Hello everyone and thank-you for your replies.

You know how I mentioned that he called and left me a msg yesterday. Well, I didn't respond to it (thanks Lor for reminding me not to put any of the important stuff in writing). Last night, while I was on the traing going home from work, he called me on my cell to ask me if I was feeling better or well enough to take care of D and that if I wasn't, he could help out. No mention of the earlier phone call and the fact that I hadn't responded. I politely thanked him for thinking to offer his help but refused it (D had a Hawaiian party at school today and I needed to prepare the grass skirt, the lei, the flowers, etc). How I sometimes love being a Mom!
Tomorrow is pirates day!

Quick question...I'm thinking reconciliation. He's no where this sphere of thinking. All he's worried about is how to get out not COME back. He says his behaviour is in order to make sure that I get the idea of reconciliation out of my mind. So, the $1 million dollar question, FOG talk or just plain truth?

Hi Trying, Steve H. recommended I stay in Plan A until I can't handle it anymore. Not sure I'm a true Plan B person especially with a 3-yr old D.

Hi Lor, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In reality, he doesn't meet with your lawyer along with you, he has to get his own representation or meet with your lawyer as his own advisory. The lawyer can only represent one of you, especially if you aren't likely to be in full agreement on terms. You could go to mediation together, but you shouldn't share a lawyer. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're absolutely right about this. The lawyer suggested my H and I attend a Family Law Information session before seeking counsel.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Actually, if he expects to go with you, it almost seems like he hasn't checked into the legal realities & procedures of divorce?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right about this too! He has not done anything legal besides speak to someone over the phone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but it seems like 2 people would often travel together? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Two adults do travel together but less occurrence of one adult and one child.

Still looking into Disneyworld for March 31st...I've found a flight to Orlando so far...

Hi LIR, Thank-you for your very kind words! I pray you never find yourself where I'm at and that your H comes "back". Never lose hope or your love. I strongly believe that you will win your battle.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> can feel your loneliness and sorrow for what you feel you have lost </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perceptive of you since this is a daily inner struggle. I truly believe that the loss of what he was and what WE were is greater than his affair yet he has felt none of that to any great degree.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know if this rings a bell with you, but it seems to me that the only way my H can justify his own behaviour is to blame me for it - he thinks of himself as such a good Christian that he can't admit that he is capable of sin - IF he sins, in other words, it is because I drove him to it - the blame is so vehement, because HE couldn't possibly be guilty of betraying his religion so profoundly.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rings a very LOUD bell...my H says his God will forgive because he knows I DROVE him to this...

Hi Pepper, Love ya...

Hi Honey, Been worried about you lately...outside od MB, I only really know one single Mom. All other friends are MARRIED.

Hi O, Thinking of and praying for you...I'll email you.

Lot of love

Hi T....

I suggest getting into some activities besides Mom time for you.. that is what I am doing and making new friends.

What do you like- art? I am joining an art club, also active in church, and I go to a dinner club, which was singles - but has turned into a mixture or married/singles/seperated including me... hehe.

Anyway- I am starting to make more and more new friends, even professional organizations.. it can expand your horizons. Parents without partners has a website I have cked out, but I haven't been to that.

Moving on at least while seperated let's you see you can have a life- LIKE YOUR TRIP TO Savannah!

I went skiing last wkend with 2 other gals and it was marvelous.

I am doing fine, it was just an unpleasant runin with my h the other nite that got mbers worried, it obviously sounded far worse ... - now please no slammers- than it was.. but more boundaries are being drawn. I do tend to get quite worked up over battles with my h, and they must sound so extreme when posted... but we are in counseling wkly and he is committed to that and says he wants to come home.. there are just things that have to be worked through first... there is hope for even the cases like mine. WH is actually much better these days, but if he cannot meet my requirements and boundaries - I won't be letting him come home.. he has a few of his own boundaries. I STRONGLY reccomend the book by Cloud and Townsend- Boundaries.

Gotta get back to work and a noon alanon mting.
We are going to make it through this!

Hugs, Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello Honey, Thanks for checking in...

Some activities just for me...well, work is SO time consuming and demanding that I often feel guilty about the "just" me things outside of work, you know what I mean? I work full time which sometimes includes travel and evening socials so...? I want to get back into a gym routine but I think I'm going to take my D with me when I go. Right now, I just FEEL she needs me more.

I LOVE art and the dinner club sounds GREAT...

Glad to hear your H is committed to counselling and to wanting to come back...huge steps back to normality. I pray that they happen for you and your family.

Do you ever wonder when the "getting through" part ends??

Lots of love

T,

I heard something great the other day that helped me think about the getting through part.... it was the analogy of a trapeze artist, going from one wrung to the next, or being caught by the catcher as he/she throws herself through the air to total surrender and trust in the catcher, the flier that is has to trust the catcher, in our case our higher power.

Getting to the next step, or to the catcher is hard as we throw ourselves out there in the unknown, sometimes the getting through is so hard and painful, but the time we spend getting through has a purpose... Perhaps we aren't ready yet for the next wrung?

I know I am growing as I go through this process and God has a plan for all of us, we don't always understand it or know why. I can't wait to get to the fruit of all this labor, whether it be a new single life, a new marriage, or even a new marriage with my husband as I hope it will be...

We are learning and growing and God does have something wonderful in mind for us.

Having faith that GOd will be there to catch us as we take each step or flip in the air to the next step is what we have to do... we will arrive, and yes- there is a safety net down below.

I hate the waiting.... absolutely, but grow while you wait... leave the door open, for I suspect you like me cannot imagine a new man in your life yet.... certainly not. I want my family back!!!!

I hate what I am going through... but I do see as I tell my h, only certain behaviors will work in this relationship, he does rise to them... when I do not accept the unacceptable it can't happen to me.... I draw a protective boundary around me so that I can be safe from sarcasm, pain and insult and injury... YES, we can choose safe and loving worlds ... hang up, close the door, etc... when he has those mean comments.... it will stop them T!

I know we all slip... my post here the other day after a stressful evening was a slip for me and him. I hate those learning experiences, but we do learn from them....

Hugs to you... ! T, You are sweet and strong and you will make it to the next wrung and be steadied and strong by our Father above.

I know our little ones are so precious, but you are a much better mom, when you take some time out for you.... she will be ok.... Do stuff for you!

Hugs, Honey

Hi Honey, The challenge of a trapeze artist presents a great analogy. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the time we spend getting through has a purpose </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe that this statement is true. It's just hard at times to figure out what that is...and stay focused on yourself and your own improvements. So hard...

Last night, my H picked up D at the IL's. It's pirates day at school today so I was out looking for pieces to put together for that one! Well, I called H and told him I'd be a little later than 6:30. Talked to him again at 6:50 because D wanted to talk to me from the car. Okay, so I get home and they haven't yet arrived. Turns out that one of OUR friends who is a childhood friend of H called him and asked him and another friend of ours at a local restaurant. Both families were there. The guys had hockey and had arranged for their wives and kids to meet them afterwards.

The thing is that only one of these families knows the truth. The other thing is that they called HIM to meet them making me feel really LEFT out. The last thing is that I still hate being excluded. He doesn't seem to mind if I meet these same people and go somewhere with them and he's not a part of it.

He did arrive at about 8:00 p.m.. I didn't overreact. I just felt sad inside. Hard to get past these things.

He had the affair and left his family. Yet, people still call him. People still like him, it seems. He always had that gift of charisma.

Thanks for your encouraging words, Honey.