)((((3))))), I sure hope you're feeling a little better now. Everyting you said is just screaming out that it's time to work on YOU. Do what yyou need to do to make you feel better about yourself. I think most women understand the body thing; I've never known a woman that was happy with her body (including me) and I think most women who've had kids have had problems getting rid of the pregnancy weight (don't you hate the ones that don't? you know, the ones that are down to pre-pregnancy weight by their 6-week checkup? UGH!). You have to rely on yourself. I know you're unhappy with your M, but you don't have to let it destroy your self esteem. You don't have to let him destroy you. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. You are a kind, strong, compassionate woman. You are a good mother, and a saint of a wife. Don't let your H's weakness and stupid choices make you think any less!

HEY 3!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How are you?

Miss M to 3

Come in 3,

3?

HI girls yes I am OK thank you both for checking in . It is nice to be thouhgt of. Can't really post at the moment H is here so can't call him every nasty name in the book LOL .

MISS M , I can say that I have been re-reading your post to me and I am slowly getting it I just hope for his sake not to late . I would hate for him to loose such a wonderful women such as myself . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyway that and things are about the same,some re-act and some LB... But ya no gotta stick it out till JUNE 1 .

More dirt tomorrow .

Luvbird , I have missed you girl hows the ho doing , I hope keeping things UP .LOL

Such a pig I know . well girls alot to say tomorrow .

Tahnks again , will be in touch

3,

Can hardly wait for the dirt.

I have realized that what has touched my heart, and what is similar in our situations is the continued contact with ow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I did not set any boundaries because I was terrified to lose my husband. And a lot of what happened still plagues me to this day.

All I know is that I care about you, and hope that I might help you somewhat with your situation.

Please try not to LB. I know there are some persons that would not approve of what I might say, but this is what I have to say. Kill him with kindness. It will go a long way in the long run.

You know your WS better than anyone, including ow. And I refuse to capitolize ow, because she is not important. YOU are important. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Someone said this on this board that hit me hard, because it is what has happened to me. DO NOT LET YOURSELF BECOME DIMINISHED OR ISOLATED BECAUSE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

This is what happened to me. After 2+ years I am finally able to start holding my head up and talk to people, to anyone. That has been hard for me. I see myself coming out of my self imposed isolation, finally.

No one has really heard my story and what I have sacrificed (willingly) for my husband/family. I have perhaps a year before I will start doing what I want to do.

Which is being a musician (professionally) again, after giving it up in 1988 for my H and family. Someone had to be there! Was very good at what I did.

Not that I will ever be famous LOL at my age, but hey, maybe I will be living my bliss, and happy!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Just rambling. Praying for you and hoping you will post soon.

Will respond to whatever you post, but work 10 hour shifts Wed thru Sat, so be patient.

Love in Christ,
Love to you 3, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Miss M

Well as fsr as being famous at any age it always brings " Tina Turner " to mind .

Now her music for me not my favorite but what a WOMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I watch the story of her life every chance I get .

And my thanks again , there are alot of people here that post and I take every word and think about it and try my best to applie where it fits in my life and situation .

Both you and LUVBIRD have really been supportive and it is what I have needed .

OK the dirt , well most of the same .I think my last post covered the court day and him coming in at 12am .

That WEND. he did not see her , and it was funny cause his mom showed up unannounced so he got lucky not being out all night .That night went fine ,played cards ,hung out .

Thurs. went to all doc. re-checks she called of course .

Fri. went came home ........ are you ready 6am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sat. 2 calls from her and then on SUN. 2 calls from her and then the kicker he said, he HAD to call her at 8pm after he told her he was dropping off kids .She said, to come by he said, no had cloths to get ready for work . She said, then call me . So he did I was not pleased I do not want him ever calling her. I know he does other times , but it is when she beeps him or calls and he returns them . I do not allow him to initiate calls to her .

So that set me off, He said, he had to if we where going to sit and have a nice night other wise he would be uptight thinking she will interupt with a call and he would have to get up and down and not enjoy being with me .

I said, make the call and we won't enjoy our time anyway cause now I will be to hurt to sit there with him and cuddle on couch and watch tv like nothing happened .

