</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtofixme:
<strong>Gave dbd my acct nos for the bank, phone, email etc.....
Now I have a question....The 1st OW's H has had
communicaion with dbd ever since dbd found out about the A. This is frustrating for me because I think this violates the no contact rule in itself. DBD says she does not contact him....that he sends her emails....Is this any different? He is going to be naturally biased anyway, has claimed to have moved on with his life, but still interferes with mine. She racked -up a whoppping phone bill as well, though it was long ago when she was trying to find out about the OW. I would like her to give me access to all her accts as well, since this is supposed to be a two way street. Also here is just an example of what
he has sent her in the past, and why I want no contact between dbd and him....
..............(I know dbd does not actively seek his help, but since he just sent her an email a week ago, I don't see how this can benefit our marriage. DBD thinks when I complain about things that I try to deflect attn from myself. I am sometimes guilty of this, but involving people outside of this forum ...aside from counselors is destructive. They have their own agendas.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">n2fme,
It does hurt doesn't it? Except the reason for all this was because you were/are having the A. Not DbD nor the OW's H. The fact that they are communicating is bothering you because they are:
1. Sharing info?
2. Having an A?
3. Other: ________________________????
Hm.... you know the answer and can share it if you choose.
As for DbD's sharing info and access info with you, would you share it with someone who is committing what you are doing? That is what I would say if my Ws responded as you did. In fact, I have put him in the same seat as me and his answer was worse than I have treated him.
But if you can see the mad consquences of this A stuff, why not work on regaining your W's trust? Then there will be no reason to hide anything. Don't you think she wants that trust back? It sure would be a lot easier to live with than the lies generated by the A, don't you think?
So what are you doing to regain her trust? It is not an instant regain of trust by the way. It will take time. Are you up for it?
Aren't you the one who set the Feb deadline? Well it is still Jan. If I was DdD, I would not be so ready to trust.........yet.
I wanted to add that I can see that you are trying but a lot has been lost here. So keep working on rebuilding and soon you will see your M start to take shape. A lot was done to damage the M. Don't look for the walls or the roof when the foundation is still being set. ok???? However, don't give up either. You have a loving W who has been hurt. Be patient with her. She has been with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
JMHO,
L.
<small>[ January 20, 2003, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>
