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Terr,,, Did you survive the black out.... are you and daughter OK?? I had visions of hubby being over..."attempting to be helpful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and hoped he emptied out the freezer...complaining the whole time about the sad state of affairs your freezer organizing skill are...then dropped a big partly defrosted roast on his foot....ruining his hockey career..for just one season.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> keeping my fingers crossed that it is not just wishful thinking...but that I am becomeing clairvoyant for real... ark
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Hello everyone. It seems like so much time has passed. The blackout really created havoc...thus, I was unable to post sooner. I've missed "talking" to all of you. Thank-you for all of all of your thoughtful posts. And a special note to my "life coach" (love that, LIR)named Ark...no, my H did not play hero, not one bit. Stayed at his apt and simply called to see if we were okay. Now, does that convince you he has no interest in us or at least, me?
Fast forward to last Thursday. Drove in to work instead of routine telecommuting due to a critical project meeting. Had to leave early to pick up D (around 4:10) and guess what??? Power outage, no stoplights...crazy. Called my inlaws to pick up D. Arrived there at 7:10. Surprisingly, they hadn't called H. When he called to see how we were, he didn't know his dad had gone to pick up D
Fast forward to Friday. My power was restored at 3:00 p.m EST (almost 24 hours) followed by an outage at 6:00. Okay, I had to go to work on Friday morning. Left D with SIL and niece. H and SILs had planned to take nieces to Dundurn Castle for pictures as gift to my FIL. Well, H and I took our wedding pictures there. Hurt like hell that he was going there so indifferently AND that I didn't get to see the girls together in white dresses in front of the castle. Saw the pictures at my IL's last night. Breathtaking...in sepia.
Friday night, went out with old friends. Good time.
Saturday...D's last soccer game. She scored one goal. Our team scored five goals in total. The other team, none. My IL came with my niece. Another one of our best friends came with their twins. My H showed up but somehow, I felt "supported". Another mutual friend's inlaws were there watching their grandchild play. My H, who hasn't seen them since the separation, hugged them. He told them D scored a goal. My friend's MIL turned to H and said, "Must be the coach..." Again, I felt supported. Amazing what strength I had that day.
Then of course, my FIL's 70th birthday at my SIL's. Had to drop D off at 4:00. Did that. Walked in and talked to my MIL/SIL nieces in a good mood (faked it well) and then left. Broke my heart. My MIL wanted my name on the card that went with my FIL's gift.
Sunday...I'm invited to one our friends' daughters 13th birthday celebration (pool party). My IL's and my younger SIL were invited. Wow...my IL's and I buy a gift together. Cnn you imagine?
Monday...H leaves a message that he has a soccer game out of town so I have to pick up D at 7:30. No problem. I plan to run errands at Cost Co. Guess who I run into? H and D. Was taken aback. So was he. I played distant, said Hello to my D and walked away. Hated it.
Went to my IL's. H was in front of me. Had supper and a coffee and pretended all was well. Continue to plod along...
Ark, I LOVE your suggestions especially the book club and the wine tasting...not too sure about the fishing!!! Just know that you do add much needed cheer to my day.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness and checking in...and BTW, you are MY clairvoyant!
LIR, Great site reference...interesting concepts you suggest. I'm just amazed at the similarities of our H's that you mention.
I'm just glad it's worked out for you.
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Oh no...Cerri mentioned in her Plan B thread that being rude or cold can undermine Plan A efforts.
Wow...I don't mean to be rude or cold but I can come across that way in my exchanges with him.
Help.
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Your Plan A is done ... aren't you in Plan B now?
Relax terri.
If you put the number of times you were rude to your H in the past 2 years next to the number of times he has been rude to you ..... it'd be like a mouse standing next to an elephant....
Are you even daring to imagine that drawing healthy boundaries makes YOU rude????
I'm gonna hit your "haid wid da 2X4" Terri ..... Your levels of insecurity are stunning.
Pep
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Hey Pepper, Nice to hear from you...
Insecure? That's partly what got me into this mess...my damn insecurities about myself and my marriage. So you're right on the money. And BTW, I do need that 2x4 every once in a while.
It's just that any exchanges or confrontations are confusing for me. I am not normally or INTENTIONALLY rude nor am I an ALOOF personality. Therefore, it's as if I have to stop myself from being me or from greeting him in the way I would anyone else.
