mati,

don't have much time, but I am so glad to hear your news.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

matilde I am soooooooooooooooo happy for you....
and I will be praying you do no love b... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Matilde,

I'm thinking of you. Let us know how the meet with H goes!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WOW!

Thank you so much for keeping in touch!

Well..... All went.....

I think really good.

We did got this cute Shih Tzu dog... as the one in the movie as good as it gets? We loved that dog!!! and since we saw it we got hooked by him... Us where SIL, H and I.

We spend like 1 hour looking at dogs, and I told him that I liked labradors or a Beagel, he asked to buy the labrador and I told him no we can't since it's a big dog and we live in an appartment... Where would we get a dog THAT big? and he told me I don't know... at your parents? at mine?... hehehe I told him well is no fun to have a dog some place else than home... it was just a comment you know? And he keep telling we should get the Beagle... Well we didn't get him... anyhow after that we went to a pet store and bought the dog some food a collar and dishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . After that we realized that at that time his parents would be at church and since the dog was for his mom, to church we went...

There it was like a lot of his family! I didn't knew ALL of them shared the same church.

So we waited until the service finished.. and decided to go to his parents to leave the dog stuff... We where and spend some time with them and the dog it was fun... After that he asked to go out and have dinner and I told him ok sure where do you want to go? and he asked me to pick...

Well I went to this japaneese restaurant right besides the street with a wonderfull deck and you can talk in the open air and there is only like 8 tables there... So there we went... He must be wondering but I didn't told him how I knew the place..

We talked A LOT! I was really relaxed... Remember telling that ours was a communication problem? Well I still think it is...

There where a lot of issues about the future like getting a dog... then when we where buying the dog... He told me his choices at work don't look so good and there might be choices like going to Saint Louis USA... that If I wanted I could go with him??!?!?!?!? I said we will see....

And the last one I couldn't bear anymore, was when we where at the restaurant and he told me about changing my car for a Beatle (WV) I love those cars and I said well hold it there you are talking about the future here? and you have not talked to me about anything else? YES I knew no relationship talk I didn't want to get there also and this for me was the only LB time of the night cause he told me wait we are not talking about that (A or things he had thinked) we will in the future just not now... Well you can BET I was not going to talk about it tonight! I really didn't wanted I just wanted him to stop talking about future? Becasue right now I'm not sure there is a future you know? Also I do not want to get my hopes very high..... Anyhow....

I talked about my trip, about work and about me going out to some movies and about some things I learned here... (not that deep) just like a friend making comments..

He talked about his work, about Gym and about the lipo, about this course he took on emocional intelligence and his MBA.

In all it went good like old friends catching up. I laughed a lot because I felt like that (I think he liked that).
He was amazed on how I looked, the pounds I took off and the shoes I was wearing and that my hair was getting longer and that I looked good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
And also said he was amazed how calm I where... YES I'm learning here! and really I think I have reached some peace for myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well he also looked good LOL just his belt was hanging and I told him to either get a new one or get holes in that! Hehehe he trully needs me for that.

At the end he said he was feeling sleepy and I told him ok let's go and he asked me if I was mad and I told him no I'm not mad, I have always told you how I felt in the past, and if I didn't I'm going to do it from now on.... and I spect the same from you... I said that really calmed and sweet. Like a statement? well he took it very good and told me this is not going to be easy but I will the good and bad things... Then I told him ok but we have to POJA... I did send to him some MB stuff after dday that I know he read... but I drop it there.. like I don't want to push and I really don't. I made clear to him that this is a time I'm getting to work on myself.

He asked to go tomorrow to the gym and I told him no I can't I think I'm going with a friend to have breakfast (have to call her yet) and in the afternoon I got plans also, so he have to wait some more. I'm playing it safe here.

Well that is all I hope you have reach this far without going to sleep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well I got some news here...

On wensday H contacted me via messenger... (It's been like 2 months that I have not saw hime there) and asked for a date tonight. He has not confirmed and I hope he remembers it. Also he told me about going to a walk tomorrow.

I'm still not doing relationship talk and I know I don't have to pursue this kinds of conversation until he does.

