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So a few people here asked me to post the URL where the OW's new book is coming out. I've been really busy and kinda forgot, but I decided to do it. The OW has a desire to be famous, first she was to be a Kareoke Host Extraordinare and now she has changed her career path to a BDSM expert. I'd like to know what you here on MB think of these types of books. Are they what you would consider sexually tasteful and mainstream? Please be brutally honest if necessary. Location of OW's BookAnyhoooooo, there ya go LeAnne! Love, Jo note: All names have been kept confidential to protect the innocent/guilty.2nd note: Mod's, I hope it's within MB guidelines to post this URL. If not, please email me & I'll quickly remove it, no worries. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ July 30, 2003, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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Good lord. Are you serious?
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As serious as a heart attack.
Hi Bellevue,
Yeah, I know .... this whole thing .. the affair and all, it really did a number on me. Made me wonder if I'm a prude or something and doubt myself regarding sex and stuff.
I mean I know it's all up to the two adults in what they participate in sexually. But I was with my ex-H for nearly 21 years and nothing like this sexual stuff ever surfaced, there were no clues that this is what he was truly all about, or needed.
So because he was pretty much the only very long term sexual experience I have under my belt, thereby my yard-stick for what is "NORMAL", I sometimes think there is something wrong with me because I will NOT ever participate in something like what they ex-H/OW do (i.e., The URL - BDSM)
Heck, I didn't even know what that acronym BDSM stood for until I visited that site, let alone what it is really.
Love,
Jo
<small>[ July 26, 2003, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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Hi Jo. Wow and wow, unreal and amazing. You are not a prude and there's nothing wrong with you.
To each his/her own, as they say but this is so far out of the realm of normalcy in loving, sexual relationships. Is it even real or is OW just doing some creative writing? I know there are people into this sort of thing but I'd venture to say that if your ex-H was one of them, then surely some sign of it would have surfaced with you in the 21 years you were together.
This OW is one sick little chickee who is famous only in her own mind.
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Hi TD,
Thanks for responding.
I tend to think this isn't just creative writing on OW's part. She use to say some pretty hard core things to my husband via voice-pager. Some of it was over my head and some of it I stayed in denial that it meant what it meant, you know what I mean?
Hearing from folks here helps me know I'm not that far off when it comes to what's "over the line".
Thanks a bunch!
Jo
<small>[ July 27, 2003, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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I must be a prude, wrinkled and sane!!! Yikes....that site is morally scary! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Fantasy reading??? Some of those subjects s/b banned! Talk about foggy. YUCK!
But hey, if that is the best that OW can do..... well then may she lose $$ on this sikko venture. The bad piece is that there is an audience out there that like such morbid stuff.
Jo, the saner ones probably wouldn't be able to understand all that stuff. We know you're ok, it's that OW that needs a label on her.
L.
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Thanks O.
I don't stress over this really. I just wonder sometimes how we stayed together so long without this ever showing itself.
There was a time after we separated and we had just left a therapy session. Ex-H said to me as we sat in my car "There are things you don't know about me as a married man" .... when he said it I swear his eyes glazed over and they rolled back in his head. <sigh>
This master/subsurvient deal [BDSM] is one weird way to look at sex, to me it's strange that people need it to feel fullfilled. I would think they'd have to bring it up a notch each time, and that makes me ask the question, where do they draw a line, or do they?
Lv,
Jo
<small>[ July 27, 2003, 11:53 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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Sorry, not sure which book is the one you want opinions on!
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Jo, if that's what you'd have had to do to keep your H interested, you deserve better. That site is pathetic. And the OW's brain must be fried. She wants to be famous? Ugh.
Hey, how is the dressage thing going? That's a lot more interesting and fun than what the OW's up to. I'm impressed with you. I don't ride because horses scare me; they're so large and they know when you can't ride from the minute you hop on their backs.
But I love to scratch their faces from the other side of the fence and talk baby talk to them. (Loony, yes that's me.)
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Jen,
I can't devulge which book it is because I would then be disclosing the OW's name [she actually used her real name as the author]. Sorry. But do know that her book is based in BDSM.
Jo
<small>[ July 28, 2003, 11:10 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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eeeewwwww!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
None of that cr*p (that's the best descriptive word that came to mind) has ANY place in a healthy relationship based on love and respect.
It's just plain gross. We can only pray for their eyes to be opened, I guess.
Lori
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by at peace: <strong>eeeewwwww!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> None of that cr*p (that's the best descriptive word that came to mind) has ANY place in a healthy relationship based on love and respect. It's just plain gross. We can only pray for their eyes to be opened, I guess. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my opinion, a healthy relationship is precisely the place for those activities. Where else is the spouse going to go to get those desires fulfilled? Many of these desires are not "normal", but they are also not bad. Normal is defined by society so pretty much anything other than man-on-top-lights-out-missionary would be considered not normal. But these activities can be quite enjoyable for the couples if they're into it so I say let them do it. I've heard interviews with long-term married couples into BDSM and they seem very close to each other. I would think the sharing of their fetish has brought them closer together. Not to say that BDSM will bring all couples closer together, but that being able to share your secret fetish (whatever it is) and have it accepted by the other person will strengthen the relationship.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my opinion, a healthy relationship is precisely the place for those activities. Where else is the spouse going to go to get those desires fulfilled?