He called and well I sat on floor all night .

Be right back daughter to school.

Is he aware that his phone has a power button?

(Sorry had to do it) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok I am back , Well that is how Sun . went down . went to bed and he said, the sorry thing and I love you . She don't mean anything to me that is why I can do this BLA BLA BLA .

MON. SNOW DAY not good , This $lut called needs ride to doctor , he take her at 4;20pm and drops her off , then calls me to say back at work and calls in so I know he is really back .

Then of course she wants to see him at 7pm when he is done with snoe removal cause she says its to late to see kids and weather sucks so stop by .

She wanted to yell about the fact that she took bus home in snow from doctor and he is a piece of $hit cause this is why she is doing this to let him know all the promises he made to her he broke .
GET IN LINE B!TCH he made a commitment to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

They both are WACKO ,

So what do I do ? Beats me still , I want to just sit here and be ME , In one respect pretend she don't exsist and love him with all my heart be happy and have fun while we are toghether . BUT and always BUT as WIFETY would say .

But if and when I try that I feel like I am giving him permission for 2 women . I know some would say I am doing that anyway , but I don't feel like that . I KNOW I explain over and over again that I am displeased with his chooses . So when I do that I don't feel as much like a DOOR MAT .

Ok PLAN A and me well not to sound in to myself here but I have done nothing but be my worst enemy . I can be harder on me and my faults then anyone . But what I relized is I don't want to change who I am . I know how to communicate with out LB'ing I do and I do it , its him who can't here and does not know how to talk .

I am kind , considerate to him and others , I respect him , and his problems , help him with his job give him freedom to do activities , and have even joined in . I know his hobbies and can convo about then , sports and electronics and do so .

So my changes I made them , I never liked public places dinner and so on . So noe for a year I go out when he asks no problem and I also make the plans football games , shopping( he loves to shop) and out to reserants .

Well he didn't like the weight I lost it when he was gone first time . I go to a gym and I now read more . All the things he said, he had a problem with .

The only thing I have not worked on that HE hates is not agreeing with him about OW . THAT I will not do , I am not a fool and I still think I am right he is some what playing me . '

I am working on a more calm approch with him seeing her those PHONE calls that says I won't be home after work . I am so obsessed with him telling me the HOLE trueth .
NOW that is not going to happen , and I can't get past it .

EVERY ONE is different , I wish I had the WS that says I am still in love with OW or have feelings for OW or I don't know what I want I am confused .

I feel no I know then I don't have a problem then putting it to an end I would feel like I have control to make MY decision . AND that is the difference now compared to the first time I went through this . I found out and I pushed him right out so I could move on . NO , no D I still would never file , but I could move on with out . this is different , He is saying and some what showing , he loves me , Is staaaaaaaaying won't leave no matter how I push . And every once in awhile shows signs of remorse , I see the glimmer , Then the light goes out .

I am starting to loose some of the feelings for him , I do see that , I mean there are times when looking at him makes me ill .

I want ultmately for him to resolve his issues , I want him to hate her , I want him to change to a degree , Want him to know what he did was his choose and it was wrong .

I want him to really see what he could loose . HE says he saw that and came running a year ago , but some how some way I know FOG came back and yes it was because I trusted him to soon to be with her I let him earse the line I drew in the sand .

OK so I am a basket case , but I am starting to control anger better and I am PICKING and choosing my battles better , cause I know there are still going to be battles , I am human .

I must except that to in myself . I have the I MUST BE HEARD disease !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am not affraid of comfrontinf OW in fear of looseing him , cause thats ok . I am not in fear of confronting OW for what she may say cause I am prepared for the worst . I AM IN FEAR OF CONFRONTING OW BECAUSE OF THE PAIN IT WILL CAUSE HIM , THE STRESS, THE ANGER, THAT HE IS NOT READY FOR . HE deos not yet realize he can have happiness with her or me wicth ever he chooses .

That is what I want him to know and I try so hard to let him see that I am ok as long as I know where I stand . I do not want him to feel responsibility for what I will go through or what he did to me , I want him to have her if he loves her no one should be without happiness . If she is his happiness then I feel happy for him .

