Originally quoted by MM:
"I would not sugar coat what she was doing with anyone. She still to this day is angry for me for dragging her name in the dirt in our community (note: I did not necessarily do this...instead, when asked how we were doing, I didnt say separated or working on issues, but generally told the truth to others that my wife was sleeping around with the local bar bouncer and had separated from me and left me and the kids)."

This is probably the "biggest" issue for my WH!
He will often say that I am doing a smear campaign. and I reply, "gee if there is a way for me to sugar coat the fact that you've left your W & 4 kids for another married woman w/3 kids, then let me know and I"ll try to make you look good!

I'm only stating the truth when talking w/friends & family, I can't sit home with my hands folded quietly drowning in my pain in order to spare him the humiliation of what he is doing? His guilt is his "to own" and I can't minimize that for him.

However, I also strongly feel that this is probably the biggest hurdle preventing him from coming home. It is no longer possible to save face. After the 1st few weeks of D-Day when he told me he was leaving, I no longer felt obligated to keep this "secret". He accuses of me of "involving" everyone on the planet in our "situation", he knows that our mutual friends(some his childhood friends)know and have been supportive of me. I replied I'm upset that he involved another W in our M!

I do often wonder how this will be handled if WH and I reconcile and will follow your situation closely. I for one do not care what other people think, who knows what skeletons are in their closets, and I have discovered just how many people I know have experienced the pain of A's.
H was a very likable person and a good man, and I know that this has to be painful for him as well. I have told him, it is how he ultimately responds to this experience that will be remembered. I just pray that he can swallow his pride, stand up straight and take that 1st baby step towards home...
For your W and all WS's this has to be the most difficult step...