<small>[ January 22, 2003, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: Fartherof4 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by frankdd:
<strong>He lost his job, because of all this </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he lost his job because of the A...well, I think that is quite satisfying, as far as revenge goes!!!

No Contact is a must.

Stay cat

I know the OM lossing his job sounds good enough. As it turns out, my wife tried to explain to him she was looking for a friend and realized that this was all wrong. He confessed he loved her and was upst because he could not have her, he got angry and frustrated. He backed my wife into a corner, threatening to fire her, making her work crazy hours at Staples Inc. and told her he was going to expose everything to me. So if lossing his job is justice, then how come I feel like dragging him in my basement and working him over. Or exposing everything he did to all his friends, and family. My wife anc therapist say I need to calm down, but to me one fals move by th OM and his [censored] is mine.

Frank,
Believe me, I can understand your anger. I would have liked nothing more than to kick OW's @ss. If I saw her today, well, I am probably down to the point of either laughing at her, or giving her the evil eye. Laughing would probably irritate her more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Whether you want to expose what he did...that is up to you...just be very careful, because chances are it would cause deeper problems with your W. Is it necessary? He sounds screwed up as it is, losing his job. Focus on you and your W, and treat OM like the nobody he is! I definitely would not do anything physically harmful to him...don't get yourself into trouble over it.

frankdd. I can see why you would have to take control of finances! She was/is being irresponsible with them.
Now she wants a credit card? How about a compromise? Get one with a very small limit like $200 just for her. Make sure the credit limit is not being raised on it. Allow her to show responsibility with that card! She works? Let her be responsible for the payments on that one only!
But keep track of it so see if she's being responsible and making payments on time. If she reaches the limit, Oh well. Then she will have nothing to use until she pays it down!
I was taken off our joint acct once. Because during my depression I was foolish and spent way too much. Our remedy for a short while was that I had a small separate checking acct. And I had to be careful not to overdraw or write insufficient funds checks! It was in my name only!
We had problems both ways. With the major one in H name only, I found out he withdrew a lot of money to spend on his A. When I found out, that's when he admitted selfishness and now I'm back on joint acct. But I've also come a long way in proving my depression is under control, and I am responsible person I used to be!
I had my car taken from me also. Due to depression I was in danger of harming myself.
There has to be some control for keeping credit and finances under control! She has to own her part in messing it all up!
She really is going to have to have much counseling.
I am only 3 yrs younger than my H. Well, not even 3 exactly, more like 2 yrs and 7 mos. But at one point he had to take control or else our finances and other things would have been torn apart. When I proved I was better, he gave me back a newer car, bank acct joint, and trust.
We've both had to rebuild trust and still working on it.
Could your wife be using her age to manipulate you? Lot of deep discovery needed here.
God bless, LouLou