping in her bed with her. I went downstairs to see if she was coming home. Nothing going on downstairs. I went into her room, asked Jessica if she just got in, she said no, that she let boyfriend, sleep here with her, cause he has to get up early to go to work. Cheez was her words after wards. Just expressed concern, and am worried. I worry for my kids, and am the soul parent here, that tries to show concern, and want to know where they are going, and when they come home. But once again, her attitude, is like why do you bother to ask.

I have been up since about 5am, reading, and writing. Not sleeping well tonight, cause of the pain in shoulder, from Friday evening manipulation.

Talked to a friend of mine for about an hour on the phone, and that was nice last night.

Will call my Dr. once again on Monday, and get an appt. for regular checkup and to have a discussion about the anti-D Lexapro.

Just waiting to get this all over with, and get on my way to my life.

I went to church this morning, was a good service, a series on R E C O V E R Y!!!! Talked quite a bit about our bad habits, the things that irritate others, things that irritate God. Met some new people in the church, trying it out. I know them, so had a wonderful time talking after church. Also, I was invited to join a cell group. I said give me time, not yet. They invited me to go with them after church today. I said, I would but I don't have my vehicle. And I am driving my daughters car. But they said, please anytime, come with us. They were going out, and 4 other people were going, and I said, give me time. Just like the cell group, the wife and I have been talking for a couple of weeks now, and she told the others, she just needs a little more time. That was gracious of her, and I thanked her later.

I talked to her (her name is an old fashioned name) about wanting to move. Very reasonable thoughts, and getting my life together. She told me about some areas, in the area that I am looking. I don't want to lose this church as yet, but when I get into this church more, and then when things happen that I move, she said you will be willing to find another church in the area that you want to move to. I said yes, but I am making friends here, and it has been a terrible last three years.

Just to get dressed and cleaned up and makeup was lifting. To know that I had somewhere special to go, and to listen to the pastor, and sing the songs.

But I am going to start packing and putting things in bins. I want the place to look presentable when I put it up for sale. Making calls tomorrow about storage availability to store things. Just working towards the future.

Hi Faith4me,

I say this with caring.....STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

How exactly is it going to help you to start packing now for the day you hand YOUR house over to snl?????????

STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!! It is just another way of avoiding dealing with the things that you CAN start doing NOW for yourself and your better future.

STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!! Anyone can pack for you later if you choose to hand your house over to snl, but ONLY YOU can do certain things that you need for yourself NOW--and packing is NOT one of them!

Packing now, instead of LIVING NOW, is the first step of your next downward spiral--SO STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

Faith4me, you DON'T need more time before joining the cell group--you're already later than what is good for you now and for your future. Join THIS week!!

Faith4me, NEXT time go out with the people who invited you. Daughter loaned you her car so evidently she wanted to help you get what you need--USE it for what you need!

Please, Faith4me, STOP this downward spiral you are beginning! No matter how many people care about you and want to help you, NO ONE can do it FOR you. But we can support you and encourange you while you learn to do this for yourself.

Take care Faith4me, really take care

YetAgain - for one, I used my daughters car, cause mine is in the shop, and she was leaving for another city about 2 hours away. I came home cause I was not sure when she was leaving. Yes, I wish I had gone, but next time I will have my vehicle and go with them. It was nice of them to invite me, and knowing that I was invited is important.

You don't live here, to see the everyday stuff that goes on. Like today, he comes in and doesn't say hello, just walks in, eats my food again, and helps daughter build a desk. All this daughter has to do is go daddy, and she gets. I could ask and ask and ask, and he would sit on the computer. He kept telling me that he will do it in his own time. Not one word was spoken, so I cut my sons hair, and then went and sat in the tub, to relax this shoulder, which is so... sore. The manipulation has caused such pain. Then I went to my room, shut the door and here I am typing.

The daughter saw what I was making for dinner, and I told the kids today, I am not buying much anymore, and it will come to them having to eat whatever. Here our daughter which is 19 has been off school, and has not offered to once make any dinner. But she asks what I am making and then she will go yuck, or whatever. Today she asked, and I said beef stew from the beef left over. And she said is that for everyone, I said yes. She hates beef stew, but I didn't care. I am making it for me, and the other 2 like it. If she doesn't like it too bad, she can make herself something. This goes for the other two as well. I am not everyones servant here. And things are changing, just as well as SNL will find changes too. No more doing anything for him, no more looking after him, he will have to do everything. If I am not available for him to talk to, oh well. He in the heck didn't care if he was not around to talk to while he was so engrossed with his other woman. He didn't care what I or the kids were doing.