I am rambling so much , BUT that is how far I have come , no that is where I have always been .WANTING him to be happy and know D is ok sometimes and not every M works ,and things can be fine and kids can make it throuh it with to good parents even in D . '

What I do not want is my life in term oil , I want a choose with no strings attached . HIS happiness can be anything EXCEPT the 2 of us . That is the only thing I tell him he can not have and thats why I am the way I am , that is what I convey to him all the time .

HE knows I am not happy , he is not happy and I am sure this HO B!TCH is not happy either .

HE did yell at me the other day when I said, enough already grow up and move on , I am not your babysitter and I can't take you being with her any more thats it .

He said, I am working on it , you said, JUNE and she will be gone before then calm down and just be with me I am here with you .

I said, well you know what I am more scared of JUNE and her being gone cause , you promised the moon and think you will deliver $HIT , then what I stood by you and what do I get a M that still is not what I want cause your going to avoid all the work it takes to recover what we went through , you will sweep it under the carpet , say well A is over now and N/C so whats the problem lets just forget it and move on , pretend it did not happen .

That is my WORST FEAR other then him not being happy .

Ok so now that I have the LONGESTTTTTTTTTTT post in MB history . Whats up ? comments please ? am I nuts DOC? Should I run ? Should I be committed?LOL

Should I pack him again and see if he unpacks ?

Should I just let it die in front of me ? Do I accedently back over OW ? LOL

My first reaction--stick with it `til June 1, the deadline you set. As with all things, expect the best (her out of the picture) but prepare for the worst (no change). IMO you should do the best you can `til June 1--it's only about 7 weeks. Then on that day, if things have not changed, call her and get everything out in the open. You're worried about the stress it will cause him? DON'T. He's been putting you thru hell for the past year. Your feelings and needs have come second to his whims all this time. He has made all the decisions--let him deal with the results. Have you ever thought that, if he is being honest and really wants to be rid of her, and doesn't want to do it himself, that maybe part of him wants you to do it for him? I see it as either that or he's just lying to prolong his cakeman status as long as possible. I think regardless of anything else, you need to stick to the deadline you set.

3,

Just a couple of ? for clarification.

How is SF with H?

How did you deal with WS coming home at 6AM?

What do you think is going on? WS says he has no feelings for ow.

What do his actions say? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

How are you dealing with this stuff in your face?

I see he is using the wait until June card on you.

How will ow ever be gone when WS continues with her. Don't see any change in his behavior toward her. Don't see any distancing on WS side.

Just wondering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Sex -we have it not offtent and not as much as I would like , got issues there . H always wanted it me i gave but not as much as he wanted was a problem , now reverse he says its not that important .

That to me = getting it from OW . Although he NEVER came near me in the past when he started A , we did not for 2 years .

DEAL with 6am well he came into bed , 5yr. old woke up from bad dream came in bed , as I hekd her , H held me whispering in my ear I love you please don't forget that and I am sorry I hate myself for what I am doing to you , It will be over soon .

Is he distinsing himself from OW ? No not really some weird changes nothing big. Distance with me no not really .affection yes cuccle , hold , kisses, calls ,ect.

In my face ? well I am dealing as best to the situation as possiable , yes of corse it is getting to me .

There are days , do I think he is sleepping with her , YES and then NO . Deniel I don't think so just confused on reading him some times .
If I read him NO I don't think so ,If I look at how much time they are toghther Yes what else can they be doing .

JUNE card yes , he used it am I suprised yes cause I think he knows I am seriuos and I am . I have threatened the last time (2yrs ago ) the same way I threaten and say it and say it then I get pushed to point of no return and I know he sees it I think he is playing beat the clock sort of speaking .

I did it before and know I can do it again .

He does try to avoid the sex as much as he can , that does get to me cause , If he is having it with her I know he feels guilty , but I also know that he knows if he don't with me again it throws a BIG RED FLAG my way and one he can't tackle.

Be back in a min.

With regards to feelings with him to OW ? Well same as he says always .
He has no feelings for her in regauards to love or freindship .(LOL)

BUT says pity and guilt so those are feelings .
But for her poor life and him making it worse , her falling in love with him and him lieing to her and her beliving all of it .