Many of these desires are not "normal", but they are also not bad. Normal is defined by society so pretty much anything other than man-on-top-lights-out-missionary would be considered not normal. But these activities can be quite enjoyable for the couples if they're into it so I say let them do it. I've heard interviews with long-term married couples into BDSM and they seem very close to each other. I would think the sharing of their fetish has brought them closer together. Not to say that BDSM will bring all couples closer together, but that being able to share your secret fetish (whatever it is) and have it accepted by the other person will strengthen the relationship.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for replying Ruoy ....
Listen, to me normal sex is not just missionary, Hon. I'm very adventerous, and I think we can just leave it at that.
I agree that sharing sexually adventerous experiences is very bonding and becomes an emotional imprint with your spouse, but I just can't see whipping someone into submission as a bonding experience. Pain for me is not a loving nor erotic jesture. Call me silly ...
And calling your spouse "MASTER"? What is THAT? I think I'd start to crack up doing something like that. LOL
So I'm guessing you're male, Ruoy. Can you help me by telling me .... what would you say are the percentage of males that fantasize about BDSM experiences? Just curious.
Jo
<small>[ July 28, 2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>
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What one thinks of as disgusting or distastful is what another thinks of as ecstacy. Some cultures frown on oral sex, and to a lot of people that is a natural part of sexual intercourse for them. As long as it involves CONSENTING ADULTS ofcourse then who am I to judge!
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JO!!
Long time no see!
I tried to go to the site this morning but it was blocked due to my company's policies. That I found hysterial this morning.
Hope all is well with you!!
K
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Well, I'm not into BDSM so I can only let you know what I've heard. It does nothing for me and I don't fantasize about it and I don't know what percentage of guys do. I can understand how someone else could be into it, but it doesn't do anything for me. I think I would end up laughing which would probably ruin the mood <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
From what I understand, it's the submissive person who is in control of the situation. That is, they define how far things go and when they should stop. So the whipping might start out soft and the submissive person would indicate, harder, harder, harder, ok that's good. There was one show on HBO where this woman was being lightly whipped and she orgasmed just from that. So the master wouldn't whip the slave into submission unless that's what the slave wanted. BDSM is not about using force and pain to make someone do something they don't want to.
Some BDSM involves pain, but not all. For some people, the feeling of pain in a sexual setting enhances the sexual feelings. For some people it's a little pain and for some people it's a lot of pain.
BDSM can also involve power. Some people get a sexual rush from either being in control or giving up control. One of the professional dominatrix ladies said that many of her clients were CEO's, doctors, and lawyers. They have to be in control all day so they enjoyed BDSM where they were submissive and could give up all that control.
I don't think the couples had a master-slave relationship all the time. Just when it was "playtime." Their regular relationship seemed quite normal.
It's too bad your husband didn't come to you with these desires first. Maybe you could have gone along with them. Or maybe not. Did he tell you if he's always felt this way or was it something the OW exposed to him and he found out he liked it?
<small>[ July 28, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: Ruoy ]</small>
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never mind the subject matter. the writing is just plain bad.
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Do I dare ask. I feel so naive, and I thought I was somewhat enlightened in my knowledge area.
What is BDSM?
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BDSM stands for Bondage-Discipline-Sado-Machism. Usually it involves pretending there is master-slave relationship for some sort of physical gratification. It might involve pain or it might just be a situation where there is a power difference (one person pretends to be a policeman, other person pretends to be the criminal).
Bondage -- restraining a person
Discipline -- disciplining a person
Sado -- enjoys causing pain to a person
Machism -- enjoys feeling pain
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That site made me wanna hurl... I peeked at work over the weekend and quickly bailed out...imagining being called in to my bosses office explaining THAT one .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Whippit nailed it the writing is soooooooooo bad... Being a prude extroidaniarre (except with Mr. Ark)...I have a confession to make....at christmas time I was in the book store alone..meaning toddler free... whoohoo..and toying with the idea of looking at and perhaps purchasing some erotica as a gift Christmas gift for hubby.... Sooooo there I am on a Friday night before Christmas in a packed store..in the so named erotica sections cracking up like a wierdo... NOT to mention that this section is also smack dab in the middle of the self help section...from anything to marital strife...to dealing with psychiatric disorders... Soooo while thumbing through things like letters never published by Penthouse...laughing hysterically and attempting to come up with a back up book to grab if God forbid the kids preschool teacher walks by or someone from work...realizing that the back up books would be just as "interesting" as catching me with penthouse or Erotica by five housewives...tee hee...... I gave up!!!!!!!!! with nooooooooo regret....and went home and confessed my failed mission at Borders to hubby...who just laughed at me... It's not creative writing...it is a very skewed point of view of intimacy and a healthy relationship....the funny thing is that the books appear to be A LOT about engaging with "violent at worst and unequal at best" sexual interactions... and while those that engage in such and claim all this mumbo jumbo of it having to be safe and with some one you know and trust...the litature is just the opposite...and example after example is with stranges which is anything but safe...no matter the sexual act.. so what they profess BDSM to be...is not what appears to be portrayed in the literature.... So if you see someone at Borders laughing in the Erotica section it could ME!!!!!!!!!!!! But most likely in disguise <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Resilient...she...and even what he has become is no reflection on you....the farther one goes down a path of disrepecting and devaluing the real gift of human sexuality..obvious nothing is shocking...and this site has nothing to do with two people in a bedroom..this site disrepects human sexuality... just the one re-cap on one of the books talking of slave-boys smacks of overt abuse and pedaphelia...and EVEN if I were an "erotica" writer...whom I am sure some are very nice people <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ...I would never whore my writings on a site next to other such filth!!!!!!! ARK
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