Thank Way2, I am thinking of relocating.I just cancelled my cell. I can not leave this job as yet,this my BEST thing, Blah said he gave this job
to me for I married him for green card, this is the worst thing he ever said to me, if not him, I would not be where I am today..that hurt but I forgave him over this, he said it out of his anger and I also know that OW made him believe that was my reason to marry him, for almost 7 years?(will be 7 in Oct,civil marriage, 6 for church wedding) I will take care of myself and I know I CAN, he tries to hurt me and I won't let him anymore. As hard as it is, perhaps to let him go would be my best choice. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

what's your immigration status now?

P.R.
You know what I don't even care to become a citizen, I can always go home,I will have a much better life home, if not, I can just go to England
You know we have something in common, my 1st marriage for 3 months ended up w/ DV as well,that was the reason I came to US. I took many years to try to forget about the abuse, the fear etc..why couldn't Blah understand? Oh well, he will never come home anyway.

Please read above post and . . .

oh an btw -- did you ever consider that if it weren't for you HE might not be where he is now professionally .. as you said yo ualways tried to be an asset...

And there are some slimy politicos who use their marriage to an immigrant to futher their ambitions within a largely immigrant precinct.

That's a hugely emotionally abusive thing to say

I'm sorry you are in so much pain.

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

No I would not consider that if it weren't for me he would not be where he is today?! You know Way2, the problem w/ the marriage was I had been selfish to always want what I want, I refused to relocate for his school, not to small towns..he HAD gave up a lot for me,therefore he is angry that I am not like his beloved OW so supportive to go or will go where he goes..like I said I used to be "comfortable" in the marriage and didn't work hard on making the marriage"better", until his A, I called that my wake up call and realized how ignorance and selfish of me, I ignored his needs as well, right at the same time he started his A in Nov 2001, that was when I started to feel like falling in love with him all over, but too late, wasn't I? We spent our Thanksgiving together w/o family for the first time that Nov, I felt amazingly good to fall in love,he already thinking about OW then..I remembered the GLOW I have had, when I first started to work in this firm May 2001, all my co-workers FELT how lucky/happy I WAS to have a nice looking husband that I love and he love(d) me...
Blah has given up a lot just to make sure I was happy, one thing he did not do was NOT telling me his unhappiness and sneaked out to have a PA w/OW.
That is his regret and guilt, but he continues his A even after he dismissed the divorce. He said to me when he dismissed the D,he WANTED to do it right, as long as he and I are STILL married, he won't have an A, look at where he is now, he just can't or won't stop lying..that is the pain I have. You know what, if I didn't work hard or be good at my job, I WON'T be where I am today even w/ a green card! I was never satisfied professionally till I came to this firm, thought I fell in love, have a good career, a wonderful honest and handsome husband, then I want a child and it would be perfect, I don't have to be rich, just simple,normal life style. That is all I ask for. Blah had struggled through school and jobs, working and studied full time and ABLE to sleep, as hard as it was, we were normal married couple, yes we fight, who doesn't? We shared our daily adventures, fun or bore, we shared them nightly..
he told me he missed that once or twice, I know he did, but as long as OW is in our M, there is no M, and it won't be healthy, as hurt as we both are, there is NO REAL CHANCE to heal, to recover to rebuild this supposedly M. Am I asking too much? Isn't it good when you can walk in the light and not always in the dark, lover crawls nto bed in the middle of the night thingy..Blah sacrificed a lot but then he always tell me how much he sacrificed,to me when one make sacrifices
to another,you won't ask for credit..you just sacrifice. That is the meaning of sacrificing, isn't it? He love(d) me hence I wanted to fall in love with him all over but was too late. That was the flaw of the M, we were not on the same pace, sad but true, I thought we were ok when the fact was I had ignored his needs,he is a good man
and very attractive, I can understand how good he feels with the OW who does not have an honest truth w/ him,who does not have to care for his
"daily" needs and always be there for him, that was why it was good to have a BS at home and OW outside of home,he gained them all..life is not this way, you can not live a double life w/ lies.
He calls me a liar and I understand, I will just set him free. I am waiting for him to trash me in MB now it has become a feud. I know he read the postings or he would not know I take others' advice to meddle, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Okay Wangi,

You are a human being and subject to the same human failing as all of us are. By your defense of your H I can see you love him very much and have taken responsibility for your failings in this marriage.

But it seems that he's using your love and your situation to continue to drag you around and hurt you. And no, just because he says you meddle because of what you read here on MB -- doesn't mean that he reads it.

