I had to make a quick trip home (left on the bus at 4am)as my FIL had a heart attack and died yesterday. My H and his brothers and his family are just a mess. I just got home and as soon as I clean up I'm going over to the house to see him. I've barely spoken to my H - talked to him for about 2 minutes, b/c he was on the phone with his mom. My FIL passed away while they were on holidays, so she's by herself in a hotel room until her flight home. It's just a horrible, sad mess. He was only 54.

I'll check back in here maybe once before I go out for the day.

Any prayers for my H's family, for my MIL's safe return home, strength and peace would be appreciated.

Jen

<small>[ February 01, 2003, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

Prays for you and your H and his family!

Forget plan B, or plan xyz...this is the time to put aside personal feelings and grieve. Offer whatever support you are able. HUGS!

thinking of you Jen, just concentrate on your family right now. you are all in my prayers.
Layli

Jen,
So sorry to hear your sad news. Will be praying for you, your H and family. Post as soon as you can and let us know how you are. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hugs!!!!!
Almost

Jen, I'm so sorry...for you, your H and his family. Hang in there!

I am so sorry to read this Jen.

((((((( Jen and family ))))))))

Not too long before I went to the shelter, I remember reading your story about whether or not to send your FIL a card or something when he was in hospital. I recall that you did, even though your H had asked for no contact at that time. It was the right thing to do.

Now too, it is the right thing to do, to be there for your MIL and the rest of the family. I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, 54 is VERY young. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Karen

Praying for you and the family.

I am sorry for the loss. I hope you are able to help them deal with it. I know you will give it your best try.

SS

Jen, I am very sorry for your family's loss... you are in my prayers as is your family.

Hugs, honey

Oh, Jen, I'm so sorry for your loss!
I know how hard this is having lost members of my family also, including a baby daughter. I remember how upset you were when your fil was hospitalized.
My prayers are all for you and your H tonight. Be strong, and let God's love guide you through your sorrow.
Hold your head up, and remember the laughter and good times you shared as a family together. Time WILL help heal, and then one day you will think of him with a smile for the person he was and not just the tears for the pain of his passing.
Take care.

Praying for you and yours,

UC

Thank-you all for your kind words and prayers. I have been with my H continously since yesterday afternoon. He and his brothers have just left early this morning to pick their mom up from the airport. Much to my relief, my H will be including me in family activities this week. I will get to see my MIL, and my BILs. I hate the fact that he was forced to turn to me by this, but he really is reaching out to me for strength. What's so sad is that he said he knew things were going to happen like this, he knew that his father's sickness or death would be what brought me back into his life. I guess that kind of makes sense for a man whose decision making methods have always been to allow circumstances to decide things. He said he didn't want to get back together like this. I said this doesn't mean that we are back together unless he wants it to, or something similar.

It's so odd, I'm not overjoyed to be here, I'm just thankful to be here. It's where I belong right now. I told my H last night how thankful I was for him, for his good health and that he was with me (I can't imagine being in my MIL's place). He told me that he wasn't necessarily "with me", and I told him well, I'm thankful that I have access to you at this time at least.

It's so hard to see a 30 year old man racked by grief, sobbing and crying out over this. Thank God he allows me to hug him and hold him and comfort him.

Again thank-you all for your prayers. I keep on praying and praying and I almost feel like I'm at a loss for exactly what to pray for. I keep praying for strength and peace and acceptance for my H and his family. I know that specific and persistant prayer is the most effective - what else should I be praying for?

JB

You are a strong woman, be strong for your H. It's the right thing to do.

WAT

Anyone know how to delete marriage builders from explorer's history? I' ve deleted the cookies, but it's still in the history. I don't think my H is ready to read all of my posts... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Jen - in the tool bar, go to "tools", "internet options". It should default to the "general" tab. Look for "history" and select the "clear history" button. That should do it, but test it to be sure. I'm not an IE user regularly.

WAT

Jen

I am really sorry to hear of the death of your FIL and the loss for you and your H.

Whatever happens from this, your H has turned to you for support, and it is good that you can be there for him and the family at this sad time. 54 is no age at all.

Take care Jen and thinking of you in London.

Lisa

Well, my H certainly is not ready to have me back in his life. By this afternoon, he was back to keeping his arms at his sides when I try to hug him, and putting his head down when I left him, so that I couldn't kiss him. I had to be forceful to plant one on his cheek. He made it clear that we're no closer together than we ever were. I spent the morning with my MIL and some of my BILs and my H. She said they never stopped loving me. She said that my H still loves me. She also said no one should live a life long jail sentence for the mistakes we've made, and that I just have to be patient, some things (ie. my H) are worth waiting for.

Now I'm home at my place by myself. I have so many people to call b/c they're worried about me, but it's fatiguing to have to call them all and update them all. This is all so hard. I did make it clear to my H to call me and that I'll be there if he wants me, or if what he wants is space, I'll understand and give him that too.

I tell you, if any WSs read this, and are still continuing their affairs, end it now. You have no idea how far reaching the effects are of your selfish behaviour. It hurts so many people. It's so wrong that I'm not at my H's side right now.

Jen

{{{Jen}}} hug for you. I have followed your sad story and never commented as you have always had great support.

I just dropped in to say be strong, I think you are doing remarkably well and for many of us who have not managed to recovery their M's you are something of an inspiration. Indeed I myself am envious of the effort you continue to put into recovering.

I would suggest that you try and take some strength from the words of MIL, as she probably has no reason to lie to you. It is something good in a situation so hard for you. Best Wishes Neil.

Sincere prayers and concern. The death of a parent is a huge event regardless of the circumstances. You did a great job of being there for him. Thanks for sharing with us. I am sorry for this untimely loss in your family. You are right no plan b now. He will be on a roller coaster for a while now.

By the way your mother in law is right. He loves you and he is worth the wait. She also knows he is going about this recovery badly. He has just been stuck for so long; acting out. Now he is orphaned. Regardless of his age the death one of the most improtant people in your life is devestating. It will shake him...to what end is yet to be seen.

prayers for you and your family,

ayslyne

btw I am computer illiterate but my husband is a whiz so I will ask him about the history thing.

be well

ayslyne

The clear history thing worked. Thanks. Now I'm just stewing b/c I shouldn't call him and bother him. I feel I should wait for him to reach out to me. I just called one of the female friends to ask her to check up on him since she'll be welcomed if she does.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Jen

Jen:

I just saw this. I am so sorry. 54 is way too young!!!

I can tell you are a strong person, and you can help hold your H together through this. Just be careful, okay?

all my best,
-Qfwfq