RH, she doesn’t know I have feelings for her. I won’t tell her, because, #1 I’m still married and #2 she is dating my best friend. If I sent her a NC letter, I could be in deep poo-doo for the reasons Qfwfq mentioned. I’m not sure what she(OW) feels and maybe that’s best. I will refer to her as "potential OW" from now on.

I did spill the beans to some of my friends. The conversations I have with them stay between us. They both gave me the same advice that I got here; “There are plenty of fish in the sea” is what one of my other male friends said. “Don’t go there!” is what my other female friend said.

You were right not to read anything into the email. The reply was foggy as usual. No where to go with this anymore but Plan B. I will hold off until the day I leave. I will mail the letters at the airport, then its goodbye.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I will see potential OW before leaving, but my friend will most likely be around so it will be ok. I am counting down the days t-minus 7 days and counting.

-Luki

"I can tell you with 100% certainty that I will see potential OW before leaving, but my friend will most likely be around so it will be ok. "

Again, do both of you a big favor and MAKE SURE that your BF *IS* there if you see the POW!

-Qfwfq

Roger that, I will make sure that my friend will be around, so it’s all good. It will probably happen sometime this weekend. It will be the first time I see her since posting here. I will be ok guys/gals. I am thinking straight.

I will also see WW on Sunday as get some more stuff. I want ask her if she wants to work on the M. If she says no than Plan B will be a snap for me. I talked with MIL last night. WW has talked to her the last 3 days. This comes after months of limited contact where she would hostile towards MIL. I told MIL that that was a good sign and that you never know when someone might be reaching out for help.

I am starting to feel like citydweller in wanting this to get to some resolution no matter what the outcome. I just want to get things settled. Either we work on it or call it quits. So when I have feelings for someone else I don’t feel so guilty and stupid and get wrapped around the axle. Thank goodness for anti-ds because this upwelling has drained the batteries pretty low. So much has been spent going back and forth mentally between POW and WW. Knowing that it is inappropriate but at the same time feeling euphoric with these feelings. I know I sound like a WS and I now understand, just a little bit about the fog. When you are so needy and you get a fix of emotion like I got, it’s all you can think about. It is truly is a physiologic release of chemicals. I found myself in la la land and I would be lying if I said my thoughts don’t drift back there throughout the day. And I am not even having an A; She has not reciprocated these feelings. What a drug this is!!! I not try to justify anything but I understand while so many people fall prey to having an A. To be so selfish and feel good about it is an incredible thing; by that I mean incredibly bad with consequences to numerous to list. Wow!

Sorry to ramble, but if I don't keep posting I start to wonder. This helps me keep the focus.

Should I flat out ask WW if she has had a change of heart yet?

Just to play devil's advocate here. I know you are wanting to give her the Plan B letter before you leave, but really, you'll be in a Plan B anyway while out of the country. BTW, please be careful overseas!!!

However, if things aren't going well in "paradise city" why not wait until you get back, then ask her if she wants to work on M. If not, Plan B, you've been there and done that sort of already, this would be a formality.

But by waiting til you get back, you've left her a little more time for her bad R to turn more sour.

Just an idea.
DB

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Luki:
<strong>Sorry to ramble, but if I don't keep posting I start to wonder. This helps me keep the focus.

Should I flat out ask WW if she has had a change of heart yet?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ramble here there are more ears than mouth in here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . We could send you 2x4 if you wonder too far <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Stay away from "OW" ... do NC from your side w/o telling her.

Nope, don't aks her. You know the answer. You are closer to have to do plan B than you think.

-rh-

DB,

Hmmm, you’ve got me thinking now. A plan B letter might be a LB right before I leave and give her the green light to run further away, especially since I have told her of my feelings toward an un-named potential OW.

Do you think it’s weird that she never said anything when I brought it up? I wonder if she is wondering what is going on.

I’ll think about your suggestion some more. Thanks.

I worked out pretty hard over lunch. Funny how completely pummeling yourself in the gym seems to quell these crazy feelings. I feel much more down to earth that I have felt in a few days. I hadn’t exercised in 3 months until this week. The anti-ds/extreme stress kept the weight off. I was way down there a couple months ago; just skin and bones. I have put on 10 lbs since then and am back to a sort of healthy weight. It’s time to get back into the groove now. It should not take long to get fit again.

I won't bring up any R talk when/if I see WW. just get my stuff, pet the cats and leave. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

-Luki

Luki -
I wasn't really thinking LB about the plan B letter. I was just thinking give the whole sitch more time to go sour on it's own. You're out of the country so a Plan B by default is in effect. When you get back, then contact her, see where she's standing and then go ahead with your letter if you see fit.

IMHO, she's so foggy that your revelation about POW might not have broken all the way through yet.

DB

<small>[ February 07, 2003, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: dazedblonde ]</small>

DB, I knew what you meant about waiting. The LB factor was something that I came up with. If there is trouble in la-la land a NC letter to WW and OM might "undo" that. I think your right; It's better to wait and let the situation possibly deteriorate some more before sending the letters. Thanks for the tip!

-Luki

Posting on a Sat. night, wooo hooo! Just wanted to show you guys/gals that I am staying out of trouble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It’s been darn cold here. Woke up to no water this morning. I think the pipes froze. Oh the joys of apartment life. I think I liked living in a house better. I will again one day, that's for sure. Anyway the waters back and all is good, except it is still cold. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

On the potential OW front, I had contact over the phone yesterday with her. Don't worry, I didn't take it anywhere. It was good to talk to her, because I am fairly positive that she does not know of my feelings. That is a good thing and a landmine that I will not step on either. Besides it was good to talk to someone about nothing in particular. I am so isolated over so I appreciated the phone call. I will see my best friend tomorrow therefore, I will probably see potential OW as well. Again, don't worry, this is a one way street, and I am dealing with it.

On the M front, nothing doing. A couple sporadic emails from W informing me that a computer part I ordered hasn't showed up. I emailed her back to arrange a time to pick up some stuff and to see our cats. I hinted at my frustration with being locked out by saying that because I don’t have a key I don’t get to see them ever. Another stab at reverse babble I guess. Part of me doesn’t care, part of me wants recovery, though less and less everyday, and part of me wants her to hurry up and end it. I will not pull the plug, on principle, at least not yet. If things do end then I will be free to mess up my own life. J.K. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What did someone say about fighting a war on two fronts, “Don’t do it”? Or was it, “Never fight a war in Russia during the winter”? But seriously, I am doing ok right now. I work about 50-55 hrs a week for “the man” and for myself. I am starting to get back into exercising. I can’t complain, except when my heart wonders as it has of late. I am a Scorpio and when I get my teeth into something I zero in on it like a laser and I don’t let go. I’m not a big believer in all this other worldly stuff but I do believe in “types” of people. My type and birth date just happens to fit with that sign to a tee. “Yay for me” or “ugh” depending on how you look at it.

-Luki

Hee hee. My son is a Scorpio, Whoa man! He's so stubborn he would never give up on anything until he is successful. LOL
Luki, do you belong to a church? if not how about getting in one with programs where they have mens' groups for accountability?
Gives you the right type of people to socialize with, have some buddies and do things with.
This also gives you a Christian buddy to talk with and keep accountability.It just may give you a good resource for support. And help you through the temptations out there.
God bless, LouLou

loulou, I have been going to BAN meetings. They have been very helpful and have kept me on track. I was so close to slipping last week.

**UPDATE**

I did NOT see potential OW this weekend. She was at a seminar when I saw best friend. So that took care of its self. However I did talk to her on the phone later when I returned a call to my best friend that night. That conversation followed a weird situation

I was going to go over to the house to pick some things up but then I decided to hang with my best friend and his roommate and go out to eat. I called my WW to reschedule a pick up time, but she refused to give an inch, saying that this was the only time she was available, blah, blah, blah. I was so angry with her. Once again, I had to suck it up and just go over there, miss an opportunity to socialize. I had been couped up most of the weekend and really need to get out, but no, that was not to be. I probably should not have been driving in the state I was in. It was another prozac moment. By the time I got over there I had cooled off and decided to blow it off. My WW said she was sorry that no other time would work. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. Gathered up some more stuff and some other things I needed for my trip.

