NW Plan B is NOT a coercion tactic, Plan B gives her a choice while giving you a choice as well. Plan B gives her 'space' and gives you 'space' as well. Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.

NW Plan B is NOT a coercion tactic, Plan B gives her a choice while giving you a choice as well. Plan B gives her 'space' and gives you 'space' as well. Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.

NW Plan B is NOT a coercion tactic, Plan B gives her a choice while giving you a choice as well. Plan B gives her 'space' and gives you 'space' as well. Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.

NW Plan B is NOT a coercion tactic, Plan B gives her a choice while giving you a choice as well. Plan B gives her 'space' and gives you 'space' as well. Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.

Did I make my message clear enough? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Like Crystal. Thanks Kily.

Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.
How does he remind her of this when he is in Plan B?

NW,

A great quote above...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">now what, its really a waste of time to talk about anything as long as she continues to see the OM. There is no chance of recovery as long as she sees him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is plenty of time to be friends, to work through things, ONCE THE OM IS GONE! PBL wasnt a "get rid of OM and come home now." It was get rid of OM and then you two can start working on reconciliation.

For my wife and I, after she agreed to PBL and NC with OM, it still was about four weeks before we moved her home. In that time, we spent a lot of time sitting and talking, going to counseling.

But until OM is gone, as was stated so well above, all of these 4 hour talks are worthless.

Go to Plan B. Send the letter. Make sure it states that this is not coercion (thanks Coffeeman), that it is the only way to save your love for her. And then go dark. I agree with Kily that you are probably weeks away from her ending things and agreeing to your terms. But you have to go to Plan B NOW!

In His arms.

Well I am back to no contact for the last 5 days. I did not reissue the plan B letter, just pulled back, not called and not returned any calls. She has called every night to ask some unneccessary question about our kids or she does not leave a message, I just see that she has called on caller ID.

I went to our lawyer's office yesterday to pick up the checks from the proceeds of our house sale. I was suppose to pick them up a few days ago but since I didn't, they were mailed, one to each of us. I received mine yesterday and since she lives near me and they were mailed together I'm fairly certain that she received hers. She called last night asking me about the checks, had I gotten them or were they "mailed". Mailing them to us was never mentioned by the lawyer and I frankly never thought that they would because the checks are sizable. She left a message asking me to call her back if I know anything but if I do not, "ok." I am fairly certain that she received hers too and knows the answer to her question.

This morning she calls my work number (no message) and then leaves a message on my cell phone telling me that one of our daughters was a little sick but is ok now and she is taking them to day care. She made a point of telling me that she was off today, going to the hospital with one of her girlfriends who is having surgery and that if I needed her where she would be.

She starts all of the calls by saying, Hi, it's JUST (insert name) (like I don't know her voice) and says "sorry to bother you."

Do you think that she is just trying to talk with me or what?

now what,
It sure sounds like it. But I am wondering if you don't need to reiterate Plan B to her since you broke it before. Maybe leave her a message telling her that you don't think contact is a good thing for you right now and ask her to refer to your previous letter. That way she knows what is going on. Can you call her house while she is gone and leave her a voice mail to that effect?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remind her of this when she accuses you of not giving her 'space' when you are in Plan B.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How does he remind her of this when he is in Plan B?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In another Plan B letter.

My point is that you don't resume contact to say, "please don't contact me."

If you have sent a Plan B letter and they contact you, ignore it. If they keep on trying to contact you, refer them to the Plan B letter. But don't keep on having contact and telling them you don't want contact.

Chris, he has just been in contact with her and suddenly goes "dark" for no apparent reason. She has no idea what is going on and keeps calling him for that reason. I think he needs to leave her a message stating that contact has been ended and please don't contact him unless its urgent.

Otherwise, she is clueless about what is going on. Its just as bad as going dark without having EVER sent a PBL.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
My point is that you don't resume contact to say, "please don't contact me."

If you have sent a Plan B letter and they contact you, ignore it. If they keep on trying to contact you, refer them to the Plan B letter. But don't keep on having contact and telling them you don't want contact.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's easy if there a no children involved or there are people willing to act as go betweens but with none of that, he HAS to talk to her about important child related issues. But I agree that he has to ignore any attempts of talking to her about other things not related to the children.

Reminder-

She has told HIM that she needs her space. He is just accomodating that wish...

Unless it is about the kids...then NC.

JMHO

Aaaahhhh, Bach....

If there has been no PLan B letter sent, then it SHOULD be sent.

As far as having to deal with her because of the children, that is fine. However, having to deal with her CONSTANTLY because of the children is crap.

Make a call once a week, send a schedule in the mail, whatever. There should not have to be a bunch of contact unless there is an emergency.

I sent a plan B letter and had NC for 2 weeks until blowing it this past weekend due to a house closing which she forced me into contact because she threatened to NOT attend the closing if I did not call her. After contact I faltered and we went out to happy hour, ate dinner with our kids etc... She said that she wants to spend time with me and do things but doesn't want me to think that it means anything. I am tempted but it sure seems like cake eating to me.
After the weekend I resumed NC again without sending a letter again. She knows the deal.

Did you TELL her you have resumed no contact and are now abiding by your PBL?

No, I guess I assumed that my actions would speak for me. I guess maybe I should reinterate what I am doing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She said that she wants to spend time with me and do things but doesn't want me to think that it means anything.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What she wants is to keep you from moving on while she enjoys the benefits of having two men to attend to her needs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am tempted but it sure seems like cake eating to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why would you possibly want to go out with a woman who wants you and another man at the same time and is unwilling to give up one or the other? Resist the temptation for it will gain you nothing.

I guess I assumed that my actions would speak for me.
But your actions are to send her a letter and say no contact and then go out to happy hour with her.

I guess maybe I should reinterate what I am doing.
Better yet, reiterate what you are doing and then stick to it...

Remember, MB principles are all about doing what you say and saying what you do. Right now you say one thing and then do another. If she sees you doing it this way, why should she believe you will make any positive changes for the marriage, just because you said so? Actions do speak MUCH louder than words.

Yes, I screwed up by caving in to her and realize I have to be stronger and stick to plan B. It is very difficult but still no excuse.

NW,

Got my 2x4 right here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Why the 2x4, because you are missing an OPPORTUNITY. Yup, time to make lemonade out of lemons again.

Here is how I see this. You broke Plan B, bad move in my and others estimation, BUT because you did you have an OPPORTUNITY. Let me state the obvious.

Plan B IS A LOVE LETTER. It is supposed to affirm your deep abiding love for her. It is supposed to state that you don't want to lose that love. It should state that while you love being around her, talking to her, that the presence of the OM in the picture just tears you up, and causes you to withdraw emotionally from her, ie. lose your love for her.

So inspite of how much you enjoyed the conversations, the communciations, and being around her, YOU MUST cease contact with her until the OM is out of the picture for the greater good of the marriage, and your family, not to mention her.
Yup, her, because it hurts YOU to see her so torn. (like that touch??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Buddy, tell her how much you love her and do it in your NEW SHINY PLAN B LETTER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously, don't assume she knows what is going on. All the data suggests she doesn't have a clue. So tell her you love her, want her, crave her,... BUT you cannot share her.

Think about that.

God Bless,

JL

Now What:

I know PLAN B is hard but it is what we MUST do. I try to tell myself that I have no other choice, no other means of marital reconciliation. I've done everything else I can do and so have you.

I'm comparing how I feel now to how I felt over the past couple of days when I got reeled back in to my WS' world. Staying out of their web feels so much better. I didn't even get much sleep last night. Yet, a Barnes and Noble employee told me tonight, "you look so much better than you did a few days ago, you've gotten the sparkle back into your eyes". She knows nothing about my personal situation.