Hello AM! Wow! I write like I talk so - I would never be good at it! I feel that I could write a script for a Soap Opera - that's what WH has made me feel like. What a tangled web he weaves!

I am going to Tuscon for the weekend for a family reunion - I have a large family - there will be close to 200 people there. It should be fun as long as there aren't 100 questions about what happened and comments to the effect "What a jerk he is!" and "You are better off without him"! Anyway I am looking forward to a little R & R!

Should I do anything for the Anniversary? Card? Phone call? or Nothing at all! I think if I did something it would impress him - but then again if I don't he may think twice! I don't know cuz he says it is over - he hasn't loved me in two years (despite when I asked him did he love me when our daughter was born - the answer is of course Yes! - that was less than a year at the time) Yada Yada Yada! So it may just be appropriate to do nothing. I don't know! I am getting away though.

Thanks Cherie

I've read some of the divorcebusting stuff, so I say you conveniently "forget" the anniversary. What else can you do? Send him a card at his place with OW?!?

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

AM - I will conveniently forget our anniversary! It will be hard but I will do it! Truthfully I think he will be hot air ballooning in Raton, NM at a Rally and I thought of having flowers delivered to him on the field with a "Happy Anniversary message and we love and miss you!" - I think I said it earlier but - I sent him wild flowers after our first date - a rather large arrangement! Everyone (his family and friends) were impressed. Reasons 1.) Because it would piss OW off and 2.) Because it would impress him. But I won't! I just want to get him back with us so badly that I think I would appear desperate! I will continue Plan A the best I can under the circumstances!

I plan on having a wonderful time with my family in Tuscon! I live in Albuquerque, NM so it will be quite a trip for my little one - but hopefully she will do fine! A carseat can be uncomfortable for 6-8 hours! We are staying at a Ramada Suites hotel - near to all sorts of things to do! My uncle who is from there usually takes us to some airplane graveyard - it sounds weird but is very interesting!

I want to sit by the pool and tan as much as I can as well. I love being tan - not too good for the skin but it makes me feel prettier! I need alot of that now. The OW is not an attractive woman - from many accounts not just my own! One of his friends said (his words not mine - he is single) "She would be a one nighter. Not a keeper" - sorry I know that was a little off track but I am still bewildered about that. I know that I need to loose weight - she is thinner but not a model by any means - I have had a child - she has not. On and on I could go.

Anyway have a good afternoon. Thanks for everything!

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: cnf ]</small>

Re the flowers: it may or may not annoy the OW. Suppose they both considered it evidence of YOUR weirdness? Suppose they joked about it? Suppose it just annoyed H? It could evoke a range of reactions you can't predict.

As someone said on here, pretend he's a pleasant neighbor you don't know very well. If he blows up or gets weird -- well, how would you act if a neighbor did that? Kind of surprised, but still polite, right?

It would annoy her - remember OW was my friend. I know that it would really bother her. And put a wrench in their weekend - but I know that goes against letting them see real life thus ending the A. I am not planning on doing anything - just thinking or venting out loud.

I don't know him at all right now - the alien abduction thing for sure - so pretending that he is someone I don't know very well will be very easy. I am cordial but that is it. I am trying to meet as many EN's as possible but is hard with him not here. When is the 100 day deadline anyway?

I am sorry - I haven't even asked how you have been! Are you doing OK today? I hope so - I leave in 20 minutes so if you don't hear back from me today - that is why! Have a good evening just in case!

Oops! I double posted!

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: cnf ]</small>

Dead silence and blackout from H. No idea what that means. I'm busy, and enjoying the other parts of my life!

AM - how long has it been since you talked with H? Is he with OW? or Just "finding" himself?

You sound a little down? Do you have some plans for the long weekend?

I am not going to do anything for the anniversary. He hasn't even called to see D this week and he knows we are leaving town tonight. He said that he would call earlier in the week to see her before we left. Did he? No! What a jerk! The OW must be something spectacular for him to totally blow of his children, friends and work?!? I know she is not anything I would consider spectacular - but not my call I suppose!

Thanks for all the support!

I am a little down today -- some bad news about the house.

No, my H moved in with OW three months ago. Haven't spoken with him in weeks. My anniversary email -- about utilities bill -- was last communication. He's been rather low-profile in the community lately. It saves my sanity.

Don't try to guess what they see in OWs. Don't try to guess what is going on in that relationship. It will only drive you nuts.

A.M. take a deep breath and let it out slowly! I am sure that it will look better in the morning!

I was really scared that I may loose my house and everything I had worked for because the child support doesn't cover what WH did before. But I was able to do a workable plan with the Mortgage company and all is looking a little brighter today! I am putting it on the market next week because of too many memories and I want to relocate to Colorado - but we shall see. Keep your head up.

It is so hard not to compare or wonder about OW - because she was my friend and I know her history! So does he - what the heck was he thinking - or was it more what he was thinking with???? It just hurts double due to the fact that OW was a supposed friend who was in our home and of course being betrayed by the one person you never thought would betray you hurts. I try hard not to listen to what people are saying and get on with my life and meet EN when I can!

Better get back to work! Keep your head up - you have been such an encouragement to me and I appreciate it! Thank you! and BIG Hugs! Cherie

<small>[ July 20, 2003, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Victory! Victory! After 37 days of NC from H, I approached H in public today to ask him a pertinent and unavoidable question about the house! I was pleasant, and social.

H looked annoyed, and was completely dead behind the eyes. Deep in Fogland.

