My wife has always had a fantasy about being with another woman,which is really a turn on for me.2 women WOW! ..i was hoping to get some input from some other people who as couples have had this happen,and how did it affect your marriage,and relationship.1 night me and my wife are making love,and she asks me,what i thought about having another woman join us,altho she would only be for my wife,i could only touch her,no kissing or intercourse.of course i would still make love to my wife during this.my fear is.everyone knows a woman knows HOW TO please another woman better than us guys.How would i stack up???

sweat:

Please don't take this wrong, but... ...YECCHH!!!!

I haven't tried this, don't ever want to, but you probably will get lots of replies from people who have tried it. Most will tell you it will ruin your M, not help it.

Dont' go there.
-Qfwfq

Sweatinlove.

This is a bad idea.

Fantasies are fine as long as they stay in the realm of fantasy. But as soon as they cross into reality, a host of unexpected problems arrive to bite people in the [censored]. You can not imagine the number of people that regret having let their fantasies become reality.

You may not view that your W having sex with another woman as infidelity but it is. It is taking the marriage exclusive need of sexual fulfillment and letting a third party fulfill it.

You might want to ask your W what would she do if you were against the idea?

<small>[ February 20, 2003, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: CoffeeMan ]</small>

Agree completely with coffeeman! BAD IDEA!!!!!!

thats how i feel as well,i sometimes sit and think about it,and think that i would be really jealous,and hurt..seeing my wife with someone else besides me albeit another woman.would kill some special feelings i have for her.i told her i didnt like the idea initially,but she has brought it up again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (

sweat:

Talk to a counselor!

Seriously, you've not "crossed the line" as yet. Please get help, find out what this desire on your W's part signifies, and restore your M now, before you have to go through what most of us have gone through here.

uhkay?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i told her i didnt like the idea initially,but she has brought it up again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the fact that she has brought it up again sends a huge red flag that tells me that she might already be involved with another woman, and she is trying to convince you to let her have sex with her in order sanctify her A. I would suggest that you tell her that it doesn't matter if the person is the same sex gender as her, it is still infidelity and ask her if she is already involved with another woman.

coffee you have read my other post so you know my situation.when i 1st accused her,i asked of another man,or another woman..my fear was just that,spending the night at this girlfriends house..but thats just jealousy comming out and thinking the worst.she has told me that she didnt think it was cheating if i was there..but,that it was if she did this alone..so she knows the diffrence.i really dont think my wife has ever cheated on me with either man or woman,and its just a fantasy,that will probally never happen,nothing personal,and you do give good advice.but you are very quick to say "AFFAIR".im assuming your wife cheated on you.

So your W is bi? Her need to give you commands of do's and don'ts makes me wonder if she isn't already doing something.

U approve of this lifestyle? IMHO, it is headed for trouble and you have the option to not be involved in this trouble.

Why do you think your W would want to take a M relationship and make it like...that?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Fantasies are fine as long as they stay in the realm of fantasy. But as soon as they cross into reality, a host of unexpected problems arrive to bite people in the [censored].
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with this. Even though there are a minute number of cases in which there aren't problems resulting from adding another person into the mix (emotional entanglements, etc.), the vast majority of the time it winds up causing way too much harm to justify one night of pleasure. And in my experience, the fantasy is usually much better than the reality. I think this is a can of worms better left unopened. And to be blunt, if this is a long-time fantasy of hers, she should have done it when she was single.

