That movie was absolutely perfect. My wife has siad that it very accurately portrayed how she emotionally got sucked in, how a WS can just throw everything away for that fix. the look on Dian Lane's face as she panics because she needs to see OM, and then the contentment on her face when she gets her fix, is soooo revealing into the addictive nature of affairs.

Of course, Richard Gere does a great job showing the life of the BS, as things begin to spin out of control, that rational thought goes out the window...that you cant even focus on everyday things.

And the last segment of the movie is so telling. They are sitting in their car together, looking at their son in the back seat sleeping, and they talk of trying to build their future again. They hold each other. But they know that it will never be the same. But at the same time, you get the feeling like they now really understand each other. And it might just lead to a marriage that will be better than anything they would have had.

A great movie. But as Cerri said, a lot of triggers for WSs and BSs. Be careful watching it. But if you want to see an affair through the eyes of all three sides (WS, BS, and OP), then watch the movie. Then, the Harley principles will really make sense.

In His arms

MM:

I thought the BS kills the OP in the end. How realistic is that?

I may see that movie someday, but I'm not going 2 go looking or it.

-2long

One of my most wickedly satisfying moments came about a year after my H's first A. The OW was a bit psychotic, wouldn't stop calling him at work, me at home a real stalker. He had met her on a business trip and led her on, then didn't even call her when he left. She was angry and tracked us down and called and made a lot of trouble for us for a while. Well, about a year later....he told me he had heard of a fantastic movie and wanted to go. When he told me the name, I was surprised because I knew the basic plot....and he obviously did NOT. I got extreme satisfaction I am ashamed to say watching him SQUIRM through "Fatal Attraction".

ALS, SS posted this link on my thread. You should read it... Lostva's story about half way down the first page. Very good.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=004084

C

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>MM:

I thought the BS kills the OP in the end. How realistic is that?

I may see that movie someday, but I'm not going 2 go looking or it.

-2long</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not realistic, (although those things have been in the news of late) but I see it more as metaphorical rather than literal. Like poetrty as opposed to prose.

The other thing that was so striking was the exceptional ordinariness of their marriage and family. It could be any one of us... the kid, the clutter, the stuff to do, the taking for granted, his preoccupation with his job and her independent life.

I may have to buy the thing it was so on the mark.

Cerri:

Sounds like OUR family, only our kids are older.

2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>Cerri:

Sounds like OUR family, only our kids are older.

2long</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, that's the sad thing... it was my family. You don't know how ordinary you are until the day comes that it is disrupted.

And the other thing that was so arresting was how very unsuited this guy was for her. Younger by about 10 years, lived in a little hovel of an apartment (she and her husband lived on what could only be called an estate), no kids, nothing in common really except the sexual energy.

It really played out that quote from Shirley Glass that we talked about from the 4part article series on infidelity... something about ---infidelity doesn't begin with how you look at someone but with how they look at you.---

It was the fact that he focused his attention and his energy on HER... entirely on her... and that he let her know that he found her attractive. It wasn't a sleazy come on either... it was the focus, the intensity, the exclusion of everything but her. Any women out there see this? Am I making sense?

C

<small>[ June 09, 2003, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

Oh, and the fact that she never stopped to think through where all this was leading. Was she going to give up her home and husband? Lose her child? Have her friends know? There was no thought other than the addictive seduction of attraction.

You can really see where confronting and exposing would have put an end to it all in a flash.

And you could see the husband's attempts to reconnect and how she couldn't even focus on him. She was so caught up in the affair that her husband ceased to exist as a real person. He became a shadow entity of sorts.

You have to understand that dynamic when you're doing Plan A. Your efforts are barely noticed because the fog literally takes over. (Around here we call it the Brain Cloud from that movie with what's his name, the Batman dude.)