But victory, victory! I did it! A Plan A effort! AD -- how many days is this?

This isn't good news, of course -- he was only marginally civil. But considering I was being patrolled, the fact that I slipped through...

H & OW going through a "love me, love my dog" togetherness routine. They do look reasonably contented in public. Things will be as they will be, but I think this war is basically over.

By my calculation, the 100 days are over. Maybe it would be good to recap, those of us that were involved with this. What we learned, where we failed, etc.

<small>[ July 20, 2003, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

AM,

I am proud of U. That is a hard thing to do without breaking up in tears or making a scene.

Wow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

AM,

Well, that's amazing!

You seem to be getting stronger and stronger. Do you still want him back? I admit that I've been avoiding your thread over in D/D, but I'm guessing the answer is at least "maybe" - or it really wouldn't matter if you could speak to him in public.

I think the "dead behind the eyes" look is quite interesting. How annoying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - the one who you're pretending doesn't exhist appears before you and makes pleasant conversation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It's as if he's in a daze and just thinking about waking up but can't believe that the dream is the thing that is unreal and in the real world he has a wife and children and stuff.

I'm not sure how many days it is, but I don't think it's more than about 70.

Sorry I've not been keeping up this thread. My "plan A" fell into chaos - almost complete disorder, so I don't know what to say.

Sunday was horrible. At least half my fault. I LB'ed in a serious way, though I didn't intend to.

This all started with a "discussion" about vacations. (I have friends in Philly and I thought we could stay with them for a couple of days (they repeatedly invite us - and will take off from work just to show us around) - and then take a drive up to NYC for maybe two days and a night. But this "plan" has lately fallen dormant.) W came in to where I was sitting and started into it. W said she really wanted to go to NYC - which was part of a trip we had been talking about. I told W that if we couldn't walk to the playground together without her creating a scene and telling me to "go away", I really didn't think it would be any fun to try to drive somewhere 15 hours each way (we are in the SE). Basicly, I told her that I didn't want to go anywhere with her. This is a bit new for me, since I'm usually the forever optimist - who says "let's just try it." I'm the guy who just keeps trying over and over again to please her and maybe I'm just giving up a little. It's not D time, just time to say "I don't want to do this anymore."

I'm beginning to think that this what I have to do - and it doesn't sound much like Plan A. It sounds more like "independent action" - or whatever Harley calls it. W feels that she can't go without me, so she's trapped. As she says "So, if I'm this perfectly little wife and cook your meals and iron your socks and whatever, then you'll take me to NYC" (she way she says "perfect little wife" is particularly dripping with sarcasm). So, I reply: "No, you don't have to do anything for me. I just want to be treated at least as nicely as you would treat a stranger. That's all I ask." So, she says, with condescension, "That's all you want in marriage?" I said "No, but that's a minimum requirement."

Then I brought up the incident at the pool parking lot Friday, where she told me "Go to H*ll" in a public place, in front of our child. I said that it wasn't good for our daughter to see/hear her mother saying such things - which discussion eventually led to me saying that I needed to "protect my child from you (W)". That turned out to be the arrow in the soft underbelly. I didn't realize it immediately. I shouldn't have said that I needed to protect our child from her own mother. I could have put it a different way. I didn't realize what an impact that would have on her, but as she later explained, trying to be a good Mom is the only thing that she clings to in life and if she is a bad Mom she might as well not be alive.

W packed a bag to leave - big bad scene. She was leaving "to just drive somewhere listening to rap really loud just to go somewhere quiet to think". I love my W's logic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> She was in such a state and had been talking of suicide for the last couple of days that I decided that I was going to be the *very* bad guy and not let her go - physically block her from going. Eventually, I kind of tricked her into staying. It was a very bad day for both of us. I feel sorry for her - sorry that she's so unhappy - sorry that I hurt her - sorry that I felt that I had to do what I did to prevent her from going - which she surely will resent, and I wouldn't blame her. What a mess!

-AD

<small>[ July 21, 2003, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: AD. ]</small>

ATTTABOY, AD! I think you are definitely on the right track with refusing to go on a long trip like that! You can be kind, and loving, and yet refuse to put yourself into a degrading situation!

That sounds wonderful!

AMM,

"ATTABOY", is the last think in the world I expected to hear from anybody. Thanks.

-AD

ATTTABOY, AD! I think you are definitely on the right track with refusing to go on a long trip like that! You can be kind, and loving, and yet refuse to put yourself into a degrading situation!

That sounds wonderful!

What? The police didn't show?

"No police.", he said, with an air of confidence.

"No police at all?", she replied, blinking, with quivering lip.

Just then, the phone rang.

He answered "uh huh. Yeah. OK. 6:15", and hung up. "I've got to go", he said quickly, and turned toward the door. "Don't go. Please?", she said.

"Sorry", was all he could reply - and he was gone...

Tune in next week for the next episode of ..
No Police.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: AD. ]</small>

No doubt about it. Matthew was gone again. Who was it calling on the cell phone again? And at 4:30 a.m.?

6:15...it was a clue...there must be some hidden meaning...She turned to the Bible on her nightstand. Matthew 6.15: "If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

What could it mean? What was there to forgive in Matthew? He was ... she had always thought ... perfect (see thread on "Perfectionism")?

Could Matthew be having...she could barely control her panic...an AFFAIR?!?

Perhaps it was time to call the police, she thought. Now fully awake, she reached for the phone.

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>