<small>[ February 21, 2003, 02:23 AM: Message edited by: lostbuthopeful ]</small>

no orchid,she isnt bi..me and my wife started dating young,she was 17,me 19.i was her 2nd relationship,as well as her 2nd lover..she has mentioned it as a fantasy..im sure fueled by me making comments thruought the years when we have either watched xxx movie together or seen it on some movie,about how i thought the guy in the 3some,was a lucky guy,joking around,but still stating it..so maybe she feels that i would like it more,which i wouldnt.its a fantasy,now she tells me its something she has always fantasized about as well,in the same breath she ha ssaid she hasnt found her type yet,and that probally means she doesnt have a type..let me rephrase a earlier comment i posted..i said she brought it up again,actually i did,after i started thinking about her maybe having a affair with another woman,i asked her if she was serious about a 3 some when she brought it up..at which time she said if the situation was right,the person,place..she would probally want to try it..but i can see aloy of people feel as i do.once u clear the smoke of it being a fantasy,and make it look more like reality,its a scary thought,i would never want to share the intemecy i have with my wife whom i love more than myself with ANYONE.just wanted opinions ..thx

Hi,

Thanks for the clarification..... s3x is just one aspect of love in a M. To bring in another party just for that one aspect is bound to hurt and damage the M. Why? Because the M is meant only for the H & W, not adding any OPs. Just no room for it. For those who fantasize about multiple partners, those are just setting themselves up to fail and hurting their family in the long run.

Watching pornographic films to fuel the fantasy may seem harmless but it is often the catalist that leads to the A. That is what happened in our case..... H watched those movies and it got under his skin.

Be careful.

take care,
L.

sorry to hear that,its not like we watch porn all the time,as a matter of fact,she only likes the ones that have a story line hahaha,but actually,we havent watched one in years,scary thing is when she was talking about the 3some,she also said she wanted to TAPE it.i was like uhh!!maybe just fuel to the fire? spice up the talk of it,maybe just testing me?but i agree with you 100%..sex in a marriage is for the couple ONLY.and if she needed that,she should have tried it before we married,and started a family..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nothing personal,and you do give good advice.but you are very quick to say "AFFAIR".im assuming your wife cheated on you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No offense taken but you are posting on the infidelity general questions II board are you not? You are not wrong in assuming that my ex-WW cheated on me (multiple times in fact) and it was a long time before I finally realized that she had cheated on me because I did not heed the huge red flags that were being waved in front of my face. The reason why I'm often quick to say 'AFFAIR' it's because, more often than not, individuals whose spouses are acting strange have later confirmed my suspicions that their spouses are indeed involved in an A, and sadly today's statistics bear witness that women have practically caught up with men in the infidelity department. Not to mention that my fiancee, relatives and close friends, have related to me stories about people, that they know about, being involved in A's (roughly half of which are women). So maybe you'll now understand where I am coming from.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i said she brought it up again,actually i did,after i started thinking about her maybe having a affair with another woman,i asked her if she was serious about a 3 some when she brought it up..at which time she said if the situation was right,the person,place..she would probally want to try it..but i can see a lot of people feel as i do.once u clear the smoke of it being a fantasy,and make it look more like reality,its a scary thought,i would never want to share the intemecy i have with my wife whom i love more than myself with ANYONE.just wanted opinions ..thx
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well now that you clarified the situation, it would be prudent for you and your W to stop the fantasy role playing before it becomes a problem later on. Why don't you instead read up or watch educational videos that will help enhance you and your W's sex life. As lovers, there is always room for improvement, don't you think so?

points well taken,and im not arguing the fact that women DO cheat as much,if not MORE than men,i guess i didnt read closely enough,i just thought this was "General Questions" didnt realize it was infedility.im sorry your wife did that to you,unless the husband is totally shutting the wife out emotionally and physically,there is never a reason to cheat on your spouse,and inflict that kind of pain on another person..if i had a dollar for as many chances i had to cheat on my wife.i would be a rich man.but i repsect her way to much,and our relationship to do that.i would hope i would get the same respect from her.so thats why when i get these crazy thoughts (only because i am off work and playing the housewife role)i found this site,and all the great people here who have lived thru it,and from which us new to the game can learn,once i layed all the things my wife has been doing in the past few months,and asked her to look from the outside in..i then asked her,does it look like an affair.either emotionally or physically to you..she paused,and said yes,it does..but assured me it wasnt..i knew when i posted all the facts here,i would get swarmed with "she is cheating" post.as i would probally say the same thing.i just pray to god that its not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sweatinlove:
once i layed all the things my wife has been doing in the past few months,and asked her to look from the outside in..i then asked her,does it look like an affair.either emotionally or physically to you..she paused,and said yes,it does..but assured me it wasnt..i knew when i posted all the facts here,i would get swarmed with "she is cheating" post.as i would probally say the same thing.i just pray to god that its not.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excellent, you made her aware that you are not a H that is blind to 'strange goings on' on her part. I truly hope that she is telling you the truth because the pain of betrayal is excruciating, devastating, and something you wish that nobody else goes thru. Just like freedom, the price of a great and healthy M is eternal vigilance.