Myad said the same thing and didn't read MB, just assumed -- but your H has posted so he could be reading (you think he's that obessed to find out what you are doing and being told).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you just sacrifice. That is the meaning of sacrificing, isn't it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes .. but the trick is to make sure the balance is always equal or near equal.

Look wangi I've spent the last hour worst case scenario - ing this ... you know him but given that he is so angry and that he said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Fine, he will take care of himself. He also hope that I can live with myself for I continue to do to him...WATCH WHAT YOU DO FROM NOW ON YOUR FINAL WARNING</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Given today's current climate and that fact that you are not naturalized -- how far do you think he would take this.

I don't know him -- I'm only now digesting your story.. (read blah's posts yesterday) but . . .

He seems paranoid, angry, ready to blame you for everything -- acting in defense of him, his A and the OW -- to the expense of you.

Has he ever taken a "I made you and I can break you attitude" with you? If so, I really would be concerned about his statement and his "thinking" while he's in this state.

Please talk to a lawyer and make contact with an immigration lawyer -- just in case.

way2

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wangi:
[QB]Good morning..what happened this morning was I got to work and found an email from WH---he was sooo angry, the first thing he said was "Follow their(MBers) advice and keep meddling" and he said he is on the edge right now, keep pushing and watch happen...of course he meant to divorce me and be w/OW, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So he will come home and act like a man if you don't meddle? What is the alternative? Or rather, isn't he already WITH the OW, which leaves his mean threats a little hollow?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He also hope that I can live with myself for I continue to do to him...WATCH WHAT YOU DO FROM NOW ON YOUR FINAL WARNING...these are his exact words, I am not even afraid of them, he can be mad, this is the kind of evil strength from that OW,]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now we know where he gets the name "blah." Blah, blah, blah, blah. It is a perfect fit. Just hang in there, wangi. I wouldn't go out of my way to aggravate him, but I sure wouldn't pass up any opportunity to interfere with his affair. Don't let him bother you, Wangi, this is all pretty typical fog talk from a WS in heat.

This was the LAST good thing Blah said about me, since he has OW back,he is back to the typical WH mode, I do love him enough to understand why he continues to hurt me, but I am not going to entertain him anymore...
******************************************
Blah 34 for STBXWIFE "Thoughts of WS"
posted June 22, 2003 06:46
Mimi,
yes widthdrawl...fog

What do I think of wangee? I think she is a great person, good woman, many excellent qualities, good family values, loving, protective, loyal, hardworking, sweet, very thoughtful, artistic, unpretentious, easy to please, generous, kind, sociable, realistic, real, patient, forgiving, self-effacing, and many others. I will not go into the negative because her negatives are not even a drop in the bucket compared to mine right now. And what do I think now? I dont know, how could I screw up a marriage to someone like that? I have found such a treasure, and yet I am not even seeing her. Whats wrong with me?
********************************************
I do feel a lot of pain for his inner struggle, he is also "lonely" even if he has best buddy Johnny by his side every now and then, the emptiness and anger,fear and pain all bottle up, it is intense and depressing, but he does not want me to help him through,he picks OW instead to continue pursuing their lies and betrayal, how can he not feel guilty? Fog is thick, unable to get out? Anyway, I will just be good to ME, wish me luck driving a cool Beemer by myself. Maybe then I will realize I really don't need a cheater in my life, afterall. It MUST stop, I wish he never dismissed the divorce if he kept going back to OW,why not end it then? Then he can be all happy w/the ONE ever after. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Way2 he is reading, I know he is..but I am not writing anything just to get his attention, he probably just needed to find out who is talking bad about him and what are the replies and, maybe wonder why? He cares about me but not well enough to try the M for REAL for ONCE...w/oOW, all the "coming home" was just but up till he could not pass through the withdrawl period and told me he TRIED but couldn't work on the M, I expected withdrawl for months to couple of years, as long as he gives 100% into rebuilding, then we would know if we really fail...but no, just had to tell me how much he missed OW, the sex etc..as painful as it was for me to hear, I always tell myself, he will come around, and then I can shower him w/ my love,then he has rooms in his heart for me and love me again, he kept telling me the passion faded etc..very discouraging, no matter how good I look, still can't be as powerful as the evil one. Sad but true, my WH will not come home anymore...he is with his "ocean" and I am his "desert"(he described our sex life this way to Jenbrown I believe, that hurt so bad, but that is sex w/ a sxxx and who can easily jump from bed to bed w/different men just like that!) Why do I even compare myself w/ a H snatcher. Dopey.

