ALS:

I REALLY think that you should do what whippit and Jack are suggesting, and be yourself. Do what YOU want 2 do. Stay in control.

But you sound like you want 2 plan B this. If so, and you believe she remembers the anniversary (she's a woman, right? They DO remember dates! MEN don't!), you might consider sending her a reply like "I can't meet on Tuesday 2 sign divorce papers, that's our 2nd anniversary. If you can't meet Monday, would Wednesday work for you?"

Just a thought,
-2long

Some very sound advice there.

I really don't WANT to Plan B it, I mean I am just, like whippit says, not that kind of person.

By the way, 2long, we're signing papers on Monday, the day before the anniversary (I made sure to set it up that way so we didn't have to do anything divorce-related on that day). She just wants to come to the house to get the last of her things on the anniversary, that's it. No divorce documents.

The stuff IS in the garage right now, and I suppose that's fine it stays there. Really what I think I'll do is just let her come to the door and get it, invite her in if she'd like, or just let her go take it and go if that's what she wants. I guess there's really no reason for me to go out of my way to make her feel unwelcome or uncomfortable given the circumstances.

But of course I can also see what I feel like after seeing her tomorrow to sign the papers, too. If that doesn't seem to go well at all, perhaps I'll change my mind.

I guess all I wanted to know was if you all felt I was making a mistake in allowing any extra contact given that I suppose I am still in Plan B, even though the divorce is in the final phases.

ALS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I guess all I wanted to know was if you all felt I was making a mistake in allowing any extra contact given that I suppose I am still in Plan B, even though the divorce is in the final phases.

ALS"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you are already resigned that your marriage is over, then it shouldn't pose a problem to be there when she comes back to pick up her last remaining stuff. BUT, if you still have plenty of love left for her, then it may not be a wise move to be there when she comes for her stuff, for you are very likely to behave in the same way that eventually pushed her away. So I suggest that you give some serious soul searching as to where you are emotionally before you decide whether to be or not be there.

Well it’s not like she’s not seeing me tomorrow anyway, which is why I thought strange she’d specifically come over on the anniversary date just one day later. She could have picked ANY other day. Maybe she still will. I think what I decided to do is not jump to any conclusions, stick with the Plan B type mentality I have with things, and let her come to me if she wants.

If she wants to talk, I’ll listen. If she wants to come into the house, I won’t stop her from doing so or act coldly. My original plan was not to let her in at all, or just tell her to get her stuff and go. I just don’t think I’d feel right about myself if she comes over on our anniversary and I treat her that way. Does that make any sense?

I certainly don’t anticipate any sort of dialogue at all, or even that she’d want to come in and stay, but I just am not the kind of guy who can do that. It wouldn’t be me. So I expect to just be polite and courteous both tomorrow and Tuesday and leave it at that.

Chances are this is all just coincidence, means nothing, and just the next steps we’re taking towards being apart for good. I spent 6 months taking the initiative in trying to save the marriage after she started seeing OM. As soon as Plan B started, the ball was in her court. She might be dribbling it a little now, dunno about that, but as far as I’m concerned, she’s still got possession of it as far as her next move.

Either way, I’m strong and happy and prepared. In fact, I can honestly say I’ve gotten to the point where I’m much more scared to reconcile than I am to be alone. Does that make any sense?

ALS

ALS:

It all makes sense.

I think you're going 2 be fine, 2. And like 2MCM says, you're M is ending, you don't need 2 be in plan B if you don't want 2 be.

For now, be you. Be the kind of man you'd want ANY woman 2 see, whether it be your stbxw or someone new. Being honest becomes 2nd nature 2 you, doesn't it?

-2long

Thanks, 2long. I agree. I'm gonna be just fine!

I did have a stunning realization yesterday going through the divorce paperwork, though. I hadn't looked at it all summer.

It seems that today is actually the last thing W needs to sign, and it's just one thing. Then, after I serve her with the final packet of paperwork, 10 days later, I can file the rest, and then I believe it just gets approved by a judge. I don't even think we appear in court (if that's even possible, perhaps it's just understood that we do, but I don't see anything mentioning that as required).

So tomorrow, our second wedding anniversary, when she comes to pick up the last of her things, might actually be the last time I see her or speak to her. Ever. Wow.

ALS

ALS-

Go with your gut, it is usually right. Good luck with W today at the signing.

Just filling anyone who's waiting in with the report.

Signing went as I had suspected it would today, no surprises.

W was there on time, I was a few minutes late. Got there and took a minute in the parking lot to explain the process and that I believed this was the last document she'd need to sign. Dunno if that surprised her or not. She now also knows that tomorrow will probably be the last time she ever sees me.

We went in, sat in the same spot as the last visit, shared the same awkward silence as the clerk notarized the forms. I broke the silence here and there with a statement about the process, and asked her about her plan to pick up her things tomorrow. Her answers were always very short, to the point, she never made any statements of her own. When I asked, she confirmed yes, she planned to come tomorrow and that it would be late, 7:30 or so, because she was working late. No mention of the fact it's our anniversary. It's on both of our minds I'm sure, but I have the feeling that neither of us will acknowledge it at all.