I wish you and yours the best.

From my own experience it is way over hyped a 3 some. My advice to you would be not to do it. It is over exagerated.... Don't do it. It will cause problems in some way or another in your marriage.

sweat,

I've never been exposed to your situation so take what I'm going to say as my opinion only.

Everyone's advice here is right, when living out a fantasy poses a problem in the M the best thing to do is to never let it come to fruition. When you add an OP to a R, loyalties, affection, etc are then split, not a good idea because from these come jealousy, insecurities, resentment, all of which damage the marriage. But I think I may be preaching to the choir already.

What I would do if I were you is to fill out the EN questionnaire on this website and find out what EN you are not filling for your W. I will then take these and discus them with each other, then seek help from a marriage counselor who believes in marriage. We all have fantasies but when the fantasy is persistent we need to find out why. What am I trying to fill? What have I left undone? You have to question why she keeps insisting. What if this is her cry for help in this marriage?

If she is having an A with a woman, and I'm not saying she is, the odds are that she will not tell you, you will have to find out.

Your issue seems to be bigger than the two of you so this is when you need external help.

Be well.

sweatin,

1. Get a divorce first both of you took vows forsaking all others and to cherish one another...threesomes are in direct conflict of your wedding vows....get a divorce...(return the gifts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and threesome your little heart out...

BUT BUT BUT

Be very very clear that you are undermining the exact essence of a committed intimate relationship....that a sexual bond in all it's true God given glory is the essence of creating that and maintaining that with the person you are married to....not blurring the lines of how important that is....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> .my fear is.everyone knows a woman knows HOW TO please another woman better than us guys.How would i stack up???
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please tell me that was a joke...for it is not..it speaks of some misguided beliefs about womans sexuality...and is a slight warnng flag in your own security with your relationship with your wife....

You play with this believing that it is something that will enhance your sexual relationship with your wife... you will get burned...

It disrepects the very essence of the vows.
It disrepects as well that third person you bring into your bed...as you send this mixed message that my wife and I have such this close intimate bond that we would like to use your own sexuality to fullfill us...to treat other human beings even with their consent as thus speaks volumes about your own responsibility in devalue-ing others sexuality...to fullfill "percieved" needs/wants.

I feel like I foolishly need to defend myself here, while I am no prude...(what good puritanical descendant would ever admit to that..deny deny deny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
that I believe exploring/experiencing and just down right enjoying oneself in or out of the bedroom in marital bliss is truly a gift from God and just all around good fun....
BUT any action that breaks with or blurs that line of the convenant is destructive to oneself in ways that go very very deep.

ARK

thx coffee,i hope so as well.before this gets blown up bigger than it is.Its simply a fantasy of my wifes,something she has probally wanted,or thought about trying..and for her to come to me after 17 years of marriage,and great sex mind you..with this fantasy shows me atleast she wants to know how i feel about it,maybe to see how much i really do respect her and our relationship during these troubled times

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=014316

my initial post,now wife asked about this "3some" the last time we had sex..which was november,our anaversary..im kinda hoping around because im searching for some answers as to why my wife is acting as she is,one day she is smiling and laughing..and things feel good,others she is cold as if she has a emotional wall up,i got her a special card yesterday and wrote some questions about how she is feeling,and how im starting to feel alone..this morning she has been cold..after reading the card...so i am lost..read my other post,and piece the puzzle together thx