Maybe this is selfish, but I am going to do for myself. The reason I am packing things, is I am finding SNL coming in and taking things. So I am going to pack and store them in a storage unit. A small one. I don't know if I will get this house, it needs so much fixing up, and I just don't see where this house is worth it.

I got on the internet today and looked for housing. Didn't know this stuff was available. Anyways, I am looking for a ranch, 3 bedroom, small bedrooms, with a 2 car garage, and possibly a basement. If I can afford a basement. There is a small subdivision being built, adult living, and it looks nice. 1/2 acre lots, which is big enough for me. Otherwise too much grass to cut, and take care of. I want to spend time on doing woodwork, and refinishing and things that I have not been able to do all these years.

Now that SNL is doing what he wants, I need to do what I want. Work on me, and me only. No need to do anything for him, he doesn't give a crap about me, and he has kicked me in the a** and is dumping me in the ditch. If you were to look at his body language, and the way he talks, it is so unthoughtful.

He complains that he is living in a Hovel, all I say to him is that is your choice. He has had years to get that house fixed, but he decided to sit on the computer, and phylosophy for over a year. And of course before that he was too involved with the other woman.

So he has made his hovel his choice.

My oldest daughter and I talked today. And if she moves out in the next few months, I said to her she has to take the bird. She said the bird is yours, and I said if I find it a good home, do you mind. She said no. So I am going to put a calling out for a good home for the bird. She is nice, but so much work, and I am left with it all. The daughter was suppose to clean the cage, this time home, but nope. I said next time, and she said she will see.

More of the, mom will take care of it. To heck with the bird, if I start working, I will feed it, lock it in its cage, and it will have to sit there all day. So I feel it needs a new home. It is an expensive bird, that SNL wanted to. But while he was here, he didn't focus on the bird, he wouldn't check its water and food. I had to. And there were quite a few times, it had no water.

Just more and more I see how I was used, and the kids are using me. No more doing anything for them. Let them fend for themselves. SNL doesn't care, so why should I. I have had enough.

So you think I shouldn't give up this house? What other alternative do I have, why stay in this house that is unfinished, and has a mold problem. SNL has shown no signs of repairing the mold, and when it comes to selling the house I will have to disclose it. So the value of the house will go down tremendously.

Just wanting to pack the things I really want, and sell what I don't on ebay. Get this place cleaned up and downsized.

We have wires all over the house, cause it wasn't wired for computeres,and extra phone lines. Our computer room, has wires hanging in all directions.

Anyways, I am feeling pressured, and not cared for by anybody, but you guys. SNL says he cares about me, how, and why can he say that when he acts like an enemy. Walks around this house, like he own it. Nobody own it yet, and I don't even own it. But I am living here. Just more hot stuff tonight, and I feel like exploding.

Gotta go, take my meds, and putting a heating pad under my shoulder. It is so sore!!!!! Pack sons llunch for school. Told him this is probably going to end. He wants to talk about it. I said okay, but why should I do anything for you? Why?

Faith4me,

I'm sorry about misunderstanding about what you meant about packing and leaving. I thought you meant that you were leaving by yourself and giving the house to snl. Thanks for clearing that up, and I'm so glad it was not what I had thought.

It's nice to see that you are starting to set boundaries. There is nothing wrong with buying groceries that fit your budget and choosing meals that do not take more time and effort than you have to give right now, believe me I know. If we want a big meal at my house, we figure out who can do what--and if it's not enough to get everything done then we put off the big meal for a better day. You'll figure out what works for you.

The answer to your question about "being selfish" now is in the info pages of this sight, and also in posts about Plan A. Remember that Plan A is for US. It sounds like you are starting to Plan A yourself. Maybe it's time to start a new thread--the subject could be Plan A-ing yourself. I'm sure you would get lots of feedback on evaluating and improving your Plan A until it is as good as you want it to be.

It's good to see you moving forward! You have a lot of life left to live, and this site with its info pages and discussion forums has a wealth of information to help you make your next 30 years absolutely wonderful!

Take care Faith4me

I think you are right, on starting a new thread. The pain that I am experiencing does get me down, and I am so sore. I know the manipulation was needed, and have to deal with it ALL BY MYSELF.

