My first thought was the same as JL's. It may not be dollars.

SS

Kily,
Glad to see you are doing better. Unfortunately I don't have any advise for you on this one, only encouragement and prayers. Do what is right for you, stick to your guns and keep your chin up.

God Bless

SS-

Nice to know we have a consensus. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm not sure if I shouldn start being alarmed here...

I could DEAL with financial ruin, but I don;t know how I would deal with personal ruin again...

I have to give this a little space and see if I receive any more details.

Also thank YOU for all of your love and support too! You and JL have kept me sane and focused when sanity was REALLY hard to hold onto...

TM-

Ditto for you. How are things with your sitch?

I'm parying for you.

Hi Kily,
When things come from God, he really wants us to have help. If it's from God, you will find what it means if you look for it. Sometimes we need the exercise of looking, sometimes we need more time. You'll know.

SS

I think X IS capable of learning....

I just received an email asking if it was okay with me to watch DS on Wednesday and Thursday because he has yet ANOTHER business trip!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He wanted my approval prior to BUYING the ticket.

I guess we DO live and learn. At least I know that he absorbed SOME of what was discussed on sunday.

Winds of change...

Kily-

The winds of change are blowing but which way will they take you?

Maybe exBF is turning around maybe not. Guard your heart from the temptation of others and from pain from him. You have learned so much, if he learns half of what you have you could have a great R.

Set your limits!

You are in my thoughts and my W's also!

STTSI-

I'm NOT really interested in new "R"'s right now. I can't even IMAGINE allowing someone inside. My outlet is MB and I enjoy helping people like you and ALS,H_P, and TM...for me, that is ALL I need for now.

Congrats on yours and the Mrs. big step in recovery. I'll be in touch!

Kily- I was not suggesting that you were looking elsewhere, all I was meaning is that it is easy to get in over your head. I am sorry if it came across any other way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Take Care

STTSI-

I knew where you were coming from. Don't worry.

I guess for me. I am finding it hard to trust that things will be different and anything other than what IS today is VERY SCARY.

I don't want to make the same mistakes...I don't want to get hurt...I don't want to hurt anyone else. Alone isn't such a bad thing.

Today is X's Birthday and I'm really fighting myself because I just want to send a quick note to say that he's thought about and cared for...

I think this is hurting ME more than him.

OK, Good, I am glad we are still friends! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kily:
<strong>I think this is hurting ME more than him.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sure you are probably right about that statement! Keep posting here and go out with some friends tonight!

My thoughts are with you.

Questions:

X is sending me emails suah as the following:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> a few things:
1. Did DS bring home the cookbook I bought?
2. Do you have his blue swiming bag?
3. I gave him money for a plant sale today. So he'll have some plants to take home. He was excited.
4. I paid for his class pictures, I'll share them with you unless you want to order a duplicate set? He says you have his class picture. I'll order another one.
5. I thought you were going to sign him up for the next round of swimming lessons? They are now sold out, I checked the other day. The next session has sign up on June 9th so he won't be going for a month starting next week.
6. FYI, I gave him a $20 check last week for lunch money so I don't know when he will need money next.
7. Can you fill out the book fair slip with him tonite? I think its do tommorrow.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do I deal with this when I've asked for NC?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"How do I deal with this when I've asked for NC?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it possible to have a third party act as intermediary?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"How do I deal with this when I've asked for NC?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it possible to have a third party act as intermediary?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My thoughts exactly!

Good luck Kily

Hi Coffeeguy-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it possible to have a third party act as intermediary? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I could probably get a family member to do this. I just feel badly by pulling them into issues that have nothing to do with them.

My concern is that since we are in a custody battle it might look as if I am being "Uncooperative" and "stubborn" to do this in the eyes of the court.

For me, I just feel like he keeps trying to bait me with little tidbits everyday. It's frustarting because I can answer immediately, but again, I feel like I'm being baited. I want what's best for DS, too so I am feeling guilty by ignoring the messages.

Does someone see this differently? Other perspectives are welcomed.

Kily,

You two do share a child, so there will be contact. I read his list of comments and questions and there were short to the point, and no dialogue. I think this might be a good format for your interaction with him.

Send him back an email with simple straight forward answers to his questions or a thank you for the info on the ones that are not questions. Ask any questions you might have, comment on things you have committed S to so that he knows and end the message.

Communications must occur because of your son, this template seems to be pretty emotionaless go with it.

That would be my take on this.

God Bless,

JL

You may want to consider responding to him on the truly serious issues concerning your child(ren), and only communicate to your child(ren) on the more trivial matters.

JL-

I have been responding in that manner towards him for some time...usually he then starts opening up dialogue...That is when I normally stop communication. It's frustrating because I keep thinkgin...see he's being nice and opening the door and you're just shooting him down by ignoring him.
During our discussion Sunday he even commented that I am reverting to the "old" patterns of ignoring his calls...I can't win here because he sees what he WANTS.

Coffeeman-Generally that's how I want to handle it but am conflicted due to the above reasons. It seems that no matter how much I do to support X, I'ts still being disregarded.

I'm trying SO hard to do what's right.

This is the response I sent:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Yes. I'd like a copy. Can I pay for this one or buy another?
2. Yes. I wanted to wash his stuff before I returned it.
3. Good. I know how much he loves flowers.
4. You know that I want some. I'm interested either way.
5. I wasn't notified that his lessons were through. Sorry. If I had known, he would have been registered. I will mark the calendar so that the next sign up is not overlooked.
6. I gave him $20 yesterday.
7. No problem.
8. I have a perscritption that he needs to begin taking once a day. The same NASAL spray that Jimmy received. He is to spray and then sniff a couple of times.
He has to have blood drawn to complete the testing. The results will be in approximately two weeks from now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hopefully this is clear and to the point.

Your above responses look concise and to the point with no emotional add on's to them, but remember that how he responds to them is beyond your control. Also remember that NC should ALWAYS take a back seat with regards to your child(ren)'s wellbeing.

Kily,

This sounds like what you and I have been talking about for some time...You backing down and he attempting to take back control by knowing he can have contact with you when he wants.

Of course, like the all-wise JL says, the stuff about your child is #1 and should of course be addressed. You're doing a great job with that. And the personal stuff you should just put aside, ignore, whatever. He'll get the message.

You asked for NC and I'm assuming you want that to say that way unless he is fully dedicated to you. And you know that if he were, he'd just have to tell you that to start a dialogue. He may be testing the waters to see if you are serious, and I would be tempted to reply personally as well, but I think the right advice is to keep your game face on, and wait for a real statement of commitment, don't let him bait you in with personal remarks. You asked for NC regarding that stuff, I'd stay with it.

I'm no expert, of course, but this is probably what most of my advisors (you included) would tell ME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ALS