PLEASE LISTEN TO ARK!! HE SAID SO BEAUTIFULLY WHAT YOU NEED TO HEAR. PLAN A WORKS!!! It has for me because I refused to give up hope.

YIKES MIMI>...did I have a genderchange operation.....? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If you go from a woman to a man..does it mean they automatically remove the frontal lobe or is that extra...??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (just a joke MEN)

ARK who is wondering why she is still wearing a bra..if she's converted to the other side...(darkside)...

Hi Ark:

Please, please forgive me!!!!!!!

Thank you guys for your encouragement. I am giving up to quickly. I have noticed a change in his behavior, but it is not what I would like to see, so I am loosing confidence in myself. Just a month ago he was jealous when I went out, or he would notice my new outfit. We would still be close, hugged and kissed also made love. Now this is all history.

When he got home yesterday, I was in a bad mood, did not really want to talk to him, was upset that he is doing this to me. I told him that I couldn’t tolerate this any longer. I don’t think he cares. He just said that then we cannot be together as I would always bring back his A. I said that that’s why we would need to go to counseling; he said he does not need counseling. I told him that he needs to end his A and the sooner the better.

I was upset, but made him dinner. We did not talk much, he was flipping through a newspaper at the table. Then all the sudden he decided he is going to buy me a car!?!. I thought that was just an excuse to get out of the house so he can call OW. But he left, called me from the dealer and said that he found an SUV that he likes and that I only have to come tomorrow to see it. I said that I trust him, and that if he likes it then I said I would most definitely like it too. So, he bought this SUV for me. He is going to sell my car and put the money as down payment and the rest he is going to finance. How can I explain this? I have no idea. One minute he does not even want to talk to me, the next he goes out and buys me an SUV?! We wanted to get a bigger car b/c of our D, it’s safer and more room, but I did not think he would buy it now. When he got home he showed me on the Internet this vehicle and I said thank you and that I am happy, gave him a kiss.

He even called me when he was going to sleep. He used to do that before, every time, so I was shocked. In bed however, he said he is tired and did not want to talk. I said that I love him and that I miss him etc.

I am not giving up yet, I am going to be strong. Starting a new plan A today. I have booked an appointment to have my hair done, I am going to sign up to a gym, so that I could go out in the evening and let him stay with D. I will call my friends and meet them for a coffee. I have to go out more, as it seemed that it worked before, as he was jealous when I went out in the evening. I have to make new friends etc. It would have been different if I were working but I am going back to work at the end of March, for now I am home with my D.

I am not sure if he is going away this weekend. We have a party to go to, but he does not really want to go. His soccer team is going to celebrate 10th year Anniversary, and it would be bad if we did not go, but I guess he does not want to face his friends. He says that they are not his friends any more as they call him only when they need something. Well he lost contact with them, as he was not calling them and missing his soccer games. I really would like to go, but if he does not want to go, then I guess we won’t go.

Maybe there is still hope. I will schedule another appointment with SH, to see what he has to say about all this. Also, I am waiting for your feedback and avice.
For now I am going to Plan A, and I going to do my best.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by thisisnotright:
<strong> He is threatening me saying that if I tell anybody anything it will be even more difficult to reconcile, as everybody would know.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell him it can't create any more barriers to reconciliation than leaving home every weekend to carry on an affair.

Part of my laughs and part of my dryheaves when I hear the things WS say.

Tell everyone you can think of. And do not lie or cover up for him. It's doing neither you nor he any favors. Yeah, he'll be angry, but unless you're afraid of physical abuse in response it can't cause any more damage than him leaving every weekend.

April

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by thisisnotright:
<strong>

I was upset, but made him dinner. We did not talk much, he was flipping through a newspaper at the table. Then all the sudden he decided he is going to buy me a car!?!. I thought that was just an excuse to get out of the house so he can call OW. But he left, called me from the dealer and said that he found an SUV that he likes and that I only have to come tomorrow to see it. I said that I trust him, and that if he likes it then I said I would most definitely like it too. So, he bought this SUV for me. He is going to sell my car and put the money as down payment and the rest he is going to finance. How can I explain this? I have no idea. One minute he does not even want to talk to me, the next he goes out and buys me an SUV?! We wanted to get a bigger car b/c of our D, it’s safer and more room, but I did not think he would buy it now. When he got home he showed me on the Internet this vehicle and I said thank you and that I am happy, gave him a kiss.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to be pessimistic, but I have a couple of questions:

1. Was the original car in your name?
2. Is the SUV in your name?
3. When he leaves to be with his mistress who gets the car?

I really hope it's my pessimistic side jumping to conclusions about trading in a car in your name to an SUV in his name so he'll get to keep it in a divorce.

Of course, he may just be 'paying you off' so to speak. i.e. 'Here's some money to take care of my kid and keep my house. I'm going away for the weekend with my girlfriend, make sure to have a roast waiting for me when I get back on Monday.'

Can you afford biweekly meetings with Harley? Things are going so quickly I don't know if weekly meetings will help you in time.

April

Roan thank your for your post.

I am very sceptic about this whole SUV thing. The car I am driving now is in my H's name as well, but it is fully paid off. His planning to sell it but now he does not want to use the money to put as a down payment on the SUV? He wants to finance the whole thing.
Also we bought appliances and now he wants to pay cash for them. We have saved some money to put towards downpayment on the house, so that our mortgage is less. We agreed that we would put at least 25% down, now he says that we should pay off furniture, appliances and his debt as well his car. This worries me, although everything would be paid off, he always said that we would take no payment plan for furniture and appliances and that he would pay for it with his bonus that he gets at the end of the year. Now he wants to pay off everything. It's like "I am not going to be here so I have to pay off my debts", well he does not care that mortgage payments are going to be more, if he is not going to be here. On the other hand why buy all this stuff? What is he trying to prove?
I told him that if he is planning to leave then there is no way I'll be able to pay for all this. He said that he would not be buying all this stuff if he was planning to leave me. This just does not sound right. He is pretending and playing as he is planning a future with me, but OW is still in the picture.

Before he went away last weekend I told hime to end his A by the end of the month, now he says he did not say that he will. I don't know what to do. If I ask him to move out, he'll get angry at me, I can't move out b/c of the baby.

My worst fear is that he will move to diff state where OW lives and he'll say that he is working there and will be flying home for the weekends. If I ask for seperation he'll say that this is what I want not him. I think that's why he does not want anybody to know about his A. He'll just move saying is for work, but I'll know that it is b/c of OW. I will never approve him taking that job, but I don't think he'll ask for my opinion.

My whole situation is a mess. I wish he agreed to talk to Steve, but he does not want to do counsling.

I mentioned to my H yesterday, that he has till the end of the month to end contact with OW. I said that you promissed and he said that he never promissed me anything and that this is what I said. So, in other words no way that he is planning to end it. What should I do. I can not set boundries. I asked him and told him that I will not tolerate this and that he is hurting me, but he does not care.

He was nice to me for the past few days, but I guess he is just playing so that I do not tell our friends about his A. We have a party this weekend big one, (200 people) I guess he wants me to act as nothing happened. I feel like getting drunk and telling everybody about his A, I wonder if his face would turn blue from anger.

I don't know if my plan A is working. He is not planning to end his A. Should I go to plan B? I don't have much time if he took that job then he'll be gone in April.

Please help!!!!