Cerri:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> where is that wand I made, anyway???
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I saw it in the closet where I parked the BROOM that I rode in on this morning....

Can't, but if you give me some string cheese I'll gladly eat it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Whew! That's a relief!! Imagine carrying on an intelligent conversation with your baby brother at a place like this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now string cheese... I can do that... I live in Wisconsin after all. But somehow I don't see how that works with coffee..... ewww <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

C

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kily:
<strong>Cerri:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> where is that wand I made, anyway???
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I saw it in the closet where I parked the BROOM that I rode in on this morning....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You ride a broom too?? Cool!! What model do you have? I like the older ones myself, they seem to have better turning capabilities... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Drat! Just when we're having fun I have to go. Some days I just hate being an adult!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Chronologically, anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hugs!!

C (leaving on broom now...)

Cerri:

"You ride a broom too?? Cool!! What model do you have? "

I have it on good authority that kily's making payments on a 60-month loan for a Nimbus 2000!

-2long

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2long - you are just the best!!!

kily:

the best??? Well, I don't think I'm quite the best. I'm pretty b****en', but that's no surprise. ...if you ask my friends, they'll confirm: I'm ALWAYS b****in'!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ol' crusty 2long.

Hey, this is great! Glad to see some goofy stuff going on in my thread for a change, it gets way too serious with me sometimes!

The whole tug of rope/falling on her butt analogy is really funny. You can't help but get a fun mental picture out of that one. And it is true, as well. I think being educated with Harley principles, we get used to the ideas of Plan A and B. But for my W, who has refused to look at any of this stuff, it's not Plan B to her. It's me dropping the rope and cutting myself off.

Sure, it might be the justification she needs for a divorce, considering I don't want to see her anymore unless she wants to reconcile, but at least I did it in a very honest, civil way. And that's what is very liberating about the PB letter.

OK.... how it looks and how it FEELS are two entirely different things. You know you can look great, put on a smile, dress well, stand up straight, appear confident, and still FEEL like crap.

Or you can look great, put on a smile, dress well, stand up straight, appear confident and FEEL like a million bucks.

No communication problem there, Cerri, I get it 100 percent! Great analogy.

The look is the same... but the energy, the feeling, is different. So it is with Plan A and Plan B. In Plan A you let her know that you were there, you made an effort to contact her, sent her funny stuff... you broadcast energy that said I'm here, I'm open.... You were waiting on her favor.

In Plan B, it's not like that. You send a very different message which says, I'm here BUT ONLY WHEN _____ HAPPENS.

You take back some of the power that you let her have to dicate the conditions of your relationship. In Plan A she decided if there was going to be 2-way contact and you were left wondering if she would respond.

Yes, I did, and you're right, her intitial reactions were of anger, probably due to me taking back that power. She lashed back fast with as much as she could to hurt. At least I've now gone 2 days without hearing from her. Maybe she is finally getting the message, that NC means NC. I still gotta figure out a way to get her things to her, the larger items are especially a problem. For now, they can wait though. I want to enjoy some PB peace and quiet for a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now, you have that control, and not only do you have it, but you've stated it explicitly. That's a powerful message to send. "I respect me enough not to allow myself to be put in the path of your hurtful actions"

You know how in high school when the R is going bad and one person gets dumped and the other wishes they had been the one to do it first, cuzx even though you don't think you want the R anymore you don't want to be the dumpee? It's very similar.... you just made her the dumpee in a fashion..... you dropped your end of the tug of war rope and she fell on her butt. That doesn't feel anything like Plan A when you are still tugging on your end.

I'm not sure if she sees it that way, but perhaps she does, yes. I mean, I didn't tell her I didn't want her anymore, but I did basically tell her as long as she was with OM, I didn't. So in that regard, yeah, she did get dumped. Like I said, it's not as much of a jump for some folks going into PB from PA. I certainly didn't have any sort of regular communication going on with her as far as phone calls, visits, and the like. But perhaps now that she doesn't even have that as an option, things will change.

What I hope is that perhaps THIS will be the final test of the A, what puts the most strain on it. Perhaps this will be what convinces her that she is in the wrong place, or what causes she and OM to have stress between them. I'm not sure. It may not have any effect, either. But it was our best shot, that I will certainly say.

ALS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Hey, this is great! Glad to see some goofy stuff going on in my thread for a change, it gets way too serious with me sometimes!
"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey why not, I figured that I already hijacked Jen's thread, so why not add yours to my collection? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey why not, I figured that I already hijacked Jen's thread, so why not add yours to my collection?

And remember I hijacked P's thread and turned it into nearly 300 pages and more than 4000 posts!! LOL

Look out ALS... you're next!

Oh, I'm back now. And if you remind me, tomorrow I'll tell you a really sad D story.

C

cerri:

Do tell. Maybe we can prevent additional sad stories from happening here.

-2long

Ok, so here's the story. H and I are looking at some investment type properties (and believe me it's a pain in the you-know-what) by anyway.

This afternoon we meet in a TC suburb to look at a commercial space. It currently houses a business that is run by one of the owners. A very sucessful business, one that's been in this location in this town for several years. Has a fantastic reputation and is kinda upscale. The owner is very creative and it shows in the interior design throughout the building. This is a place that's been loved and cared for and cherished. And a business that's had the same care and attention.

