SS,
Thanks, I know I’m headed in the right direction, some days are just harder than others; I know this and expect it (as much as I don’t want to).
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You need to change your thinking even more than you have. Make a change from thinking about everything to only concentrating on the things you can do something about.
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That’s what I’m trying to do; it’s very hard though. I have images and thoughts running through my head that just won’t quit, no matter what I do. This I’m not sure what to do about. I’ve tried thinking about something else, or just blocking it out completely, but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?
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I don't believe she will sit down and fill out the EN survey, so you are going to have to do it for her from what you know about her. There are a lot of things you can use for clues. What did she like about OM? What made her happy pre A. What did she like when you first met?
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She did fill out the EN survey in the beginning. She didn’t put much effort into it, and thought it was stupid, so I’m not sure how honest it was. I’ve asked her what it was about OM that made her happy, made her want to be with him. She says she doesn’t know, the only thing she can say is “He made me feel safe and you don’t”. So, if you have any suggestions on how to make her feel safe I’d be more than willing to listen. I’ve racked my brain on this one, just can’t seem to come up with any answers. We used to enjoy watching a movie together, talking, etc. These are things she says she wants after she leaves, but she won’t do them with me now. She says she doesn’t like them. I don’t understand that one either…
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Even if the reason is poor ( quit smoking for her) do it anyway, because it's the right thing.
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I will…. Maybe I’m looking at it wrong, but I told her last week that I would quit, but I can’t change the whole world at the same time. I’m taking baby steps right now; concentrating on a few things at a time to ensure the changes are real and I stick to them. I don’t want to overload my plate right now and end up doing something half-heartedly. Make sense, or am I just making excuses?
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Perhaps the worst is behind you, wouldn't that be great.
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LOL…. Ya, that would be great, but I know it’s not true. I have a VERY LONG AND HARD road ahead of me. I think the worst is ahead of me.
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BTW, helping others helps to clear your thoughts, and if you get around much on the boards, things will come to you that you can do, while you are typing to someone else. Keep helping others.
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I agree, and have found this very helpful. But, I’m reluctant to get out there too much because I am very new at this, and I would hate to give someone bad advise. Again, thank you for taking the time and effort to reply and help me.

Mimi,
Yes, I know they say it’s ok to talk about it. But, I just hate the thought of even bringing it up. That means she is thinking about HIM, and I don’t want that. But, I know I can’t keep it all inside either. I guess there has to be a happy medium somewhere. After all, if we don’t talk about it and bury it the problem never goes away does it? Hmmm, amazing how when you put something out there to see instead of just think about it how it all comes together… Thanks

Well last night was a bit of a roller within a roller coaster if you know what I mean. I got home from the gym about 5:30; we sat down and talked about our days. She had a job interview, which led us into discussions of her moving out. She asked me to help with a budget, which I told her I would do. Going through the budget she became irate because I asked her how much she was going to need for “Entertainment Expenses”. She said she wasn’t going to go to clubs, if she did it was none of my business, and if she met other people it was none of my business, she wasn’t going to become a “whore” (her words not mine) because she has been one for long enough.

Once she calmed down we actually had a dialogue that resulted in both of us understanding things a little better, and both of us in a better mood. She even shed a tear about OM, said she didn’t understand it all but it was getting better; not easier but better as time went on. That’s all she would say, and I didn’t pressure her to talk about it. After we got the kids to bed I jumped in the shower, she got ready for bed. We had agreed to watch a movie in bed, play dominoes and drink a bottle of wine. All started out well, we scratched the domino’s idea because she didn’t think I could do 2 things (watch movie & play) at once. So we lay there cuddled up watching the movie (sad chic flick), sipping wine, and eating cheese by candlelight.

My first mistake was kissing her. Nothing serious or intense, I just kissed her. She was very cold and said she didn’t like that. I apologized and told her I didn’t mean anything by it, I just wanted to kiss her. From here it’s a bit of a blur (maybe ½ bottle of wine has something to do with that). She fell asleep and I lay next to her, tears just started pouring out of my eyes. She woke up and asked what was wrong. I told her that all I wanted to do was Love her, and she wouldn’t let me.

From there it was a series of questions, halfhearted answers, a little arguing and bickering. We ended up talking about the fact that she will have legal separation papers drawn up before she moves out so she will retain her parental rights. This upset me because I’ve told her that the only way I would take the kids was if she was doing something inappropriate. She didn’t believe, or trust me. We did end up agreeing that we would not have anyone else around if we had the kids and that no one would be near them.