I tryed LOGIC (not smart on fog ) I told him that although he lied she knew he was M all along ,and even thouhgh she thought he was separated I called and clearly told her H was still saying things to the affect of getting back together .

So she made her own desision to be with a M man .

Also pointed out that her life was upside down before he entered it and he did hepl her get on her feet . APT. , new cloths, new furnature and helped her with XH alot . tried to medate for them about child and helped with court and still is .

Also XH use to beat her (wonder why LOL) so he helped protect her from his threats . and helped her not to fear him .

I did not make excuse for him lying to her , but helped him see , this is her life and she makes her own desions and choices and he can not be responsible for them . He has his own choices to be responsiable for .

Tried very hard to remove myself emotionaly and feel I would say the same to any friend that told me that he is doing this .

Also did express the leave of pain it causes me to see the remorse he has for his mistake FOR HER , but none that I can SEE for me and I am his WIFE and PARTNER .

I hear it but the actions are not really there .

All and all I say how I feel without LB'ing BUT it falls on deaf ears . ( I can not change him I know)

But communicating is something I can not change about ME and find it stupid to do so .
I feel it is the other part of his guilt for what he did , cause he always says that no matter how bad things got , I always tryed to communicate and fix the problems , he would avoid cause he wanted them to go away without working on them .

HE is so many things : Conflict Avoider, IN FOG, and yes I must admmit CAKE EATING and FENCE SITTING.

HE still shows me good qulities and I guess that is my down fall .

That was him on phone and I already know by the tone that he will be with her tonight .

I can't change his actions , only how I react .

Lately I don't want to fight I want to just sit and cry I feel so sad that I know him and this is kind of normal for him , to not take responsiablity .
This drives me crazy , knowing him and yet doughting what I know . OR thinking that what I know is being used against me .

YOU see if you told me this situation in someone else and said, how would your H handle this ? I would respond like he is now . This could be very well be normal for his personality . WEIRD I KNOW .

ok 2x4 I know I am getting it sometime .

3,

{{{{hugs!}}}}

Doesn't look good in the SF department. I don't know what to tell you.

My situation was different. My FWS had no problems in that department. I pulled out all stops and tried to make sure he was so worn out he COULDN'T have SF with ow. That was a success. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Don't know what to tell you. Perhaps try to initiate SF before he goes over to ow's. Don't feel self conscious about your weight. Sounds like you are looking pretty good right now.

Really feel for you girl. You deserve better. Have to go to work, so I will check in later tonight.

I don't know how you do it, you have a lot of strength and great qualities, hate to see you going thru this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Looks like you are doing a lot of caring and nurturing and you need some of that for yourself.

Your WS is good at apologising and saying he hates himself for what he is putting you thru. He'd better be careful or you'll be hating him too! LOL

Am concerned you said you are starting to lose feelings for your H. Be careful with that one. Your love bank is starting to get depleted. Tell him you need more SF.

Take care of yourself today, and when you start thinking badly of yourself, or unworthy, which I can see you feeling that way with how you are being treated, just step back from that, stop, and start saying "I am worthy, I am worthy, I AM WORTHY." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Because you are worthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Praying for you today,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

3,

It's ok to cry.

Maybe if your H saw a little more of that and no fighting, it might get thru to him.

He definately needs counciling. So do you.

But it is ok to cry.

Love in Christ,
Late for work!
Miss M

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DID you ever YELL so much you pass out ? Well Black Out I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess that is a sign not to LB , and they say things come over you just like that to make you relize .

Well not posting for awhile , I don't know anymore I am just loosing grip .

Miss M - your tone is changing , sound more feed up then I do . I know my SITUATION (as my H would call it LOL) Does seem to make people get like that .

Got to get some fuel , this ship is sinking , I don't have much fight left I relized that some where betweeen the floor and on the way up .

