SORRY DOUBLE POST

<small>[ October 23, 2003, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Dear N2N,

Why do you feel your life is on Hold?

You and your 5 year old son are in a reasonable home in a reasonable neighborhood. You are apparently providing some support for your 18 year old son to continue school. Your earning power is good, as you are working a full time, and a part time job. The other woman has been accomodating to you, not objecting to your husband's above the requred expenditures for you, and the other woman has not pulled a Plan B on your husband.

Since your husband just gave you an extra $1200 in August so you could keep the house, and now, 3 months later, you are asking him to get his stuff out of the house, that you asked him to help you save. Perhaps that is why he is upset about it.

Certainly you are close to the situation, and your heart and mind need to be working together. What if the other woman gets pregnant? How old is the other woman?

What if you become incapacitated again? Do you have a plan to provide a more inviting marital bedroom, than you did during the time after your younger son was born?

Are you still in counseling? What issues has your counselor raised? What goals for counseling have you mentioned to your counselor?

You mention your mother in law. Has your husband's father passed? To what extent can you count on your mother in law in the future? It seems that MIL would have a bond to yout 5 year old son, her grandson. How long would it take for a bond to develop with a grand child by the other woman?

Hoping for you to be at peace with your decisions,

Quipper
Married 28 years, raised 2 challenging kids, still struggling.

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 12:52 AM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>

Quipper do you find it hard to believe that not all of us woman are b!t@hes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> There are some of us out here in the world that are good and can not figure why this happened!!!!

thanks to all!

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

<small>[ November 22, 2003, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: Archuletan ]</small>

Quipper, please do not post to me no more I would rather have no post then to have your 2 cents about it.

THANK YOUS GO OUT TO: ORCHID,SPARKLE,ARK,STARFISH,PEPPERBAND AND ALL THE OTHERS THAT HAVE POSTED TO ME BUT THIS HAS GONE TO FAR FOR ME.

WIFE #2 DON'T THINK SO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

MUSLIM= I or we are not that.

What does the future hold for me= NOT LISTENING TO YOU <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

have no lawyers for this

18 year old son is his!!!!

you need to get your facts straight !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

MIL= lOVE HER SHE IS THE BEST, AGAIN DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKEN ABOUT.

PLAN B= IS NOT MANIPULATION

MY GIRLFRIENDS= I GUESS YOU MEAN THE WOMAN THAT HAVE POSTED TO ME HERE ON MB? WELL THEY CAN SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. THEY HAVE HELPED ME ALOT. I THANK THEM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HAY QUIPPER ARE YOU JUST UPSET BECAUSE I TRUELY LOVE MY HUSBAND AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR US AS A COUPLE AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE. DON'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION, BECAUSE AS MY HUSBAND WOULD SAY IT,"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Hm. I'm probably a good bit more knowledgeable of polyamorous relationships than you are, Quipper (having lived in them for some time (don't get me started)).

Having said that, No2Nos, you're not in a polyamorous situation. Polyamory occurs ONLY when all parties are fully informed and willing participants. And it occurs only when all parties are committed to principles that are essentially the same as MB principles, but are MUCH MUCH harder to implement because there are more people involved.

That's not where you are. You are in a "simple" (ha!) "straightforward" (again, ha!) situation of marital infidelity. Given that, I'd stick with the MB principles and apply them rigorously. There are certainly other paths, but this is a good, solid one for recovering your self and your marriage.

Good luck and god speed. You're doing well in a very difficult time.

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>

No2Nos,

I would be inclined to pay attention and heed the advice of those who have experience in and have succeeded with MB principles, and you know who those people are.

Others...well, their "advice" is out of left field and totally contrary to the philosophy of this Board and its founders.

Stick to your guns, don't get hurt by what is being said to you. Listen to those of us who believe in the MB way. We are trying to guide you to follow a path that has been proven.

The rest of what is posted here, IMHO...HOGWASH!

