3, I can't tell you how happy I am for you after reading your post. It's sounds like you're doing things that are working for you. Keep doing it, your ws is noticing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How's your anxiety about June 1st approaching?

Been thinking of you and praying.

You have made some GREAT realizations. Your H sounds like he is really getting pressured.

I like the idea of throwing him back to the OW if he starts giving you a hard time. If he starts taking his anger out on you..."I think you are really angry at her, please leave for awhile to cool down or go work it out with her." The more time they spend together, the worse it's going to get... That's why he's avoiding her.

The "anonymous" phone calls are interesting coming to your house. I wonder if she's checking to see if he's there, of if she's threatening your H to tell you about them, ha ha ha.

Hope you're feeling better soon. It does bring out the paternal instinct in your H though. Men like to feel needed...

Thanks All !!! MM , I really hope you start to feel more "normal" soon . And again never any need to say sorry for coming off harsh , I deserve a kick in my a$$ often <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Orchid , always a plesaer to here from you , and I here you loud and clear . Still thinking over my PLAN b options .

TO4T- I am always thankful that people stop in and read and thanks for the words of encouragement.

SHMI- The incoming phone calls , yes they are her trying to scare him that he will tell me all . But I am sure OW has same GAG ORDER on her , he probbly told her long ago if she calls me its over between then as well . I have always hoped that she would be pushed to that and be in same delemma as I . Because I won't call her , not sure if she is worth my time and if she will only tell me half trueth anyway . But I will gladly listen to what she has to say if she called LOL

I mean he swares there not "together" (a couple )

But we all know alittle different , unless this is a fatal attraction thing (the movie she don't understand we are over )

any who , I am continplating the 180 divorece busting over Plan B , but have not made finally decision . I will see how tonight goes and weekend .

SO far 5pm and OW no call yet (and its fri.,)

AMAZING !!!!!!!!!! I just hope and pray she don't get soft , thats my fear , the call with the tears and understanding calm tone cause then he is as good as rope in .

I have been doing alot of different reading to understand OW and the guilt WS feels for OW and trying to know why its more for them in the beging then for the BS someone they REALLY betrayed in every meaning .

OH well , he is supposed to golf after work but it is now raining like mad , I feel so bad NOT!!! LOL

Ok I will post with the FRI. night issue and witch way it pans out if she calls and if he goes .

This is a very big test tonight very big .
I was shocked with the weekend (not seeing her) ,
then I was sure they would have seen one another TUES. cause of her threats .

OK well , PHONE RANG , YEP OW CALLED WANTS HIM TO STOP BY FOR A MIN HAS SOMETHING TO TELL HIM >>>

DAM THIS B1TCH AND HIM CAN'T HE SEE IF HE GOES HE WILL ONLY GET ROPED WHAT AN A$$

WELL I KEEPED COOL AND JUST SAID , YOU GOT TO DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO , WS said, I will call in a little while I am only stopping by real quik .
I said, are you sure about that he said, I think so . well thats it , that useually means he will stay I will be very suprised if I see him .

Will post later . what goes up must come down ..

Hey guys , luck I never get hopes up , He is with her tonight and called infront of her saying he would not see kids tonight . This is a bad move in his part very bad . They where out, not fighting at all like he says they do . And I heard her in the back round saying "You told me that you were not seeing your kids tonight cause they knew you were with me " Well all she heard me saying is why aren't you coming home why didn't you call earlier .

So all was done in vein , the cause is hopeless , and for the life of me can't seem to find the answer to that noring questions ?

Why is he still here? and why is he doing this ?

I mean I know he is a coward , but no one will convince me he likes this DRAMA no way this is all negitive nothing about it is fantasy, exciting, thrilling or any thing of that nature .

bye guys will probbly post a couple of days after JUNE , let ya know how the boxing gloves work . Cause I am preparing for the 12th and finnal round . I'm alright with all this I really am , hey it was a shot in the dark this week , He played picka boo through the fog it was a glimpse but I knew it wasn;t gonna happen .