Well that is ok by me. But I feel some kind of weird... Like I'm learning too much and I'm becoming a different person. It's still hard to be without him, but I know now I can survive without him and like I'm growing too much as a person and in the future I'm not going to have a common goal with H? Is this normal???
Also I feel like my love bank is draining. And I'm not looking at this relationship from the emotional view but each day I'm looking at it from a rational point of view (is this good)???

At this point I don't know, since H was the mind and I was the heart of our relationship, I don't know if we could build over pure mind you know? I'm afraid that this will turn out in like a deal and well me being a women... I can not accept that! LOL we are feelings right?

Heheh yes I'm a little confused on that...

Anyway I will keep you posted on what develops and again thank you very much MB ppl for all your support.

8:54 pm....

Seems H forgot the date???

Well if this is his idea to work on M or in a relationship he is way to wrong...

I have to think my next actions.... Will keep u posted..

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

About Friday...

H sended an email really late and never mentioned the date on it... it was a low night... but the good thing is that I had good advice and took a buble bath with candles for the first time in my life... after that I browsed here... and play some online game...I went to bed really late and I was very tired...

On saturday I woke up around 12 pm... about an hour later H msgd me... we chatted some and I made him get my point that he should not forget dates, that that was not a way to treat any friend or even me... he got it? (no I don't think so and I'll explain later)... anyway he promised he would not do it again... he told me he was really ill at his mouth and got fever on friday and was not able to eat anything solid since thursday... I proposed we got to an ice cream shop and we went... after that we went to the Marriot Hotel here to get a burger... it was his idea since he told me burgers where good there...

Anyhow.. the date went great... we talked a lot and we got some good points on the table...

Today... well today is a whole another story... I chatted with him some in the morning... and later he asked to go out again... I said yes... and he told me he needed to get firt to his oss and finish a pressentation to his bosses boss... I told him ok that he would call me before comming here so I would be ready...

I didn't wait for the call and since it was getting late I showered and got ready... well he did call later to tell me he was going back at his parents that he felt dizzy and that he was going to get some rest... that if it didn't mattered to me? well of course if he was feeling sick it didn't mattered right? ...
Anyway around 9 pm I asked at his parents how he was feeling and they told me he was ot there???

Wow great news on communication right? On feeling sick and telling the truth???

Well I just feel really low now... like all is worthless... I don't want to work in this M anymore... I'm sure there is going to be a great reason for this... there is always a good reason right? and I'm always been gullible on that...

I did send an email telling him my feelings and ok it can be saw as a LB or whatever... not that I care about it right now... and I'm kind of getting tired of controlling emotions... I know is good, but I always been a very sensitive person and that is something I'm not willing to loose here... And yes I know my reactions are not always the best ones... and on that I have learned a lot I think... but I can not keeping myself to think and rethink every step I do... I'm not like that never was and never will... I know been reactive is also not the way to be... but it's a work in progress...

Anyway yes I got PMS and I'm venting but who cares anymore?

<small>[ June 29, 2003, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Matilde,

Too tired to have any answers to your questions except for one.

I CARE!!!

I'll try to talk to you tomorrow.

Dobie

Matilde, I sure am sorry to hear about your weekend. One very effective lesson they teach all southern girls is to never be "too" available.

For example, I was always "booked out" 5 days and if a gentleman couldn't call 5 days in advance for a date, he could forget it. I was never available on short notice.

Matilde, make him work a little harder, dear. Its too easy and he is taking advantage at your expense. Have some previous "plans" the next time he calls.

You are worth more than a short notice girl and too busy to be sitting by the phone waiting for a phone call from someone who has stood you up! If you don't value yourself, he won't. BIG HUG!!

Thank you Dobie...
I know you do... I'll try to check with you tomorrow... Hope all is ok and remember to get that book back! I want to ask something about it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Melodylane....

This is a dilema I got... I went NC and now the bridges fo communication we are opening again... and I think we are in a very fragile sittuation... even a bad step could be saw as a LB and I don't really want to put more problems into the relationship... Point taken on what you told me and I have to do some thinking on that. Thank you for the advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...

