Thanks john39 I will read that one today.

Update: Pretty good day today I guess. No LB anyways. WS wanted to change amount of CS she had offered yesterday. I said sure lets work it out now so I know what I have for the kids and Ya'll know what you will have for your plans. Let her set the amount.

Turns out she still offering more than the state guidelines (1/3 more in fact). I pointed this out to her and told her I wanted her to know it was more than she had to and I thanked her.

We discussed D some OM wants her to get it pretty bad. WS will prob file. I have no prob with settlement so hopefully she won't surprise file,we can work this out agreeably with no LB on my part. I'm sure of that.

She told me where they will prob be moving and they made sure was far enough away that kids won't drop in on them.

They have agreed that there will be no contact between OM and kids for at least 6 mos. Might agree to longer after talking to SH tomorrow.

If I have too I WILL take this to court if I have to. I want him clean at least a year before he sees my kids and then NEVER alone with any of them.

All she is taking is her clothes, stuffed animals, her craft supplies and, the old comp not the 1 I just bought her.

She agreed to get family photo before she leaves, our last 1 was long time ago. Should I get her 1 with just her and the kids to take with her? Will this make her miss them more?

OM says we can still go rumaging on some Sat mornings as he has to work anyhow but all other time must be with kids definately no bowling (that really pissed him off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). OM will also let her keep long friendship with my brother. Funny, if she had asked my permission on what actions were ok with me we would'nt be in this situation now.

Hope I'm just taking this well and settling in for the long haul. I'm so tired that it could just be that. As long as she is home I can only get 5hrs slepp then wake up and talk to her when she gets home then 1 to 1 1/2 hr more sleep.

I think that covers everything for now. Keep the repies coming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> OM says we can still go rumaging on some Sat mornings as he has to work anyhow but all other time must be with kids definately no bowling (that really pissed him off ). OM will also let her keep long friendship with my brother. Funny, if she had asked my permission on what actions were ok with me we would'nt be in this situation now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This guy really seems controlling over her. He is actually dictating to her who she can see, how often, where she can see them, what activitivities she can participate in during those visits, who she can have for friends.

He is cutting all her strings to you because you are a threat to his new relationship with your W. I wonder when he will recognize the kids as a threat. Will he prevent her from seeing them too?

He is putting a lot of pressure on her to get the D. He wants to isolate her. He will separate her from her marriage, friends and family and possibly even her children.

You may need to enlighten her a bit on this. Even if she no longer wants to be with you...does she really want to be with such a controlling individual? Is she willing to part ways with her children for this guy? That seems to be where it's headed.

Here's a thought. Try and get her to do or participate in all the things that the OM prohibits, such as the bowling or something similar. The two of you may actually have a good time. You will be Plan A'ing while she will be LBing him. Don't let the OM dictate your life with your W.

jmho
ba109

Hurting,

Checkin' in on you and see you have been getting good support.

Protect your kids from the OM and his influence.

IMHO, this A will not last. It has all the markings of being set up to fail. Just a matter of time and $$.

U are doing well despite all the backlash. I am proud of you.

take care and keep your senses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Definitely have a picture of BOTH of you with the kids. It will drive the OM batty, and will be a constant reminder of you to her. When things get bad with OM (and they already are heading that way) she will look at that picture and long for what was.

Ok I will just send a copy a 1 with all of us.
WS had to spend 2 1/12 hours convincing OM the she wasn't going to leave him last night. We then talked about other things then I asked."How are you going to handle him being so insecure, and theatening to use drugs when you disappoint him" Her maybe sad maybe thoughtful reply ( it was dark couldn't see her face) "I don't know."

Her mother called me last night. Had heard part of story from WS ,wanted to here my side. WS Mother definately on my side and will commence pounding when she can stop crying. No one can believe I'm willing to wait 2yrs for this to resolve. No one can believe she is leaving the kids.

Got to go ,time to wake WS. More later

Just saw an e-mail form WS internet friend to WS. Telling her that she is sorry for the problems WS is going through working long hrs , having to take care of the kids,and having no money to boot. WS friend goes on to say that she(friend) is sure she the problem on the head that I have a gambling problem, prob on the internet and then gives her a link to download keystroke tracking software to log my problem for use in divorce court.

This software is totaly hidden and will e-mail the logs to another computer.

The only computer useage I don't want her to see is this MB. She knows I don't gamble and should be pretty sure that I'm not looking at porn. What is she after? She is leaving the kids with me when she leaves so can't be looking for custody power. Or is she? I'm spooked now and would like some opinions.