But veiwing it as a joke may help , sometimes is is just to funny . I 've been reading a post in RECOVERY (GET OVER IT)

I HATE THOSE WORDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I read it all and do get it , just seems so ,easy when said, and every situation is different . Yes the we all make chooses $hit , I get it . But it makes me feel like well if ws and bs don't get just like that , then deal with it you made the wrong choice . Then what oh yes move on just like that again . Over night , 123, abc.

I don't know maybe be back tonight , got to go out , H of corse is with OW . Amazing how normal it is starting to seem to me / Ok the is a lie not normal I still am intouch with reality .

Well took kids out for awhile had to get out of house . I am just driving myself crazy . I have been dealing with this long enough to know what is going to happen .

I don't know if I am more mad at him or myself .

Yes I am still going forward to sticking to plan A .

MISS M i have tryed the SF before he sees OW and sometimes timing is everything . KIDS around in morning before work . Have done that though and at night when he comes home from OW well sometimes to mad and he don't presew that , but most of all I am to pissed off .

anyway I am blowing off stem , I just want to shack him up , losen some bolts .

Let it takes its corse , everything has an end this will to nothing goes on forever . it might seem like that but it will stop sooner or later .

Crying well I stopped that not completely but awhile ago , not in front of him as much almost never , I think i was all cryed out .

I am sure you all know that feeling , I did so much from d-day to 5 mon after he came home .(some of those just tears of stress )

Then I got the anger back , now I am starting the crying and anger and feeling D-day all over again .

I don't know if its because of trying so hard to hold back the lb 's that I break down or what .

I am going to see a preist this week , I don't know if I am doing that cause I want to LB on GOD or what .

But I am going to confession and then for a chat .

I hope I don't scare him away (NO NOT GOD THE PREIST )

LOL see I still got some humor left in me.

OH I forgot to tell ya what mr. wonderful did last night . At work I told him I want to stay on phone with him all the way home (while he is in car) I wanted to put a plug on him sneaking on way home to see her . H says he don't do that , so I said, then you won't mind staying on phone with me then So i can be sure .

Cause I often call on way home and cell is off.

He says every excuse in book , hit it by accedent , left speaker off , was on phone with work there was a problem and the best I shut it off cause OW was harassing me and I forgot to tell you .

So I figured this will force him in to having to confess that he sees her for about 30min on way home .

Well he calls and says I have to stop by and see her (wow what a shock cause he knew he couldn't turn phone off )

So I said, how long he said, 5 min , so I said, call when you get to her then when you pull away .
I want to see how long your really with her .

H calls says I am there call you back , Well i wait and wait and well you know wait ,45mins later I call and phone is off !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then 15min after that he comes walking in door laughing , I looked at him and started to cry , he came over and hugged me while laughing , I was not getting the humor .

He said, I never went to see her at all I just did not think it was fare of you to want to talk all the way home to check up on me , so I told you that and came home not to talk on phone .

Then started to say he was sorry it was a mean joke .

Well I said, first of all your lying , next you wanted to see her for longer then 5 min and knew I would think that is what you always do , and LAAAAAST now the next time you say you will be ther 5 min I will call in front of her cause i won't know if your joking or you to got tied up or not ......... So now mr. BIGBALLS you no longer have my understanding .

You see he got mad , said, i always use to play jokes on you like this . One time long ago told me he could not get out of work on time to attend a friends wedding 2 hrs before we had to leave .

Then showed up dressed and waiting in front of house . He is a real clown like that . So he could not see WHY I was so upset . ( SAY IT WITH ME WACKO)

I told him I guess I just don't see humor in infedelity . He said, see we can't just have a good time be myself anymore .

ARE you kidding me , he wants things NORMAL .
He just repeats she will be gone soon and everything will be ok you will see .

NO this is not a scratch and your mom kisses it and you go play again this is LIFE real LIFE .

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IN THIS R GRADUATED PRE-K CAUSE HE IS STILL A BOY TRAPPED IN A MANS BODY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my opinion he is enjoying all the attention. What he is doing amounts to emotional abuse big time. He is controlling your emotions and it makes him feel very powerlul. Think about the way he expects you to behave in any given situation and then try to behave in a way which he doesnt expect.

Also try siteVerbalAbuse.com GOOD LUCK

Hi 3,

Just want you to know that I am not fed up, I just really really feel for you in this situation.
Am really holding up in prayer right now.