Small update...
About 10 minutes after I have posted this H called me.. he was arriving... instantly checked his emails... saw mine.... and ...his boss have called him 2 times regarding this presentation they have to give tomorrow to the BIG bosses and they where very stressed about it...

He said he was sorry like 6 times or more.. that he should have called...

I told him that I knew that at this point I knew I didn't deserve any explanationsm but htat I was not going to stop expressing him my feelings...

He told me he was afraid of my rectuon and I told him what about? you been wroking a lot and I have not told you anything on that! And he told me you are right... I have to get used to the new matilde... It seems like he is not beleiving my changes? well I guess not... he asked for more time and comprehension on my part... and that I please help him...

I told him I would be very please to help him in any issue he wanted... that I can give him any book... make his pick... and that I was changing for good... that really I could not go back, but that I needed honesty...

Anyway the conversation went well... and after that we chatted some more... and well I'll let time run...
I need MORE AND MORE time... to keep changing... for not to be this sensitive!... well PMS have always hit me very hard....

Tomorrow is going to be another day... and yes! I'm going tomorrow to the place of the crazy diet!... Goal 20 pounds in a month! I'll keep you posted on this.

Thanks for your reply

I'm sooooo confused about H....

Well remember dancing lessons?

On saturday date I mentioned that to H, and he got really exited and told me he wanted to get into it also... I said ok I call them to see when they are finally opening up the shift we could go...

I called on monday and they told me they where going to start on wednesday! I'll leave 2 emails to H telling him this... and receive no response on those... So at that time I didn't knew if he was going to go or not...

So... today at my lunch hour I went to the crazy diet to get my shot (BTW on saturday I'm taking the 36 ones to fix the lenght <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (I'm at 38 now))
Anyway dancing lessons where at 7:30 pm and well I been lazy on the grocery shopping and since the supermarket was in the same place (building) as dancing lessons I decide to go shoping food and after that go to take the lessons.. I finished shopping really fast and decided to go up to get me there... about 6: 35 pm...Well they told me still they are missing 3 ppl to open up the course so I have to wait for next wednesday... Right at that time I call H to his cell phone and leave a msg in his answering machine about them canceling and since I know he is at some meeting with his boss bosses I thought that it was better that I said that to him so he doesn't take the trip there u know?

So it's about 7:00 pm when I'm at home organizing all the stuff and I heard the intercomm... now.... who could that be??? YEAP H!

He told me let's go to the dancing lessons!!! (I was like what? when did we talk about you picking me up?? I thought it was a nice gesture btw) But I told him.. haven't you heard your phone? I left a msg saying the lessons where off until next week... He told me not that he has not listened to them... So... we where hanging there... And he asked me to come up... This time I accepted...

Keep in mind we are still separated and he has not put his feet on this home for about 3 months... good I have been doing some cleaning (still much to to) and that he loved the windchines!!! Thank you Suz again.. he even loved the place where I hanged it that.. heheh we always fought about home... but this time he loved it!

Anyway the good part was that he was HANDSOME! he shaved his beard FINALLY!!! (I have asked him before many times), and had a clean cut hair! Just like I love it... the bad part is that I was a mess coming over from a full day at work and from grocery shopping UGH .... and I did told him twice that he was very good and handsome! (some 180 right??? where is the 2x4????) but I couldn't resist really! he KNEW I melt when he has the cut like that...

So, we got into the study, we talked about my crazy diet, his job, future, my job, more future plans for the weekend and Melodylane it was like he is psyquic or what? cause he asked me for the next date on monday to have it on SUNDAY!...

Over all I think it went ok but still I'm receiving mixing signals from him... like opening up a bussiness together but in the other hand telling me that we don't know if we are going to be together?

I mean at least I know I'm working on that and on myself and I also reassured him that I wanted a future together that was my goal... Take it or leave it... and as long as he got the door open and I'm not tired I will keep at it...

The good part?? we had a really nice chat... the bad part? me offering him a book to read! and NO I do not want to educate him... this one was about negotiation and should also work on his proffesional life... Anyway he didn't took it and dismissed it badly (LB for me)...

