Ok all I get it. No money to her anymore. Sorry it took so long to reply but kids and I have been busy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Thanks for the replies.

WS didn't see them yesterday, was busy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> in fact showed up 30 minutes late to tell me she couldn't stay.

She had that dang "OM-n-WW plate mounted on the front of her car. I was HOT and was lucky only to LB a little bit. Held most of it back. Seems OM feels "hidden". I told her "He** everyone knows but the kids and they are not supposed too. How can he feel hidden." Bottom line it is staying on and she will try to hide it. Fat chance there that kids won't see it mounted on the front of the car.

Ws did come over today and spent 2hrs with them(at my moms). Iy was a pretty good visit.

I had looked at a new house but was unsure of the bedroom size. I asked WW to look and for her opinion. It was leased by the time we got there. Oh well it was a little pricey anyhow.

Since all was going so well I naturally had to blow it by asking "Am I being crazy by trying to think wether you would like something or not when I'm thinking of buying it or moving or whatever?" It didn't make her mad but she replied " No ,it's not crazy but I'm not ever coming back."

That wasn't bad enough for me so I asked "Even if you 2 don't work out?" and she assured me even if they don't work out she is never coming back. Two stikes were not enough for me so I asked what I had done. Of course I got the same answer as in the begining "Nothing."

I finally let it drop. Never ticked her off but I knew not to ask those questions.

I should not have asked but at least I know she is never going to try to save the M so I might as well let go. I did my part and will act pretty much the same in the future. Just not with any hope of recovery.

MB has helped a lot even without success. I went through this same thing 19yrs ago with my first M (WW had 5 A I know of in 2yr M)and I can tell you it was a whole lot easier this time even though it was a 16yr R instead of a 2 1/2yr R.

Try not to ask your W questions like that. Your wife has now boxed herself in with her answers. She's fogged, she has no concept of what is in store for her with this man.

Leave the door open for her by not asking her questions that will make her feel as if she's trapped with her decisions.

Remember, in order for her to carry through with this nonsense, she has to convince herself that this is "the right decision" for her .... and you essentially forced to to commit harder to her fantasy.

Just be nice. Be an amazing Dad. Be a thoughtful listener. Be fun and attractive.

Did your W read your oldest daughter's letter yet?

Pep

Yeah pepper I knew it was dumb. I knew it was dumb while I was doing it but did it anyways <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Last time I asked she hadn't read the letter. I will ask her again on Wed.

WW had tried to see me yesterday to borrow more money. She saw my brother ,borrowed some from him, and told him she would pay him back when she saw me. I asked him what made him think I was going to give it to her and he said "When have you ever refused her anything" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Talked to her today about money and giving her food. Told her I would be happy to prepare a meal whenever she is at my or my moms house. Would also be happy to take her out to eat anytime. But, I will not send food home with her for OM to eat. Will not give her money so they can do whatever. It hurts to much and she needs to work out those problems on her own.

She seemed to take it real well. Said she understood. Now we will see how long it is before she tests me.

Interesting comment by your Bro ... "When have you ever refused her anything?"

Plan A must have seemed fairly natural for you. Plan B must seem fairly unnatural for you.

How are your kids?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I will not send food home with her for OM to eat. Will not give her money so they can do whatever. It hurts to much and she needs to work out those problems on her own.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good Man! She chose to leave the M and with that goes the benefits the M had to offer. She and OM will have to find a way to support themselves.

Before she even considers herself however, she has children to support. Your WW does not and should not depend on you for support. Your kids however, depend on both you and your WW for ALL their support and security. They come first.

jmho
ba109

Pepper I'm still in plan A. Your right, plan A is pretty easy. I mean doing things for her and trying to meet her needs is easy. Getting nothing in return and having the A flauted is not by any means easy. I just wished I hadn't gotten lazy about doing it in the first place and allowing an A to look apealing to her.

She has hurt me so much though that I think B will be fairly easy too. I might feel different when it happens and I'm sure I will have withdrawals when I can't see her but at least I won't be reminded of all the pain WW is causing every day.

The kids seem fine. I spend a lot of time with them every day. Actually they get more time with a parent now than before the A I'm sorry to admit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

They don't seem to miss their mom at all. Don't even spent half the time that she visits with her. Maybe 15 minutes or so each. Usually they will wander off into another room or even go outside.

Thet never talk about her unless I bring her up then they will admit they miss her but only if I ask.

ba109 yep the kids need our support. I reminded WW of that today and told her " Remember I had said I don't see how we can afford for you to move out right now." I didn't remind her that her response had been that OM wanted to support her. It's a sore subject now and somehow she has it in her head now that he shouldn't have to help her at all and money wise and that she never did.

She has had selective memory in the past but some of the things she comes up with now make me have to stop and think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Are you thinking of Plan A-ing all thru the summer? (I was thinking Plan B will seem unnatural for you if and when it comes to pass)

What is the "most amazingly foggy" thing you can remember your WW saying throughout all of this?

This particular affair with this particular type of guy .... is doomed. His chances of ever appearing to be a better man when compared to you ... zero. What can happen, is your W's pride can keep her in the A longer .... realizing she has done something stupid, she may feel she needs to look less stupid by appearing committed to her stupidity.

What's with the name thing on the front of the car? Is it a vanity plate? is it a sign with their initials on it? How hokey is it?

Pep

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Pepperband:
[QB]Are you thinking of Plan A-ing all thru the summer?
Yes. I was kinda planning on going to B the day the kids go back to school. That way she loses all contact with me and access to the kids drops to 30min a day at exactly the same time. I will talk to SH b4 I do it though.

What is the "most amazingly foggy" thing you can remember your WW saying throughout all of this?

One week before she moved out I got her to join IC with me and SH to ask howw best to tell the kids. She said "You're right Steve (Harley), I could be happy with C********(me) and it would be best for the kids if we did fix the M, but, I don't want to I want to be with Donald (OM). It even set Steve back for a second. He told me later when it was just us that she would probably come back but she would take a while and would do everything she could to make it work because she had decided to make it work.

SH only talked to WW 3 times but acted like he has known her for ever.

This particular affair with this particular type of guy .... is doomed. His chances of ever appearing to be a better man when compared to you ... zero. What can happen, is your W's pride can keep her in the A longer .... realizing she has done something stupid, she may feel she needs to look less stupid by appearing committed to her stupidity.

Yep, and she can be stubborn as H*** too. I can really see her staying with this guy for years just because she decided to try to make it work, or she could get tired of his crap tomorrow and walk out. It really could go either way.

What's with the name thing on the front of the car? Is it a vanity plate? is it a sign with their initials on it? How hokey is it?

It's a license plate that you can have made in most truckstops. Actually it looks quite good. Just wished the names were diferent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

An old friend of WW e-mailed me last night. I had exposed the A to her a couple of weeks ago but at that time she believed all my WW had told her. WW had not mentioned OM but had given her many false reasons for leaving me.

Well it seems the friend has been talking a lot with my MIL. She now has the facts straight and wants to confront WW on phone about it. I gave her the number <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Also MIL is coming to visit this weekend. She lives 5hr away. She wants to give WW and OM a piece of her mind.

All in all I don't think WW will have a very happy week this week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Stay out of range!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

****Fireworks****!!! On the 4th of July!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Who'd 'a thunk it?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hurtin,

Caution your MIL, that if she gives away too many pieces of her mind, she will lose hers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

She sounds as if she is in your corner. Take good care of her.

JL

I agree, take good care of your MIL.

Write her a card, thank her for being such a wonderful MIL and granny to the kidlets.

TELL HER YOU APPRECIATE HER AND ALWAYS HAVE.

Jump the line in front of OM .... and get your appreciation into her hands before MIL meets OM.

This is going to be exciting.

Pep

I sit here trying to think how to describe my relationship with MIL and can't other than to say that to her I am her firstborn.

I am her favorite child, followed closely by WW. She is dumbfounded by what WW is doing and even more by what she is accepting from OM. I don't even want to be a fly on the wall when she gets to the hotel room with them.

I hope OM loses his cool with her. She will kick his a** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and WW may see some daylight at the same time.

I'm laying low today as I'm sure WW will call after her friend calls her and I want her to calm down some before we interact. I will be extra nice and cheerful during visitation tomorrow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I already have a nice lunch planned and will have it layed out when she arrives.

MIL is to arrive Thur. and leave Monday. If WW ticks her off too much she will spend all her time with me and that would probably show WW more than even words. MIL is staying at my house, that is unusual itself as she always stays in motels when she travels as she hates to even think she might be putting someone out by staying in her home. But just try to stay in a motel when you visit her and you will be set straight quick and you will be staying in her house too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I look forward to seeing her again.

I should mention my SFIL. He might say nothing to them the whole time. He trys to stay out of other peoples business. But, if he does speak he holds nothing back. It's like a dam bursting, if he starts he will hammer hammer hammer. Says just whats on his mind and make d*** sure you understand what he means.lol

Yep...sounds like a lot of fireworks goin' on in your neck of the woods this holiday weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Have a great Independence Day celebration. Grab some BBQ and a cold drink and enjoy the show!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just check caller ID WW didn't call. Don't know if her friend called her or not. Maybe WW was just too pissed to talk.

WW came over today in a great mood. She got a promotion at work and her $$$ will be in good shape pretty quick. Plus it is the job she wanted so double yea for her. I relly try to be happy for her but I can't. This takes a lot of stress off of their R. With the OT and raise she will have 66% more cash.

Was a good visit of course as she was in great mood. Made lunch for her and washed clothes for her so she could stay longer. She was here for 2hrs which is 45min more than usual

The friend didn't do me much good yet. WW was getting intoi shower for work when she got thru and WW was just too happy to be brought to reality. Friend did pick up in their short conversation how controling and manipulative the OM is. She plans on calling WW again this weekend. When she e-mailed me this afternoon about the conversation she had a good sig line about it.
As the stomach turns....................;-)

MIL to arrive early tomorrow. Can't wait to see her, it's been a while.

GREAT !

Your W is now earning more money .... now she can contribute more to her children's welfare <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .... and the family therapy they are going to need eventually.

Do you already have a legal document stating how much she is required to contribute for CS?

It's NOT an LB to follow through with your children's legal rights and to get such important matters like CS in writing.

Being pro-active about this puts YOU in good standing for future support issues.

Pep

Nothing legal yet. It's cut and dried how much she will have to pay. 46% of pay after social security and federal tax on the single and 1 dependent chart. Plus insurance on all kids and half of all uncovered med expenses.

Tennessee has these set as minimums. Cant even agree to less if I wanted to. The 46% is based on 4 kids. Can be set even higher based on the fact that they can't spend every other weekend and every Wed night with her.

She knows this and doesn't want to get behind. Thats why she told me about the raise right away so I could figure the new CS amout for her to pay.

If she ever doesn't pay on time ,I can have it ordered and garnished from her check in 2 weeks. They just don't play around in TN. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MIL made it to town in 1 piece. Then had a wreck. They are fine but the car is totaled. WW tried to introduce OM to MIL in front of my mom at accident scene ,but, MIL would have none of it. Told WW she would meet him later.

Glad she's OK ...