Hey nikko!

Yes I have gave it ALL I could. it's not in my hands anymore...

Simmy I don't know what he is doing there. Could be ANOTHER one of his crafted beautiful lies that always crumble for all I care...

Time for a song from Shakira. Ciega sordomuda!

Se me acaba el argumento
y la metodología
cada vez que se aparece frente
a mí tu anatomía

Porque este amor ya no entiende
de consejos, ni razones
se alimenta de pretextos
y le faltan pantalones
este amor no me permite
estar en pie
porque ya hasta me ha quebrado
los talones
aunque me levante volveré a caer
si te acercas nada es útil
para esta inútil

bruta, ciega, sordomuda
torpe, traste, testaruda
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa más que amarte
pienso en ti día y noche
y no sé cómo olvidarte
ay ay ay ay ay ay ay

cuántas veces he intentado
enterrarte en mi memoria
y aunque diga ya no más
es otravez la misma historia
porque este amor siempre sabe
hacer me respirar profundo
ya me trae por la izquierda
y de pelea con el mundo

si pudiera exorcizarme de tu voz
si pudiera escaparme de tu nombre
si pudiera arrancarme el corazón
y esconderme para no sentirme
nuevamente

bruta, ciega, sordomuda
torpe, traste, testaruda
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa más que amarte
pienso en ti día y noche
y no sé cómo olvidarte

ojerosa, flaca, fea, desgreñada,
torpe, tonta, lenta, necia, desquiciada,
completamente descontrolada
tu te das cuenta y no me dices nada
ves que se me ha vuelto
la cabeza un nido
donde solamente tu tienes asilo
y no me escuchas lo que te digo
mira bien lo que vas a hacer conmigo

bruta, ciega, sordomuda,
torpe, traste, testaruda,
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa más que amarte
pienso en ti día y noche
y no sé cómo olvidarte
ay ay ay ay ay ay ay

Trying to recover YES! trying not to feel like that

<small>[ September 12, 2003, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Mati,

i'm sure the song is beautiful....but it isn't in French, so i only could see a few familiar words.

next time we chat, you can "sing" it for me, in English, PLEASE.

keep growing stronger.
YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN.

and, YES, consider humanistic field.

Simmy

Hi

Some of you already know I was looking for options for migrating from here (South America)

I was told many times to go to US, but I didn't wanted to be an ilegal alien.

Seems God opened a door for me, still have to explore it, and is on the very early stages.

I may get a job in Fl, Miami.

I'm not from US, and I don't got a clue how expensive is to live there.

How much would I ask for a salary to begin with?
I'm an engineer, but my work will not be on that field but in computers. At the begining this company can help me get legalized, but I guess that meanwhile I'm not completely legal, they can take advantadge of it.

How much would I have to ask??? My plans... Rent a little appartment, maybe buy a car in the fuure, insurance, food.

So what would be at least the minimun ammount to ask there to survive???

Thanks

http://www.ci.miami.fl.us/

http://www.miami-florida.com/

I have never even been to Miami, so I do not feel like I can help much. I don't know anything about engineers, or saleries.
I hope someone can come in and help. Maybe you could get a newspaper from there for a month or so??

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/

That may help with job adds, salery, and apartments.

Thats where I think I would start.
Good luck sweetie!! If you are in Miami, you are only four/five hours from where we vacation!!

much love
tracey

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: tsc ]</small>

Matilde....well, I think I can help. I'm sending you an e-mail.

Mati,

I love Miami.
It's only 2 1/2 hrs from here by plane!!!!

we can run up and down the beach laughing and yelling drinking bottles of WATER.

seriously, i think the ideas given so far were good. get on line and check those sites.

older daughter is considering a Post-Doc appointment in Miami so i'll ask her if she has any info. i may live w/her thru the winter.

keep smiling. i am. hard to do, but i'm doing it.

Simmy

sorry haven't been to chat...mom still not well.

^ bump for today

Mattie,

I read your post on MB Ladies and found you here.

I can't help much with your sitch, but you asked about salaries, so I can help you there.

There is a website www.salary.com which will tell you the average pay for your type of job, in your city. That should give you a starting point.

Good luck in your job search.

Misty

Thank you ladies for the information provided.

Udate is as follows.

I did have the job interview by phone, but they are offering bad pay. So I won't take it. I rather be poor here with family and friend than there alone and strugling yo survive.

