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Thank you Just J and Ark. I have packed the newspaper and I will be at the book store tomorrow. Just J that is funny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I did have a big drink in my room and some crackers and bananna just in case he didn't go. O son came in once <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> to see if I needed anything. My MIL said she would bet here whole pay check that he doesn't take him and she was right. Why didn't he take Zack like he said he was going to? Did I call him on one of his bluffs? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He had all doors open to take Yson to met his wonderful OW. BLUH Thanks to ALL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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In regards to pushing him to her, I just want to let you know this. Over and over I keep hearing from my FWH how the more he got to know her, the more he realized that what he saw in her was mostly FANTASY. He came to realize that she was JUST LIKE ANY OTHER WOMAN. They are so nutty when they are in the FOG! He wants to hang on to you because deep down inside he knows that you are his REAL WOMAN! Focus in on becoming the best woman you can be so you can be ready to handle him when he comes back to you.
BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE!
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N2N - Whatever it takes, remember that it's about creating a safe space for YOU. Ark is right that you shouldn't have to hide in your room. If he won't leave, then you leave. And then find a way for that not to happen the next time. Like, for example, being ready when the car drives up, your door already locked, and heading your son toward getting into your WH's car. "Bye sweetie, have a nice time with Dad!" Wave cheerily as they drive off. And THEN go in and get some sleep! And by the way, why haven't you changed the locks yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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YAY: I'm sorry I haven't posted to you. I've been busy lately being a wife. That's a good thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If you have time, do a SEARCH and read my threads. That will answer your questions. Plus, I got a lot of great advice from the folks here that you will find to be helpful.
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Re changing locks: tread carefully. I have a friend who once delivered subpoenas and he said that is the point when WSs go nuts -- when locks are changed. I stalled this one until H broke into the house while I was gone. Then I conveniently got the deadbolt "repaired" -- we hadn't been using it. This was less of a red flag.
Don't worry about throwing him into OW's arms. He's there anyway.
Don't hunker down in your room -- it gives WS a chance to accuse you of being weird. Take off, like Just J says.
Explain to kids you have a problem being around WH right now. They're smart; they'll get it.
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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haven computer promblems trying to post God, thank you all for every word that was typed here I need to here it all.I really mean it when I say, you all have helped me so much. I know I would not be able to do it with out you all here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Here is my Wed. update. <small>[ November 13, 2003, 01:33 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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Sending this in small parts computer will not let me send it all at once keeps kicking me off sorry.
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Ok 2x4 if you wish, stayed dark don't worry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I knew it would grab him if I had a dinner plate ready for him.
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To be honest, I did such things like the dinner plate. They got to him. He still mentions those things that I did in the dark. It's sort of like the story Hansel and Gretel-marking the path.
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Just thought I would through in a little twist for him and this is the note I left him. Then the note he left.
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My Note: H, There is a dinner plate for you if you want it. Zack (Yson) can show you, Zack ate all ready. Thanks H note: Wife, I can't beleive you Quote Dissed your so called "BEST FRIEND" again, after all you asked me to still be friends. Thanks "Thanks for food" I asked him to be friends when we first split. Does he forget HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS WIFE WERE IS HE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Just a little venting. I will not! will not respond to his note don't worry and I do find it funny he ate the food and left the note, to me that is a good sign. What do you all take on it? Thank you all from the bottom of my heart to the top <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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The "let's be friends" is part of the fog talk. You don't want to be his friend. You are his wife. My FWH also wanted to remain friends with me. I can hardly believe how scripted it is.
One of the main reasons that he did not leave this time was that I emphatically told him that we would not be friends if he is with the OW. I made it clear that I would do PLAN B again, go dark, try to go on with my life and will not have anything to do with him. Period. That friends stuff is him trying to cake-eat. You will get the crumbs. She will get the buffet. You deserve a gourmet meal and more for putting up with his crap.
I posted to you a bit earlier about also doing stuff like you did with the plate while I was dark. I was mysterious. He never knew when I just might pop up and do something like that.
Hang in there. I don't consider myself as strong as you think. I acted strong and convinced myself that I was stronger than I really am. That has worked for me.. Try to get your hands on the book LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by DOBSON. That book really helped me.
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Thanks MiMi Even if I act strong if it works I will do it. I still sit back and have my cries. I do think you are one hell of a woman. I can say that, I am now living through what you have been through.YOU ARE STRONG!
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I don't know if I said, He did not take the Plan B letter when I started this. I will leave it out again Friday I bet you he takes it now!