Hey Melody I saw your face, you look good...I tried to send mine but it kept returning back to me, perhasp the file was too big? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks Wangi! Hopefully, Faith will see your post and solve the problem. Would love to see your pic, too!

Hi Wangi:

I haven't abandoned you. I'm so sorry he is saying such hurtful things to you. It appears that Blah is a very lost, scared soul. If he is in fact reading these posts, then he is only reading and seeing what he wants and what will help fuel his dilusions.

You asked why Plan A why Plan B, he's not coming home. Sweety, understand that Plan A & B are not about him they are about YOU. You do them for you and yourself, not to really change him, but to change you and make life a better place for Wangi. If Blah sees these improvements and wants back in that circle, great, but if not you are still happy with you and your life. Make sense? Plan away honey, and start doing for you.

As for the meddling. . . This is a personal decision for you to make. Apparently his affair is in the open here. Meddling works for many, but what you have to do is decide will it cause YOU, Wangi, more grief? Right now his rants and raves about it seem to be hurting you more than the pleasure of them having issues. Step back and worry about you. The affair will do it's own damage. If he wants to believe you are meddling, so be it. That's his problem, not yours. Either don't respond or simply say "I'm sorry you believe that about me." What you have to decide is if you have anything to gain by meddling? You obviously have nothing to loose at this point. Some people gain control, satisfaction, peace, etc. However, if you find that all you will have is more stress, anxiety and grief, maybe it's just not time for you to make waves. It's not about them anymore - it's about Wangi!

He is playing your puppet strings. Your love for him is strong and he knows that. He knows that he can continue to stomp on you right now and you will be there. Sweety, stop letting him do that. Don't respond to his threats, don't respond to his actions. If you do, simply do it in a manner that puts it back on him - I'm sorry you feel that way, etc. If he sends these mean e-mails, ignore them and don't reply. If he wants to rant, rave, and complain, let him to that to miss perfect. You need to do for you, not him. He wants to ruin his schooling, so be it - that's not your choice. Sure, it's sad, but you have no control over it.

Don't allow him to have any sort of control over you. He will try the play, balance and abuse as long as he can get away with it. When you finally say, I've had enough, I'm not doing it this way anymore, he will be forced to go whichever way he is intended to go. Now, that could still end up being back in his marriage, and that could still take time, but he needs to see that the current situation, the way he's acting toward you and treating you, is no longer part of the deal in healing, if he chooses to heal.

You are a very strong person, I can see that in your posts. You mention how you feel so weak sometimes, look at my closing - "It's ok to feel weak sometimes!" That does not mean you are.

I hope this helps. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. All my best.

Hey Wangi,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

I have to agree with Princess, he is playing with your puppet strings here.

Inherent in his threat that "if you meddle in his A, that's it for your M" is an assumption on his part that you are so desperate to save your M that you'll do virtually anything he asks. It's like you've bent over backwards for him before, that he's been successful in using emotional manipulation on you many times before. I only say that b/c I've been at the receiving end of my H's emotional manipulation too many times as well. Early on in our separation, my H told me that if I contacted him or his family without his permission, that was it for our M. I was so terrified aka easily manipulated, that I complied. Did it really help? Nope, it didn't bring my H any closer to finally making a choice and deciding to work on this M or leave. It just let him live in peace w/o me and with his two female friends close by his side.

Maybe it's time for plan B for you. (Gee whiz I feel like a goof for recommending this plan of action to not one, but two people tonight, when people tried to tell me to go to Plan B so many times, but I never had the nerve to do it, and so here I sit still deep in limbo aka he**.)

Take care Wangi. My situation is quite different, but I do know what it's like to have an H who refuses to choose. My heart goes out to you.

