Hope all of you are doing well...

So what now? I feel that I have accepted what is going to happen and can move forward. However, to me this point seems lonely.

Anyone else feel like something is missing?

hoping4best,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> However, to me this point seems lonely. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lonely, yes, very much so. And, yes, of course something is missing for me; Someone to give my love to, share my thoughts with, laugh with, cry with. But, like STTSI said, someone whom I want to be around, not someone I need to be around. If you’re not lonely, you’re not human. Call me crazy but I now embrace it (loneliness) as part of the healing process. IMO, there is no way around it so you might as well take it head on.

Loneliness will pass, like winter into spring. It can’t stay cold forever. Remember that. What now? Only you can answer that. For me, that means continuing to work on my faults. Just because I am at the point of not looking back does not absolve me of my responsibility to better myself. I will eventually meet someone else special and I had better have my life in order if I am to make a go of it. Take care.

-Luki

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Luki:
<strong>Loneliness will pass, like winter into spring. It can’t stay cold forever. Remember that. What now? Only you can answer that. For me, that means continuing to work on my faults. Just because I am at the point of not looking back does not absolve me of my responsibility to better myself. I will eventually meet someone else special and I had better have my life in order if I am to make a go of it. Take care.

-Luki</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Luki you are a wise man with your words. You are right, you will find a woman that is special but just try to be open minded, that special woman might just be your wife.

Keep working on yourself, so if she does come around you will be in a position to make the right decision.

You guys are right. There is definitely a difference between this point and D-Day or the period where suspicions were first arisen. At that point, nearly anything was done to show changes or to keep WW from leaving. It didn't matter the conditions. Now, after nearly a year of trying, if she still wants to go, it is her choice. I think I'm tired of trying. She needs to make some life changes at this point (not just for me, but for herself too). I'm not going to lecture this to her.

I think my main problem (maybe the same occurred in your situation, it would be interesting if it was) was that I was too soft-hearted to go to plan B. I'm an optimist, and I was just waiting for her to turn it around, but it didn't happen. Think it may be too late now.

She has meeting with attorney on Tuesday. She wants to know if I'll go along to file for irrec. differences with the same lawyer. Basically, then the process will go quickly. Otherwise, she'll file, then I have to respond and it will take a little longer, but get completed since I won't try to hold it up. Problem is, the first way would be faster and cheaper, but I feel like I would just be condoning divorce and not stating my opposition to the whole thing. However, once she files, I don't want to attempt reconciliation. I want it to move as fast as possible. That's why the first choice may be better because I will be able to move on faster.

hoping4best,

I can't tell you what to do as far as how to proceed w/ a D. I offer only this generalization: Do what you need to do in a way that you can look back with no regrets. Easier said than done, I know. But that's the way it has to be.

I was also too soft hearted to go to plan B. Once taxes are filed there will be no more contact with my WW. We did taxes together and all went smoothly but after some time I felt this sudden urgency to get out of there. I have this defense mechanism, I guess. No more pining or whining.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think I'm tired of trying. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Usually I don't think of things as black and white but IMHO, you are either not tired of trying or you are. IMO, this is crucial. You must be willing to walk away without looking back. I, most positively, am at that point. See what I am saying? I am tired and I am done trying to save the M. Hang in there.

-Luki

W came by a few hours ago and we talked a while, then she brought up how to divide all of our stuff. She also remarked that she had sent letters to her parents about what was going on.

Things went okay until she started to ask if I was going to this meeting on Tuesday. She became angry when I stated that I wasn't sure. I told her that I have a problem with just going to the courthouse and stating that we both give up. I basically will do this if I can add in some sort of remark what these irreconcileable differences are. This angers and frustrates her, but I guess it doesn't really matter at this point. I'm not going to do something that I will regret later.

Tonight, I'm going to rent a movie and spend some time organizing my files and preparing for an inevitable move. Maybe try to see if I can find someone to golf with tomorrow, too.

Luki, When you state that you are done trying, are you going to file, wait for her to file, or wait for her to come back? I know that you have stated earlier that you would wait for her to file, since it is her deal. What would you do if your wife presented you with a situation similar to mine?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Luki, When you state that you are done trying, are you going to file, wait for her to file, or wait for her to come back? I know that you have stated earlier that you would wait for her to file, since it is her deal. What would you do if your wife presented you with a situation similar to mine? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now I am waiting for her to file. She has to see this through if that is what she wants. If presented with an "offer" like the one you describe I would probably go along as long as my conditions were met as to division of marital property etc. Also among those conditions are to make her do the leg work and pay for the thing. I'm not sure if I am the one to ask for advise on this but that is my opinion for better or for worse( no pun intended there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Tonight, I'm going to rent a movie and spend some time organizing my files and preparing for an inevitable move. Maybe try to see if I can find someone to golf with tomorrow, too. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah! Go knock the !@#$ out some balls. I go on bike rides and make myself suffer over the hills. When I get over the top of one I pump my fists in the air like Lance Armstrong. Feels good to hurt like that!(I'm crazy I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) Do your best Tiger Woods impression!

-Luki

So, if I understand correctly, you would go to the meeting and just agree to file with the same lawyer...whatever it takes to get it over with the fastest.

I want it done quick, but not at the expense of showing that I am someone who just gives up on vows. I'm a religious type, and I took my vows very seriously. I'm not wanting to appear like a hypocrite.

I'll do my best to impersonate Tiger...only it might take a few more shots to finish each hole... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It sure would be nice to golf like him. Actually, hockey is my passion, and I want to get really good at it, however, tomorrow is going to be such a beautiful day to golf...60s and sunny outside.

I would get it over a fast as possible, as long as I was not getting run over. I took my vows seriously, but anymore, I would be doing more harm than good to my mental state by trying to save things. That's not to say I am not going to work on myself still. That's a life long project as I see it.

After trying for a year I would not consider you a hypocrite. What's more important is how you feel about yourself. That's what really matters. If YOU feel hypocritical, then don't do things that way, IMVHO.

You do your best Tiger and I will do my best Lance.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
-Luki