IMHO, U R being setup to fail. WS' lie through their teeth to keep their fantasy going.

You can ask others, but I would respond to 'her' friend that you found her accusations quite surprising and wondered which H was she referring to since you don't do those things. In fact you have been searching and reading up on how to improve yourself your M and help your W but it is your W that is way out there (don't have to go into details).

Nip these 'assumptions' in the bud. Don't need another foghead created due to a manipulating WS.

take care,
L.

How do you get the email ?. Rule#1 on snooping, you could not use it against her. Kindda of privacy issues that you can't use it in the court. Why ? you will LB'ed and your will not able to use that method of snooping anymore.

Don't read too much on your WS ... but your WS is venusian ... watch out. She is not HONEST WITH YOU with her plan. Use computer at the office only for MB. Get as much witness as possible to account your time with your kids under your custody. Keep a journal !. It is normal that WS try to put themself as a victim. My ExW did and get everybody rimmed me up but I am lucky enough I don't engage her game. I focus on my 2D !, I re-arrange my schedule to fit my 2D's and plan up doing custody ALONE !. I didn't change my self in front of others ... I am not imposter but I confirm and remind others in subttle way so that they would remember what I did in my action. Your W is confused which is good and have no plan, she just getting or seeking "advice" and shopping for option to continue her A !. Protect yourself and rely on SH's advice. If he told you to Dv ... do it !.

Meanwhile do plan A @your best !.

-rh-

Talked with SH today. I'm to continue plan A as best I can with her out of the house. I saw her looking in paper for houses today and they were all 1 & 2 bedroom so I am prob just being paranoid.

I see her e-mail as I have always had the password and I download it for her because she gets large amount >200 day. She hasn't changed password or asked me to stop downloading so I continue.

As I think about this she may just be worrying that I'm trying to get Dv and sole custody behind her back because I always clear history when I'm done with MB. Maybe I should address this with her tonight so she knows why I'm doing it. I will use recovery disc on this comp when she moves out so it won't really be a problem. I just kinda panicked when I saw that e-mail. I guess due to all the lying I was just a little to willing to believe the absolute worst.

BTW I did some checking on Tennessee law regarding kids being around WS significant other. Until DV is final they cannot see them together. After Dv they (WS&OM) can not sleep in same room if kids are in house. It's only up for grabs when they become legaly married.

<small>[ May 29, 2003, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>

SH really pounded on WS today. Pissed her off bad. He told me later he knew this would be the last time WS would speak to him until recovery so he wanted to get all the points in for her to be thinking about when the fog begins to clear.

SH thinks that we still have a good chance of recovery as OM has too much baggage LB's all the time and doesnT have a clue how to maintain a relationship. Plus the fact that WS has been SAHM for 15 1/2 yrs. She is gonna miss her kids.

She will work real hard to maintain A, but, once she decides to return she will also give it her best in recovery. That was my read too and it felt good to hear it from him.

Of course since she is such a decisive person A could last a while since she has "decided" to make it work.

All I can do is the best I can for the kids. In the process I am already becoming a better father and man. I like the changes in me and will never go back to the way I was.

I have read in other threads how they don't want to go back to the old M. I didn't get that until today. I will not settle for they way things were. I know they can be so much better and I will accept nothing less for myself and my children.

I know dark days are ahead but today at least i am strong and ready to meet them on my feet and beside my children.

h12,

She may pick you apart when talking to others in a effort to make herself look better. She knows what she is doing is wrong and so do her friends. If she can make you out to be some kind of monster then maybe her friends won't think so poorly of her for having the A.

The only way she can make herself look less shameful in this situation is to knock you down a notch or two in everyone elses eyes.

She may actually be trying to justify the A at the expense of your character. That is low.

jmho
ba109

WS is home sick today. OM called 3 times after she had called in and called him. Kept either asking her if she was going somewhere or not to go anywhere. Any WS reponse was I'm not going anywhere. She was trying to sleep and he kept asking for reassurance.

When she had hung up the second time I was smiling. She asked me why and I told her ,here you are sick and he keeps caling to have you assure him you are not going anywhere with me. You sure have changed. (Small LB)
Then I said smiling next time just answer the phone "I'm still here, I have not gone bowling with my husband." (medium LB)

I did a big LB when he called 3rd time. yougest daughter answered the phone and was trying to imitate his voice which was scratchy. Saying she liked it it was funny. I told her to talk right and WS got upset. Said "yeah right you're not going to try and turn them against them or me."

I told her that DD using his voice hurt and that I wouldn't turn her against WS. Then reminded I couldn't turn against OM as they can't even know of his existance for several months.

I came back from restroom and I hear my oldest D say "How much peanutbutter do they like on the sandwich?" I aked who it was for WS said her. Wierd WS don't eat pb sandwiches. Then my DD goes outside without delivering it so I asked about it and WS says she told DD to put it in plastic back and put on counter as her stomach now won't handle it.

An hour later WS gets dressed to take OM his money which she has been holding so he can buy lunch. Did I forget to mention that I got hungry so ate that sandwhich and offered to make WS 1 when she thought she could handle it.lol

I just goofed and asked DD who mom want the sandwich made for and of course she said a "friend". I won't tell WS about this and should not have asked as I don't want kids to be put in middle.

I am very hot though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> WS had my DAUGHTER make OTHER MAN a sandwhich. Am I overreacting? I've been in a good mood all day. Didn't even phase me when WS told OM she loved him several times in front of me on the phone or earlier when WS told me she was going to see OM for a few hrs tomorrow, but this has me really pi**ed off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I will cool off before WS gets home I just needed to vent to you guys.

Just reailzed what I was saying and busted out laughing.

"Go ahead and sleep with my wife. That's fine. But, you can't eat my food da** it." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurting12:
<strong>Just reailzed what I was saying and busted out laughing.

"Go ahead and sleep with my wife. That's fine. But, you can't eat my food da** it." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Them some powerful little pills you takin partner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have not got on them yet. Don't guess I'm gonna need them either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WS in tub. DD's have friends over spending night and I'm having trouble watching Harry Potter for the 3rd time in a week, so I keep popping in here ,read alittle and go back for more Potter.

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>

Am I weird for being ready for WS to move out already? I just feel tired all the time and know I will get more rest when she's gone. Or maybe I'm just ready for a change. I don't think I'm depressed but it does worry me a little bit that I just wish she was ready to move so that it would be done with. Maybe I'm just thinking the sooner they live together the sooner they'll break up.

Hurtin'

What have you read up yet? Any Harley books? How about love must be tough by Dr James Dobson?

Listen, you are getting tired. You probably should also see a doctor. The last thing you need is the WS to accuse you of NOT being a good parent. It is hard enough as it is to take care of yourself and your children without the emotional drain.

Now go take care of getting yourself well again. ok????

Don't worry, MB will be here to hear your posts and vents. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

Orchid,
I have read SAA twice and HN/HN. Your right I am tired. It's hard work doing everything in a house with 6 people.Also my sleep is broken everynight. At most I get 4hrs, then up for at least 1hr when she gets home, then sleep for max of 2 before up for work.

WS hasn't done a single bit of housework since A started. No laundry ,picking up, or even picking up after self. Of course kids have their chores but that still leaves a lot left.

WS leaves clothes, paper, trash, whatever wherever it is when she is done with it. I spend at least 1/2 hr a day picking up after her, usually more. From where I'm sitting I can see 2 sets of clothes a coke bottle and a coffee cup left in living room. I'm sure there is more in bathroom.There is also a glass and a coffee cup in the dining room. All of this is from this morning and we were gone for 3 hrs.

I know I know this is doormat stuff but, From what I understand OM is neat freak. So I have said nothing about WS behaviour. I want laziness to be a well developed habit by the time they move in together.(That may happen next weekend, I'm not sure.)It will have to be broken during recovery but I can do it without LB'ing. I don't think he can.

WS is reading in bedroom waiting for OM to call and tell he is off work. Then shes leaving to see him for several hrs. I'm gonna take a nap then.

Well hurtin,

When a family member treats property without respect, they can LOSE their property. I have been known to throw out stuff.

Let's see...... son lost about 4 bags of toys for 2 months (we put it in the shed all tied up) until he realized that he needed to put his stuff away.

WS throws stuff around and thought it ok because it is his house..... well then his clothes started ending up in the garbage....then on the front porch to front lawn to the garage (went from packing them in boxes to putting them in large garbage bags). Those where the days when he threatened to move out. I did not threaten. I cried, packed up his stuff and threw it out.

What I would suggest is to put her stuff in a big garbage bag. When she says she doesn't know where her stuff is, point her to that bag. If she keeps it up, move the bag to the garage, if still an issue out to the garbage can..... this is progressive and can go to whatever lengths the WS wants. LOL!!!

Will it cause more work for you? It already is. Just becareful that you don't throw out stuff you need. Just stuff of her's that she throws around.

Now my question to you is: How long will you allow her to be this messy? Her actions and attitude are a sign of a sick mind ya know!!!

L.