These days, I don't greet him the few times I must confront him. And it sounds as if that's just plain WRONG.
What do you think?
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terr,, You can go on living with your insecurities...or you can make small tiny eensi-weensie changes that empower you... I say you mix it all up to get his attention... Be bright and happy to see him... throw him off, and ask how work is..or how soccers been or something that conveys normal concern...be aloof with his answers....but friendly and charming with the questions... then drop hints and make like you have found something new and exciting in your life... BUT also do the movements that make you seem a little more mysterious... I am very very very serious about creating the illusion that you have big plans some weekend...and DO IT!!!!!!!!!! Some weekend soooon.... beggin and pleading... I asked you to do this for August...and now we are almost in Sept... terr...it's gotta stop....for your sake... AND you must make movements towards him taking her to his place... Terr he cares about you...BUT he has you where he wants you...as usual...you are behaving right now...so he doesn't HAVE to do anything... rattle his cage... If I were you I would take some the "hard earned" money of his...blow a little wad of it... buy a pair season tickets to his favorite hockey team...and go to the games...and let him baby sit..you'd have a blast... or go out and buy one of those plasma screen TVs... that would get tight wads attention... Things will go on like this forever which is nothing but toture...or you can take control of it... be friendly upbeat...but make it clear that YOUR happiness or unhappiness has nothing to do with him... terr... you must change if you want things to change... regardless of what makes him or MIL or your mother happy... we are talking about YOU.... I swear to GOD I'm sending you a dozen roses....with a big goofy note...about how nice it was to just spend time with you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> let him think about for a while.... ARK
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How's this for a 2X4 ....
How attracted to insecure people are YOU?
Being involved with an insecure person is emotionally draining and it takes all of one's energy while emptying the love bank .... cuz their insecurity always needs constant reassurance.
Think about how attractive secure and confident people are....
Pep
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Terr,
When have you been cold or rude?
You always greet him.
You always make sure D is ok, because that is when you see him.
And, dear, you aren't Plan A. You've given him the Plan B info, what? 3-4 times?
If you see him, be cordial, like you'd be to the postman. Or familiar grocery clerk. Pass info about your child, in-laws.
And anything else, stop with a "I don't want to discuss that with you under these circumstances. If you'd like to make an appt. with me, or my lawyer, could you send me an email?"
Cold? Rude?
No matter, you are in Plan B and any talking you do with him is ...could we call it a gift?
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Hello. Thank-you. I became a little relaxed with my Plan B and realized that this was a BIG mistake.
A little history...Thursday, my sister/BIl/D/my mother and I went to the Mount Carmel Spiritual Centre in Niagara Falls (shrine of St.Therese of Lisieux). Ok, we promised my mother and we went...while in the chapel, D prayed that mom would take her to Disney and that her papa would come home. This was said loudly enough for all to hear.
Thursday night, had a birthday dinner to attend with D. They invited both H and I but I made it clear I would not attend with him around. He had a work-related dinner so it worked out.
Come Friday morning, H came to pick up D for school. I was a little preoccupied (just started seeing floaters in my left eye) and was proceeding out the door when he approached me and asked why the lawn mower wasn't in the shed AND whether he could take D to his soccer tournament on Saturday. No problem...but what time? Well, he said he'd call later to confirm.
Go to the eye doctor's friday afternoon because I'm worried at this point. My mother has a history of retinal detachments so I wasn't ignoring anything. Eye doctor confirms that floaters can be harmless but do not go away. However, for precautionary measures, he wanted me to go see a retinal specialist. He asked if I've been under any stress. Me? No. Just crying for the past two years...
Saturday, I haven't heard from my H re:pickup. Take D to the mechanic's with me. Promise her we'll take the bus back (she's never been on a city bus). We get off the bus and I get this message from H...ROARING about me not calling him to find out what time he's picking her up...if I was a decent human being, I could have called HIM to find out...blah, blah, SCREAMING. I hang up.
Walk out of the store. Doesn't he come up behind us five minutes later. Roars that we better get in the car and not make a scene...that he's going to take D with nothing. She needed sun cream, hat, change of clothes...drinks...
D starts crying MAMA in the car.
I'm fuming.
He leaves D in the truck and storms in the house. Get her stuff he says. Then I told him, well you had time to call Yugoslavia seven times but you forgot to call and let us know when you were picking D up and then, it's MY fault...his reply? "Are you still talking about that? I haven't been with you in three years. I can do whatever I want."
B***ard!!
Yes, I LB'd, didn't I.
But I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want his anger.
I want to be secure and confident. I don't want to be scared anymore.
I want to be better.
I honestly do!!
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Why on earth are you taking blame for ANY of this?
Until you completely cut this man out of your life Terri, he'll never come back.
Where is your bottom?
(((((((hugs)))))))
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OK BR...I thought I WAS cutting him out of my life.
So...what am I NOT doing? Going forward with the divorce myself? Taking the initiative to do so?
Tell me BR...I know you can SEE so much better than most.
Hope you're better.
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Yo, Terri -
His anger is your strength. Don't give in to it. He's screaming with rage because you're LEAVING him and deep down, it scares the pants off him. Don't let him bully you. PROTECT yourself! Keep him away from you and your daughter, with a restraining order if necessary. No driving up when you're not expecting him. Set specific times once or twice a week when you'll accept a call from him (DON'T CALL HIM) regarding coordination about your D.
And make clear that at other times, you haven't got the time to spend with him. No matter what mood he's in.
Keep going, darlin'!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by J of HJK: <strong> His anger is your strength. Don't give in to it. He's screaming with rage because you're LEAVING him and deep down, it scares the pants off him. Don't let him bully you. PROTECT yourself! Keep him away from you and your daughter, with a restraining order if necessary. No driving up when you're not expecting him. Set specific times once or twice a week when you'll accept a call from him (DON'T CALL HIM) regarding coordination about your D. And make clear that at other times, you haven't got the time to spend with him. No matter what mood he's in. Keep going, darlin'!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EXACTLY!!!!! Terri, NO MORE making last minute plans to HIS liking. MAKE HIM A SCHEDULE every week, e-mail it, leave it at his mom's..........whatever. Then let him know that you must have knowledge of any changes that must be made to the schedule at least 3 days prior to the change, or IT WON'T HAPPEN. There should be NO changes in the plans.........cause he uses those opportunities to bully you! He shouldn't be allowed to continue to rant at you like this. Only YOU can stop it. Please, stay OUT of his line of fire. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Grrrrr.....I'm so mad at him, I want to smack him myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> btw - I thought you had changed the location of exchange of DD to HIS mom's house? WHAT IS HE DOING AT YOUR HOUSE FRIDAY MORNING??? God Bless you and D. <small>[ August 23, 2003, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>
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Terr, here's what I don't understand about the patterns of how you two exist.. No one talks about ANYTHING...unless it is extreme grandious gestures, outbursts, and drama... Everything is hush hush..don't mention it.. as if the family motto...is If we don't say it, it isn't so.... I don't get it... this riduculous outburst from your two year old husband...has you jumping to filing to divorce... there's this huge in between area that neither one of you have even dipped your toe in too... You guys have never sat down and talked about what is going on.. all everyone does in move everything around...rearrange this and that...all without anyone speaking a word of it... you fear weekend visitations with him ...yet that's exactly what occurs each weekend... There is no talk of lawyers or legal matters..there is threats and mention of them in anger.... No ones even processed the emotions a little.. This man carries this anger as a shield...and you succumb to it over and over... Do NOT file... that's probably his plan..be so mean and angry force her to do it... confront and diffuse this head on... dear a@@-H*** sorry but not feeling very benevolent towards him right now... or you, to be honest your inactivity is driving me crazy.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> in a good way terr..cause I really care about you....but your doing nothing drives me mad.. mad I tell you!!... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .because so much of your suffering is self perpetuated by YOU...whooo i'm glad I got that off my chest... but that's another topic..eh... Anyways..back to @$#-$%^&...dear sir... I am not going to file... BUT I am going to insist that starting SEPTEMBER 5-6 you take daugther for the weekend i have plans... I also need every Wednesday off...you figure it out... Unless you are currently living in [censored] house i assume that you are competant enough to figure out your own logistical issues with visitation.... I don't know terr... you gotta do something to shake him up.. to stand up to his vileness... And I still say create the illusion that you have something (one) else to be interested in... two years you have jumped through his hoops... Help me out here...what's that latin saying for seize the day carpe de crapp?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know that's not it..but close enough... still friends I hope... ARK
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Terri,
He is such a flaming bully. He has no anger control at all, is there any history of mental illness in his family? I think you have to treat him like he's dangerous to you.
He didn't have any right to storm into your house for the sunscreen, drinks, etc. His lack of planning is not an emergency for you--and he should have kept his wretched self in the car if you wanted the bag packed for D.
If he doesn't want a scene, he should NOT MAKE one.
In many ways he doesn't seem to be the kind of person that minds LBs. I think he thrives on negativity. Any attention for him is better than none. And, I think none is your best choice, as you are trying in Plan B.
I think you are also trying to be flexible about his time with D. But, that isn't working. He is abusing it. The times need to be set. If he doesn't show, because it isn't convenient for him, then he loses out. Period. Screw him.
And if he barges into your home. Tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call 911 (Canadians have it? Police if not.).
You may very well have to get a restraining order if he can't control his rages.
He said something awhile back about your "antics" in front of your D. His behavior has often gone beyond antic to abuse.
Don't just fume. Act. Another letter:
--set regular visitation, 1-2 nights a week, every other weekend. D does not come home after their outings.
--he does not set foot in your house.
--he pays child support. Certainly if he can't bother to buy D sunscreen & juice and uses yours, he can pay you for the priviledge.
He bullies. Tighten the boundaries.
And if your mom or MIL talks to you, tell them that he is viscous and you are protecting yourself and your daughter. Repeat as necessary to whatever they say.
I tell you what, his "I can do anything I want" is such crap. I'd limit his doggone options so it sinks in that he can't do whatever he wants to you & D.
I am so sorry he is so mean and you are in such a bad situation with him.
<small>[ August 25, 2003, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>
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Who said YOU had to be the one he depended on to pick up D when he wasn't able to? What about the relatives? Perhaps some boundary setting is called for...no more last minute time adjustments he has to work out with you...no compensating for lost time...can't take her this evening? Fine, guess you'll see her next week. Write out an informal visitation schedule and write into it the "what if..." clauses. If a time or date has to be cancelled, no new time or date will be made to replace it. Make sure you make it clear who drops off and picks up, and where, and if there is a problem with that it is up to the person who is responsible to find other ways (and not to rely on the other party)...call relatives. You know you would if you had a problem with a drop off or pick up.
I was interested in the jujitsu concept of marriage practice. I like thinking of using this with a critical person. When H complains about the lawnmower, "Say, thanks for reminding, I'm sure you won't mind putting it away." He complains about the landscaping, "I'll be gone Saturday if you want to come over and work on it, or have someone come over to do it." How many times do you have to keep this up before he gets wise and stops complaining? He seems like he's not a fast learner. My H and I have learned (yet I'm slower than him) if you are bugged about something...do it yourself. The hungriest one cooks, the neatest one cleans, the patient one puts the kids to bed. How do you do this now and still maintain your boundaries. Steer very far away from him when he is performing a taks he just complained about...visit a neighbor, take a walk, go away. Or you may not want him around the house...I agree with the restraining order. He is abusive, and he doesn't see it, and you haven't admitted it yet either...
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Hello...I wanted to let everyone know that I think I'm SO darn lucky! These responses...wow...I really do want to become better than who I was. Sometimes, I actually feel good about myself! And Ark, I just read your post to Blah...and your words leave me speechless!! Whoever you are, I hope one day, I can send YOU roses or maybe an entire garden...and BTW, I'm still waiting for those that you promised me (LOL)! Hi J, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">His anger is your strength</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good way to look at it. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's screaming with rage because you're LEAVING him and deep down, it scares the pants off him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not convinced of this. How do you think he perceives me to be leaving him? Thanks for your show of encouragement. Only thing that keeps me going most days... Hey LL, Hope you're well. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO MORE making last minute plans to HIS liking. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, Okay...you're right. Sometimes, it's just easier, in my daughter's presence, to give in. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Grrrrr.....I'm so mad at him, I want to smack him myself! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have my permission to do so at any time. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT IS HE DOING AT YOUR HOUSE FRIDAY MORNING??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes, it just doesn't work out easily enough due to my work hours. Ark, Hope you've had a good day. Okay, help me out here because I'm becoming a little frustrated with the lack of confrontation on the part of most BUT the OW is not a visual...so for my IL's and my friends...she's not HERE so maybe she doesn't really exist. MEANWHILE, he's planning his future with this person and I feel like telling the world to wake up and smell the coffee!!! But of course, in the interest of "civility", I go along with this show that it's become...and I don't want this show to continue!!! I asked my SIL the other day if H had spoken to her about the OW and my SIL replied "what OW"... ?????The OW that's changed her answering machine message to include the word "CIAO"...she's Serbian and my H is Italian...wonder WHY???? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Everything is hush hush..don't mention it..as if the family motto...is If we don't say it, it isn't so.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EXACTLY!!! Do I remind them? My SIL put my name on my FIL's 70th b-day gift the other day because my MIL couldn't stand to see a separate gift from me...it would cause her too much pain!!! And my H agreed to it...per my SIL's conversation with me. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You guys have never sat down and talked about what is going on.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you suggest? He's now avoided the whole financial conversation... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BUT I am going to insist that starting SEPTEMBER 5-6 you take daughter for the weekend i have plans... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay...I have a business trip that is unavoidable on Sunday September 7-9...emailed him with the particulars. No response as of yet...did not tell him where or what...just that I would be away but you know what Ark...I think he's planning another vacation with the OW. Not sure but Sept/Oct earmarks their "anniversary" UGH...I have to brace myself for this one so hopefully, you'll be ready for my breakdown. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I still say create the illusion that you have something (one) else to be interested in... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll try but I bet you that he won't even care or at least, he's doing a great job of pretending he doesn't. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> still friends I hope... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Always. Dear Lor, I wish you were closer too! Perhaps you could knock some sense into him. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">is there any history of mental illness in his family? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, not that I know of... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may very well have to get a restraining order if he can't control his rages. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think I should have mentioned this incident to my lawyer? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't just fume. Act. Another letter: </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From me or my lawyer? Hi StillHere, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who said YOU had to be the one he depended on to pick up D when he wasn't able to? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just always been like that...dependability, availability...reliability...responsibility. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was interested in the jujitsu concept of marriage practice. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I need to learn more about this concept. Sounds incredibly wise. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is abusive, and he doesn't see it, and you haven't admitted it yet either... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, you're right. He doesn't see it but I do. He's just becoming worse... Hugs to all
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Joined: Apr 1999
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Terri, I think you should let your lawyer know about the incident. And, although I wasn't thinking "lawyer" for the letter, I think that is an excellent thought. And, then, when H confronts you, and doubtless, he will, say: "Are you still talking about that? I haven't been with you in three years. I can do whatever I want. Isn't that what you just told ME?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Ok, that's a little wicked and probably not either Plan A or B, but I think would fit Orchid's Babble index. If he's planning a vacation...what about his visitation? Financial restitution so that you can hire a sitter...? Require him to set up something with his mom? Could that be part of lawyer's letter? Plus that he needs to leave emergency numbers? Even if it's with his MOTHER rather than you, it's some accountability, show of responsibility. Discuss with lawyer.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
T,
Does he pay you child support?
Do you ever go back and read your old posts?
Nothing has changed in TWO YEARS.
You seem stronger, but the circumstances have not changed.
I've already told you from the WS perspective that you need to do 180's or Plan B and show some strength and demand respect. PLEASE???
He is not worthy of your feelings, and he's not showing any sign of changing.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465 |
Hi Lor, I like your idea of response. However, I'm a little confused due to feedback I've received. Should I involve the lawyer or not? If I do, that means it turns out to be legal custody arrangements as opposed to just my own email schedule.
But I guess, we must legalize at some point?
Lex, hope you're well...okay, let's look at the reality. He honestly doesn't want to come back?
No, maybe he's not agressively pursuing divorce but MAYBE, he's just too much of a coward although it's what he wants?
Okay, Plan B...I'm trying. 180's? I'm trying those too. I just don't appear particularly thrilled but I can change that too. Thing is I don't have much support for NO CONTACT as I have mentioned.
Wish you were closer.
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