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Thank you ark. I was wondering if you would post to me or not. What you said is true it is like the door that I have been waiting to open for me. He lied to my face and Ys face for the last time. I will not take no more. My feelings have been uncared for a long time by him. I have started to lose myself and I can say I feel scared, I do need you guys here. I go 18- 20 hours a day I have been doing that since he left I work a full time third shift and a part time and full on the weekends and trying to keep the house still running. I get a afternoon nap and I die Thrus and Fri. my nights off. I'm just telling you this cause I can't think no more I am tired and I need you all. Outside of here like I said they do not understand and I feel like such a fool I really do not talk about it. What I am trying to say do not give up on me and help me get my husband back if that is what it is to be. I feel little hope now. I do not know what I feel I have so much built up inside of me. Ok, I will stop blalblaallabl. Sometimes it just feels good to write. Thank you all, today I will give him Plan B letter. I do feel you all think Plan B right?
<small>[ August 20, 2003, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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<small>[ August 20, 2003, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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Please tell me how to change the topic on my thread here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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N2N,
Go to the first post on the thread. Look for the little icon on the top of it that looks like a pen and paper. Click that, and a box will come up. Edit your title there and then push the button below the post that reads "edit reply"
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He didn't want the letter. Will tell more tomorrow have to go to work. I failed.
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He didn't want the letter ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .... then MAIL it to him via USPS ..... make it a registered letter. Plan B .... do it soon, you're losing your love AND his respect ..... he sounds like a bully. Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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OK, This is what happened. I hope this makes sence to you all. I will try and put it all down, just got off work. I was not going to be here at the house when he got here. It was around 3:15 and I was taken youngest son out for late lunch. H said he would be here and I figured that would be around the time he always does, well it wasn't he got here at 3:15. Came here right when he returned from the beach. Dropped OW off got suff out of the car and he came here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> When Zackary seen daddy he got out of the van and I told zack that I would go get his food and beep the horn when I came back and he can come out to get it. H says were are you going then? I said, I told you I will not be here anymore when you come to see the kids. O, that is just great. He said something else but my only thought was to get in the house were I left his letter and just go hand it to him and get in the van it was already running. So that was what I tryed to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He came in the house and started on me about the Monday phone call. I don't run his life,he can go were he wants, and the attuide I had in my voice, I had not chaged at all. That was when I knew I need to go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I handed him the letter he asked, Whats this? I told him it would explain it all. I just kept thinking of you guys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and what should be done and said. I turned and told him, I have grown and I am proud of myself I have come along way. You heard what you wanted to here because you felt bad about not telling me the truth. If I did have attuide in my voice, it was you are at the beach and that money could have went towards the house. That was when Zack (Ys) walked back into the kichten and had a picture he keeps on his nite stand of him and us when we were at the beach feeding the birds. His dad looked at it and I did. I asked why he wanted us to see it. He whispered into my ear "so you will be proud of my dad that he took me to the beach". I huged him and said I am proud of your dad for that and I love you. That was when I walked out and turned off the van and H huged our son. Zack then asked his dad if he had fun at the beach. H said it was not the same as when we went. That was when he for the first time started to open up. He then went out to his car and got son his fireworks that he loves. He also got me a gift.A beautiful windchimes that I collect. Why would he do that? If he was sooo mad at me? He then began to talk. I told him about MB. I told him about Steve and some of the things I have learned. He says he wants to get the house taken care of first then we take it from there. He says that does not mean that he would move back in right after we get the house done. I am thinking I don't think so either. I haven't even told him about NC and so on. He says he thinks their relationship has hit its high and it won't be going any further. I'm trying to use the words he said. He also said that he was coming over today after he went to the bank to open his own account. I guess they had one together,his work only direct dep and that was why he did that. Ya right. I told him we still have our account open and he said well then I use that? I am so lost I don't even know what happened here yesterday. It was not at all what I had planned. I am not getting my hopes up. Does any of this make sence to anyone? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> To me it is hard to write, all that was said, cause I was not ready for what he was saying. I am trying to get the important things out here. I had told him that our close friends the wife is having affair, her and I have been friends since forth grade. Well, anyways she didn't want me to know, but here H called, she said she has become as bad as My H. I was telling H all the details and he said, you better tell her its not greener on the other side, its not what you think it is, to stay and work it out with her H. Now what in the world is that to mean? I then went and got them dinner, dad bought. I still left for awhile I had made plans. Thanks Pepper I think I don't know what to think right now. Maybe I will mail it to him when we get this house mess straight. Help, and tell what you think please!