Am just giving you my take on the situation. Not wanting to tell you what to do, because that is your choice.

Am fed up with your WS and trying really hard not to say bad things about him. I just feel what you are feeling, as I have been there myself. Being privy on way too much information. I know what it feels like to know what EXACTLY is up, and it hurts alot.

I am not you.

Have just tried to respect what your choices are, and tried to give you advice according to Marriage Builders plans.

I am sorry you are hurting so much. I know your yelling and anger is a manifestation of your hurt and pain. You need to understand that anger is a REACTION to your hurt.

You screamed until you passed out? Blacked out? Don't remember what exactly happened after your emotions took control?

Try to understand what you are feeling. I keep saying how much I know you are hurting, and I keep hearing about your anger. Anger spells pain.

I offered earlier to share some of the information I have on emotion regulation. Are you interested?

You continue to react because you don't have the skills to step back from everything and look at what is healthiest, and I mean mentally healthiest for you, your family , marriage, and your life.

I am not changing my tone. I will only reiterate what I have already posted to you.

Step back. Say to yourself, okay, what is 3 really feeling???

3, take care of yourself. You cannot change WS, but you can change you, and you need to set some boundaries. You need to set them before you let this destroy you?

Can you make it until June? What is the healthiest thing for you? You are smart, you are a fine woman. Do you like what's going down? What can you do to make things tolerable for you?
Please understand this is my very humble opinion, I just am terrified that I might give you wrong advice.
Please understand I care and feel your pain.

Praying for you,

Please post to me and I wish some other people would post to you and give you advice.

Did you read my post on Get Over It in Recovery?

I still have issues.

Do you have any girlfriends to talk to? Or are you like me and your H and family are your life?

Don't go away, God loves you and knows your hearts desire. The Almighty knows how much you love your husband.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 09, 2003, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

H2O - thanks for response , any advice is welcome and I will look into that .

MISS M - All materail is greatfully apprciated , THANK YOU .

Well I needed a push and I know may sound weird to others , but thats how I woke up this morning praying to my DAD .

To give me a push to keep going , to stick this out any sign that he could give me . I was driving to school and almost ran a RED , I slammed on the BREAKS .......... I was almost REARED by a truck .... When I looked in reveiw the driver go out to check on me cause he saw kids .

That was so nice , I looked up and it was the trucking company MY DAD USE TO WORK FOR !!!!!!!!

Well when he spoke to me I laughed and said, I am fine and I am sorry for stopping short .( HE thoght I was nuts) He said, ok be careful driving .

Well just thoght I would share , I guess I could take it either way , He missed rearing me so it could still mean anything . But gave me chills anyway .
I am going to move forward.

Last night H got home at 12:30 , He was in a mood very angry , I said , nothing let him throw of some steam getting undressed and thrwing cloths in hamper , kicking off shoes , slamming wallet on table not saying anything .
I said, nothing .

He got into bed , kiss hello , then asked me what I did tonight and how the kids were and whats going on in war today . So then I said, and what did you do tonight , He said, argued all night with that B!TCH and picked up some cloths from storage for her and then i was leaving and she started saying why you going whats the rush , if you fall asleep U can leave from here for work . Just where the same cloths . He said, he started another fight telling her , go F off I am sick of you trying to comtrol my every movement , and I help you out so stay off my back I am sick of this $hit your out of control with your tracking me and I am sick of playing this game with you .

I said, nothing and went to bed .

Just listened , I do not know if I can blive any of it or he just pretends for my sack that they are not getting along. But I did not state that to him . I left it at that .Woke up feeling ok .

He mentioned something about a bad day , said, he forgot to mention that when he left her she called him all the way home yelling and screaming so he told her go F off again I am turning off phone . And she said, fine theres always tomorrow .
So he said, she will probbly bother me all day today at work calling and beeping just to get under my skin . I kissed him good- bye said, have a nice day and left for school .
I felt good , I would be very happy if they are LB all over on one another , but can' t focuse on that .