For the past couple of years since he meet her and I found out I always had that gut feeling they were ment to be . I mean it is alittle depressing but , you can't fight LOVE , I always belived that LOVE concers all and it does .

I just really wanted to see if I still HAD what it takes to win some one back . What I wouldn't do to be young again , beutiful , body , and knowing how to use it LOL

Well getting older and the fat settles in and you have to grow up pay bills, take care of kids make decisions that you come last in and sacrifing yourself for family and house.

Ok got to go guys , I bet you guys thought that something was going to break finnally . YEP me to in a small way , what are you gonna do , everything happens for a resaon !!

I'm here for ya, no matter what you decide. You know best, and only you and he know your situation best. Sorry it's not working out tonight. Sometimes it hurts worse after you have been working SO hard to have it fall down. There are small triumphs, and fewer setbacks, but they SEEM bigger after all your hard work.

I'm behind you!

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Who the fuc@ am I kidding I feel like $hit I want to die , I can't catch my breath and I am clueless about my life ,

I couldn't even hold on to my own husband , I couldn't be all that he needs and wants I couldn't be his every fantasy .

I couldn't do it , I am 36 years old crying my eyes out while my H screws another women and don't want to let go cause this is my life , My pride rather me disrespect myself then let him go .

Oh FU%$ this I am saying around cause I am to proud to let her have him all , If I have alittle it means she can't have 100% . Its all about pissing OW off as much as possible and making him go crazy just alittle not making it easy for them to be together ,

Christ my husband loves another women he is with her with out a care in the world right now just telling her that know ones ever made him this happy .

$hit I through my life down the toilet for this man , I lived the logic that you live for your M .

Everything , I let him ahve and do and go every where so he would have all and not have any regrets in his life I even go so far as to let him have an A .

I am so patetic and know it . I haven't cryed this hard since well since the death of 2 parents and d-day when ever that was cause I have d-day every day .

Yes letting go is easier then this but not knowing and having him admit what he is doing no I can't live like this I really can't go on like that .

YOu know the best advice I over looked was Miss M

I really do need to truely turn my self over to GOD in every way possible

3,

Hugz. I am sorry you are feeling this way...... listen hon, what you are feeling right now is what many of us have felt when recovery backslides (aka: false recovery). It often initially hurts more than future false recoveries (yep, there could be more).

Now with all tha said, know that right now you need to help yourself heal. The WS and OW are destroying their own A. You don't have to do anything to destroy it.

Your anger is part of the grieving/recovery process. The false recoveries which was unbearable at the beginning, became a joke towards the end. The effect to push my buttons had me telling them to do a better job at hiding their A. I told the WS that this 'A game' was getting boring. I meant it. When I decided not to play is when the tables turned.

Even now I still 'keep plan B' in my back pocket. Why? Because my trust is still in recovery. Triggers exist but the impact lessen over time.

How should you feel about your feelings of despair? Know that it is common. Anxiety attacks can kick in now. Prepare yourself. Set a plan of action. Put your personal support group on notice (they don't have to know everything). Work on identifying your true boundaries. These boundaries become clearer with these types of setbacks.

take care and keep posting, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

3,

Am so sorry you are going thru such a hard time tonight. Stop putting yourself down.

You have been a good girl and put up with more than your share of grief. Yeah, it's such a burn when WS gives you a bit of hope and then back to the same ol same ol after a good last week.

However, Fog seems to be the order of the day. I can't hardly believe WS is doing this considering he knows yours deadline. Actually, I guess I am not surprised considering his past actions.

But, to be on the positive side, I think you have learned so much and are doing better. I encourage you to keep posting and get as much help as you can here considering you really don't have much else. You are getting some good advice here, especially from Orchid. She is just wonderful, isn't she? Much more articulate than myself.

Anyway, I do believe you need to give yourself over to God and start obeying what He says in the word. I hope you get a Bible, or at least check out the intouch.org and get some bible reading done on that sight. I think it is amazing that the focus has been on adversity in life this month. Seems to fit you to a 'T'. Sometimes God will use the situations you are in to bring you closer to Him. I believe He has the right answers to give you in the Word.

Okay, just a little quote for you tonight:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4: 29-32

Also remember that forgiveness, doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat, or that it is healthy to keep letting WS do this to you. You can forgive, but what is going on with WS is darkness, and you need to set your boundaries on whether or not you will continue to let WS do this to you. You can decide not to play the A game with him, because it is wrong, and you don't have to be a part of it anymore. Plan B is okay. Like Orchid said, it doesn't mean the end, and quit blaming yourself for this. WS made a choice to do this and continue hurting you.
Don't know if that will help, but it really is kind of along the plan A thing.

Sorry for what is going on, and praying for you to get better soon.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 09:36 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

3,

Just want you to know your MB friends are here for you no matter what you decide to do. Please keep posting to get this burden off your shoulders. We all know you have no one else. But that is not true. You have several people here who care about you, and want you to know that what you are feeling is normal in your circumstances.

Sorry you are hurting so much right now. It's okay to hurt. You didn't ask for any of this, and all you want is a happy marriage, family. You are ok, 3, you are not a failure. You have learned so much and are doing great.

Will be out of town with H for a gig tonight and tomorrow. Hope to hear from you Monday, will check back Monday evening.

Remember, do not fret when evil seems to succeed. You are good. God will help you through this time if you let Him. Am praying for you, as always, and remember, you do have a Father to turn to and talk to, he is your heavenly Father, who will never betray you and will always be there for you. Reach out to Him 3. He will never forsake you and is only a prayer and a Bible away from you. God loves you and cares about your life.

Praying for peace and a calm, clear mind for you.

Just a couple more quotes for you:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert, Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Peter Chapter 5:6-11.

Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand againt the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:10-13

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult, but with blessing. because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3: 8-9

Sorry, I know, too long, hope not too much. God does love you and you are under attack. But God is mighty, and cares for you.

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love,
Martha

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

3, so sorry this has happened again. I was so hoping that your H was finally going to do what he needs to do - get rid of OW for good.

Just remember though, he did not see her last week. He spent the holiday weekend with you and it sounded like you both had a great time. He cannot take that back from you and the OW didn't have him during that time. I'm sure she will give him he!! and try to make him feel guilty for that, being the manipulative leech she is. Let him compare the whiny, needy B****, with the new calm, kick-boxing 3. If he has half a brain left, the lightbulb should go on!

3, I can't explain the logic behind your husbands actions...there is none. Just hang in there, you've given so much effort to keep your marriage. I know one good week was a pitiful tribute to your effort, just to dash your hopes this week...but it was one good week that you haven't had in a long time.

{{{{{3}}}}} Hugs!
Take care of yourself and do things you enjoy.
And keep posting, we'll worry about you if you don't!

3,

So sorry to hear all this. You know I know exactly what you are going through. I dont know how you have lasted this long. You must be one incredible person!!!!

You said in one of your post you were doing alot of reading about OW. Can you tell me what you are reading..I am interested about reading about OW..it may help me understand my H.

Hugs and Kisses to you as always!!!

L.

I am so sorry 3,

You seem like a thoughtful, strong, and good wife. And the A is not about you. Whatever horsesh%$ he's been feeding you is not true..."If only would...I wouldn't need OW." That's just him trying to rationalize his A and make you feel like it's your fault.

The A is HIS shortcoming, not yours.

In the beginning we look at ourselves and say "why doesn't he like me?" And then we change those parts of ourselves...try to Plan A, give all the love deposits we can. If they continue...then it's ALL ON THEM.

You guys were having a great time and then he gets a call from his dealer that says she's having a special on some really great smack or crack (pardon the pun) and he doesn't want to, but feels the craving.

Sorry for the crassness, I'm mad at him. He sounds like a coward and a selfish immature boy (and somewhat like my WH).

I'm afraid for you. PLEASE talk with someone...counseling, doctor, friend out of state, friend in town. You'd be surprised how supportive people can be, and how many other people have gone through, or are going through this.

You have many friends on here...

Please keep posting, I'm waiting for your reply.