Ok, so I know, I know... I'm obsessing. But really, the emotional dynamic subtlties were remarkable. I'll try to shut up now.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

C

X gave me that movie to watch and I cried all the way through it. Durign the viewing he called me to see what I thought of it. When I was through I called him back and told him how painful it was to sit and watch that. I asked him why he wanted to share it. He wouldn't answer me. I told him how sad I was by all of it and asked him if was hard for him to watch. He didn't comment.

Hard to see yourself through the camera lens.

Hard to see yourself through the camera lens.

Truer words were never spoken. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You all didn't think I'd let this drop to the second page yet, did ya? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Back to Unfaithful: I see what you were saying, Cerri, and it's probably true that yes, many a WS does think back to starting their A and wonder if they made the right choice. I do remember, days after D-Day, my W told me she wished she could turn back the clock a couple of months and do everything different.

Of course, then she went out and saw OM later that night.

So, while I guess that some WS's are at least capable of remorse or regret, a lot of them are too strongly addicted to their OP that they don't stop, anyway. At that point, my W still had an excellent chance to stop and start recovery with me, yet it just got deeper and worse from there, and since then, she's stopped expressing any regret over her decision to leave.

Cerri: I checked out the lostva thread, thanks! I just read the long post from her but I should probably read it all. Are you using that as an example of how things can still turn around when they are at their darkest?

Cerri & Kily: Thanks for your very honest words reagarding your feelings with the film. I'm sure it's just as hard for you to watch as it is for a lot of us BS's to watch as well. Soon it'll start airing on cable all over the place if it isn't already, and I'll still avoid it. I wonder if my W feels that movie's a nightmare or if she feels it was an instruction guide on how to leave a marriage! I am still shocked that she was able to start her A so soon after seeing that film.

ALS

I wonder if my W feels that movie's a nightmare or if she feels it was an instruction guide on how to leave a marriage! I am still shocked that she was able to start her A so soon after seeing that film.

But that's the thing. Very few go out and "start" an affair. It happens in little tiny increments. A smile. A nice "hello, how are you?" A little more conversation. Grabbing a quick lunch. Emails that are legit but add that little extra personal touch.

One tiny step at a time. Very, very few ... women in particular ... wake up one day and say.. "Hmmmm, I think I'll have an affair with that cute guy down the hall."

Much the same as alcoholism. No one goes out and becomes addicted in one weekend. It's enjoying an experience and going back for more.

C

Yeah, that's true...But not any more comforting I guess. It just tells me that she was probably getting attached to OM months before D-Day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But hey, that's all water under the bridge now.

Still feeling okay today, I think I am going to work on the divorce papers more this afternoon, my next step is to get a set together for W and either cerified mail them to her or hand deliver them when I see her next Friday. Then she just has to sign a paper acknowledging that she has received them.

I already emailed her a property settlement agreement which she totally agreed on. We have no property arguments or anything to fight over at all. She will sign that next Friday and all of the assets will be totally settled. Basically, all she wanted was the older of our 2 cars. Everything else she wants no part of. So I am very lucky in that regard. At least she knew better than to fight over finances and the house.

I still don't think a lot will sink in until the divorce is closer to being finalized in the Fall, but this step has given me a great deal of peace, will finally allow me to detach and relax, and I should be able to have a very enjoyable summer now without the stress and pressure of W over my head. I will be mentally prepared for whatever comes in the Fall.

ALS

Aha, I see how it is! File for divorce and everyone bolts on ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Woe is me...

ALS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ALostSoul:
<strong>Aha, I see how it is! File for divorce and everyone bolts on ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Woe is me...

ALS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are we engaging in a little pity party?

Tiny bublles .....hic...burp!
In the wine.......hic.....burp

Makes me feel like......hic
it's time for more wine....

Party, did someone say party?

Hic... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ALS you've got great taste in whine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hahaha...You guys are rough.

Naw, you know me, I'm strictly a tongue-in-cheek type of whiner.

It's all good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ALS

Whine? Did someone say whine?? I've got more whine here than you can imagine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now the only thing we need is the cheese and since I give cheesy advice I'm more than qualified to bring it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ June 10, 2003, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>