Jen

Princess, Orchid, Jen, Thank you for caring, I am doing alright, the last couple of days beside my adventure, driving for 7-8 hours for the first time, there were all the suicidal threats from Blah, and I was having second thoughts to come to MB, I don't want him to read and I have a feeling that he has asked OW to read them,so that he can show OW what I said about her,she would be pissed at me etc <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> then he would get sympathy from her....why should I care, right? I am not the one that is having an A and I am not stealing other's husband..all the threats were very disturbing,I was not in town,so I had to called mother-in-law(in New England)about the son's threats..the MIL left WH a v/m if he did not call her by the next day,she would call a police on him,he called the next day and left a message saying it was MY fault and MIL expected that already,he always blame me for all failures since he got married,
everything before he blamed his pop,I understand, but he never taken any responsibilities on his own
:(I mean when problems arise..each & every
mistake made in life,you look at it, you change it for better instead of blaming others,he sees me as I blame him for the A,frankly not all..I am taking some of the responsibilites,but he is the DOER not me,he sent an email(since I blocked all his email addresses,including the "secret" one he always made just for the adulteress..he sent from a brand new address) saying that he was not in a good mental when all the threats were written(thru emails, since I cancelled my cell..he had no way to threaten me and I was out of the office as well)he also said he was sorry and asked of me to forget about all the emails,he was going to take all responsibilites for his unkind actions. You know it was not the first time and I feel lots of pains for him but he continues to BELIEVE that OW is the one he wants,he should not bother me ever,the last threats he made also included that I took away his life with Amor(so this is the OW!)and Amor is ALL he is living for. How ridiculos,I am really worn out by their selfish indulgence in the adultery that caused many pains. But I can care less now that all I have is ME, MYSELF & WANGI. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am planning trips on my own...I used to have a dream to "renew" our vows(before his A was discovered)in Paris,he's French and he is romantic,and I love fashion,so Paris would be a good place to renew our vows,the reason
I wanted to do so was because I realized I did not love him enough..and I desired to start anew,
all these thoughts gone with my WH, he is NOT coming home and this whole situation become uglier and proper legal isuues will be followed as well,therefore I do not really want to be on MB, email me if you feel like wanting to know how am I doing O.K. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> wangiaja@yahoo.com I thank all of you for the unconditional supports and I will check in every now and then,but not going to say much since legal issues will be in order. Please understand.Esp.he is reading <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Wangi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

It's me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I went ahead and cut my hair 6"shorter
I used to have long hair due to my hula dancing for as long as I WAS w/WH,he was attracted to that
I cut my hair 13"shorter in December & shorter & shorter, now I have it real short & dyed,I guess I just want to have a change,the hairdresser told me that Blah was just there an hour before me,
what a drag if I ran into him,I had a feeling that they are together..heck cares,I feel good that I am at least changing my "image"not what he used to like about me.Just venting,feel unsafe to even vent here nowadays,feel like being watched
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Anyway,have a good weekend,OK I know I will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well Wangi, glad to hear you made it back safely and you are working on the better Wangi!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My hair used to be long (about 4 inches past my waist) but I had to cut it since our son used to love pulling on it. A mom with a bald spot just isn't atractive - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now Wangi you may have to learn to be stronger now. Since you are taking steps to remove yourself from receiving his anger, he will have to find another place to vent...... Hope he goes to the OW and shares that part of his character with her.....after all aren't they suppose to be sooo great for each other???? Amor, armor, or Oscar Meyer Weiner..... (just playin around with that name - LOL!!) whatever the OW is, she really needs to do be on her best behavior, he really needs another place to dump his blame.

A 'common' WS tactic is to blame the BS for what the WS is doing. The OW also tries to incite the WS by planting lies in his head thereby warping his already warped mind even more. OWs like OMW (oscar meyer W or other M W - LOL!!! ) enjoy envoking pain to the WS.... some sort of a sicko A ritual. Some WS' are tooo dumb or stoned in the fog to realize it and keep going back for more pain, like they like it or something.

Your H won't be doing anything new.....we have seen his pattern and it is quite predictable.

I would be more shocked if he put himself on recovery.

Know that he may blame you.... know it is not about you but about those 3 fingers of blame he has pointing back at him when he is trying to blame you.

Only when he is willing to OPEN his hand and extend it to offer you his apology and request for assistance in healing with a cooperative and truly repentant attitude can you think about working with him. Small steps shouldn't cut it at this point. He needs to do some major healing for himself before he can even think about making it right with you or anyone for that matter.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Keep yourself in a safe place emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally.

If your WS makes threats, report them as needed. That is what the police say to do, so it is not an MB thing.

You see, others can see him as he really is. You can't fool all of the people, all of the time.

take care....... Blah, if you are reading this, I certainly hope you get some help for yourself. With or without a W or OMW, you need to get yourself to a safe place also.....you need to be safe from your own threats. Don't be your own worse enemy. OW is doing a good job of that.

L.