I am sticking to me got some paper work around house to do and cleaning and PEDICURE if I can fit it in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am going to be ok , no really I am

This is going on to long and I am confident It will come to an end And I will be left STANDING , with or with out him by my side .

I am going to consintrate less on them , more on me and what my goals are .

Every day I am going to go to bed and write one thing down that makes me happy , something great about me , something I did for my kids , some way I helped someone . every morning I will wake up and not blame any one for where my life is at this point , I will just thank GOD I have a life and children healthy and be greatful for the fact that I have life at all .

I do not like the way my M is , and it won't be that way forever . THAT is what I know .

I know there is a reason for everything , and I know first hand after going through the unexpected DEATH of 2 parents that you may never know the reason WHY , but you can bet that there was one .

Everyone has a perpose and looking for it is to time consuming living and letting it find you is what it is about . All in life are REWARDED !!!!

I am good , I am strong , I am in control of me no one else , I love my family , they love me, I love my H . With him or with out him I am going to live my life .

I haqve girl-freinds but can't talk about this to any one . And personaly from going through this 2yrs ago when i did tell all , there was not any who support staying married after A'S.

So that is not the support I need , I need support in favor of working through it , they all family and friends can not see anyone who is a BS working to make themself better or showing that they where not a part of the problem .

THEY only see things one way WS cheats , give them the boot there all at fault .. THE END ..

I always had an open mind , with this subject , not saying any BS CUASED it and MADE IT HAPPEN .
I don't belive that , I do know it was there choice .
But admitting there were problems before , is a real thing .

OK rambling , AND just a note I am open minded and I take advice as advice not something I live my life by .
You can never have a negitive affect on me nor would I blame you for any advice I take that does not work . Please feel free to say what ever you think of this at all times . I welcome it , and you have been a wonderful help(MISS M) and all others .(yes you to LUVBIRD ) I can't thank you 2 enough if for anything for listening and telling me you are listening .

I would love to get more people to respond , but all have certain things that they veiw as to much or not following plans right and what ever they belive or maybe they are saving me from 2x4 .

FREINDS where not looking at him as the person they knew they only saw he had an A so that makes him who he will be forever.

I don not belive that and will never belive that of him .

Hey 3,

Glad to see your post this morning. Don't have much time today as I have to leave early for work. Down to one (borrowed) vehicle, husband has an early gig downtown and 17 year old daughter has to get to college plus me to work.

So proud of my lovely daughter. She has been thru so much with her dad's A. Finally after 2 years is recovering. Went from straight A student to complete failure in HS. Couldn't cope. Now she is moving on. Aced her GED and started college 4 days ago! Yeah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seems like you are doing better, glad to hear it. You did great last night! I repeat, YOU DID GREAT!! Just keep it up. If you can remain calm after listening to all that crap, you are doing better.

I don't know, seems like your WS is thriving on all this emotional crap that is going on.

Don't be a part of that. Just get your ducks in a line and be prepared for June. That's right. As you stated, you will live your life with or without WS.

Keep stepping back from reacting and keep observing.

I wish your WS would spend more time with you, seems like most of his free time is spent with OW right now. FOGFOGFOGFOGFOG. And just how is that supposed to help all of this die down and be over? I won't go there. Trying not to have a hatefest about your WS right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sorry you have lost your parents and I would not say you were praying to your dad, just having a little talk with him. I know how you feel. Lost my dad to cancer in 1995, took care of him till the end. Lost my brother at the age of 45 to cancer 3 years ago this July. My dad was my rock. My mom has lupus and 2 strokes, so she is just not the same mom anymore, and lives a long ways away.

3, start praying to God, tell him your heart, ask for His help, see your priest, talk with him, and read your bible, ask God what He wants you to do, then read your bible, and be obedient. This saved my life and changed who I am forever.

You are doing great, keep posting and venting here, it will help with the LBing with your WS.

I think your WS is digging all this drama and attention. Don't buy into it. Remove yourself emotionally from all of it. And vent here.

Take care of those kids, get that pedicure, do something nice for yourself, and do exactly what you did last night when WS came home and vented to you.

Go 3 GO!!!!
Will check in tonight,
Love in Christ,
Martha