The sad thing is that I believe he is starting to realize the hurt and damage he's caused. I see the remorse in him now. He's apologized sincerely, but can't let go of OW. I am not sure how much contact is goig on since I have stopped snooping. But his answer is that "there has been too much damage to go forward with us now". He is seeing things from a very negative POV where as I try to remain positive and see a fresh new start to build from. We have both learned so much for the past year's events that it is a shame not to try, really try no third parties involved.

I hope your wife gives it another shot, I know that I will always feel a void if we don't try. I want to know that I have exhausted every possibility before considering divorce (which he has never asked for even in the middle of the A). It would be nice to see a positive turn out after so much hurt. I would give anything to hear from my H the things you are saying and feeling.

Don't give up, keep working on you. It does make a difference.

ThePits,
I not giving up, there is way to many positives to give up on. I really miss the normal life I had, before I screwed up. If this does not work out, I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. I try every day to keep my chin up.

You have to forgive yourself. It's part of recovery. Also, you can't dwell on the past, it what you do with what you have learned that is going to make the difference, in my opinion. It's where you go from here.

My H did some horrible things that I will never forget. I will someday forgive him because it will eat me alive not to.

You are human and therefore not perfect. Everyone will make mistakes and hopefully we will learn from those mistakes. You even said that she had an affair. My H says that he doesn't know how I can even look at him after what he has done. He says that if it was reversed he doesn't think he could forgive me. I don't know how true that is, but it makes me think that even after all that has happened I am emotionally stronger than I think. No matter what I will get through this and so will you. It may not be with our spouses, but we will survive.

It's good that she is willing to speak to someone. I wish I could get my H to also. I think it will make a difference.

It will take time - day by day.

Thanks ThePits,
I know it is a start that she will go and talk to someone, I just don't know if she will ever be able to trust me again, you are right that both you and I will bounce back from this and no matter who we end up with, we know it will be someone who wants to be with us. Someone which we both choose. I will pray for both of us.

I don't know if she will ever trust you again. Trust is a real issue with me these days. But if you have truly ended it with OW and are making strides to better yourself, then you always have hope. If you are being truthful with her now, and you remain strong, there is hope for you.

I am no longer so hopeful. You made mention to him being lucky to have me. I used to think that also, I used to think that if I was willing and able to forgive and move on as a married couple, then why wouldn't he? I just couldn't figure it out and he could never answer me other than to say that too much damage has been done. Well, each day that goes by I start to believe that too much damage has been done. Especially if he is still with OW. I keep feeling like each day he is out of the house and away from our family, is another day closer to the end of our marriage. We no longer talk about reconciliation, I don't ask and he doesn't say.

I try to remain positive but it is quite difficult. That is why your post touched me, you are saying all the things that I would love for my H to say to me, but isn't.

I need to go now, I'll check in tomorrow.

ThePits,

I must admit, it is hard at times to keep positive when you don't know what tomorrow brings. This has been going on for a year now and Have have been living at my parents for the last month. My question is what will her feelings be when she sees me for the first time after not seeing me for a month. My hope is she will have some warm fuzzy feeling inside. FFMy guess is she will feel resentment towards me, because she will put a face with the hurt. This is the longest we have gone in our 20 year history without seeing each other, I must admit it feels very strange.

I realize that once the trust is broken it is really hard to gain it back. I know all her friends are telling her to run as fast has she can, but she tells me that any decision she makes is on her own. I believe her she is very independent. I look forward to checking in tomorrow.

LG