To Plan A, will look into some of the other threads, and maybe start a thread of my own.

I was reading Zoeys thread, and she is really having a hard time. Her husband doesn't seem to see that he has a remorseful wife, and feels guilty about what she did. Wishing there was more we could do for her. She has expressed so many times, the sorryiness she has shown her husband. I prayed for her last night. Made me want to shake this man up, and look in his wifes eyes to see that she really loves him.

Thanks for your help, I am being there for me, and only me. Will help with the kids, but if they don't cooperate, then just step back, and let them do whatever, and I will take a different path.

Had a different of opinion discussion with 2nd daughter. She uses foul langauge whenever she wants. SNL was here, working on her desk, which is nice, she needs a desk, and wanted one. He is building her a place to spread all her papers out. Anyways, I pointed out to daughter, that garbage is not taken out (one of her chores), how she called me a name (she lied), oldest daughter was called the same name & this was spoken to SNL about the name calling. Just more lies from this daughter. She is sensitive, and I know she is hurting, but she has to face the facts, that this family is no longer a family. We are a family that is torn up, and everyone has to survive for themselves. Talked to the youngest tonight, and told him I am tired of being there for everyone, and no one wants to be there for me. Talked about not doing chores, not doing the wood for grandma, sitting on the computer and playing all day. Said, I am tired of this, and I don't have to stay. You can live with your dad in the hovel if you want to. See how that will be. He said he doesn't want to live with dad. Maybe you won't have a choice. Waking this family up that I am sick and tired of being there for them, and I get little respect. If they only knew, how I care about them, and love them. And want to try to make this a family. SNL was here, and our oldest son was doing his usual thing of being disrespectful and yelling. SNL told him to pipe down, and quit yelling. He doesn't see what I have to put up with. These kids are hurting, and showing their anger, and I am the one to see this. They all need counseling, and are so torn up. Told the daughter today, your father did what he wanted for all these years, and not caring about us, just him and someone else. Daughter said, so why do you want to be like him? I said, because I am getting very little respect. If there was caring, and wanting to help, maybe I would be more willing to bend more. I told her my limb has been bent so much, it is about to break. I feel hurt, unloved, uncared, and just a person here to fulfill everyone elses needs. I am there for all of you when you are injured, or want something. I ask, and what do you guys do, complain. I said, I ask you to do something beyond your chores, and your first response is why should I have to do that, you seem to think everyone else should do it. So it ended up in a let it all out thing.

I decided no more grocery shopping, except for milk, bread and deli-meat for sandwiches. I am using all the meat and stuff in the freezer, and when that is done, I am done. I can survive on buying what I need, and to heck with everyone else. Llike my counselor said, go on strike. Hey, I hate it, but it is called TOUGH LOVE!!! These kids have had it too good for so long. That is the problem. All they have to do is ask, ask for things from SNL, and they get it. WEll, he has been done, and now I am done. So the outcome will happen, and we will see what happens now.

This is so selfish, but it has to happen.

1st I like your new name. It is a happier name to see, not down & depressing.

Have you ever heard of a website called flylady.com? an OLDie pointed this site out to more than 2 yrs ago now.She has some good tips on decluttering your home.

Also some good ideas on how to set up routines to keep it clean. This is my weakest area, I tend to let everything go untill I can't stand it anymore. My boys DO NOTHING but it is my fault; however yelling, threatening not to do it, doesn't help, I found when I do more they do more. Just a thought.

Actually, I am an organized person when my state of mind is back to normal. Just now, things are so overwhelming, and some days are not good days to even get up. According to the counselors, this is called stress, and your mind is working twice as normal, and it can't focus and you seem to be disorganized and not working in a pattern.

The kids and their mess are their problem. I am done asking or doing anything in their rooms. They are old enough 16-25 and there is no reason for me to interfere. Just shut their door, and no one can see.

I think they all want to be organized, since our youngest son moved into the sisters room that the sister moved out of this house, he really downsized and has kept his room really clean. Just once in awhile I have to ask him to vacuum and dust. Or to put the clothes away he left on his bed.

I will look at the site, and maybe recommend it to my mother-in-law if I think it is something she would be interested in. Thanks.

A night of pain <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , I just called SNL and basically was asking for advice, my arm & shoulder is so sore and throbbing, been up for the last 1/2 hour. Not having anyone to talk to, didn't want to wake up the kids. SNL and I talked shortly, gave me good advice, and it felt good to have someone to talk to. Knowing I had massomasology today, she is manipulating the area and breaking the calcification, and pushing my flexibilitly beyond what I can do, for a good purpose. But the pain comes after.