<small>[ July 11, 2003, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

How about a threat like "I will buy a gun and kill you" and I understand now why he apologied, that was recorded. I feel so much pain that this so-called M has to be crushed,I used to tell him though the M is broken but not crushed,I
"believed" that it can be worked out, better in many ways(since he blamed me all the time that I did not work on the M,didn't have his selfish
needs fulfilled when OMW fulfills him but not good enough,and ok to use this as a justification of his A)I could hear him screaming that OMW is ALL he is living for? How come he dismissed the divorce on 6-10? Since he can not have his piece of sxxx and eat it too,he blamed me?! OK, I am done w/all his BS,I know he needs help not just the A,but himself,the pain,the hurt,the abuse,the
rejection,the put downs etc etc...I have never look down on him that way,I am not like OMW that wants him to make big money,(not because she wants his education,but w/sich education that can bring her $$$,has she helped him w/ a penny yet, all words and no actions, sales rep,eh!)I just want us to be happy,I said I had rather be poor than losing him,now I feel like he is not worth it,he does not want to be helped or help himself,
no one can do a miracle,not the OMW,that is for sure,OMW only fancies the "convenience",am I surprise? OMW used to "teach" me that I should just be naked and seduce him and then our M will be ok for he is a MAN! Is that right? OMW said that because that is how she handles men esp.
others' H. :rolleyes:I am very tired,mentally, emotionally...
Thanks Orchid, I was thinking about writing a letter to WS on your post,my feelings,good and bad,hurtful mostly..but it will take some time..
As hard as it is, I feel good this morning, my short hair makes me feel pretty and alive.
That is a good sign right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wangi-

I think that you H is emotionally disturbed and I think that you should get as far away from him as you can. How does he leave you these threats? Does he call you and you talk to him or does he leave messages or what? If he's calling you, don't answer the phone. If he's leaving messages for you, change your # to an unlisted one. He is harrassing you and that's abusive. He is one sick man and this isn't just about the A, this about alot of things going on with him psychologically. I think he needs counseling and I think that you should walk away from him. I am 100% for WS's who admit that they did wrong and then come back and try to work on the marriage but in your case Wangi, I think you need to get out of that marriage ASAP. I think that for your own safety you need to get away from him. As ill as he is, I don't know that I would look at his words as innocent "threats". I think if he's sick enough to say something like that then he just may be sick enough to do something like he's threatening. Record everything he's saying / doing to you and then go get a restraining order against him. You are too good a person to put up with his disease. This is no longer just about the A, this goes far beyond that. Get out while you can Wangi, I worry about you.
NL

NL, Thanks for concern, the way he messed w/ the legal department(me)was because he could just do as he pleases since he knew no matter how shxxty he treats me,I would still take him back whereas he must beg Oscar Meyer that show OMW is a high commodity in his A,I have no price,so that he never respected or valued me but to believe the outsider,whatever..It was my conversation w/him,I called him for I was really worried but we could not talk,he screamed and I yelled,he threatened and I did as well,I also have OMW recorded
"statement" announcing her involvement with "your husband"(my WH)he then wrote a "nicer" email but it is not fun anymore. He came to me when Oscar Meyer was supposedly going to San Diego to "buy" a condo,he apologized for his A,said what a rotten man he was blah blah blah,including that I "should have" put him in jail when he actually hurt me twice which I have med.records for my protection(he thought I was kidding,I was abused by my XH,and I learnt not to just take any abuse, though I kept forgiving Blah,I am stupid!)I "did"
love him but he played me for a fool,I know his
"problems" but I continue to love him,I even said to him more than once,if someday he is in a wheelchair,who did he think would be by his side,me or Oscar Meyer? I don't think he ever answered for he knew the answer deep down,a couple of accidents during his A, once he was OD w/ some medication that he could hardly breathe and pale,weak like a 70 year-old man,this was from his last July bike accident after having a cat fight w/OMW,I took care of him,when he was ok,she had him in bed, I even knew the "motel" they went to then...a motel that OMW said to make him a man since that was what he could afford,but since then,she demanded big hotels,that was just a man recovered from an accident w/less money then? I know these are the past,just venting,sorry
There were a few times when Blah had a couple of heart problem,either it seemed to stop beating or too fast-palpatation??? Hurt his back severely one time,didn't go to work but it was bad enough to invite the OMW into my bed when I was at work(b4 DDay,I asked him after the DDay for there was an afternoon when I returned the bed was a mess even teased if he brought any woman home,he said he wished,but I never even suspected,for I trusted him fully. How low can a person/two cheaters be? I forgave all of that compare to my EA, it is really like what Blah said it is a drop of water in the bucket...It hurts when others can see he is disturbed,I know,and I "wanted" to help,
OMW denies his problems,just focus on his lips,
his face and thingy,he needs help,he has gone to 3 counselors and a Phsychiatrist that only want his fees..one became our MC during his so-called NC,then MC won't see him as long as he is in his A
one of the other two was our MC for a long time,
yes we had been on counseling on and off for years,there were some improvements...then he had his A,since that MC knew about his A when I did not,Blah lied to me to see him for his depression and his confusion in career choosing etc..I never suspected..this MC does not want to be our MC since he knew that A started,unfair to me etc..no one can help him,there are times he looked at his
"problems" but not seriously get help,like I said he is now in his 15 years of sobriety,he drank at aged 16-19 & numerous drunk drivings & accidents
in between,he decided to quit drinking(almost died in his last DUI accident b4 he quit drinking
and substituted w/pot for a year before he became clean...then this A and all his bad behavior,I had not given up on him till now. He is not just gone for I am now gone in his life. He always run,he is scares I know,I can not remember how much I asked him for a hug so that I could
"comfort" his pains..he refused a lot,he cried and said he was scare and he did not want my pities etc,I do know in my heart,he is indeed troubled,many wanted him to go to AA but he didn't want to,he thought the A can become a marriage or something that could change his life,
it has changed his life,ok..drasticly. He is very likely to lose school,from what MIL told me, which he also said in one of his threats(mostly emails except for the killing me w/gun)that he would sue me for being the"cause"of all the problems in his life and losing his chances in school, how rotten? Perhaps he should sue me that OMW left, then they both can win and live w/the
"settlements" in a dark hole where no family will give any blessings...whatever.