She said some things that REALLY pissed me off, so I did the right thing. I said there were things that I wanted to say, but now was not the time, we could talk about them later. And with that we both rolled away from each other and she fell asleep; I was up the rest of the night. The thing that she said that sent me over the edge was something to the effect of “You don’t think I would just have someone over for dinner or a movie with the kids around do you? That wouldn’t be fair to them to see someone else like that, maybe get attached, then have him leave.” The response I wanted to give was “YOU invited that MF (OM) to OUR house for CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER!! How can I expect you to not do the same thing again!?!?” But as I said, I was a good boy and shut my mouth.

Ok, your thoughts, recommendations, scolding, etc…. How bad did I screw it up? What could I have done differently (other than not drink the wine)?

One more thought. Now that her IC told her she's fine and nothings wrong with her she believs that PROVES she's thinking clearly, that this is right, this is what she really wants, she's not thinking in a "fog", and it's all my fault...

TM -

I just caught this. I was in a long meeting this afternoon.

Personally I don't see anything "Wrong" with what you described at all. I think that you held your pain in very well.

Kissing her was not a bad thing. You tried something, the boundary was placed. Now you know that next time you need to handle it differently.

Crying was a good thing too because you were being honest about your feelings. I wouldn't do it a lot, but once in a while is actually a good thing. Especially if you have never done this in fron tof her before. You are showing her a vulnerability. A lot of guys have a hard time opening up like that.

The separation agreement might be difficult for you to accept, but I would encourage you to go through with it. This would be good now because you are both being somewhat civil and it WILL protect you if thngs start to get ugly. Just look at Utterly Confused's thread to see what I am referring to.

Helping her with a budget was VERY brave. I don't know if I could have done that if the roles were reversed. Where do you get the strength?

All in all I say it wasn't as bad as you think. Chin up and stay focused!

Kily, thanks for the reply, hope your weekend is going good.

Well, some interesting updates from the past couple of days:
Friday she asked me to skip the gym and come home early (very unusual). I did and she made dinner, very nice. Friday night is where it gets a bit wierd...

I guess I didn't fully realize the pain that she has been going through. I showed her how to use the heavy bag and she spent about 1/2 hour on it. When she finally came in she had tears running down her face, the whole time she had been screaming, bawling and taking her frustrations out. I had no idea she had been going through THAT MUCH pain. She said later if she could she would put pictures of me and OM on the bag to focus on.... Not sure how to take that one.

At one point she came into the room where I was working out, just sat on the love seat looking exhausted and beaten. After I finished my workout I sat with her and we talked for a while. Then, at the end of about 3 hours of intense workout (on both of our parts) we hit the showers, together.

Saturday I rubbed her back & shoulders, she was extremely sore. Saturday was pretty good, she seemed to get some aggression out Fri night, she even asked me for a hug.

Sat night she left for work, and OW called! I haven't talked to her since D-Day #2 when I asked questions about wife and OM. Her and wife are still friends, wife says it doesn't bother her at all, but I believe it does, she just won't show it. Anyway, OW wanted to see how we were doing, and see why wife hasn't called her back lately. We talked for about 20 min and she asked me to lunch. I respectfully declined, told her that I work out every day at lunch, then she asked to meet for a drink or something after work. I told her it was not a good time, but thanks for the invite. I reinforced my stand that I was committed to rebuilding my marriage, and seeing her may not be a good idea.

I'm not sure if she's truly trying to reach out as a friend, or if she has other reasons. Wife has said before that she will move in and try to "get me" as soon as she thought she could. I'm really not sure about that, but I think I got my point across that I would not see her alone. If wife wanted to come over for dinner or something that was fine, but not alone.

So, there's my weekend in a nutshell. Well, so far anyway. We'll see if she wants to go to church tomorrow. I asked today, she said she'd play it by ear. Last week her excuse was that she didn't get any sleep on Sat, she did this week so we'll see. But, if she's not ready I won't pressure her, she will when she's ready.

It's not just pain, it's grief too. She is mourning what she sees at the end of life as she knows it. She is afraid of the future but it looks like she has been hurt so badly that the unknown future looks better than the painful past. That is why you can't LB, you have to make the here and now better than the unknown future.

How are you doing right now?

SS

SS,
I'm doing all right. Although everything seems to keep looking up she still insists that she has to leave. And I think I finally understand that (see my earlier post to Kily reference "If you love something..."). I'm not sure that's exactly in line with MB principles, but I think it may be necessary for us and our situation.

