</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Going to swap meets is fun, too </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Swap meets??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Pray tell, what are swap meets?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Suz

Susan:

Holy Moly, Mother of Cripes! Where do you LIVE?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Swap meets are like parkinglot-size garage sales. MOST of our furniture is antiques we bought at swap meets. I even found a 6" f/10 Newtonian tube assembly for 20 bucks at one a few months ago!

Swap meets are cool. My W is the bigger fan, though. I like them because I get to walk around with her on a nice day, holding her hand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

-Qfwfq

Miss'ippi... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I have lots of antiques and buy all my antiques at the antique store.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I even found a 6" f/10 Newtonian tube assembly for 20 bucks at one a few months ago!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what is THAT??? a Newtonian tube??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Suz

Susan, Susan...you should know better than to ask Q for an explanation like that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Next thing you know, he's telling you that it's a widget to measure the electromagnetic spectrum deviation at 25 megaparsecs from 45 degrees north off of the refraction occuring on inter-stellar light when it bounces off of....you get my drift! ROTFLOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, and "swap meets" is the nice way of saying Flea Markets! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

Ok, glad to get that question answered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sounds much like something I need...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm heading out of town (3 1/2 hrs.) to visit my mother now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm taking my laptop and will be checking in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I feel sure and hope that Pepper did not take hers. She badly needs this time of rest! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Suz <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Susan:

It's a telescope. I'm a "TN"

...Telescope Nut!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
-Qfwfq

SC:

Gadzooks! You beat me to it! I posted my "short answer" bout the same time you posted. I coulda said so much more!!!

Susan. Yeah, she probably does need a break, but these days, don't you think Weddings should have wireless internet access for the attendees? After all, what better time to "save a M" with MB than AT THE WEDDING! Maybe they could post the Forum website during the vows!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

-Qfwfq

Swap Meets sounds like a nice way of saying.............. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, nevermind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Susan

...A??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Why would I want to go to a market KNOWN to have fleas!?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> After all, what better time to "save a M" with MB than AT THE WEDDING! Maybe they could post the Forum website during the vows!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! Before the ceremony...it should be required reading...MB website.

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Susan,
What did you think a swap meet was? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Qfwfq:
Ask for NSA, it helps you feel loved.
Tell her up front you are givng NSA so she can relax and enjoy it withoug wondering where it is going.

In the beginning, my W woldn't let me give back rubs because she thought it was intended as a precurser to sex. It was only after I explained that it was not going further, that I didn't have any other motive, that she began to trust me touching her. I had to be very plain and up front about it for it to work.

I can see why you feel rejected, not even a straight out "no." I didn't realize.

SS

Later edit,
Am I slow today, or what??

<small>[ April 14, 2003, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS:

Q: Am I slow today, or what??

A: What!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the suggestions, though. I'm going to try that.

-QFwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Susan,
What did you think a swapy meet was? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I deducted that it was where you *met* to *swap*.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

*swap* what.... I didn't know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Go to any good swap meets this weekend Q?

Susan

Susan:

Nope. I jacked up a 2-story house yesterday!

It must not have fallen on me, because I still have most of my faculties about me. (such as they are) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Qfwfq

So,
Did Q have a nice weekend?
I am speaking mostly of your relationship with W.

Jacked up a two story house. Jacked up a two story house. Jacked up a two story house. I'm stuck and I can't evem, make a good joke. Heck, I can't even make a bad one.

I'll be back.
(Just thought I'd warn you.)

SS

SS:

Well alrighty then!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

No big news to report, just that I'm really finding myself absolutely absorbed by Passionate Marrige these days!

Since I've decided to back off the pressure (such as it was, that is) on my W to have SF, I've noticed some positives. I don't want her to feel pressure at all, and I also want to "see" if she wants to initiate sometimes. I've been showing NSA (non-sexual affection), and it's SLOWLY showing positive results. The main reason for doing it is to enable me to distinguish between her wanting "more" from her feeling like she's simply giving in to my desires, or her perception of them. I didn't feel "successful" demonstrating that I don't separate SF from loving her, so I'm just going to love her for however long it may take.

The result is that, after the "makeup affection" (not just sex, but handholding and snuggling, or talking) ALWAYS fell off in frequency after a serious R talk/argument (the last of which was on my birthday), the past few days, my W has actually "initiated" hand holding or snuggling again on a couple of occasions. No big deals, and not "intense" by any means. But somewhat reminiscent of the makeup stuff but without the fight as the impetus.

I think she's starting to see that I'm "detaching" or "differentiating" (Schnarch) better with time. I'm happier (but I won't pretend to be happy all the time), and the increase in my happiness is affecting her thinking some.

On the other hand, though she's having a better time over all, and it was a good weekend, this morning, as we went to pick up our tax forms, she got a call on her cell about her work crew. It's pouring out there today, and so they're not going to be able to work this week. She said she'd pass the news on to the office, but couldn't find the phone number after she got off the phone. I made some suggestions about checking her recent calls list on the phone, or waiting until we got back to the house (like a half hour later) but she got angry (not at me personally, I don't think). All over not having a phone number for another 30 minutes????????????????

This is a lot like the incident where she snapped at our D for her computer case dumping on the floor a week or 2 ago (because she'd left it unzipped). I actually thought that was funny in a way. But you'd think it was the end of the world, the way she reacted to it.

Oh well. I feel the need to "call bull$hit" on occasion when she gets angry about little things like that, and feel it's a responsibility of mine to do so, perhaps so she'll have something to talk to her IC about when she sees her again. That would be "constructive bull$hit calling" by the way. I don't even want to be slightly sarcastic to her about it like this morning.

The other thing is that this isn't phasing me so much anymore either. I actually feel good about that, because it shows I'm not dependent so much on how she feels - that's her responsibility, ultimately. It has me feeling funny at the same time, because as Schnarch says, if one partner is willing to go into the "growth circle" while the other won't leave the "comfort circle" it is possible to grow apart and end up DV'd. I don't want to find myself at a point where we're so far apart in our "differentiation" that I don't care when the DV option comes to a head, if that happens (it seems to in Schnarch's experience sometimes).

But the growth stuff is SO INTERESTING. I read in the evenings after we've turned off the Lobotomy Box and my W is starting to go to sleep. So she knows I'm reading a lot more now. I won't mind showing her what I'm reading, or even letting her read it too. But she hasn't said anything yet.

There! Was that more informative than "jacking up the house?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Qfwfq

Yes, much more informative.

I have a Passionate Marriage question. I suppose I should start my own thread. And I might. But, I'll start here since you are reading too.

I read this book on my trip to and from my mother's this passed weekend (7 hrs. round trip)

Page 339...Don't identify with your feelings.

I'm not sure I understand that small portion. Can you explain what it means to you?

Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Susan

Susan:

Well, I'll have to 2ble check when I get home, but I remember reading this recently, too.

I think he means, don't let your feelings define who you are.

? Make sense?

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think he means, don't let your feelings define who you are. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes, it makes sense...but if I think on it long or try to make it too deep, it gets confusing.

The book is EXCELLENT.

It is probably just me...and the 2+ years of therapy where the counselor constantly said "pay attention to your feelings"....

confused me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Susan