Yes of course, goof. But keep up the flattery just for good measure!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just checkin'. It seems lately my humour has made nobody except myself chuckle. I'll need to work on that. As for the flattery, I have not yet begun to suck up!!!!!!

MTD

btw-ALS, how are you?

As for the flattery, I have not yet begun to suck up!!!!!!

It gets better??? Wow, I better get a shovel. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ALS:

"Sometimes I wonder if she deliberately sabotages things in the hopes I will give up and make this easier for her."

They ALL say this, ALS.

-Qfwfq

WAT:

"I don't detect that it's quite time for Plan B for you, but I do recommend you start working on your letter. Reason: just working on it can be therapudic. Many others have reported this. Putting down in words your innermost thoughts and rationale for cutting off routine contact will be enlightening in one way or another."

In some cases (maybe not ALS's), this can be a good thing to send in snippets to the WS during plan A. Meaning, putting down into words your innermost thoughts. Really, you should be sharing them with your S all through your M, not just during plan A. In fact, I will go so far as to say that NOT sharing them is what got ME into the predicament I found myself in on D-day. By that, I do NOT mean that I had anything to do with my W's choice to have an A, but that I was all too ill-equipped to deal with the situation, because by that point our communication had been stagnant for 11 years, and so we hardly knew each other. I no longer even believe it was ME that hardly knew HER - she really didn't know me any better, because I hadn't been telling her my innermost feelings. What she THOUGHT she knew - a construct of Qfwfq that enabled her to have an A - turned out to be way off the mark.

Sorry to get off topic here, ALS.

-ol' Qfwfq
(in plan A for 13+ months to date)

Hello everyone...Sorry, had company all weekend, been away from the board! I emailed my W on Friday very briefly and she got back to me almost immediately. So it was a relief to hear from her. I just wrote to make sure she was okay, since I hadn't heard from her regarding the dinner invite. She replied and apologized for not getting back to me, and said she had a really rough week due to the blizzard here, and having to shovel her car out twice. She also told me she needed to drop off the car registration here (since the car she drives is still in my name I need to sign it) and she is burning me a couple of music CDs. It was a short, but pleasant note. I was just happy to hear from her. I won't get an expectation up, but maybe I'll get to see her for a little while this week. I wrote back, thanked her for getting back to me, and told her to let me know when she'd like to get togther.

MTD - Great to hear from you! I am doing okay generally, a little lonely tonight, still riding that rollercoaster 4 months later. I don't get as depressed about what my W is doing anymore, sometimes I just get a little lonely in general and wish she was here. At least I don't focus on OM like I used to. I know she still spends time with him, but she doesn't spend ALL her time with him. Anyway, thanks for asking about me, it's nice to have "fans", I must be doing something right anyway. At least I can know that I gave my all to my marriage, regardless of what happens. I truly do believe that if there's a slight chance of W wanting to come back, I am going to get her back, because I have a lot of confidence in the "new me". But I also realize that she just may not want to come back, ever, and in that case, at least I tried.

Qfwfq,

"Sometimes I wonder if she deliberately sabotages things in the hopes I will give up and make this easier for her."

You mean all BS's say that? I guess it's a common thought. I mean, if my W wants a divorce, I'm sure she'd rather have me initiate it. And upsetting me or treating me poorly is going to allow her to get closer to that. I do think her guilt is greater when I'm nice and understanding. She once said before she moved out, during one of my LBing outbursts, that she was glad I was angry, because it makes it so much easier if I hate her. But I never stopped loving her. And, while I dunno if she loves me still, I know she doesn't hate me. So that might make it hard for her to think Dv too. Plus, I think she wants to look back NOT thinking that SHE divorced me. She always reminds me that I kicked her out (She says "You kicked me out!") even though I urged her to stay. But I do know that I told her if she was still seeing OM, I'd rather she leave.

WAT,

Thanks for the homework help. Cerri is on the money about things, so I stick with her suggestions constantly. I haven't really backslid at all when following her advice. She's the best! I like your letter advice, I may very well do that. I've written letters to my W before, I hope she saved them. I always think that maybe one day she'll read the Plan A letter I sent her months ago and maybe that will convince her of how much I love her and how much that I am willing to give to this marriage.

Bit of a frustrating day today. I am just getting impatient I guess. It's been 4 months since D-Day, and I don't feel like I'm making enough progress as far as R goes.

Sure, I am BETTER than I was when my W moved out, that had to be the bottom of the barrel, and the week leading up to that when I LBed all over the place. But today I feel like I am frustrated with the lack of progress. I feel that 4 months since D-Day, I should be further along than I am. Or at least progressing. Lately, I feel like I've been just staying in the same spot.

Again, this is as far as my R. I do feel I am learning and becoming stronger and smarter and a better person overall. But I am frustrated as it feels like, if this continues, seeing my W only once every 1-2 weeks and then, only for "business" reasons, isn't going to get us to recovery. If only there were some sort of positive signs. But right now, I feel like my W just isn't any more interested in seeing me than when she left.

Frustrating day, I'm sure things will get better, they always do, but I have been feeling tired of the fight lately. I am trying so hard to do the right things, and they're even coming more naturally to me than before, but the lack of results is getting to be a bit disheartening.

ALS