Thankyou SNL, I needed the support tonight, and I appreciate your time. Hoping that you are able to go back to sleep. Sorry for interferring with your sleep. But I am so lonely, and hurting. Times like this are not good to deal with. The depression really sinks in, and I didn't know what else to do, but cry.

This last post was progress. Sure would be nice if U 2 could continue to be nice to each other.

Well.?!?!?!?

Hugz,
L.

Yeah Orchid, just more info I found out today, and it hurts. SNL I am finding hates me. Found source of information today. I can't believe he is this uncaring towards me and the family. Of course he likes the kids some, he can buy them things and I can't. He hates me, says I won't cooperate with him. Why should I cooperate with him when he is not thinking of me, and my future. He doesn't care what happens to me, sometime would like to tell you about it, what I found out today, but SNL reads the posts. He will tell me, why do you say things about him here on the posts. It was okay when he was blasting me with coerce words and putting me in the dumpster on his threads. I am not out to do this. I am out to tell the truth, that is all and my feelings..

I am upset today, and just wanting to take and cry and give up. I did counsel with the new counselor today, which was helpful. He gives advice, and is having me read a book, and he wants to see my journal. Also, he has asked me to write my journal differently. A more direct way of expressing my feelings. I like him, he writes down what he wants to talk about, and makes a plan for the next time. He said, we are going to get a course of action going now. He has a reason for this, and can't say right now. SNL reads the posts.

But I am finding out more about SNL and that he hates me, and can't wait to be divorced. He doesn't really want me at all. You know, I am a good person, and I am not totally responsible for the marriage failing. He puts the blame all on me, and this is so untrue. This is where I feel he has lost his marbles. This man today, is not anywhere near what I married. I married a man who cared, who dressed nicely, who cared about his feelings, my feelings. Who cared about his mother. This man is very selfish, and the counselor I saw today, said the same thing. He knows body language, and saw when we both were in his office, that he had a body language to show his position. And he said, I was whimpering in my chair, and the manipulation was being put on me. Joe didn't want to take any accountablity for his actions with the other woman. He was wrong, in his statement. And it seems he is in need of psychological help. But he won't admit it, and won't go. So there is nothing I can do.

This is sad. I do mess him. And I do want a marriage with him. But he needs help first. Without this help, he is going to be lost forever. This makes me so sad, that one will not face the facts that one is in need of psychological help. Why am I going to 2 different places for psychological help? I need it, now!!!

I am doomed the rest of my life. It was made clear to me, with all that he has done after the divorce filing, that he is making it clear he doesn't give a s*it about me. He wants me to go live in a ditch, or whatever. He doesn't care, and doesn't want to look back. He just wants to
go on without me and not look back. Realizing I gave up my career, to be his wife, to take care of the kids, to bear a child after another child, to stay home with the kids, and to not have an income for all these years. I have nothing to start with, no retirement fund, no social security buildup, no working to date skills, no 401K or whatever, nothing. I have literally nothing to start with. He on the other hand, has his skill, trade skills, he has social secuirty built up, he has a good reference. But his wife, he doesn't care. He states he only wants to give me alimony for 2 years. He stated this the other day.

I was at physical therapy and waiting in the waiting room. I was talking to a man. He is divorced. Not his choice, his wife had an affair, and she wanted the divorce. They both are not married to anyone else. Anyways, he told her at the settlement, that he would be gladly to give her alimony the rest of her life. He said, every year he would increase it $100 dollars. And he would give her extra every month just for good will. He said, after 23 years of marriage, she gave me her life, gave me her body, gave me our children, gave me a wonderful babysitter for our kids, she did this by putting your life on hold and being the #1 caregiver to me and the kids. She deserves this and more. He does not like what she did, but he feels she deserves this and more. If he had more to give her he would. But if he ever falls into a better financial status, he will give more to her.

This made me cry. And I told him some about what is happening to me. He also, bought her a brand new vehicle. And said he will buy her another in 5-6 years. He said he is doing this out of love, cause this is what they decided when they married, that she would be a fulltime mother to their kids (which they had 3 in all). So she deserves this & more. Why can't more spouses be this thoughtful and caring.