To my surprise she offered to make some pasta for dinner. I took her up on it. I hung out some more with my cats. They were happy to see me. WW even asked me if I was going to bring a something back for her and that she would pay me for it. I told her I was going to get her some thing and that she did not have to pay me for it. She even joked with me about what to get. She hasn’t done that forever. Is the fog lifting????? Everything went smoothly but its times like that, that absolutely torture my soul. She showed some definitive signs that the fog may have lifted a little, and here I am, pulling away from her and looking elsewhere, inappropriate as that may be. I am no man’s land, otherwise known as hell. I could not sleep last night, my mind was spinning. Thoughts of WW to thoughts of pot. OW and back again raced through my mind. It was terrible. I am worried about my mental state. I have a med-check tomorrow and will see about adjusting the anti-d or something. The BAN meeting is tonight so that will help as well.

-Luki

Luki-

Dinner - a sign of things to come. W is testing the waters just a little. She will retreat.

I am a scorpio too! As with you, I am true to the nature of the beast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You're doing good, but you need to call some GUY friends.......

kily,

A sign of things to come, maybe, maybe not. I don't really care anymore. If I start to care then its just too much to deal with, at least for now.

We also had a good conversation about TVs of all things and how it is better to wait until the next generation screens come out. She got the wrong kind of wiper blades for her passenger side of her car so I put the old one back on for her as her request until she can get a new one. She has done some painting around the house as well and we talked about that as well. I guess it's back on the 'coaster for me. I just want the ride to stop. I want off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I can't wait to get out of here.

-Luki

Luki - You did good. Fixing the wiper blade. I guess OM can't do that, huh?
And she fixed you supper, another good thing.
I hear you on not knowing what you want. But you are taking good care of yourself and that's the most important thing at this time.
DB

DB,

That’s what got my ears pricked up; OM didn’t get the wiper blades, she did. She has also been talking to her mom more often and actually acting “normal”. Last night was the most de-fogged I’ve seen her. But that’s happened before and then she disappears back into the fog. I am too weary to put to put much stock into last night. To tell you the truth, at this point I would be afraid if she wanted to reconcile. I’m not sure if I could do it right away. I just don’t know. This trip is going to be so good for me. NC between myself and pot. OW and WW will help clear my head. Sometime getting away from it all is good. Did I mention that I can’t wait to get out of here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Work is slow and I am already taxiing down the runway in my head.

Astrology??

Oh you guys!

If I were to tell you that your love lives are governed by the distant planet "Fringus" (which is only 3 inches in diameter), would you believe me? ...you should! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Qfwfq

Qfwfq,

I think you may by right only the planet's name is "rollercoaster", a.k.a "irrational", a.k.a "get me the h*** off this rock", and so on and so forth. Can you tell I had a bad day? When the high temp is only 1 friggen degree F, I get a little cranky. Did I mention that I can't wait to get out of here? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyway, NC w/ WW until ???? Probable contact w/ pot. OW and best friend this Thurs. We are going out to eat before the Luksters big trip.

-Luki(the level headed)

Luki:

Don't do it! You know the pain that will occur to everyone. You're emotions are running high -- don't do it!

awake,

You have been reading! This thread was buried on page 2 or 3. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hear you and I am doing alright. NC w/ potential OW continues. I have cooled my jets so to speak. I am leaving the country tomorrow so that will ensure NC w/ POW and WW. Things have calmed down but the lonliness is creeping back in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> A trip will be good for me.

-Luki

Luki - Have fun wherever you are going! Is this work or pleasure? Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder....... It's all I can think of right now!
DB