Well that lasted about an hour and then he had to left fot a dinner with the bosses...

That is all by now... Any comments?

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Hello all

This is starting to feel like a monologe... I'll update as of today.

On saturday he called me and woke me up around 10:30? lately I'm having a hard time getting to bed early... and asked to go out... but he first had to go to the office and had some work done... Well that work took until late and it seems that he has not changed THAT much, about his time and work? well we just have to deal with it later... but at night when he go to his parents and got connected I make my point that I didn't liked that. Not that I was waiting on him anyway I had fun and had a visit from some friends at home really I had a GOOD saturday.

Sunday!

Again I went to bed late on saturday and he woke me up around the same time and told me he would be home around 11:30am to go and do some shopping and to buy things for the BBQ.

He arrived sharp on time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I had a surprise for him... that surprise was me on my 36's (wohoooo for the crazy diet) and also he gave me a long time ago this leather jacket that it never fitted... well now it fits!.
At least some things good are coming out of this LOL...Anyway we went to this shopping center and looked for some jeans for him and some pants for me. I told him that I don't need new clothes now because I'm going to lose it in no time. All this time he was telling me to enter this cooking stores that I used to love and I refused. Well we didn't buy anything there and we went to the supermarket to get stuff for the BBQ. After that I told him that I wanted to go to my parents some time, he told me that if it was not a problem that he didn't came along? I told him that is ok I just want to go you can stay here at your parents and I'll go in your car and return don't worry. (last weekend he offered visit them but they where at USA, and now this weekend he doesn't want to go?? talk about being afraid... anyway I understand him very much and I don't want to put pressure on either side so it was ore than ok with me)

I went to my parents and they where very happy to see me on my 36's also and where amazed on how much I had changed. I had a little time there and had fun with them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Funny story here if you got the humor... my brother he had some issues with weight and smokes 5 packs a day and in the conversation was my SIL, since they where talking about my diest and how good I looked my mom told my SIL that she should get her H into my diet... at this point she turned really mad and told us that she had it with him, that she has go to an addictions counselor to see how could she help my brother but until you don't want you don't act right? then I laughed and told her... well you know? I got a very good method to wake him up... Everyone laughed and saw me like who is this crazy women? are you advising to have an A?...of course not! but it was fun to tell... I would never ever wish this to my worst enemy it was a joke...

Then after a while I left to my inlaws and the BBQ was very good as always at my in laws. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

After that we went to this other mall to buy me some underwear?!?!? Before he told me the one I used probably didn't fit anymore, wich is true and that now he wanted some really sexy one???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> what a comment from someone who doesn't know if he want to be my friend or my H???
So yessss you can bet this kind of things got me confused and somehow off base? anyway the stores where closed, but we saw this cooking store again and this time we entered. We picked up some oxo stuff that I didn't had and this insanelly overpriced veggies cart. He told me he didn't like the one currently at home, that we got a pretty kitchen and the old cart have to go?? (well is not like he is living there anymore right? so hello? what I'm missing here?). Later he told me that was a test for me.. before there was NO WAY that I had accepted to buy that cart at that price... now??? well who Am I to tell him how to spend his money right? Also H always showed some of his love by giving me things so I don't got a take on the cart... Test to see if I'm changing? or show of love? Beats me...

After that he suggested going home to have a coffe ... I told him I didn't think it was a good idea that I had spend a very good time and don't wanted to cut short the afternoon by him been inconfortable at home. That I didn't felt he was that good at home last time so we better settle for another place... And we went to a cafe... well if you can beleive me I don't recall being in a cafe with him much.

And we spend a GREAT time there talking about all.. him about this course he did while I was on my trip that was about theory on emotions and intelligence...simmilar to Kat72's theory... me talking about MB theory go figures right? Well I'm more than convinced that this is the way to go at least on M issues...

We talked about the A some like why it happened, not that I care much the WHY you know? I never going to get a full WHY I came to understand that much. Now the WHY seems to be important for me (BS) not to repeat the pattern that took him away from me and for him WS I think this will teach him to stablish some boundaries in teh future if he is smart enough to see this. Now that I think this I know why I couldn't have an A since I got my boundaries well stablished on that point at least. Besides that the Why doesn't really matters that much, we have to focus on what to do from now on right?

Really I had a VERY good time at that cafe talking to him a time to remember... then he left me here and went to his parents and we chatted some more. He went to bed and I went late UGH that coffee hit me hard and I'm not a coffee drinker LOL.

On monday we chatted some more and it was a nice surprise to see him there from work it has been too long since that... both from work...

Today...
Well today comes the best part. We made plans to go out on saturday and have a serious talk not A related but FUTURE related. I been telling him that I don't see a future here in this country too many problems and that I don't want to keep working on the job I got, that I want to start a bussienss of my own or migrate to other country. That is another issue I have to deal on but H promised to have the talk and he also told me that the best choice would be that one of us keep the job meanwhile the other started the bussiness.. but also he told me if its goign to rain then it's going to rain for everybody so we will see about that.

Also he asked me about how was my day at the diet and I told him good that since yesterday I had out 300 gr. and he told me good... remember we still got those tickets to ARUBA and I was like what? I really forgot about those... we where suppoused to go there on december but decided Ft Lauderdale instead. Anyway he told me he didn't forgot and maybe we would use them???

Also at noon just before I left to lunch he gave me the link for this course for me to take (the one he took). I saw it but it was really expensive and I told him that I don't think it was a good idea for me to do a course that expensive right now that I rather save the money for the other thing... I hope he got the tip...
AHHHHHHH I have not told you this.... other thing???

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 10:49 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Have to continue in another post since it doesn't allow me to do this mamooth post in one page...

Get this! cause I don't get it yet!!!

Well last weekend the one before this one, we went to and ice cream shop and while we where eating and ice cream and talking... out of the blue he told me let's go to Orlando on September? And I was like what??? what is in Orlando on that date??......

And you know what's in there???? A MB WEEKEND!!!! and you can bet that pull the rug under my feet pretty hard. Right!!! I mean I'm the one reading here and posting my heart out and I didn't knew that? some MB lady I'm right? LOL...

Well the point is that he knew, he invited and he is reading although not the forums yet... Ohhh well something to wish for and hope for in the near future right??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
So my point is I wish he got the tip on what I would rather save...

Also today he told me look I know we have some plans for next saturday but for next sunday I got an invitation from this guy at work to go to a race track or something and I will have the opportunity to drive a Porshe can I go? you wouldn't mind?

GEEEEE I'm separated! he can do whatever he want with his time right? But it was too good that he asked really I'm looking at some changes in him and I like them. I think we are both FINALLY behaving like adults. Well telling him don't go would be really selfish on my part and I don't think he would mind my oppinion anyway, and since I know how H loves those cars I really love that he could go, but he also told me he is going to ask this guy for an invitation for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Also about the course he did since we have decided that I will not do it at least by the time being I asked him for the book to learn about this new theoryof his, but I said what is fair is fair both ways so if I'm going to read your book then you read one of mines ok? and he accepted to read each night some of HNHN!!! Of course you can bet I was not going to give him SAA right? LOL. Well I think is good very good. I'm a fast reader and I'm going to learn his language and he is going to learn mine.
So tomorrow after dancing lessons (I hope they really start tomorrow) we swap books! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Still I think I'm getting very mixed signals from him, but maybe the fog if lifting and it has helped me read some post to know that might take around 6 months so I get patience and understand why is he still talking like this.

Well thanks for your patience to read this far.. heheh this is starting to become a journal for me.

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

My dear Mat,

YES, i think he's coming out of the fog, and YES, for all the fear you've had in your heart, i think you fear this good thing isn't happening.

your posts are filled with so many positives, and IF there was a negative, it would be not wanting to go to your parents BUT my thought is that it isn't that he doesn't WANT to go, he is ashamed to go and face them for what he's done to their daughter. use the words of my friend in SA, Bella, she tells me....give him time, give him support <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

there is much i could say, but i think i'll wait until i talk to Bella, then she can see YOU and give you my words.......

with God's help, it sounds like it's going to be fine....you deserve this....

Simmy

<small>[ July 13, 2003, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: Simmy ]</small>

Hey Simmy!

Thanks for er..... your 4 replies??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . That thunderstorm must be really bad!.

Well Simmy before I focoused on the bad things.. now I'm focousing on the good things that is why maybe my post is filled with positives? and YES of course I understand him not wanting to go to my parents now... but that has to pass also you see? I did put up the effort on going to his parent and really I had a very good time and only because I was the BS didn't made it any easy for me, what made it ewasy was the response I got from my in laws... really another good thing I'm getting out of this is to appreaciate them.

Also... My parents still love H very much so he has nothing to fear on that matter... and last thing about this is that I always stood by him regarding family issues... I can not say the same from him sadly but I learned to live with that so in the end he KNOWS he has, have and always will have my support.

Simmy you are going to explain me this....

...use the words of my friend in SA, Bella, she tells me....give him time, give him support

there is much i could say, but i think i'll wait until i talk to Bella, then she can see YOU and give you my words.......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> with God's help, it sounds like it's going to be fine....you deserve this.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I think we BOTH deserve a second chance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Also I would also love some more feedback from the ones who have been following me. It's good to have it here so I won't forgot your advices and words of encouragment. I know I chat a lot with many of you but you also know my funny memmory and still feedback here is very welcome.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mati,

Surpised the hell outta you, huh? I am happy to hear things are getting a little better(a lot) for you. I have been thinking about the MB weekend too since it is just up the street a bit. Maybe I'll see you there.

At the seminars do we wear nametags with our real names or our screen names??? Wish I had a cool name like slapnuts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 09, 2003, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: d_rose ]</small>

A few things here since I last posted...

The not so good thing is that I lost my job. It was not that bad because there it was this guy that well... could lead to other things and my boundaries are not that strong yet as they used to be, so maybe it's a sign from God? Who knows?

The very good thing is that I told my H and he gave me full support on that issue. I know I have to look for a better one and although is going to be hard, I know I can find it.

When I told him he pushed away a dinner (meeting work related to be with me) and WOW he is changing that issue wich is good because that was the issue that really anoyed me most about him... one day at a time I know still much to come.

Also he saw me in a very low mood. I was low not because I lost the job but because now I had to depend on him. It's very complex but I didn't wanted it and I didn't wanted to be in this possition among other things. But something incredible happened out of it. He cryed! he showed his pain in looking at me in a mood like that and I couldn't beleive it! This is the second time I ever saw my H cry in 9 years! and WOW it was good to know he feels! and that he is not ashamed to show his feelings and that is good to cry! SOME CHANGE HUH?

<small>[ July 12, 2003, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Bella Mati,

Not just SOME change, a WONDERFUL change.

When God closes a door, He opens a window.

Love,

Bella Simmy

hey matilde---my computers crashing-bad virus-disabled norton and crashed everything---tell everyone i am doing great and hubby is still alive!!!!

god i wish you could walk me through all this mumbo-jumbo with this computer. hopefully i will be in touch soon

WOHOOOOOOOO HURRAY FOR DANCING LESSONS!!!

Thank you Topie and Dobie for advice on those!

The good news... hummm where to begin???

All is good news! I mean for those who are worried about me losing my job... even that was a great new! I mean I was having too much fights with my boss and we where reaching the point of disrespect, wich of course I didn't liked at all so it took me a weight off my shoulders... in the meantime I'm taking this time as a well deserved vacations! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm finally begining to feel happy again. H helped a lot on that with his change of attitude. I mean we are not together yet and I don't know how much time I can live with that since I miss some of the things of M, but in the meantime...

I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!

Really those dancing lessons are too much fun. I practice every chance I got... Even tonight I had danced here at home with H for about 3 hours? isn't that great? I mean this was a first for both of us! And he loved the way I'm dancing now.. he was truly amazed!!! HA and only I got two lessons!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And I can tell you... Gym is nothing compared to this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL

Also he is trying to msg me or call me or spend with me every free time he got... talk about a change right?

So... Yes I'm very good! of course I got my blue moments but they are becoming farther appart... is this recovery??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 20, 2003, 11:07 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>