I cried in the pool, and just went down to the bottom and screamed. I hated even seeing my PT today, knowing that I was about to burst into tears. We talked, and I guess the guy talked to Patrick about me. They know the situation I am in, and my PT talked to me. I started crying, and said, life is a dish full of crap! She said, you are being treated so unfairly. The guy felt for me, which was nice to know. Sometimes I think that I am doing this to myself. But when others express concern, to you, then I guess this is real.

So yes,the pain is strong today, and the depression is very high. Been crying here on the computer. I came home from being out for a little while, and he sits on the couch in the living room like this is his home. He chose to lot live here, and that is the way it is. Yes, he is watching some movie with the kids. Why doesn't he invite them over to his 'HOVEL'. Since it is a wonderful place to live. Anyways, I am upstairs and venting, and trying to get this out of my system. The course of this affair and the injury and surgery and everything is taking a tole on my body. My body is showing signs of giving up. Been seeing this for the last month, and am concerned now. So I have talked to my Dr. and will see if I can get in sooner. Told the psychologist today, and he is going to see what he can do too. Orchid, you are not in my shoes, so you don't know what I am experiencing. But this is not good, and the treatment I am getting is not good. So that is why I get low and want to give up. It is called falling in the trap. Need to make my sons lunch, and lay in the tub. Do this before bed each night, to relax the spasms, and take my pills. Tomorrow is the massomasologist, probably will be quite sore again, she said she has to do this for about 2-3 weeks to get my shoulder moving ahead. Dreading tomorrow, but it has to be done. See ya later.

Faith4me,

You said:
"The guy felt for me, which was nice to know. Sometimes I think that I am doing this to myself. But when others express concern, to you, then I guess this is real."

Please be cautious that this does not encourage you to start on another downward spiral. The unfairness IS real, both snl's unfairness to you AND your unfairness to yourself. This guy and many others feel for you in your situation, but please be cautious that you do not take this to self pity--keep on the path and plan you are forming. The only unfairness you can change to fairness is in how you treat yourself.

You said:
"Orchid, you are not in my shoes, so you don't know what I am experiencing."

No one knows EXACTLY what another is experiencing, but there are enough similarities among us on these boards that we can help each other with PARTS of our experiences. I truly believe that Orchid cares about you a lot--and sometimes being a true friend means having to say things that others who don't know you well enough and/or care enough to say.

Faith4me, on these boards we deal with issues specific to recovering from affairs. There is much more in people's lives than that, and we don't know the half of the rest of it in most cases. I can guarantee you that there are people on these boards whose situations are better than yours--and that there are people whose situations are far worse than yours is now.

Thankfully, there are also caring, giving people on these boards who have recovered and healed from what others are facing now--and they are willing to help.

Take care Faith4me

Yet again, I know people are worse off than I. I jsut can't take much more of this. I am heading to court on January 23, and I got a letter from my lawyer to SNL's lawyer asking for his settlement requests. Again, if he doesn't know what he wants, then he should accept everything I right and end it. But I now feel this is going to be a battle. Once again, SNL called me tonight, and I will explain on the insurance thread. I can't take much more of this, once again it is the control thing. I just wanted to be left alone tonight, let him watch TV with the kids, and let me be on my computer posting, venting, and getting the churning out of my stomach. My health is going downhill. He doesn't realize what I am going through, cause he doesn't care.

Anyways, more about what happened tonight on insurance thread.

SNL - if you care, which you do, please show me that you care about my health. I am going on a downward spiral to ?????. Life is not fair, was not to be fair. Feel like holding you, and being near you. Is that okay or not?