I felt different this time than back in June, I was a lot clearer, and I think she saw a much more content, detached, happy guy than before. She seemed very pleased and content as well. It was the picture of civility.

So, no major news out of today, nor anything that would warrant my thinking this wasn't going to go all the way. Tomorrow or whenever she chooses to show to get the last of her things, I'll be polite, invite her in, offer her a drink, or simply let her take her things and go. It may be the last time we speak and see each other, and I have no reason to treat her like a stranger.

ALS

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: ALostSoul ]</small>

ALS:

You may never know what's been going through her mind or what she'll do with her life as a result of this experience. She may believe that by cutting this off, her life will be all 2gether from now on. It might be simpler, but I'd be willing 2 bet that she'll think about what's happened with dissatisfaction for many many years 2 come. If she doesn't, she isn't as deep as she could be, and you or anyone else for that matter will be better off without her.

I wish you well,
-2long

I do hope she comes out of this with something. I know that I have learned a great deal. I will probably always look back with regret that she never took the chance to start over and do things the right way. But that was not my choice alone to make.

I am at least to a point now where I can let her go with peace and love. I may never know if she is or will leave OM, though her decision to go home bodes well in that her relationship with him is ending or will end, and I think going home is a smart move for her. I hope she can find happiness there.

I think I'll shine up her rocking chair for her tonight so it's nice and clean for her when she picks it up tomorrow. Just as one last kind little gesture for all the love and happiness that she did bring into my life when she was a part of it.

ALS

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: ALostSoul ]</small>

Dear ALS:

Your last post shows character. You should be proud of yourself. Live well my friend, someone in the future will be very lucky to have you.

All my best

Jack

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

you're awesome.

A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive.
-Pearl Bailey

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

ALS-

You're a class act and I wish you luck in the coming days. You've obviously grown from this mess and that experience will serve you well down the road.

It has been a joy and an honor to be a little part of all the hard work you did, ALS. Many blessings and all the best to you. And no, Plan B is not over yet, so don't even go there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

C

Thanks, everyone. I truly count myself incredibly lucky to have had all of you to help me along through this journey.

Cerri, especially, thank you for the amazing amount of time and energy that you put into all of this for me. If anyone's looking for some outstanding coaching services, look no further. She is truly fantastic.

A lot of what makes MB work is just putting your faith in the process. There's days where it just seems like the process is failing you. But as long as you stick to it, you cannot lose.

My example is one which didn't result in my wife coming home and trying to work on the marriage with me. At least, not at this point and likely not by the time we are divorced. But the plans themselves were a natural progression in helping me understand so much more about myself, and realizing that no matter what happens, I will come out on top of this.

On those days when things feel your bleakest, hopefully some of you can read this thread and see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I may still duck my head back in from time to time, there will always be reminders and memories of her in my life, but I am proud of the man I am, and I do look forward to a very bright future.

I'll of course have an update from tomorrow's visit for you, and keep you in the loop regarding any other events in this process. Hopefully this thread (and all my older threads, which I really should go back and link up sometime) can help some of you who have unfortunately just found this place.

Oh, and for the record, I polished up W's rocking chair, and tightened a bunch of screws in it as well. It's all ready for her to pickup tomorrow, and the last of her posessions in the house. But I suppose if any day is fitting for such an occasion, why not our wedding anniversary?

Talk to you all again soon. Thank you.

ALS

It's weird how I almost have a sixth sense about her still. I walked in the door from work tonight, and before I even sat down to look at my email, I thought, she's not coming tonight.

And sure enough, there was the email from her asking if she could come on Thursday instead.

So the anniversary thing was just a coincidence after all, or she realized the date and decided to change because of it. Apparently it was never an attempt to come here on our anniversary after all.

Will keep you all updated.

ALS

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ALS-

Like I and others have said, keep your head up and don't get your hopes up. Both of those you have been real good with. You have a very realistic view of things.

Well, I'm not sure what her deal is this time, but tonight she just decided not to show up. Not to cancel or anything, just not to show. Very irritating.

I made sure I was going to be home tonight and scheduled things around so I could make sure I would be here when she showed up.

So last week, she asks when she can get her stuff. I tell her anytime. She requests Tuesday. Tuesday, she cancels. Asks for Thursday. I respond with a simple "Sure." in my email. I never hear back, but assume that's implied that she'll show. Tonight she just doesn't show.

I'm not even going to try and figure it out anymore! I don't really care how long she waits to pick up her stuff, but I AM upset that she scheduled a time to get it and then just decided not to show, twice in one week, the second time without even having the courtesy to cancel.

It's also messing up the divorce process. I was going to give her the paperwork I had to serve her with 10 days before I could file for the final process, now I'll have to mail that to her tomorrow since I have no idea what her deal/plan is.

I was at least looking forward to some stage of closure tonight, now I just get more of this being dragged on.

ALS

Oh well, whatever.

and the plot thins, my friend.

i was going to say it would be nice to be a synapse in her head for an afternoon. then i thought, "maybe not so much."

i'm guessing she's struggling with all of this more than she ever thought she would. however, she has proven everyone wrong at just about every turn.

in any case, there's a guy in the rockies who stands beside you.