I know she's been hurt badly, and I wish I could change all that, but I can't. I'm sure that she's been hurt by me so many times she's just made up her mind she's done hurting. I can't say as I blame her, I'm not sure I would give me a 2nd chance either...

I've been doing my best to not LB, and with a few exceptions I think I'm doing pretty good. Something I forgot to mention in my earlier post, in one of our discussions we were talking about plans for the future. I mentioned that I would like to start studying hypnosis (this may be an option for my recovery based on IC) and she said there was NO WAY she would let me hypnotize her; she didn't trust me. We talked about that for a while and she said something to the effect of "The old you would have". This hit me, yes, the old me would have taken advantage of her in this state. But what hit me even harder was that she is seeing the changes; I think she's just riding out the storm to see if they are real or just a temp fix.

So, yes, I'm doing pretty good considering. I hope she sees that I'm not changing anything that's not a life long change, and I hope she sees it soon, not 10 years from now... Thanks

Kily,
I just reread this and thought I'd make a couple of more comments. Can't sleep, so I might as well throw a couple more things out.

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Kissing her was not a bad thing. You tried something, the boundary was placed. Now you know that next time you need to handle it differently.
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Well it's funny you say that. Friday night I did approach it a little different. As we were sitting on the couch after our workout, I remembered something I'd read in another post about "those" issues. I kissed her again, this time how she says she likes it (with no emotion). Her reaction was quite different, and I think we had a very healthy "tension release". Unfortunately, still no intimacy, but I know she's holding this back for her own reasons and it will come back with time (I hope).

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Crying was a good thing too because you were being honest about your feelings. A lot of guys have a hard time opening up like that. -------------------------------------------------
Well like I've said before, I'm the over emotional and mushy one.... I'm not saying I cry a lot, actually as of late I haven't hardly at all. But, I'm not afraid to show that in front of her, actually I'm reluctant to because she's said before that she sees that as a sign of weakness.

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Helping her with a budget was VERY brave. I don't know if I could have done that if the roles were reversed. Where do you get the strength?
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That one was very difficult! And, I have to say I didn't handle it as well as I wish I had, and know I could have. I did some LB'ing as I said earlier, but I think it came out ok. I did it for a couple of reasons, one because she had asked me to help her (and I can't turn her down) and two because I wanted her to see exactly how bad it was going to be for her (out of spite I know).

I'm not sure if I screwed up or not, I did go back on my word on a few things. Previously I had told her she could have the bed, furniture and do laundry at my place if she left. The other night I said I wanted to sell the furniture and split the money, I wanted to burn the bed (something we had talked about before), told her she was going to have to get her own insurance (I get VERY good rates because of the time I spent in the military), and figured laundry expenses into her budget. Not sure if this was a setback on my part, or a realization on her part; I guess we'll see.

As far as getting the strength, it's like when I'm talking to her about OM. I detach myself as her husband, and become her best friend. Sometimes it's easy, like when she's hurting; sometimes it's very hard, like when she's being a hurtful *$)@#. The budget was hard; because she was in one of her antagonizing moods.

I'll be checking out the thread you mentioned reference the seperation agreement. I know it would be good in case things get ugly. I have no intentions to make it that way, but if she does a 180 on me and tries to I'm prepared to make it VERY UGLY. But, as I said I DO NOT want that, it's just a last resort. I think the thing that hurt the most was that she didn't trust me enough with our children. Her I can understand, but I would never do anything to hurt or harm our children.

TM-

You and you sitch are in my prayers. I will comment tomorrow on things.....

Please try and sleep, it's NOT as bad as you FEAR it is!

TM-

I started addressing this yesterday, but I accidentaly blew what I wrote away....

I think that it is a REALLY good thing that W is trying to find an outlet that is other than another man. If in fact she is NOT in contact with OM, now would be a very vulnerable time for her to find OM#2 to turn to. Fortunately for you, she is allowing you in and ever so slowly she is opening up.

You treating her as a "friend" instead of a H IS a good move. She very well MAY move out. If you've created an environment where she feels safe, she will return there as she faces her issues.

I think you are doing exceptionally well, give what you've told me. Keep up the good work.

Thanks Kily,
I hope your right. I had a really good session with my IC yesterday, she pointed out a lot of things that I didn't want to see. Makes me wonder if it's really worth it. Hasn't been too good lately, nothing bad, but things aren't getting any better and I'm starting to question (again) how long I can do this. I know it's only a bump in the road, and I'll get over it. She just seems to be picking fights with me lately, petty little things just to get on my nerves.