Faith4me, I had to go back some to see how long you've been married. I didn't find the info, but did see you have children old enough that it's been many years.
First, in a divorce, it's not your H choice of how long or how much he will pay you alimony! I know each state differs, but in many, you are entitled to alimony for life even if you remarry. If you've been married at least 10 yrs, you are also entitled at retirement age to draw on H's SS. Half of what he gets if it is more than you would draw on your own benefits. Any retirement he has contributed to during your marriage is partially yours also! Pensions, plans, etc.
Some state laws regarding these things can be looked up on line. Go see! Do not just accept what he is willing to toss to you, but go by the letter of the law pertaining to your length of marriage, etc.
Of course, the ideal thing is you save your marriage. But I see so much of wives thinking they have to accept what the S will give them. NOT SO! If you sign an agreement, then yes. But do it by the laws in your state, not at his command.
I'm in Ca. law says I am entitled to alimony for rest of life even if I remarry! I get half his pension, SS and any other income also. I also get half of any retirement savings right up front at divorce final. Look into your rights quickly. Pain can cause you to not think of these things. Sometimes we just hurt so much we give up but you can't afford to do that at this juncture of life! Fight for what you are entitled to!
Also, for job retraining if you want. He has to pay for that too in most states. But you won't get what you don't ask for!
Pray for God to change you also! Because I found we can't change our spouses at all. Only ourselves can we better. Sometimes, the changes in us awakens the WS to take a second look!
This in no way says you are responsible for the failings, it's just that we can all make positive changes that make us happier and restore our self esteem. I am currently working on this for myself. And allowing God through prayer to make me more christ like and less of me.
If it helps my marriage, then wonderful. If it awakens something in my H, good. But if not, the worse thing that can happen is I will be stronger and more at peace with me! And have a helper to guide me in all the days ahead.
Please don't just accept it has to be your H's way!
God bless and keep you, LouLou

Lady Lou - we have been married for 25 years. I didn't know that my husband would be held responsible for career changes, education. That is good to know.

How do you do this, when you know deep in your heart that you love your husband. I don't love his actions now.

Putting my heart in Gods hands is the goal I am trying to get. I have found one thing, with all the pain that I am going through, I have had so many calls from people I know this week. From Minnesota, Flordia, California, North of my home, South of my home, West of my home, it seems that when things get really tough, my support system comes forth.

I was talking with a friend of mine today, and the same happened to her. She was having a heck of a christmas holiday, and it turned out to be pretty rough with family matters, and guess what, people called to come on over, she had 3 invitations in one day, and her calendar got filled up for the whole week. God puts power into your heart with friends and family.

I received a call from my pastor tonight. This was warming to know that he and the congegration is praying for me, and they have all seen me cry at church. Sarah his wife sat next to me when I started to weep. I now sit next to Annetta, and her husband sits next to her. She invited me to sit next to her, and when things get tough, she said hold her hand. This is compassion. They are the ones that invited me to go out to lunch last week, but I didn't have a vehicle, cause I used my daughters and I knew she had to go back to her town.

She and I talk after church, quite a bit, and I am beginning to talk to others. I will try to go to cell group this week, because I need it, and because I want to grow in Gods love and this church. She feels that I love my husband, and Jim my pastor says so to. He said when I talk of him, their is love in my voice, and eyes. The counselor said the same thing to me. He said you do love your husband, and you are sorry for the mistakes you have done to the marriage. I said, deeply sorry.

My son and I spent tonight, cleaning the living room really good, not quite done with it. He vacuumed the furniture, moved the furniture, I dusted the shelving, and cleaned the treadmill, with windex, put a piece of old furniture I got for free, that I refinished, and put the pieces back together, and now have to finish the front piece. Son and I work together well, he is meticulous in cleaning, and we haven't finished it yet, but when it is done, it will look really good. Then I can put the pictures back on the wall. I took the pictures down of SNL and I and the kids. I am just putting the pictures back up of just the kids. And not as many pictures. Downsizing the wall and making it look more open.

I made cookies and made a pot of bean soup today. Son and I hate, and the other son went to a friends house to play warhammer and stay the night. At least we will have a homemade bean soup dinner tomorrow with cresent rolls. And cookies. My oldest daughter is coming home tomorrow. So I am going to go to church and be there to listen to the sermon and get more nourishment of God into my heart. This is a great church, it is small and sometime this spring we hope to move into the new church that they are building.

Anyways, talking tonight to friends and family has been helpful. Talking to our son cleaning has been good. He is a delight, adn I really love this son, and he and I work together good as a team. God bless my family, SNL and myself. Amen.

Faith, I'm so sorry about your pain. Glad to hear you have a good support system through your church and friends. That is very important.
I am still looking on here tonight for a link someone posted, and it is very good. Here is the link, and I'm hoping I find the post to thank them. http://www.metasystemscenter.org/articles.htm
My H will not come here to MB to read, but he went to this link and read today. He actually identified himself from it and came and told me things we will start doing that were suggested. Hallelujah!
Faith, Keep praying, and doing for yourself what you know is right. Whatever happens, God is our strength through it all. Would your H consider counseling with your pastor? Or reading some of the articles and books?
I do know that through prayer, we can see miraclous changes we'd never expect!
God bless and keep you. LouLou