So being the shy and timid type <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I ask the agent where the business are going... are they relocating? Building? What's the scoop? And she kinda whispers that it's a divorce. This beauiful building is being sold as part of the settlement. The business is "downsizing" and relocating.

AND she tells me that they just sold the house this couple owned. A huge completely restored Victorian that was apparently even more beautiful than their commercial space... hard to imagine... but that's what she said.

I was just sooo struck with how sad it is that this happens to people. That they spend so much of their adult years building their assets, their lives, to have it torn apart like this. To have curious strangers traipsing through a place that you built and loved... evaluating it, taking it apart in their heads. Ughhhh.

And that is just the material side of the story. The emotional destruction is far more devastating and the damage to the children can't begin to be measured. I just hurt for those people. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Guys.... if you have never been through a divorce, you have NO IDEA how hellish it is!! Been there, it's horribly terrible. Which is a large part of my motivation for begging people to try everything (and I do mean everything!) before they take that step.

C

cerri:

Okay, point taken.

My W and I are restoring an 1887 Victorian that' s on the national register. We were having a roof put on it when the roofer set it on fire. That was October 2001, just a month before my W's last PA with RM, and 3 months before D-day for me.

We talk these days about keeping the house in trust for our kids. But I don't know how realistic that is if we DV.

Sorry to hijack ALS's thread with that.

-2long

That is a very sad story. I always sort of feel bad for being so down on myself when I realize that I really am a lot better off than most others.

My marriage has been short, I am still young, my wife doesn't want anything, we have no kids affected, I get to keep the house, I am lucky in a lot of ways. Unlucky in that I am losing my wife, of course, and that is of course more important than anything physical.

But at the same rate I think that all of those things, the fact that we have no kids, a short history, and the like, are what is making it easier for my W to give up and let go. I still see us as having such a huge chance for the future, and so many good things ahead, and I think she may see it as something insignificant enough that she can just shelve it and forget it, especially since she's got 6 years on me, too.

Two sides to every coin.

ALS

I'll tell ya what, I am thankful today -- I feel like Plan B is finally starting to happen and work the way it's supposed to.

After her initial angry outbursts, I haven't gotten an email from W to ask for her stuff or threaten divorce since Sunday. I hope it can keep up like this, and I can just enjoy true NC for a while. I think it will be good for BOTH of us.

It's kinda weird actually, I remember a time in Plan A that I would look at my email HOPING that W would have sent something or responded, now it's what I fear the most!

I've gotta assume that her "let's get together to sign the divorce papers" thing was a threat again, done out of anger regarding the PB letter, since again she hasn't acted on it. Not like she doesn't know where she can drop papers off or the address to mail them to. Perhaps PB is starting to slowly work its magic after all.

I guess I'll know eventually, but for now I'm enjoying having less to worry about, and enjoying the feeling that I've taken my life back to an extent.

ALS

ALS,

Oh how your saga continues. I have read the last several pages of this and, whew, what a read. The only thing I would add, and if I'm repeating what someone else has said I apologize, is that if she wants her stuff back but won't give you her address then send it to her work. Just put all the cookbooks and what ever you can into a large box, call UPS, and have it sent there. That should be quite the statement for NC. Of course you could send a copy of your Plan B letter along with it just to reenforce to her that you still do love her but you are not going to talk with her until OM is out of her life and that SHE wants to work on recovery. That way you don't look like a total jerk. Just some food for thought. I wish you well.

Thanks for checking in, Mark. It is quite a thread. For once I decided to just stick in one place for a while. So far it hasn't scared everyone off. We'll see though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for W's stuff, I'm sort of in a holding pattern with it at the moment. She and I both know that she doesn't NEED this stuff immediately at all. I think it was some sort of ploy to lash out or hurt me when PB started. This stuff sat unneeded for 6 months, so there's no reason she immediately must have it now. It's been a week since PB started, and I think she is finally getting it. I haven't gotten any more emails from her, she hasn't tried to call or show up. So that's good. It's getting easier the longer I go without having to deal with her directly.

If she continues to pressure me for her things, I will find a way to get them to her while staying in PB. I really don't sense that PB is working just yet, I know it will take a great deal of time, and it will really be a race to see if my feelings are still there by the time W hits bottom, which may even take years. Right now I am just taking the advice of others here, trusting in the tools that MB offers, and following the process as best I can.

Since starting PB though, each day has been getting easier as long as I don't hear from W. I am hopful that by some miracle, this will help her find her way home. Either way, I know it will help me feel more confident and at ease not having to deal with the situation on a daily basis.

ALS

Don't you think that having her remaining stuff at your place (all reminders of her) is a detriment to your love bank?

Nah, I packed the rest up in a couple boxes and put it away, I never see it. There's really not much left, the only thing that causes a problem is a big rocking chair of hers that I know she'll want at some point. That's still there and I'm just waiting for the day she demands to come and get that. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it though.

Other than that, basically, all her things are gone.

ALS

ALS-

You sound VERY positive...I'm glad for that.

Now, What is your long term plan here? What qre you doing for YOU?