<small>[ August 21, 2003, 07:24 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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N2N,
If his relationship is truly beginning to go "sour" with the OW....then the timing for your Plan B is even better. And the way your day turned out yesterday will be a loving reminder of what he is really losing and risking by continuing with his A. Don't get scared. A year and a half of waiting is far long enough for you and if he is beginnning to see the light and his a affair is coming to an end....this may be the thing that hurries it along. I hope you can be strong and really enforce no contact. If you do....there is a chance that he will come out of the fog. I am proud of the way you stood up for yourself yesterday....and calmly explained that it was his own lies and deception that caused him to be angry and defensive...and not some ugliness on your part. Good for you. Your little boy sounds like an angel. Now that your letter has been delivered....follow through and be strong. It will be hard at first, but you can do it. My prayers are with you.
((((((((((((((N2N)))))))))))))))))))))
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With you all in my side I will have to be strong. Thank you star*fish for your time I really mean it. Zack is a very special,to smart for his age, he does better then us most of the time. H didn't take the letter. I will have to try again today, I guess if you think go on with Plan B. He says that is not right, we are not like other couples like this. Fog talk.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess if you think go on with Plan B. He says that is not right, we are not like other couples like this. Fog talk.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is not my decision, it is yours. I wish for you to make it for yourself so that you are strong in your resolve. But base it on your own logic....and not what he believes....because right now, he cannot be trusted to protect you. Of course he says it is "not right" because it is not right for HIM. He would much rather be able to have his affair and still be able to come home to a loving caring wife when it is convenient for him. He will eat cake as long as you allow him to. But what would happen if he couldn't? And what will happen if he continues to ignore his responsibilities to his family. You've been in plan A for a year and a half. And truthfully what is NOT RIGHT are his actions, not yours.
The idea that you are "not like" other couples is a rationalization to prevent you from acting to protect yourself and your love for him. But please, look inside of yourself....and you decide what needs to be done. Don't let me....and especially don't let a WS in the fog decide for you what is best. Dr. Harley came up with Plan A and Plan B to END affairs. They do that....that much I know is true. There are no guarantees, but I believe they are the best chance to recover marriages that I have seen. I know this is a hard decision for you...but make it your decision and look logically at what options are available to you. Don't let the words of a fogged spouse cloud your own mind. And remember, that no matter what you decide....you will not be abandoned by the folks here. We will stand by you and guard your back.
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You are right again,it is almost like they pull you into the fog with them. I was not planning to here what I did yesterday from him, and I have been waiting so long for something that it blew my mind. That is why I don't trust myself and keep posting here for you all to pull me back out of their world, I don't like it there and I want to get myself together and grow stronger and stronger. I know that is what Plan B does. I have children here that are counting on me. I just want to figure out what kind of woman she is, what is he telling her, to let him come over here like he does and all the hoildays, she has never met H mother or children. Well H mother said, it would be a cold day in ---- before she would even talk to Ow. So I will try my hardest with Plan B,it has to be easier then A.
<small>[ August 21, 2003, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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Welll.. I took up a secret collection...(starfish, pepper, et al..etc....and we have officially raised 37 cents for the stamp for the no contact letter... No2no... actions define us...fog induced alien crappola speak is what throws us off course...and confuses us... Each time he starts his nebulous musings.... I don't run his life,he can go were he wants, and the attuide I had in my voice, I had not chaged at all hahahahahahh did you fall on the floor laughing....did you answer back... "baby talk baby talk..it's a wonder you can walk"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ...bear with me guys i just woke up after a twelve over nighter shift..that turned in to 14 hours.... 1. you need to learn to babble back IF you are going to have contact... BUT I strongly recomend NO contact... words are cheap...cheaper than the 37 cent stamp..for darn sure... He says that does not mean that he would move back in right after we get the house done. ummm did you say dam straight you're not...then bat your eyes and smile???? He says he thinks their relationship has hit its high and it won't be going any further. ohhh he thinks...I get it...when exactly does thinking boy decide to quit thinking...and do something that shows he values his WIFE and SON you better tell her its not greener on the other side, its not what you think it is, to stay and work it out with her H. can there be an anymore fog induced spumage of bull??? come out of a WS mouth...surely there can...but right now I am hard pressed to think of any.... Headlines read.. WS still in the thick of it offers advice to other people having affairs ...is quoted to say.. you better tell her its not greener on the other side, its not what you think it is, to stay and work it out with her H. Is that not an insane comment... he opens his mouth you should hear.. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..blah...bhthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhthththppppp No2no...I think his words are dangerous at pulling you back in to the same old game of cake eating.. If you listen to his words with out the BS filter on..they are ludacrous... you call him at the beach and he doesn't "like" it because you have attitude.... ATTITUDE..while they threaten to take your HOME....and he's sunbathing!!!!!!?????????? And you're the one with the problem.... Do I think you should go to plan B to be mean to him.. nope Do I think you should go to plan b because I want' to read about your drama nope Do I think you should go to plan b becaue it will be a form of revenge and getting back at him.. nope I think you should go to plan b...because you need to protect YOURSELF from his insaned rationalizations... because he will continue to attempt to make the most irrational things appear normal... because you should no longer be part of their sick triangle and world... He11...I'll raise more money ...and buy you two stamps...and you can send one to HER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Read his words again...each one is an empty babble... do not cling to one thing he said... look for actions...he needs to fight his way back to you....not scmoooze it... sorry to be so tough... but I keep hearing that loud sucking sound in the back-ground...anyone else hear it also?.. and am very concerned it's him sucking you back in to his worlds of craziness... ARK
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SEE! This is why I love Ark!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Especially when she's had no sleep!! LOL It's all true too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Plan B
Plan B
Plan BHis words are so'fulla'crap makes me wonder which end he speaks from! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Do you or do you not DESERVE to be in a relationship that is safe and loving and not a threesome? Send the letter .... and steel yourself. he's so used to being able to walk all over you with his lies, he's going to be madashell ..... but soooooo what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Aren't you a woman who wants to show her son that men do not treat their wives with such blatent disrespect and not have consequences? This is an EXCELLENT time to Plan B ..... he's having doubts about OW ..... good. Let him feel the pain of missing you ..... things will not get better without respect from his side. Draw the boundaries for the respect you deserve .... PLAN BPep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> PS .... did I say Plan B enough times? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ August 21, 2003, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> PS .... did I say Plan B enough times? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmmmm....just in case one more might help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> PLAN B
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No2Nos, Hmm........ this sounds familar. Plan B? More like Plan B with a lot of Hm...... and <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> looks. Talk to the wall when he starts to get angry. You may also find yourself getting angry when your taker starts to show her head. This is a difficult time for you so take care of yourself. How? Identify, prepare your support group. Put them on alert (even the famlily pet and your children - wherever your support comes from). Keep your diginity and values. But show your love. How? While in plan B, continue to take care of your family. He will see it. The distance should make him yearn for it. If it doesn't then he is not deserving and will not appreciate your efforts. When he tries to say things to draw you into the A? Hear him out, when you are healthy enough to do so without falling apart. If you can't tell him so. If he gets angry, remove yourself and say you just can't handle it. See right now he probably expects you to handle him no matter how he acts. Plan B will show that you will not put up with bad behavior. If he threatens to go back to the OW, then let him know that if he can go back with such little struggle, then maybe it is better he have the OW. Think about that one. Remember, this is for your protection. He will be hurting but no more than you already are. If he asks if you love him and you do, let him know you did and wonder if you can still. Let him convince you. No more teaching him about MB or NC stuff, not yet, ok? JMHO, L.
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Ok, I to have had no sleep. Hold on have to wipe the tears from face, and my a$$ off the floor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I keep falling out of the chair. Thank you all so much! Ark, you kill me, you have me laughing so hard in a good way. To know I am not crazy. You need to give back the money, I will send it COD. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> lolol What a fool I was not to hand it to him yesterday to stick to my guns, or even today. Ya, H was here today and I think he is getting a little to at easy he at the house. FOG TALK FOR TODAY IS, if that is the way it turns out that I come home. We were talking about the House and getting money together. Joke! He didn't go to the bank and change accounts like he said so, ok my eyes and ears are begining to see and hear so much better. The more I think of today and yesterday and how he brought me that gift from the beach, he did it again and made me a fool to myself!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I that blind or stupid in the past year and a half? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> What a fool I am! Then reading this what you guys wrote makes me see it fined tuned. I really think we must go into a fog also. (((( OK PLAN B))))I here the fog horn at the other end here, and I am ready. I can do this yes, for the boys and myself. If I ever want my husband home, I will have to do this for us all! THANK YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!
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H called and said, he will not be able to come today, this is his normal day to come, says money for gas is tight so he will come Sunday like always. I said, you said last Friday before you "went away" that you could come Wed, Thrus, (to make up for last Sunday) and Fri and Sunday. H said give be a brake, the money is tight, I filled my gas up and that will have to last me till payday. What ever! It is ok for him to make the calls but when I speak no no. I'll tell you what God has strange ways of working. This is like so helping me to see more and more and with you guys I am seeing it, he is selfish. My plan B letter will be sent not handed to him Sunday. Got to go, going to post office.
<small>[ August 22, 2003, 04:00 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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Mailed my Plan B Letter. H should get it tomorrow or Monday. Might have to change my name here. Don't know if H will check here now that I told him about it. Thought I was doing the right thing and hopeing he would come here if he wanted to ask anything. Big mistake sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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N2N,
You have taken an important step toward self respect and I am very proud of your courage. I know this is a hard step, but allowing your H to continue this way would be a travesty. My guess, is that now that you aren't pursuing him....the tables will turn. My prayers are with you. Good for you....I salute your bravery and resolve!
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