H-12

I'm holding you in my prayers today.

Take care.

Thanks peper and all for the prayers and advise.
Nothing new to say from yesterday. She didn't want to talk last night when she got home. In fact sat in van for an hour so I wouldn't get up and talk.

Told WS she doesn't have to sit in van. If I get up when she gets home and she doesn't want me up just tell me, I'll go back to bed.

I think she was considering OM M proposal. Our R is prob over. He will push for her to M him a week after Dv final. She will because she's doing whatever he wants now. If that happens she will try for yrs to make it work. I still don't think it will in the end, but by then it will be too late for us. It's sad really. We have been and could be so happy together. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She let me brush her hair today for about 1/2 hr. I love doing that. She does too. Of course OM called about 25 minutes into it. I kept brushing, she let me so what the heck.

I then pi$$ed her off though. Told her she can call him every 30 min if she wants but he HAS to stop calling. The kids often answer the phone. She needs to go outside with cordless and call him. Only trying to protect the kids. I don't try to interfere with A just keep it from kids. Might be a nonissue anyways. If they do get car tomorrow I'm sure she will just be going over there for about 4 hrs a day(noon till they go to work.)

Think the only hope for our M now is for him to relapse before the Dv is final. Little chance of that happening. Too much going his way right now.

Well the process has made me a better father and husband for someone. I'll plan A till they M then move on with my life.

Thanks for all the help people. You have made this time bearable.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I then pi$$ed her off though. Told her she can call him every 30 min if she wants but he HAS to stop calling. The kids often answer the phone. She needs to go outside with cordless and call him. Only trying to protect the kids. I don't try to interfere with A just keep it from kids. Might be a nonissue anyways. If they do get car tomorrow I'm sure she will just be going over there for about 4 hrs a day(noon till they go to work.)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you! It's about time you put your foot down on this matter. LB or not. It was very selfish of her to communicate with him from the house in the first place. In your face and in the kids face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Heck, I'm surprised she didn't invite him over for lunch...although she did bring him his lunch.

Keep maintaining your boundries and protecting YOUR kids. I won't even call them her kids at this point. She is being no kind of mother.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She let me brush her hair today for about 1/2 hr. I love doing that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a very intimate connection. I'm a little surprised that she allowed you to touch her in this way. If she were truly in Love with the OM she would not have ANY physical contact with you. NONE! Her heart and soul would be wrapped up in him and she would not have an ounce left to offer up to you. Maybe there is still a glimmer of what you once had with her. Hang on to it, work with it.

ba109

We had a good conversation this morning. No R talk just her night at work. Lots of eye contact. Lots of smiles on her part.

I didn't even ask if shw had told OM not to call. I'll find out when she gets back. They are looking at cars.

I was suprised she let me brush her hair too. She did hesitate for 3-4 seconds when I offered but she let me.

Yes there may be a small ghost of a chance. Thats what I'm holding on to that hope for now. I will until they marry, Got about 3 1/2 months, I figure, for her to come to her senses.

I don't think I will even plan B. There will be no hope for us if they marry, so I will just move on at that point. Of course my kids won't see me with another woman for 6 months after Dv final, as SH advises.

Well I have some laundry and vacuuming to do. i'll let you know how this afternoon goes later.

I think she was considering OM M proposal. Our R is prob over.
Marriage may be over but the relationship will go on forever.

He will push for her to M him a week after Dv final. She will because she's doing whatever he wants now.
That's funny. Wait and see what happens. B I G T I M E crash & burn!

If that happens she will try for yrs to make it work.
Wanna bet on that? IF your divorce ever gets finalized, she will have the "strength" to do it again and won't put up with his crap.

Maybe good news today. Ws told me she had said yes to M proposal, but, he has to wait until 3 months after the kids can meet him. If this sticks then thats 1 yr for the A to fall apart.

I feel a little better now.

H12

This is weird, I know, but...

I think the sooner they move in together, the better YOUR chances are she moves out of the fog.

He is going to be a big pain in the butt for her. She is accustomed to having a sweet, honest, faithful husband doing things for her .... and she is about to become her lover's mamma. She thinks she can "fix" him with her love. This is not gonna happen. It may be amusing at times.

Are you keeping a journal? You should. If there is a divorce, your journal will come in handy.

Hold on to your dignity. Make your boundaries solid. Keep your wits about you. Laugh at this absurb situation whenever possible.

It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

He's a JOKE

He proposes marriage to a married woman who is still living with her husband and their children.

This relationship will cause her to move away from her young children.

Does this sound NORMAL?

How much can "marriage" mean to this man? His proposal indicates he has NO regard for marriage.

This is a sick joke.

Your wife is stepping onto a field packed with hidden landmines.

Keep strong!

"He proposes marriage to a married woman who is still living with her husband and their children. "

"How much can "marriage" mean to this man? His proposal indicates he has NO regard for marriage."

It's better than that. I suggested today that we postpone filing so they would be able to have the money to get an apartment instead of moving into a hotel( 1. I hoped to delay filing, 2. I don't want them to have maid as I have developed her lazy streak to compliment him being neat freak <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Her reply was "No, he is not comfortable living together until Dv is filed for"

I could not speak. At least I didn't burst out laughing. I think your right, the sooner they live together the sooner it's over. But, I wanted the filing delayed as much as possible without me actually impeding it.

<small>[ June 06, 2003, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>

They didn't get the car. Dealer wanted too much for the one they wanted. WS informed me today that she would definitely be moving out next friday. I asked about the car situation and was told she was moving even if they have to take a taxi back and forth to work.

We are informing the kids on Monday. Wish us both luck there. Hate to mess this up any more than it has to be.

I'm ready for her to move. I'm so tired I could use a break from her. My LB$ is very very low and she should actually make deposits when she comes to visit kids.

I know they will get really really close at first when they get to spend all waking moments together. But since they are moving into a motel room its got to get old fast.

Was hoping they would get a house so there would be no maid. But, I guess if I was getting what I wanted I wouldn't be thinking about things like this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Are you serious?

"No, he is not comfortable living together until Dv is filed for."

THIS has nothing to do with his respect for marriage. Noooo, it only shows his fear that WW is NOT fully committed to this insanity he is proposing. He does not want to commit financially to more than a motel yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This is one of his other fragile areas. He is living with mama, because he's a financial retard. Also a neat freak. Also a control freak. Isn't he recently out of rehab too?

What a catch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ....

Is one of your wife's needs financial support?

This ain't gonna be pretty ... but it might be amusing if it weren't so sad for you and your children.

One day or one hour at a time until she is gone. Deep breaths. Be the shining example of the man of character you are.

Good luck on Monday telling the kids. Have you and WW agreed on a plan to break the sad news?

Is there any way you can get to to sign a written agreement NOT to have OM meet the kids? I wouldn't trust her with this. A legal agreement might be helpful in the future.

Pep

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PS
The car dealer may have raised the price after checking his credit and income history.

Broken promise #1.

Wife has this filed in her unconscious mind.

Let the rationalizations begin.

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

There isn't any reason to update about the car anymore. Last night WS came home ,they had decided to go ahead and get the car. After seeing him at lunch today they have put if off again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ws is spending the night with him tonight. Ticked me off because I got no warning that there would be no car at home tonight. She will be gone from 6pm until 11am tomorrow. I don't need it tonight and couldn't think of a good reason for her not to go( other than that she is MARRIED) so no time with the kids for her this weekend. She she spends every available moment that is left this weekend she might get 5 hrs total.

Yes, we have agreed on what to tell the kids. I set up an appt. with SH as soon as she said she was moving early. We will do it as he suggested. I'm not looking forward to it ,but, it's got to be done.

In TN contact with SO's can be put in custody agreement. He will not be able to meet them for 6mo after Dv final, and never left alone with them ever.

WS has agreed to this and can't back out because I can contest divorce until she has been gone from the house for 2yrs, since she has no grounds. If she wants Dv she has to agree with me.

WW tried to pick a fight with everyone before she left. I guess she needed it to go spend the night with a clear concious. I sent kids out to play and then I refused to fight. No LB deposits today but not much withdrawal either.

She withdrew from me bigtime though. LB$ is empty or close to it now. I'm only in it for the kids. I know WW and I can be happy and in love and since she is the logical choice if I was gonna pick someone( because of kids) I will wait to see if this turns around. I can honestly say that I do not love her anymore.

Should I tell her this either before or after she moves. Or, do I keep it to myself?

Keep it to yourself for now.

She needs to feel guilty. She is resisting responsibility.

If you tell her you don't love her, she'll miss the guilt train.

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

It feels like I'm less than human that I can think of this analytically. Thats too strong but I can't name the feeling better. Am I wierd being able to know I don't love her ,but, still choose her as the best choice of mate/mother, if/when she is willing to work on this R. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<>

What's up big boy ... I keep lurking on your thread. You are very strong man ... emotionally. I guess 2 years helps you alot. Average men to get over Dv & ready to move on is about 2 years.

Many BS don't realize that when you have no LB$ anymore, it is easier to do plan A .... WS becomes irrelevant at this point. You do it not because of her but because of your kids & you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

-rh-

RH,
It's not been 2 years. Not even 2 months.

Update:
WS came home this morning 1/2 hr late. I said nothing about it just hopped in the car and took kids on the planned outing. She also came home sporting 2 hickies on her neck where all can see.

When kids and I got home WW calls OM for a minute then tells me they are going to look at an appartment. I tell her b4 she go we need to talk. I informed her that those marks were a deliberate attempt to hurt and piss me off and I am pissed off. The next time she has marks the kids can see or the next time OM calls this house that I will contest the divorce. Since she has no grounds she can't get it until we have lived apart for 2 years.

She responded that she will be filing, taking the kids and the car. She then left in a tire squealing exit.

I'm scared now