They have ofered a job here but again the pay is too low, it doesn't even allow me to mantain my expenses here. I don't know yet if I'm going to take it, since the pay is to low, and I think I can make more than that just doing tech support. U have to find the clients again.

If for nothing else this job will keep my mind busy. I have to ponder my options.

As for the M thing. today I went to the MC my H is going, alone and we are suppoused to have a next date together. I don't relly know if I ever want to go there. I realize he has a serious lying problem and this can not be fixed unless he decides to fix that also. Also, he is still into the A so what is the point?. Work on a M while he is into the A? sounds crazy to me.

As for me, I'm kind of low today.... must be the PMS.

Tomorrow I have a job interview for the work here. Will keep u posted on that.

Cya

Hello

For the past 2 weeks, I been strugling with plan B. The hardest part for me has been being alone. I HATE loneliness I really do.
Well.. In the last 7 months I have been alone a lot, and even if I like it or not, seems it's going to be my partner for a long time.

I don't know if I'm obsessed with my H. For sure I got a problem.
If someone would told me, that their H had an A, and even thought all the pain and hurt, that person did a plan A and after that and giving away all the weapons and all, her H was still on the A, I would said they are both nuts. Her for keep hoping and trying, and him for being so confused still.
Well, I know I have a big problem, and I have to work on it. I don't know if that problem is called co-dependency or what. But I don't know why after all this time, after all this pain, I still want my H back. It's insane. I know now I can not define the why as love, because the reasons why I loved him, are not there anymore. And for sure I DO have an issue with love. Love for me and myself.

So here I'm with 2 problems. One me and my insanity, that I hope fades in time, as long as I build up the love for myself. And two, applying the let go and let God phrase.

Regarding that, I been thinking that ok I don't want to let go and let God. And it keeps me frustrated. I realize I can not do anything else on my stich and I have to let God do his job. Is that hard for me to understand his time frame, and what does he want from me to learn?

In our main prayer, I don't know the name on english but for us is like Our Lord Prayer, there is this part that goes like (and I'm sure is a poor translation): Make your will do in earth as much as in heaven. Why do I keep wanting my wish to come true, insane. I'm in God's hands. I have to learn that and practice all over day in and day out.

By now, I know, that either we will go to D, and IF in any chance we are going to recover (I doubt that), is going to take a lot more time than I first thought. As for my H he has to learn to tell the truth and be an honest man, if he ever does this, we might have a chance to recover.

For me??? well there are times I think I have growed a lot, but there are also times when I think I have not learned much. For that answer, I know only time and perspective will give me a good view of what it was. I'm going to resume my gym, diet, and resume reading again the self help books not matter how hard are those to do. Also, I'm going to keep biking mostly on weekend mornings, and I will try to stop smoking (back onto Zyban again). I been praying all nights for a lot of you and my family and friends. I will keep going to the AA meetings at nights, and try to learn as much as I can from the program, and the experiences from the people there.

On that aspect, it's been a hard 2 weeks and I have not drinked a single drop. I avoided invitations from friends to places where the main goal was to drink, and althought I have been depressed for some of that time, I have done other things besides drink. BTW thank you way2 for that word, it has helped me to be out of drinking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . But still have to form a strong strategy on that.

Dear Mati,

Your Kingdom Come, Your will be done,
On Earth as it is in Heaven.

We all say the same prayer. We ALL mean the same prayer. Saying and meaning and doing are all oh so different.

It is very difficult to surrender all control of our life's situations to God. That's because we are human. We walk by faith. We don't see God. We can't really hear Him speak to us. Yet, we know He IS there, watching over us, and wanting ONLY the best for us.

At some point, we all realize that our situations are beyond our control, we must overcome that difficulty, AND put it in HIS hands. Look how long it took me....3 years of knowing, 8 mos beyond dday....and so much more, before i got into bed one night, alone, lonely, frightened, and wept and wept and told God it was too heavy for me to bear anymore, take it from me, and give it back, piece by piece while He gave me His strength and wisdom to solve it.

You say it will be much harder to recover your marriage than you first thought. Yes, that is very true. I think at first we are so happy that our H seems to be back that the true picture is blinded by the false light of the honeymoon period. But even if it is more difficult, and if that is what God has in the plan, you must understand how much you have grown, how much strength you have gained, what a different person you are now, than the one you were. Look at your determination to go AA and stop smoking. Those take a very strong person indeed.

And your H has a hard job too. He must learn never to lie, to look at you and honor and respect you as his wife. Never to cheat again.

But nothing is impossible with God. IF recovery is meant to be. So, lean on God, put it in His hands. But don't sit still. Get going on your new job. Continue building the new Mati.

And, finally, are you co-dependant or obsessed w/H? I'm not a shrink or anything, but i think you are simply an extremely good person, a wonderful wife, who married a man for life, who loves him despite his faults, and still refuses to accept that everything is over......much like many of us.

please forgive my sermonette.

Simmy

matilde----i wish i could hug you.((((matilde)))

you have done a great job, and NEVER doubt you goodness and strength as a person. you are compassionate and caring and supportive to all of us even with your own troubles. you are special!! allways have been.

God wants marriages to be kept and in prayer, we can find his will taking over. God never wants us to divorce unless absolutely necessary. Asking him to keep the covenant, bring UH to knees is the best way to go. "Be still and know that I am God"!
I believe prayers are the ultimate reason my H broke his A and wanted to rebuild our marriage. Don't forget to ask God to draw H to him, awaken in him the Holy Spirit, and put in him the will and determination to turn from his sins!
Ask, believe, and receive.
God bless, LouLou

Hi Simmy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is very difficult to surrender all control of our life's situations to God. That's because we are human. We walk by faith. We don't see God. We can't really hear Him speak to us. Yet, we know He IS there, watching over us, and wanting ONLY the best for us </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*sight* FAITH.... Strong word. Well that is another problem I have. Is just not a problem now, I think since a long time ago I really separated from God. My schol was a nuns one, and since I left there it seemed, God was not much in my picture. I know wrong, but human?

Now I'm praying every night. For many things, many ppl from here, family, friends.... me.
And trying to become stronger and form a bond with God? I don't know how people do it really, maybe I'm to down to earth, but I'm trying. I think all is a matter of balance, and for sure being obsessive, is not going to help me. SO baby steps for me, also on that.

Nikko

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> matilde----i wish i could hug you.((((matilde)))
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, you just did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you have done a great job, and NEVER doubt you goodness and strength as a person. you are compassionate and caring and supportive to all of us even with your own troubles. you are special!! allways have been.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hummm I would like to know the great job I did, cause frankly I don't see it. Well yes I'm having a hard time again believing I'm a good person. Working on that ok?
About compassionate and caring... Well if stillwed were here she would laugh, I did the enneagram stuff and I'm a helper.... can't help it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , been like that for all my life, well at least since I remember, so maybe that is why.

Hi LouLou

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> God wants marriages to be kept and in prayer, we can find his will taking over. God never wants us to divorce unless absolutely necessary. Asking him to keep the covenant, bring UH to knees is the best way to go. "Be still and know that I am God"!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As I said. I don't know yet what would God want of me H or our marriage. Aboslutely necessary... hummmm how can u tell that? when?.
Asking him to keep the covenant, well I don't know, I'm asking him to give me strenght and wisdom to see what I can not see, and to help my H in anyway he needs, no matter how we end.
I don't know, maybe God doesn't want us to be together again??? How can I know? I don't think I'm going to receive the divine enlightment. I'm sorry if I offend you somehow by my words, but as you can see I have lost a lot of faith and hopes, so maybe that is why I think like I do now.

Basically what I think will happen is that either of us would get tired of this. I don't know!

I'll end this with a prayer I been doing now almost daily.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Dear Matilde ~

2 things.

1. go get The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. She's a recovered alcoholic and I think her book will help you immensely.

2. No one in AA filled you in on the 12 step secret yet! You don't just let go and let God... you Let go and let God get 'em! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Bramblerose

I got 3 others from Melody Beattie. I will have this on my list on next to get. Thank you, I have a long list of books to read.

And yes I'm to new on AA to being introduced into the 12 steps, so I'm taking them as my own interpretation of them until someone fill me up.

Again, Thank you for your words and take good care.

Well time sure fly...

There have been times that have been worse than others, but I have not drinked... One day at a time...

Just felt like sharing this...

Oh mati--kudos to you!!!!! You can do this--I know you can--keep going. We are all very proud of you.

Hugs and blessings to you!!

~~~ whoo-hoo ~~~

Our son informed us yesterday he just got his 6 month coin from NA .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He's like a different person .... amazing really.

Pep

mati,

Great job.

God Bless!!!