And yesterday she made mention of OW. She says I'm still in love with her. Makes me wonder, what's she trying to do? Is she trying to push me to OW to lessen her guilt again? I'm just really sick and tired of the games.

TM-

Everything okay?

Last I heard from you, you were questioning your motives for trying to regain the marriage....are you still feeling the anger? Has this subsided?

Hey Kily, I'm still here. Just been taking some time to think some things through. Am I questioning myself.... YES, EVERY DAY I question why in the world I would keep putting up with someone who has no desire to be with me. Then she gives me a hug and it's back to square 1 again.

This week hasn't been the worst, but it hasn't been the best either, I'll give you a quick run down. Tuesday she asks me what I have planned for Wed (our anniversary), I told her what I had planned: Trip to the mall & book store she's been wanting to go to, lunch out, dinner in, bath, candles, wine, sitter for kids, etc. She declined the bath and baby sitter, said we'd play the rest by ear but it sounded good. She asked me not to get an anniversary card, and if we could treat this as a "date" because she felt weird about it being our anniversary. OK

Got home Tues night to find out our dau has the flu, all plans for trip cancelled, oven broke, dinner cancelled. That night she initiated some "activities" which is the first time since d-day. Still no intimacy, just the act, and I found myself having flashbacks.... not good.

Wed started out nice, more of the same activities, gave her a teddy I had picked up on impulse (I never liked teddy's before, 1st one I've ever bought her), a pair of Yoga pants she's been wanting, couple of roses and she guessed what her big present was (framed wedding invitation she took into the frame shop a year ago). All was good up to that point, when I gave her the invitation she started to cry, said it was because she was making me unhappy, so the tears flowed for a while and we both said we wanted this to be a happy day, lets get over it. But I just couldn't.

Later that day her old boss calls her & wants her to meet him for a drink (he's trying to talk to her and figure out what's going on). So, she leaves around 9pm, didn't get home until 11:30. In the mean time I had made up my mind I was going to try to fix what I had screwed up, had the room filled with candles, fire going, everything ready for a foot massage, quite music playing. I sat there for 1 1/2 hrs waiting for her to get home. That's when I realized just what I mean to her (again). It's our anniversary; she spends it at Aussie Jacks and Waffle House instead of with me. I want to give up.

On a more upbeat tone (and maybe a big sign) I met with the mortgage company today (I'm trying to buy the house we're renting now). They told me to GO SHOPPING!! Couldn't believe it! But, that was only after they took wife off credit report, she will have to sign a "Waiver of Marital Rights" concerning the house so I can purchase it with my credit (hers SUCKS). So, ya asked...lol and ya got the big long version of my shi^^y life.

O ya, I forgot to mention. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a new ring, she thinks mine is cursed (it was my dads and we are now going through the same things my parents went through, and it has broken twice). I say sure, WOW what a breakthrough. So she starts asking what I would like, I tell her just a plain band will do, she says “I’m NOT buying you a BAND”. So WTF?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Sorry if I sound so negative, that's why I've been trying to stay off the boards. It doesn't help anyone else if I'm drowning myself in self-pitty.

TM-

Now is the time when you NEED the boards. That is what we are here for, to let you sound off, hear what YOU have to say, consider other's opinions and reflect on your situation with different ideas that you wouldn't have on your own......

She's really all over the place, isn't she......

Just stay focused on improving you. That is ALL you can do for now. Your wanting to quit is just fear talking. I reach those same thoughts as you can tell from my posts. The point remains that you need to strive for a goal, set a time line, decide WHAT your boundaries are, and take the steps you need to get there. Re-evaluate in increments and once the deadline happens, repeat the process....

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She's really all over the place, isn't she......
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YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!! Believe me, your only getting about 1/3 of what she's doing... I feel like a mouse that the cat just LOVES playing with...

The point remains that you need to strive for a goal, set a time line, decide WHAT your boundaries are, and take the steps you need to get there. Re-evaluate in increments and once the deadline happens, repeat the process....
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That's just it, I don't know what to set boundaries on, what not to, what kind of timelines to set for what, etc. She won't give me any timelines; she just says as soon as she can afford it she's gone. So how do I set a timeline around that?

What kind of goals should I be setting? What kind of boundaries should I be setting? I think if I could come up with some goals/boundaries I could find the steps to achieve them, but the only goal I can come up with is to save my marriage. OR, get out of it, move on and build a new life for myself.

I've been having a real hard time lately not getting angry with her. Not sure if this is normal, I suspect it is. But it's VERY hard to control it.

Another thing I forgot to mention earlier. I got a letter from our old MC yesterday. It said something to the effect of "Since Wife has declined MC, You have found an IC you are comfortable with, and Wife has DECLINED ANY FURTHER IC I am closing your file". She told me that her IC told HER she didn't need any counseling.... My IC hit that one on the head, said wife told her IC she didn't want it. That just makes me want to quit even more. One of the agreements we had was I would accept her leaving if she would continue IC. Just more lies and deceit...

<small>[ January 30, 2003, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: TM94 ]</small>

TM-

Stop making this about HER! You need to put a PLAN in place for YOU!!! If you are waiting for her to tell you what to do, then you might as well give up the marriage NOW!

Goals - I want to work on the marriage. Y/N?

From there.....

If YES,
I will give PLAN-A ? months.
What do I expect from this?
What type of reactions am I looking for?
What will I be doing for me during this time?

What can I accept?
What do I have to draw the line at?
If she DOES move, can I still Plan-A her?

What would drive me to adopt PLAN-B?

Anger....very common, especially this early after D-DAY. What are you going to do about it? Let it consume you and drive your thought process, or learn how to USE it to help you grow?

IF NO - Step away and start D proceedings.....

What books have you read so far? Have you read the "Truth About Relationships" by Greg Baer Yet?

During your time schedule - evaluate your sitch. Re-read your posts....you have already come so far....

I suspected the IC thing, but felt that commenting was not appropriate,.

Well… You have a way of slapping me back into reality you know that?

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Goals - I want to work on the marriage. Y/N?
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YES

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I will give PLAN-A ? months.
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This one is hard. I honestly haven’t been able to put a time frame on it. I look around here and see people who are 2 + years into this and I think to myself, “There’s no way I could go that long like this”. But then I stop and think when you put it into perspective that’s really not that long. So, I don’t know….

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What do I expect from this?
-------------------------------------------------- I expect to grow personally, to become the person that I want to be, and the person that my wife can respect, Love and trust.

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What type of reactions am I looking for?
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Honestly, I am seeing many of them now. But, what I want to see is ME getting to the point where I want to be. I want to be happy & healthy. From her, I want her to show me Love. I want her to want to hold me, to want to make love to me, to want to be with me. I am seeing some of these things, but they scare the hell out of me, I'm afraid she is going to rip my heart out again, and I can't deal with that.

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What will I be doing for me during this time?
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Seeking IC, working out, trying to maintain a positive and upbeat attitude. I want to be the fun person I used to be, not this person I’ve become. I’ve got another post in PLAN A/PLAN B called “Is this Plan A?” that outlines everything I’ve done so far. If you get a chance check it out and let me know what you think.

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What can I accept?
-------------------------------------------------- I can accept honesty and openness. I’m not sure if I could accept her talking to OM or not. I know there has to be NC, but I’m afraid I may have prematurely ended their A by talking to him, so I’m afraid when she leaves they may start up again. I’m not sure if I could accept her casually dating other people or not…. I tend to think not, but I am stronger than I used to think, so I don’t know.

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What do I have to draw the line at?
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Contact with OM; I cannot accept her renewing her relationship with him.

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If she DOES move, can I still Plan-A her?
-------------------------------------------------- Yes, I think so. I can’t say for sure, but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier if she weren’t here.

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What would drive me to adopt PLAN-B?
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Contact with OM, or continued deception.

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Anger....very common, especially this early after D-DAY. What are you going to do about it? Let it consume you and drive your thought process, or learn how to USE it to help you grow?
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Ok, this one is what I’m really struggling with lately. So far I’ve bitten my tongue (so much I’m not sure I have one anymore) a vast majority of the time. Working out at the gym and at home on the Heavy Bag helps a lot, but other than that I’m not sure what to do with it. I know I have to find a release, but it just keeps building and the things that used to work either don’t work, or don’t work as well.

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What books have you read so far? Have you read the "Truth About Relationships" by Greg Baer Yet?
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I’ve read HN/HN, I have SAA at home, but haven’t started reading it yet. I do have to keep up with school, work, and kids, so I’m desperately trying to find time.

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I suspected the IC thing, but felt that commenting was not appropriate,.
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Don’t worry about being “appropriate” or “politically correct”. I was REALLY beating myself up over that one! It wasn’t until my IC suggested it that I even considered it a possibility. And to get that letter…. WOW! And she still won’t admit it; she says he just wrote that so he wouldn’t get in trouble with the Insurance Company. Again, WTF?!?!

You mentioned her being all over the place; well here’s more. Yesterday I couldn’t get a hold of her all afternoon. She calls just before I’m ready to leave work and asks me to meet her at the store. We do the store thing and when we get home she gives me a bunch of stuff she bought me yesterday afternoon (a watch, a ring, new pair of shoes), makes dinner, and washes my gym clothes. The whole time talking about how happy she is for ME because of the house deal, and talking about how nice the townhouses are that she wants to move into. I just don’t get that seesaw thing. How can she do one thing, and then say something totally opposite?

TM-

That's what friends are for......

Have you read WAT's guidelines for BS's? If not, YOU should.

She'd FOG talking. Not thinking straight, and the "GIFT" thing is to appease her consciensce. She knows that her actions are hurting you so in her mind a good counter to that hurt is to buy a "gift".

Are you + that there is NC? At this point, I would tend to believe otherwise.....

As far as the questions I asked, You now have information - Your main areas are - what do I do with my anger, my current outlets aren't working.

Have you tried simply just being in your car and SCREAMING at the top of your lungs? Taking a baseball bat and beating a bed with it? Drawing a picture of you W, hanging it in the bathroom and just pouring your feelings out at it? All of these things can help. They sound silly, but they work......You can't keep your feeling bottled up. It leads to more intense feelings and irrational actions based on those feelings.....

Glad to see you in better shape...

Kily,
I’ve read WAT’s guidelines (a couple of times actually). As far as NC is concerned, none that I’m aware of. Granted, I don’t follow her to work, school, etc. I can’t go down that road again, I was driving myself CRAZY! But, I do periodically check on things and so far I’ve found no evidence. The fact that she spends more time on the heavy bag than I do, and she hasn’t shaved her legs since D-Day #2 also leads me to believe there’s been NC. BUT, I know I could be VERY wrong, and that’s what scares the hell out of me.

I haven’t tried the things you mentioned; I know I have to find a way. Many things are hard because the kids are always home, so I have to find things outside the house that I can manage (I think talking to a picture in the bathroom at work would get me a one way ticket to the “farm”). Working out is the best release I can get, I feel so good when I’m done. But 2 hours later it comes back, and I can’t just keep working out every 2 hrs (I would look good though).
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Many discoveries in the past few days have set me back some more. I’ve been feeling horrible, miserable, useless, depressed, unable to sleep etc. But then yesterday I realized a few things, things that have “set me free” so to speak. Today I feel good, I feel like myself (whoever that is). Outside the M I am doing many things that I should have been doing all along, and I’m learning things that will help me personally and in a future relationship.

As for the W; I still Love her, but not the person she’s become. It’s amazing how nice and sweet she can be to me at the same time she’s “shopping around” for her next victim. I’ve been extremely enlightened this past week; I now realize that I cannot shoulder her guilt as well as mine for our relationship, she has to own up to her own and I will no longer carry her burden. I realize that this person who has inhabited my wife’s body and brain is not my wife, she’s some alien who’s hell bent on destruction, evil and vengeance; this is not the person I Love. I don’t understand what happened yesterday, but I feel a tremendous burden has been lifted from my shoulders; if she leaves then she leaves, I will no longer beg and plead with her to stay. If she wants to come back I will ensure it is my WIFE who comes back, not the alien. I stood up for myself last night, and it felt good. She will no longer use me for a doormat. I also realized that as good of a manipulator as I thought I was early in our relationship, she is a better one now. She will no longer control me.

Honestly I’m not sure exactly where I am in the “MB” process right now, but I feel good about myself and I will not allow the person who is living with me to continue to destroy my life. I’m not so sure that I will feel the same way tomorrow or next week, I know that’s the nature of the roller coaster. But today I feel good about myself, and I realize that there is nothing I can do to help her; she has to help herself. I know she doesn’t realize it now, maybe she never will, but I will not allow my children or myself to be driven down this road any longer; we deserve better.

I have my projection of what will come over the next few months, and maybe even the next few years. I honestly hope it doesn’t come true, but I’m certain that it will. I’m not sure how long, or how many men it will take for her to realize that the problem lies in her denial, but I’m hopeful that someday she will realize it and stop running away from it. If I am still able to be there at that time I believe our family will be restored. But, I will not sit around and wait years for her to realize what she’s walking away from; I will prevail!