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Dern it NO@ I just thunked my head on the keyboard...when I read above... I don't know if I said, He did not take the Plan B letter when I started this NOOOOOOO you didn't mention he didn't "take" the letter.. MAIL the letter EMAIL the letter GIVE to his mother (sealed) to give to him... MAIL it to the OW...(I KNOW that scares the bejeesus outta you...) I'm not on board with you with the leaving him a plate right now...what did you tell me...what were your words... No2)Modified is not a word that will be used in this Plan B NO!NO! Pla B is what it will be. don't you hate that you said that... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I'm stealing a part of a post from keepmvn4ward from whom I beg forgiveness and state up front it taken out of context from his whole brilliant post...but it struck me about you when I read it...and expecially the plate part... heres what I want you to read I saw more and more that the BS who is successful almost always had come to the point where they had convinced the WS that they had let go and really did not care one way or another what happened. They had stopped all pursuit and pressure, they had developed more self esteem and confidence and were actually behaving more like a WS does. Also, another common thing that I kept seeing again and again is that the BS had a "friend" that they were interested in , which helps even more to let the WS PERCEIVE that the BS has let go... Once the WS has that "sense" that you may have really let go,it releases all the pressure to make the relationship work, and almost like a suction, they drift back toward the BS. Once they start to come back toward the BS, the BEST thing the BS can do to prevent "withdrawal" of the WS from the OP is to start to use the methods that the WS was using that caused the BS to panic when it happened to them. Telling them things like..."maybe this was for the best, and I now see that I was not happy either, and I am not sure what I want right now,etc. etc." You need to make them go through the same pain you went through. Why? Because it is the CRISIS of losing you that gets them to WANT to do the work necessary for the relationship to work. They do it because of the pain, just like you did. Most people do not have the confidence and self esteem to hold back and allow this to happen, so they go through months and months or even years of trying to get the relationship back on track. dang that's good stuff.. No2 I am being tough on you with a grain of salt I hope you know.. If I lived near you I would be on my way to your house to beat you with a pillow for putting us through your plan b agony...only to find out you never gave him the letter... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> thwunk...there goes my head again hitting the keyboard... and as a nurse you well know the damage that will ensue if I keep hitting my frontal lobe...!! Plan B begins today..drive it to his job...email it now...put it in the mail...didn't we already take up the collection for the stamp a hundred posts back...dang all the interest you may be up to 38 cents by now... BE GOOD BE STRONG BE REMOVED from his pain.. focus on you you you... ARK
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Thanks Ark, This letter has been given and returned, mailed and left on the kichten table again unopened. I did what you said it is not my falt he returns it. I know I need for him to take this letter. Why won't he read it? If he does not take it tomorrow, I will address it right then and there to him again and mail it. It will only take one day to get there. Other then that I have been doing everything. I like the cut you put in there for me to read and I agree with it. I have been doing Plan B good so far, that I have done. Its his falt that he won't take the letter not mine, if he never reads it that is his loss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I still won't be here and so on. I did set up a e mail for him, but he has to read the letter to get the info on that.He says they do not have a computer, but he has one at work so that is the one I asked him to use in the letter. I never meant to cause any anguish or physical pain on anyone here. I am listening and doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am sorry for your head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> never met to cause you a headach. I would get you some ice if you lived close by. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> God if you lived close... I just had a vision..... of you comen over to my house when you had no sleep. ekk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I said those words and I ment it so keep throwing them at me!!!!!!Plan B is Plan B! Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think I might go get a lot of copies made of my plan b letter and tape them all over the house. <small>[ November 13, 2003, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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N2N, In addition to what has been said, I kinda think you are onto something - your comment about taping the letters all over got me thinking. Do like ark says...but do it ALL. Give one to his mother. Email him a copy. Have Zack give him one or have Zack leave it in his car/truck. And yes, send one to the OW. SAA advises this and you know what? It reinforces the fact that you exist, that you love your H and will do anything in your power to save the M. Because...for all you know your WH may be telling OW that you've already left the M, that you don't love him, God knows what kinds of stories. Send as many copies as you can. If they are returned, just keep sending. Send them certified mail, with a return receipt requested. In short...plaster those doggone PBL's EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE. Then...dark, dark, dark! No dinner plates! Keep him out of your house, or if he has to come in, pass him on the way in...you are on your way out. Do not feed any of his needs, even hunger. Be tough! But keep posting here...we will try to keep you on track! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> *S*
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ark,
Sending Advil Liquigels for the pain and concealer for the bruising...
*S*
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