NL, I am taking care of myself and I will, it is stupid of me to worry about him,but I am,he is my H no matter how crooked he is,my loyalty to him is even more stupid. But then again, he does not deserve meand should be in jail,such educated person w/a sick mind and a loyal wife that stood by him for the longest time..yet he chose to be screwed up,worse than ever. It is easyto be screw up and having an affair,it is hardNOT to be messed up and work on the M,short cut is not always the best way to anywhere
,it can be bumpier and wearier..I can not even recall anything good w/ him now,I just know my heart is totally broken and crushed. No,he will never come home,and he will pay. I just have to say I take all the precautions I can already,and I am not making any threats but to be protective of ME. I have always been,including very protective of him,he used to be very kind-hearted(still, but just not to me for he said I am unkind)and he trusts people easily,I feel the NEED to protect him,even to protect him so strongly from Oscar Meyer yet all he could feel is my jealousy over her,yes,at some point,not when shedisrespects and uses him, I failed for evil power is strong,one of his co-workers who used to date the same kind of people from "that" country,and said he was put a spelt on,he told BLah to be careful, I am not even going to comment on this,as I do know what "color" certain
magic can hurt.I have God in me,OMW can tear my heart but not evil enough to occupy my soul. My name given at birth is Love Vessel,it is indeed a vessel that loves God! I only pray that Blah will get help, serious help,including treatments and sober house recommended by his one good friend that he said loves him so much that will support him in his M or A...good friend huh.He wants to hear things like that,he is not wrong,it is because I did not fulfill his needs therefore
..blah blah blah.

Blah,if you are reading this, I hope you would look at all that have happened in your life and count how many of the "people" that really take
"who you are" and still be with you today, even your own sisters can stand living w/you, perhaps your stupid wife that stayed w/you in good and bad times for the longest period any human could possibly do so. We all have problems,human make mistakes,my mistakes,now that I can really compare w/yours,yes it was hurtful to you;but please look at what you are still doing,beside the brutal A & your own futur(effect)
all paid by the "cause" even Dalai Lama books can't help ease your pains, it is time to wake up,be an honest person again and try to be the man I once married to....even though I can not have you in my life,you can try to be a good person w/ a sane mind,insanity is not the reason you fail anything anymore,it gets too serious now.
Go to AA,get helps and be WILLINGNo matter how you want to look at me now, you really do not mean it but you just don't know how to control the fog that almost blind you..maybe some day,and Wangi is gone. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks NL, thanks for letting me vent,I think that is quite a bit said already,email me if you wish. Wangi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Most everyone has their own sad story. People told me that I should just forget the whole thing, but I could not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I felt totally isolated in this huge,far off city. Only hoping that the man I married would appear again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />