I have read all of these posts and sweatinlove you are getting really good advice. Now listen to someone who has been there. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS 3SOME. 24 YEARS AGO-- In the first few years of our relationship, my wife and I "experimented" in this way. Neither one of us were Christians, we both did drugs, and hung out with a good looking guy that always hit on my wife. Ultimately, the 3 of us ended up alone together, things developed, and she had sex with both of us. She loved it (at least we thought so)! But next day we were both very guilty. But the situation kept coming up and we ended up having 3somes with this guy at least 10 times. Then this guy started coming over when I wasn't around. At first my W (GF then) refused, but ultimately gave in on more than one occasion.

End of the story. That episode haunted our life for YEARS!!! I always felt other guy was better lover than me. My W always felt I disrespected her by "sharing" her with him. Guy felt used by both of us. To this day, we cannot face this man (he is now part of my family!!!!)

This is a VERY DANGEROUS ROAD!!! STAY OFF IT.

TM94,thats my main fear when the thougnt comes up.destroying our relationship.so thats why i was against it from the onset,fantasies are fine,but when you try and make them reality,im afraid things get out of hand.Im sorry you had this happen to you,but it seems everyone here who has responded with there accounts of a 3some,it was with there wife and another MAN.

There is NO WAY i would even consider having another man sleep with my wife,the idea was for her to live her fantasy with another woman,and me.me not being able to touch OW,but my wife having me,and another woman touching her,and making love to her at the same time.

As far as my gut goes,it tells me that something is up,she tells me otherwise.This woman whom i loved and trusted for 17 years tells me something,you think i have to beleive her.All the things i have EVER done wrong to her doesnt warrant an affair by any means in my mind anyway.

I know woman think diffrent than guys,men have an affair because some woman offers themselfs to them,Like Chris Rock said in one of his concerts,a man is as faithfull as his oportunities,a woman on the other hand has been offered d**k since they were 16,when a man is nice to a woamn,he is really offering d**k haha..

I have cell phone records,and there are 2 numbers being called alot by her,altho not listed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ( i contacted a PI and am waiting on cost ect..My fear is simply this,what if i follow thru with this,have her followed,bug cell phone calls (is this possible?) ect..and it turns out that she has been telling truth,and she finds out,there goes trust out the door from me.

No doubt that would be the end of us,i would hate to loose her to something like that,as far as plan A..since jan 2nd when this all came out that she wasnt happy,i have done everything in my powers to show her i really care,and will change,actions speak louder than words,i give all my time to her and the kids,buy her cards and flowers.Valentines day took her to the casinos for the weekend,and bought her this diamond ring she has been admiring for sometime.

If thats a plan A.then im there..seems to be working as she spends more time with me,talking ect..like i said,she told me the other day she loved me for the 1st time since xmas.asked me please to give her more time.

Should i now come out and make demands? I.E. TAKE me to her house NOW..and "I feel like a dog on a leash,trying to win your love with really no big responses from you,and its making me tired,and starting to deminish my feelings for you..making me feel like the inferior mate in this relationship,where i always was the ROCK in our relationship"

Or continue like this,and have her followed..tap phone,and continue to drown her with kidness??

SIL,
My wife and I had 3somes with men and women. Read about Plan A here, it's a plan for YOU not necessarily for your marriage. The benefits are there and it will help your relationship, but it's about life long commitments to YOU. (Someone correct me if I'm wrong)

If your gut tells you somethings up, then something is up. Yes, it is possible to "bug" a cell phone, but it's VERY expensive. If you do all of these "self educating" things your talking about (bugging, following, etc) and nothing comes of it then you will have the peace of mind that your wife was telling you the truth. If you do something then it will confirm what you already know in your gut; she is not telling you the truth.

Ultimately it is your decision. But, I will tell you this. My "gut" has never been wrong, but my brain has been wrong 80-90% of the time. Shop around for a PI, prices vary greatly. If you want to contact me let me know, depending on where you are I may know someone within a network.

Good luck to you, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Let me give you a reply from one who has experience with this. My story can be found here

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=002414

If you do this, be prepared to:
Lose 30 pounds in a month (which I lost)
go on anti-depressants
be miserable a lot
Do a lot of worrying
Accept that your life will change forever and you can't do the things you have taken for granted.

I accepted my wife's lover into our house and although things have been going good and my wife loves me more than ever now, things have changed. It's hard for me to have sex when I want, or do the things I used to do without thinking about them.
Things are going good because I was determined to have a happy-go-lucky attitude and make it work. For the most part it has, but things I have to get used to are his snoring and other habits. Now the kids are beginning to resent him. It's only been a little over a month so far, so it's too early to tell.
But I can tell you this -- if you savor your marriage, don't do it, leave it as a fantasy.
Biggest mistake I made in my life was going to a swinger's club. I allowed it or my wife would still be loyal to only me. Now I share, and although I have programmed my mind to accept it, it's hard, especially on the days I forget to take my Zoloft.

green I just read your post on the the other thread, and don't tell me you let your wifes LOVER move in with you!!! That is SICK SICK SICK .I feel so sorry for your children.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by green56:
<strong>Let me give you a reply from one who has experience with this. My story can be found here

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=002414

If you do this, be prepared to:
Lose 30 pounds in a month (which I lost)
go on anti-depressants
be miserable a lot
Do a lot of worrying
Accept that your life will change forever and you can't do the things you have taken for granted.

I accepted my wife's lover into our house and although things have been going good and my wife loves me more than ever now, things have changed. It's hard for me to have sex when I want, or do the things I used to do without thinking about them.
Things are going good because I was determined to have a happy-go-lucky attitude and make it work. For the most part it has, but things I have to get used to are his snoring and other habits. Now the kids are beginning to resent him. It's only been a little over a month so far, so it's too early to tell.
But I can tell you this -- if you savor your marriage, don't do it, leave it as a fantasy.
Biggest mistake I made in my life was going to a swinger's club. I allowed it or my wife would still be loyal to only me. Now I share, and although I have programmed my mind to accept it, it's hard, especially on the days I forget to take my Zoloft.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothing personal,but i wouldnt do that if someone had a gun to my head.If i were to try the THREESOME..not FOURSOME,and my wife wanted to leave me for the OW not OM i would say GOODBYE,and have a nice life.Bud you need counsling,if your letting your wifes lover live in your house with your kids,and sleeping in same bed,and supporting him.OMFG..i hope THIS crazy post doesnt overshadow MY problems,as i have been getting great opinions and advice..