{{{{{N2N}}}}}}}

*S*

THANK YOU JUST J,THANK YOU SPARKLE! If I had not taken this time for myself this week and I have gotton my head cleared and seeing things for what they are and were they are I would have been taken down by something like that,and if I was a new poster here. I have got it back in my head life is going to be what I, ME make it. There will be bad days and I hope a lot of good days ahead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks to all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

No2Nos:

You're right on target. Mental clutter is a great thing to get rid of. Underneath, you find such cool stuff!

And it's much easier to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, too. Oh, wait, no, that's physical clutter.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just J, thanks for the laugh. I do, no did, I am half way to clearing out all clutter in all areas and I am taken care of it all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> lol I really don't see it easy to get up in the middle of the nite for the bathroom with clutter or none, it is happen the older I get.lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks to all!

Sorry I did it again double post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Hee hee. Glad I could help with the laughter, N2N. I've had a rotten day, and one of the good things about rotten days these days is that I can still laugh and function. This is, all in all, much better than the rotten days used to be.

Just J I am sorry to hear you are having a rotton day. That makes the laugh you gave me more, because it came from someone special that can put all aside for others. I hope you have a happier day. Don't know if I should say this....My Y son he was getting his bath and he passed gas(best way to say it) in the water for the first time (that he remembers) and you should have seen his face when he seen the bubbles. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I am sorry Quipper came to your posts about me, I didn't mean that to happen. I am sorry.

I am sorry if people have a problem with me. Really don't know what I did wrong here? I am just here to see if my marriage can be saved. If you all wish I will leave the board please say so and I will. I would rather the time to be used for people who are asking for help about the marriage then on the mess that has started here about me and quipper

I am SORRY that this has happened. I give a huge thanks to all that has tried to help and taken the time to post to me. I have always said thanks to those who posted.

THANKS TO ALL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 25, 2003, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

can i talk to you, not here if i give you my e mail just a min of your time?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by No2nos:
<strong> I am sorry if people have a problem with me. Really don't know what I did wrong here? I am just here to see if my marriage can be saved. If you all wish I will leave the board please say so and I will. I would rather the time to be used for people who are asking for help about the marriage then on the mess that has started here about me and quipper

I am SORRY that this has happened. I give a huge thanks to all that has tried to help and taken the time to post to me. I have always said thanks to those who posted.

THANKS TO ALL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">N2n,

No need to leave anywhere. What you have experienced is not unique. What you are going through it unique to you but heard many times over. Just like good medicine, the dosage and when it is administered makes a difference.

As long as the one posting doesn't have a different agenda, it may be helpful to see through the pain and turn it into constructive criticism.

You should have seen some of the posts I had. 2x4s came straight out of several old timers. All done with the right motive but it took me a while to understand. I am glad I did.

So when I saw what was happening, I knew that if left unchecked we could lose 2 good posters. That would not be beneficial for all (including U 2). So I decided to pull it aside on another thread.

N2n, the pain you are feeling will subside. Remember this, the A is a temporary pain in your life. A's don't have the stamina to survive. The ones that do aren't worth the effort anyway and soon you will see that.

If you feel you need to fight for your M, then do so. If you are not sure, keep reading. Right now your emotions along with your heart and mind are not in sync. This is making it difficult to make important decisions for yourself and family. Along with that one's need to save the M adds to the stress and frustration. U probably want to throw your hands up and walk away from it all.... I understand, I did also. Can't tell you how close I came to that walking on a beach a couple of years ago. U know what? My son's face kept flashing in front of me as I walked into the ocean. Oh that's right, I had suicide attempts also. It was very very hard for me. For a long time, MB was one of my lifeline's that helped me keep my santity.

Read and let me know how you are doing.

My e-mail addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

take care,
L.

Thank you for your kind words and if you do not mind I would like to e mail you.

Anytime. I am home doing housework stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

So am I <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So it may be tomorrow before I get the time I need. Have to go back to work tonite after being off for nine great days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> lol Thanks

THANKS TO ALL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />