Not letting them keep the house would adversely affect the kids...and they will have enough issues already.
So even if down the road I have to bail her out...that's OK. In the end it'll be something for the kids anyway.

Space,

I understand perfectly. It's their home after all. I did a similar thing only for myself.

In my first marriage; when it came time to decide what to do about the house in divorce, my attorney recommended that we sell it, even though it looked at the time we would be selling it for less than what we bought it for. The city I lived in was dependent on the "oil economy", which had just tanked. That way according to my attorney, my H would be 1/2 responsible for the loss.

With all that I had lost I couldn't bear the thought of losing my house too; so instead I took over payments and stayed. Any $$$ seemed worth it at the time.

A few years later when I transferred to another city it was time to sell the house. It still sold for many many $$$ less than the payoff. I had to take out a loan in order to sell. Expensive?? Worth it??? To this day yes. Because the emotional price I would have had to pay to leave the house at divorce was more than I could afford. CSue

Cadet.....

That shirt screams out only one word: TOURIST! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Hi, O!
I AM a tourist! I'm only here temporarily while my soul learns something and then I'll be back to my natural cosmic state! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And it's a special shirt...it's from an Enron Information Systems "end-of-project" celebration! And boy, what a party that was! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

SpaceCase,

I'd like to recommend a book that MIGHT shed some light. Its called "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay". (or it might be reversed!)... anyway, it is an interesting book, kind of outlines questions and examples and gets in your face.....

My opinion is that your W still loves you, doesnt want to hurt you, yet has this need for something different as well.

This book asks things like......."If God or some other power or society said it was OK for you to leave, would you be relieved and want to go?" Then it states.....if your answer is yes, you would be happier if you left, if your answer is NO, then you'd be happier if you stayed.

Maybe once you read this book and think about YOUR answers, maybe your W would read it and truthfully answer the questions from her point of view.

I can relate to the pain that you both are feeling... my H and I are going through the same things....

Its not a Harley book and they may not recommend the book, but it certainly opened my eyes to some things......and helped the fog.

Good Luck!

SpaceCase,

Oops, it looks like you have already moved on to the divorce stage. I missed reading the 5th page before i replied.

Hopefully the book I recommended might help others to ask themselves (or spouses) some important questions.

Good Luck, Space........sometimes you just have to move on and let go... best of luck to you!

I'm in Texas too! Used to live near Houston, but up east of Dallas now.

I just returned from my attorney's office. She informed me my divorce was filed yesterday in Fort Bend.

I was gripped by an almost unbearable sadness...

This is grieving. You can't escape this. Bear it as best you can.

(((( HUGS ))))

SC:

Have you talked to her about it?

Have you talked to your kids lately about it?

but, do keep talking to us about it, okay?

love,
-Qfwfq

Space, Is this what you really want? I mean I guess we do have to draw boundaries, and we can't have marriages alone now can we. What is up with her?

Hoping for the best for you, I hope your wife gets jarred into some sort of reality now, and I mean NOW!

Hugs, H

(((((SC)))))

My heart goes out to you. Even though you know this is what you want (or is it need?) to do, it's still going to be hard.

Take care SC,

Jen

I haven't had the courage to tell her it's done. Somewhere inside I guess I have to process this a bit...I mean we did talk about it, we did discuss terms, it's not like it's coming out of the blue...I never imagined it'd actually impact me much; I mean it's just a legal formality that "officializes" what is already true, isn't it?

But it isn't; not really. It really does have an emotional impact I didn't think it would have. I'll talk to her tomorrow. I've processed it pretty much all day.

We attended my daughter's induction into the National Honor Society tonight...it took all my strength not to break down. She was so beautiful...I'm so proud...

These things should not happen; families falling apart, so much pain, so much suffering...for what?

SC - praying for you and your family tonight. Hope you find the strength you need to deal with everything.

Well, I told her...

Amazing, but she was actually surprised! I guess...I don't know!

I simply stated that the divorce had been filed, and that we need to sit down over the next few days, hammer out all the details, and give them to the attorney to prepare the documents for the court. That once the 60 days go by, there will be a court appearance, and provided we agree and the judge doesn't find anything wrong or illegal in our agreement, the divorce would be granted.

I also said; "This is not what I wanted, and I want you to know that even now, I am willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage and to recover our love. And if at any time you are willing as well, I am ready to do whatever it takes."

She didn't say anything. Nothing at all except and expression of bewilderment, perhaps...I don't really know. And then she left.

SC:

WOW!

The wall is thick, and high, too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

All my best to you and your family,
-Qfwfq

Dear Spacecase,

My heart goes out to you. Ihave followed your post for so long and was really hoping that things would turn out better for you. Peace and happiness sometimes comes at the oddest time, may it be so for you and yours.

OK, who gets this?

Thankfully, my W's business had been doing better than ever, and among other things, she bought these two gorgeous red leather sofas which arrived today. I guess the background on this is that under normal circumstances, I would have probably condemned that purchase as "excessive", in light of her possible surgery, the impending divorce, or any number of other things. (The "old" SC). As it is, I very lovingly told her that before she decided to purchase them she should think about those things, but that I would support any decision she made fully. And I did.
They arrived today, they are truly beautiful. I helped her arrange them in the family room; it's stunning. With the light wood floor, the huge green plants, and the Dhurrie rug...absolutely gorgeous. And I told her so. We spend several minutes admiring the new setting, and it is really wonderful.
Just a bit later, as we finished re-arranging things, she came to me and said "don't make plans for the 23rd" so I replied "what's the 23rd?"...she said she bought us tickets to Elton John and Billy Joel who will be in town again. (we'd gone to see them a few years ago, and it's a wild show; those two mad piano-men!) I said "...wow, that's cool!"

So....any thoughts?

SC:

Great big ol' fat baby steps is what I think!

You complimented her on her selection of the furniture, and you were sincere, because you believed it looked good. You got some quality time with her helping her arrange it, too.

The concert sounds like fun! Do enjoy yourselves!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
-Qfwfq

Well Space, now you'll be where I was at:

Plan A while divorcing your spouse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is NOT possible without true acceptance and true letting go, and without true love for oneself.

Enjoy the concert and enjoy the time with your wife. Keep up the divorce <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh, BR, you crack me up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"Plan A while divorcing"...who'd have "thunk it"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Heck, maybe SHE'LL Plan A ME now!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>